Dual Wielding

Six Years Ago

There was a knock on Wyn’s bedroom door, “Wyn, are you in there?” It was Corrin. Why had his mother let him in? Not that it mattered. Wyn didn’t want to talk, so he didn’t.

“Wyn, please… Can you come out? I haven’t seen you since...”

Wyn felt himself drifting off for a moment and he pinched his arm, fighting off sleep. He didn’t want to sleep, if he did, it would just be him and the nightmares again.

Just go away.

“The old man says school will start again soon. Are you going to be there Wyn? I found a place outside of town I want to show you.”

Please… just go away.

Corrin yelled and knocked some more, but eventually, even he gave up, leaving Wyn back in blessed silence. A purple spirit buzzed around his head, and he shooed it away, the stupid thing wouldn’t leave him alone. It had been in his room for days now, and it kept bothering him.

It had been a few weeks since his father... He didn’t know how his mother was able to hold herself together, but despite everything that had happened, she somehow managed to keep his brother and him fed. After the funeral, she managed to smile and tell Wyn it would be ok, that they’d figure it out together. He didn’t know how she could smile like that, how she could keep going.

She’s strong. But I’m weak.

He could hardly bring himself to move, and he’d only left his room a few times other than going to the bathroom since the incident and hadn’t left the house at all. During one of her moments of levity, his mother had said they should try to be grateful that their home was mostly untouched during the disaster, but Wyn couldn’t bring himself to feel that way. The house just made him feel sick, he wanted to burn it down himself. Maybe that was why he felt so terrible.

He hated the monsters. Hated them. On the rare times when the nightmares weren’t there, his head was filled with dreams of killing them, slaughtering them in the same way they’d done to his village, burning them alive as he watched. In those moments he scared himself, he didn’t know he could think like that. The monsters were gone though, he couldn’t do anything about it, so with no one to take it out on, all he could do was be angry with himself for being so pathetic.

He was weak. And he hated himself.

***

Wyn awoke from a nightmare of fire and ash, and he curled up into a ball, wishing he hadn’t fallen asleep. He didn’t even know when he had, but he’d been so tired he must’ve just passed out. No light was coming in his window, so it was night out, he’d only slept a few hours then.

He got to his feet slowly, life’s functions the only thing able to get him to move. His family was probably sleeping, which was good, he didn’t want to talk right now. As he walked past his mother’s room though, a faint sound reached his ear, crying.

Wyn froze, realizing his mother’s door was barely cracked open, just enough that he could peer in. He looked inside, and saw his mother collapsed on the ground at the foot of the bed. Tears streamed down her face as she fought back choking sobs, barely able to contain herself as she covered her mouth with her hand. Wyn had never seen his mother so… broken.

All at once, Wyn felt as though his entire world shattered and rebuilt again, and he came to a realization in that moment. His mother was strong, but she still hurt, just like he did, maybe worse. He thought back to every smile, every upbeat thing she’d said since the incident, they weren’t lies, but they didn’t tell the whole story. She didn’t smile just for herself… She was smiling for them. He was weak, so she had to be strong. He was crying, so she had to smile.

Wyn wiped the tears from his face. His mother was crying, so he couldn’t be. When she couldn’t be strong, he would be. Crying didn’t make you weak, but sometimes you had to smile, even if you were hurting. Sometimes you had to be strong, so that others could cry.

Smile Wyn, he told himself. The more it hurts, the worse it is, the more you have to smile. Smile for them, even if you want to die. You have to smile, so that they can cry.

He’d promised his father he’d protect them. He had to. No one would take anyone from him again, he’d make sure of that. Wyn walked away from the door. He didn’t think he could smile yet, but he wouldn’t cry any more.

***

Terris wiped his lips dry, he was out of booze again. He would’ve sworn he just refilled it, but only the spirits could say. The stuff tasted like piss, but it made the cold bite just a little less. He pulled his fur cloak a little tighter as a cold autumn wind blew in, rattling shutters up and down the street. The once lively town was now solemn, having not yet recovered from the loss. He, better than most, knew that it could take time, if it ever happened at all.

This whole tomb guardian thing was a rotten bit of luck to begin with. If he hadn’t been such a damned fool and volunteered in the first place… Well, he’d been young. He’d been so eager to prove himself back then, so ready to protect the village and his family. What a load of shit that had been.

He passed a girl sitting on the ground on the side of the street, just out of the way of foot traffic. She was maybe six, the same age as Milo would’ve been. If he’d been looking up, he may not have even noticed her. The clothes she was wearing told him exactly where she’d come from. He grimaced, the flood had been bad, and many of the children weren’t accustomed to the new conditions yet.

Terris knelt next to her trying to rekindle a bit of his older self. “Hey there, did you come from the orphanage little one?”

She hardly glanced at him, but her eyes drifted up to his face. Terris flinched when he saw them, there was no life in those eyes. She nodded, a tiny little thing.

“What might your name be?” He asked.

“Sarah…”

“Well, Sarah, what are you doing here?”

She looked down, eyes watering, “It’s home.”

Terris looked at the building. It appeared to be the ruins of what had once been a house.

Spirits help me.

He held out a hand, “Here, let me take you back. I’m sure they’re worried about you.”

She shook her head, “This is my home.”

“I know it is,” He tried to smile, “But your home is a little hurt right now, so until it gets better, you’ll have to stay somewhere else. These things take time to fix, but I’m sure someday, you’ll be able to be home again.”

“Soon?” She reached out and hesitantly took his hand.

What was he supposed to say? Even the last sentence out of his mouth had felt like a lie. Maybe lying was what adults had to do in a situation like this. Was that right though? He wasn’t sure anyone in the town knew what to say right now, least of all him.

But Terris hated lying. And he did it enough to everyone already, “I don’t know. It could be soon; it might take a long time. But I do know this, it won’t get any better from you sitting alone in the street. Let’s get you back, ok?”

She nodded, letting him pull her up and lead her back to the orphanage. They didn’t exchange another word, but until they got to the church, she never let go of his hand. Elder Fenfreth was already outside, a worried expression on his face, but it softened when he saw them approach.

“Ah, Sarah there you are. Where did you wander off to? Oh, never mind, it’s cold out here, we don’t want you to get sick. Hurry inside and eat with the others, I saved you some stew.”

At the same time, a boy with white hair came running up, “I checked out by the river gramps, but she’s not—Oh, hey Sarah.”

“We found her Corrin. But thank you for all the help.” The priest bent down and ruffled the young boy’s hair, much to his annoyance, “You’re a good kid, so go reward yourself with some stew inside, ok?”

“Great, I’m hungry.” The kid turned to leave, but he paused for a moment, his sky-blue eyes meeting Terris’. “You’re Wyn’s master, right? Maybe you could talk to him. I… I haven’t had any luck.”

“I’m not—” Terris started, but Corrin had already run back into the building, leaving the two adults out in the chill.

Fenfreth bowed to Terris, “Thank you for bringing her back, I was worried she’d wander into the woods and get hurt. Where did you find her?”

“I think it was the ruins of her old house.”

The older man grimaced, “I see… It’s not uncommon for children in this place to have past traumas, but it’s even worse for them when the whole town is in such a state.”

“I can’t imagine how overwhelmed you must be right now,” Terris said.

“I’ll manage.” Fenfreth’s face softened, “And you? It’s been some time since you’ve come to talk to me. Have you been doing any better?”

“Well, it still hurts when I think about them,” which was all the time, “But I’ve been sleeping better lately,” He hadn’t, “And I’ve been drinking less,” spirits, he needed more.

Elder Fenfreth studied his face closely, and Terris tried not to recoil away from the gaze. Instead, he just looked down, he couldn’t meet those eyes.

“Just keep taking care of yourself Terris. It’s not fair, but people are going to look to you for comfort now that the old tomb guards have joined the kings. If you ever need to talk, my doors are always open.”

“Thank you Elder,” Terris bowed, “I’m going to head home now, it’s been a long day.”

“Of course. May the spirits guide your path.”

Terris walked away, back into town. He figured he’d go back to his house and get more to drink, he’d have to get up tomorrow and patrol the dungeon, but he could drink a bit more. His feet kept trudging along the dirt path, one step at a time, his eyes looked down at the ground, only occasionally glancing up. Each time he did, he just felt worse. Efforts to rebuild the town were being made, people were working through the cold to clear debris and repair the damaged buildings. In a few years, the town could recover.

And yet, here he was. It had been almost four years now, and he was worse than ever. In the beginning, he’d talked with Fenfreth every week, and tried to seek help from things other than a bottle. But where the town would get put slowly back together, he’d just fallen further and further apart. He chuckled to himself; he really was pathetic…

“Elder Terris!” Terris raised his head as the raven-haired boy who wouldn’t leave him alone came to an abrupt stop in front of him. It seemed he had rushed out of a side alley and had been waiting for this moment. Terris was a little shocked, he hadn’t seen Wyn in weeks. He’d heard what had happened to the baker, this boy’s father, but he didn’t know what had happened to the child who used to beg him for pointers. Happy moments were fleeting in the current times, but Terris was glad he’d lived.

The child, no older than ten, looked up, meeting his eyes, and Terris froze. He wasn’t sure what he’d expected to see, be it the same dead eyes of the girl from before, or the same ambition he’d seen in Wyn in the past, but this was something else entirely. The boy’s face was tense, like he was holding back tears, and his eyes held a deep sadness within them. Still, there was a sense of resolve, as if he had decided to fight.

“Please! Take me as your apprentice! I’ll do whatever it takes, so long as I can guard the tomb!” The boy fell to his knees and pressed his head into the dirt, his voice shaking, “I have to become strong enough to protect them. To keep them safe…”

Terris could hardly breathe, and his hands trembled slightly at the boy’s words. He was far too young to say something like that, but Terris recognized the weakness in those eyes, the self-loathing. It was something he was all too familiar with. Whatever resolve Wyn had found, it was a poisonous, dangerous thing. Still, he seemed to want to change, he still wanted to live. He was broken, but not completely, not yet. With the right guidance, the boy that wished to become a knight could be rebuilt, and grow even stronger. Terris wasn’t the right person for that job; he couldn’t be what the boy needed. But in that moment, he was shocked to find that some small part of him wanted to be. And maybe he could help, even if only a little.

Terris knelt, placing his hand on the boy’s shoulder. “Raise your head Wyn. This is your first lesson. If you want to grow stronger, you must look forward, and hold your head high. If you look down, you won’t be able to see the destination you want to reach.”

Wyn hesitantly raised his head, “Does that mean–”

“I’ll take you as my apprentice, and I’ll help you become strong.”

And someday, he thought, when you’re ready, you can take that dream of yours back, with interest.

The young boy teared up a little before wiping his eyes on his sleeve. “Thank you master! I’ll do my best.”

Terris smiled, “I know, now run along. We’ll talk more tomorrow.”

Wyn ran off, and Terris was left standing in the middle of the road, wondering what had possessed him to try and teach this boy.

“Hold your head high huh?” Terris mumbled as he walked towards his own destination. And wondered if maybe, just maybe, he’d discovered a little resolve left in himself as well.