Dungeons Just Want to Have Fun

“I got a level!” Aris called out as she approached. Then, as she entered the compound she looked at her two companions staring at each other. “What’s wrong?”

“They’re not witnesses!” Anton finally managed to stutter. “They’re victims!”

“They can be both,” Kelsey said shrugging. “Use your head, think it through. What are we going to do with them?”

Anton looked over at the slaves, chained to posts. Kelsey had slipped into Tiatian, no doubt deliberately, but from the intent stares he was getting, some of them spoke that language.

“We’ll free them,” he said slowly. “The boat can hold that many extra. Didn’t you say Kirido needs more people?”

“More workers,” Kelsey said disparagingly. “This lot are slaves at the end of their working life. I doubt they can even make it back to the city. Except for this guy.”

She pointed at a dark-skinned human who was following their conversation. Unlike the others, he wasn’t just shackled to a post. His arms were manacled behind him and he had more chains linking his legs. His face had been recently tattooed with an ugly design featuring lots of sharp angles.

“What’s your story?” Kelsey asked, going up to him without fear. Anton thought to check his status.

Tavik Aissi, Level 8, Slave, Helot/Slave

Helot hadn’t been included in Anton’s education on Classes, but from context, he guessed it was the Tier One version of Slave. Tavik was older than Anton, his low level was probably an indication that he was a poor slave.

Now he glared down at Kelsey.

“I killed my master, and got sent here,” he said in Tiatian. “Short story.”

“It sure is,” Kelsey chuckled. “You’ve got some muscles on you, but you don’t have much in the way of abilities. How’d you manage to kill him?”

“Her. Gained her trust and killed her while she slept.”

Kelsey smiled. “Was that why they gave you that tattoo? To make sure no one ever trusted you again?”

Tavik shrugged. “Didn’t tell me why.”

“What will you do if we set you free?”

Tavik gave her a long look. “Whatever you want?” he said hesitantly.

“Do we look like we’re in the market for slaves?” Kelsey asked with a grin.

“Maybe not,” Tavik conceded. He glanced over to the empty space where Kelsey had vanished a slain guardsman, then over to where Aris and Anton were quietly talking. “Never seen anyone like you.”

“Whadda ya think, Anton?” Kelsey asked, turning around. “He seems fine to me.”

“We’re freeing them, all of them,” Anton said firmly.

Kesley shrugged. “Just remember, this means we’re going to have to kill the guys manning the tunnel.”

“What? Why? Can’t you just pay them the extra?”

“I could,” Kelsey said disapprovingly. “But if I did, the first thing they’d do is go running to Rashaq for another payday, and let him know what we did.”

“That doesn’t sound so bad…” Anton said.

“Oh, but it is,” Kelsey insisted. “Remember, we want him to think we’re taking the slaves out of the city. Bringing a whole bunch in will make him start to think we’re lying to him.”

“We are lying to him.”

Kelsey rolled her eyes, “And that’s exactly why we don’t want him to think that.”

“Excuse me, Master, Mistresses.” The voice that interrupted them was female and laced through with pain. Anton looked over to see it came from one of the slaves. She had the bronze skin tone of a native Elitiran, and unlike most of the slaves, she had remained seated while they stood nervously.

“If it's all the same to you, I’d rather not go on another journey,” she continued.

Kelsey wandered over to stand over the elderly woman. “You know why you were brought here,” she said.

The woman nodded. “To be fed to the dungeon. It’s not such a bad end. I’ve been in pain for so long… at least it will be quick.”

“Can’t we heal her?” Aris asked. “We have potions.”

Kelsey shot Aris an incredulous look. “If you knew what those things cost,” she muttered. Nevertheless, she knelt down and started examining the old woman.

“No can do,” she said, after a tense silence. “She’s fractured her leg, and it’s healed badly. Constant pain, more if she walks.”

“That sounds about right,” the old woman agreed.

“For a potion to work, you’d have to break the leg again, possibly a couple of times, in just the right places,” Kelsey explained. “I could do it back home, maybe, but the shock of that, plus the shock of the potion, would kill her for sure.”

“Oh,” Aris said. “So there’s nothing we can do?”

“A mage could do something if he had the right magic for it,” Kelsey said. “They have better options for healing. Same goes for a cleric with a high enough level.”

“Then we could—” Anton started.

“We’re not going to find a cleric willing to help an escaped slave,” Kelsey snorted. “Much less a mage. Those guys are all going to be rich and connected to the government.”

“It’s fine,” the woman said. “I’ve been expecting this for ages.”

“If you don’t want the experience— and if you haven’t checked, this girl is level 26— we can always give her to little sis,” Kelsey.

The woman chuckled. “That level might sound impressive for a slave, but my decrepitude outpaced the gain from levels long ago.”

Anton stared, trying to figure out what Kelsey was talking about. Little sis— “You mean the dungeon? That’s not better!”

“Oh, master, it is, truly.” The old woman smiled up at him ingratiatingly. “For an end… it really is all I seek right now.”

“So how many of you want the same thing?” Kelsey called out to the rest of the group, who stared at her with suspicious faces. “Just so you know, the other option on the table is smuggling you into the city and then take you by ship to Zamarra, where you’ll be free, if penniless.”

“So we get to starve?” one of them asked.

“I’m sure we can… hang on a minute.” Kelsey held up one finger and there was silence for a few moments. “It seems we’ll be able to implement some sort of program for broke immigrants. It will help if you have some sort of skill that you can use or teach, but no one will starve. Is that all right, Baron?”

She glanced back at Anton, and he caught himself from looking around to see who she was talking to.

“That’s fine,” he said. “I’m sure we can afford it with you helping.”

“Fantastic,” Kelsey said. “So, whadda you say, big guy? You ready for a trip to Zamarra?” she asked Tavik.

“Better than here,” he agreed.

“That’s good enough for me. Anton, can you give me a hand here?”

Kelsey produced the same pair of oversized shears that she’d used before. This time, she had Anton use them, cutting them near the pillar while she held the chains tight.

Boltcutters, Tool, Excellent Quality, Tier 2

Anton had seen the boltcutters at work before, but he still marvelled at how easily they sheared through the hardened iron without any magic. Tavik was impressed too. Not just by their action, but by how Kelsey had made them appear out of thin air.

“Who are you people?” he asked, eyeing Kelsey warily.

Kelsey smiled. As soon as the chain was separated from the column, she made it vanish, taking with it the collar around Tavik’s neck. Then she touched the shackles on his arms and legs, making them disappear as well.

“Just a group of footloose vagabonds, travelling the countryside, looking to do a good deed,” she said. “Now, who wants to go to Zamarra?” she asked the main group.

The slaves discussed it among themselves, as they were freed by the pair. One of them was deaf, and it took a while for them to understand the offer.

In the end, it was only the crippled Elara who insisted on being taken to the dungeon.

“Are you sure about this?” Anton asked. “It won’t be painless. Whatever monsters the dungeon has are going to cut you up until you die.”

“Oh, I can help there!” Kelsey said. Producing a small glass bottle, she handed it to Elara. “Pop a few pinches of this into your hand and breathe it in. You’ll be out in no time and won’t feel a thing.”

“Wait,” Anton said. “Don’t you have numbing poisons as well? Couldn’t they help deal with her pain?”

“They’re poisons, Anton,” Kelsey said patiently. “They’re not meant for long-term use.”

“This is fine, master,” Elara said. “I’ll take it just before I shuffle in.”

“Take it now if you like,” Kelsey said. “We can get you into the dungeon, we’ll be making a visit before we leave.”

“Then master, mistress, I will take my leave.” Elena bowed her head and limped a little way away. The other slaves clustered around her, saying goodbye.

Anton took Kelsey aside. “I’m not happy with this,” he whispered.

“It’s her time,” Kelsey said placatingly. “She’d never survive the trip back, and at least this way she goes out peacefully and usefully. More to the point…”

She called Aris over to join their little huddle. “Are you guys going to be okay with killing those smugglers?”

“I don’t like it,” Aris said, frowning. “But I can see the sense. They are criminals after all… but are we any different?”

“We’re righteous crusaders,” Kelsey assured her, “Forced into violence in order to bring about a greater good.”

“I wish you believed that,” Aris said, rolling her eyes. “But I do want to save these slaves. All of the slaves.”

“There's a limit to how many we can rescue on this trip,” Kelsey told her. “Baby steps.”

Aris and Tavik fed and watered the prisoners while Anton and Kelsey looted the place. Kelsey seemed intent on taking literally everything that wasn’t nailed down. Every barrel, every chair, every bed. Anton even caught her eyeing the window frames speculatively.

“Do we really need a barrel of… whatever that was,” he asked as she vanished another small barrel he’d handed her.

Kelsey held up a finger for a second. “Nails,” she finally said. “No, we don’t need it, but it won’t go to waste. More to the point, the Elitrans won’t have it.”

“Is that really important?”

“When they come out here to find out what happened, they’ll find all the bodies, all the slaves, all the supplies gone,” Kelsey explained. “They’ll be distracted by having to resupply this base from scratch, but more importantly, this will look like they’ve been raided by a large, professional force.”

“Maybe they’ll think the dungeon did it.”

“I doubt it. Monsters are mindless once they leave the dungeon remember? If I’d been able to gather resources from outside, Kirido would not be the size it is today.”

Anton shivered at the reminder that Kelsey had been an entirely malevolent force for most of her life. As opposed to a partially malevolent force now.

“So why is that important?” he asked.

“If they’re looking for an army, they won’t be looking for little old us,” Kelsey said smugly. “And we get all this stuff!”

“The supplies, at least, will come in handy,” Anton admitted. “Even if it’s mostly meat.”

“Obligate carnivores,” Kelsey said thoughtfully. “It’s like they’re trying to be the bad guys. But they brought some bread for the prisoners. We just need to find some vegetables and it won’t be a bad diet.”

They made their way back to the courtyard. All the slaves were slowly eating the bread and meat that had been provided. Except for Elara, who was laid out on the ground.

“The powder… uh, worked,” Aris said, gesturing towards her.

“Of course it did,” Kelsey said. She knelt down beside Elara and retrieved the bottle clutched in her hand. Putting the old woman’s arms on her chest, Kelsey slipped her hands under the unconscious figure and lifted her easily.

“Let’s go say hi to the dungeon.”