Earth Dies

By the time Colin made it back to the farm house, Alice and Bridgette had cleaned themselves up and were out in the courtyard, sparring by the barn. Bridgette was pressing Alice hard, using a trash can lid and half a broom handle as a pretend sword and shield, countering Alice's longer walking staff easily. Bridgette swept Alice's legs from under her, and pounced forward to strike.

Colin cast Minor Illusion and suddenly a three-foot tall penis appeared between the two girls, growing in size and girth from the dirt between them. Bridgette tripped over her own feet, startled by the giant illusory cock, falling face down in the dirt. Alice used the opportunity to quickly stand up and gently bop her on the head with her staff while Bridgette burst into laughter.

"You lose!" Alice shouted with glee. "Thanks for the assist, Colin."

"Always expect the unexpected," Colin said, putting on a wise tone of voice. "Surprise may be your worst enemy in battle. Or maybe you just don't like dicks."

Bridgette picked herself up, still laughing, and walked through the illusion, pretending to stroke the giant veiny object sitting in the courtyard as she went. "You know, you could give a girl a heart attack, throwing giant cocks at her like that."

"Somehow, I suspect you'll keep dodging penises like you've successfully done for the last few years. And worst case, you've always got Alice to heal you if you catch a dick to the face." Colin remarked dryly.

"So, did everyone else get the level up notification?" Alice asked the group as they sat down for lunch. "The dot in the corner of my eye was blinking when I woke up, and I finally got around to looking at it, and it told me I gained a level in Acolyte. It doesn't look like much, I got a few extra spells including a buff that makes you guys hit harder and more accurately, and some more hitpoints. Also, my boobs got bigger - again." She puffed out her chest proudly, her breasts now a solid C-cup in size but just as perky as before.

Colin blinked at her. "Your boobs getting bigger is a class feature? I mean, I guess you're a something or other of Aphrodite, but what the fuck?"

"Oh, no. Sorry. My boobs got bigger for finishing the next step of a quest chain. I just happened to also level up today."

"You have a quest chain other than Save The World? And it grows your breast size? That's like, the weirdest quest reward ever! How about magic items or something else useful?"

"Bigger boobs are useful, they're the magic ticket to let us women get away with murder. But we're getting off-topic. Did you level, Colin? How about you Bridgette?"

"Yea, I gained another level of Apprentice Wizard. I'm kind of curious when it'll swap from Apprentice to just straight up Wizard. I feel like a bit of a poser next to you two. I get one more first level spell slot, and I have to choose what kind of magic to focus on. Based on how much time I spent in school studying physics, I was probably going to go for evocation. It's the one that makes the biggest booms. Then again, my illusion magic was a pretty big hit - so maybe I focus on that?"

"Dork." Bridgette bonked Colin in the head playfully. "As much as I think people abusing sexy-illusion-magic for combat applications is a neglected field in fiction, I think you're probably going to be a lot more useful to us helping blow shit up than pretending to fuck shit."

Colin nodded, "That's pretty much what I had figured. You tank them up front, I bomb them with spells, Alice keeps us alive. It's a bit small for an adventuring party, but it's doable. If we find more folks along the way, we can see if their skills mesh well with ours. What about you, oh fearsome warrior?"

"Yep, I got another level in Lusty Warrior as well. It looks like I'm more of a smashy-smashy warrior than a sword and shield warrior. I got an ability that makes me hit harder and take less damage when I activate it, plus some better abilities to sense when danger is around. I can't wait to try them out."

"Nice! That'll come in handy for sure. If only we had better equipment and weapons, then we'd start looking like a real set of adventurers!"

Colin stared off into space for a few minutes. "I just locked in my selection as an evocation specialist and got a quest to craft a mage's staff. This is so cool. I'm living in a fantasy game. It looks like it's a big chain quest though, not something we can do before tomorrow."

Bridgette stood up from the kitchen table. "Okay, tomorrow the world changes. Again. We need to be as ready as possible. Colin, is there anything else we can do to help you before tomorrow? After that, Alice and I should see about finishing up our quests as well, ensuring we're all at peak performance for whatever tomorrow throws at us."

Alice blinked, "Wait, how do you know what we have to do to finish our quests? Mine just has a bunch of question marks."

"It's a warrior secret. Can't tell you, or I'd have to kill you."