EJ in Love

EJ 

The back of my hand roughly brushed away my tears as I sat on top of my bed feeling like I had been run over by an eighteen wheeler truck. My left cheek and bottom lip were pulsing in pain. I could barely open up my left eye as well which just made crying all the more hellish. 

Every inch of me told me that Connor probably just looked just as bad which just made me cry even more. That was not at all how I saw today going. I had honestly thought giving him what he wanted would make him happy. There was nothing I could do or say that would ever make him see me in a different light and I thought if I did play the part he would finally see me. 

He had seemed pleased with me the entire week. He even gave me curt smiles. I thought I was doing everything right. Yet it threw me off when he wanted us to go back to what we used to be. On each other's throats and giving each other grey hairs. It gave me hope, the very thing that killed most men. 

I thought he wanted me to be myself. That he missed us constantly being in each other's presence but just could not find the right words to say it. I did not know what went through my head when I kissed him. I- I had just felt possessed by the need to be in his arms. For how long did he expect me to pretend like I felt nothing for him when it was so obvious?

When we had our talk at lunch, I thought he could detect I was talking about him but then again when did Connor ever take my words more than surface level. He had taken me word for word and instead of giving me some sort of hint he awkwardly laughed it off. 

I felt like such a fool. We had been in a boiling pot for too long and eventually the lid was going to pop off. I felt rejected. The worst kind of bruising I had ever felt. Something I was not used to and when he shoved me on the pitch I found myself throwing a fist before I could realize what I had done. 

The team had lost, 18-32, and it was all my fault. I had thrown Connor off by kissing him. I should have done it after the match if we had won, I should have not done it at all when I thought about it. We had both been suspended for the next two matches and that caused chaos. Our national fans were fighting amongst each and because of that a huge fight had broken outside the station. The opposing team's fans were attacked as well and that left Connor and I on disciplinary action. 

We had a meeting with the manager tomorrow to deal with the mess and I wished I could have slipped into a coma just to avoid it.

My head turned to my bedroom door as it gently creaked open. Oksana's face came into view, her brown hair up in a messy bun and her body covered in pink pajamas. When our eyes connected she gave me a smile exposing her braces and I swore I just cried harder. 

She walked in and closed the door behind her as she held two ice packs. Her small body climbed onto my bed before she pressed the ice pack against my eye and cheek. "He finished you," her smile made me laugh and cry harder at the same time. 

"I'm never listening to your advice again," I held the packs whilst she grabbed tissues from my bedside and wiped away my tears for me. 

"You should know better than to listen to a fourteen year old," her giggle fluttered through the room before she kissed my forehead, "Kissing someone in the midst of an argument always works in the movies."

"You got it from a movie," I groaned as I laid down, "I should have asked Demyan."

"Malia fainted or something. His mind is more consumed about babies," she let out a sigh, "I'm sorry about Connor, EJ."

I shook my head and took her small hand, "It's not your fault. I didn't know it would go that way." We kept quiet for a bit as her small fingers combed through my hair. 

"Want me to prepare some snacks and we can watch some soapies?"

I nodded which made her beam before she went skipping out of my room. I knew at any second Dad would be coming about. He and Pa had not said a word after the game as they drove us back home. I could feel his anger sizzling and even though he rarely yelled, his silence was so much worse. 

A knock came from my door and my stomach fell as I told them to come in. Then out of my nightmares there stood Dad, in his black pyjamas and his hair braided into cornrows. He closed the door behind him then went to sit in the living area of my room. I stood up and went to sit on the couch opposite him without him even having to ask. 

"What is going on with my children?" he sighed and ran his hand down his face, "How did this happen?"

I opened my mouth but quickly closed it as I fished my brain for some sort of excuse, "Connor and I are always fighting. I guess it just got out of control."

He stared at me with his tilted head, "Is that the truth?" I firmly nodded. "Then why did I hear him yell that none of this would have ever happened if you didn't kiss him?" My heart sank to my stomach as shame filled my face. "Connor looks straight to me."

"You were straight when you met Pa," I lowly mumbled. 

"You shouldn't take your father and I as an example. We're a mess walking."