Depthless Hunger

The next morning Kai began training and he had no idea why. Improving himself felt good... but was that really enough? As he pushed his body to its limits alone in the training yard, he realized that it wasn't. He'd never wanted power for its own sake, he'd wanted to fight the war against the monsters and protect the people of the city.

Now, after learning so much, he also wanted to change the system and make it less unfair. Yet he felt so far from being able to make any difference. It wasn't as though he would be any good as a politician or merchant, and he was only proving his limits as a warrior. There weren't many other options.

All that kept him from falling into pure bitterness was the reminder that his position was exactly the same as so many others: those who couldn't afford to train, everyone else who awakened a weak Class, those who starved in forgotten cities, or even the Tonjin brothers forced into their narrow path. It would have been a lot easier to focus on himself and wallow in misery as if he was the only person in the world. But far from making him happier, thinking about the fact that others were struggling just cost him the selfish pleasure of misery and made him angrier.

Eventually he decided that he should talk to Juray in case she could help him get a new perspective. But for once when he crossed the city, he didn't find her at her shop. Just when he began to leave disappointed, he spotted her struggling with a box down the street.

"Oh, Kai!" She beamed over the top of it. "I can just barely manage these... can you help out?"

"Sure." Kai followed her directions to a wagon, where even more boxes awaited. He recalled that Juray had trained her Physique to the point where she was stronger than the average untrained man, so he expected the boxes to be heavy... and nearly hurled the first one into a wall.

He'd been focused on his defenses, but all his training had increased his strength as well. Since lifting the boxes was effortless, Kai decided to lift the wagon instead. He followed Juray, who saw what he was doing and just shook her head.

"Alright, that will definitely save me trips," Juray said. "We're headed this way... that's a whole load of purified ingredients, so they're not too fragile, but make sure they don't get smashed, okay?"

"Is this new business for you?" he asked as they walked. The weight wasn't too bad, but balancing the wagon...

"Oh, I wish. No, purifying ingredients is always pushed off on the lowest Herbalists, so I've been doing this for a long time. Of course, that means you get good at it, and so people tend to come back, and you end up doing the same thing every year."

"And so the cycle perpetuates itself."

"Wow." Juray peered over at him. "You're in quite a mood, aren't you? Are you going to start talking about overthrowing the Guild and seizing the means of hunting?"

"Maybe not that far." Kai abruptly realized that he didn't want to talk about his problems with her. It would only make him more irritable, and he'd also feel guilty for complaining. "I'm just stuck, and I'm thinking about how a lot of other people are stuck too. Sometimes it feels like there's no way to improve your lot in life unless you get lucky."

"More or less."

"Your joke earlier... are a lot of people angry about it? Are things that bad?"

"I wouldn't say that." Juray set down her box to rest for a moment and used it as a seat. "There are certainly worse places to live, at least according to the stories travelers tell. Everyone has some basic dignity here, and it isn't that hard to have a decent life."

"But if they want more than they have?"

"Well, for many their best hope is to join a major clan or awaken a Class, because otherwise you'll run into too many roadblocks. Honestly, one of your best chances is to marry into power. Lots of hunters want someone to come home to, or less useful skills become more valuable if they can support another talent."

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"Oh?" Kai wiggled his eyebrows mockingly. "Is that why you're an Herbalist?"

"Don't even!" Juray laughed and pushed him, though he didn't even budge. "I did think that way, maybe ten years ago. I was disappointed I didn't get the Class I'd wanted, but I thought that I might find a hunter and focus on making potions for him. But I pretty quickly realized that wasn't what I wanted."

Was that a way of telling him to back off? Kai generally felt like an idiot when it came to women, so he decided to just treat it neutrally. "And what do you want?"

"Stability. With hunters... even the strong ones, there's a chance they just won't come back. I'd rather have someone I can work with to build a life together, even if we don't 'advance' in the world. But I'm getting older, and because my shop requires so much time I can't provide what a lot of men want. So... oh, never mind, I didn't mean to get into all that."

Kai turned away, pretending that he needed to shift the balance of the wagon. Pretty soon Juray stood up again and they resumed their journey uncomfortably. He wasn't sure if she was implying anything and didn't feel like he had the wits to think about that. Somehow he had the feeling that he was more likely to end up in an early grave than settling down with someone.

The words of his mentor resurfaced in his mind like bile in the throat. He almost said something about how fragile Juray's hopes were, how a monster incursion might wipe out the entire city. But there was no point saying any of that, so he held his tongue. It was doubly pointless since it seemed so unlikely that he would ever be able to do anything about it.

As they passed a Krysali merchant, Kai's mind finally got out of that rut. Krysali people weren't rare in the city, but it was uncommon to see their dusky skin and swathed clothing. This one was a middle-aged man who wore a large crystal around his neck, leading Kai to eagerly examine him with his spiritual sight, but it was just jewelry, not one of their crystals of power.

"I heard you can buy power in the Krysal city-states," he said. "Do any merchants try for that? If you had enough money, couldn't you buy a ton of crystals and become as strong as a hunter?"

"If you could manage to buy them, maybe." Juray glanced over her shoulder at the passing merchant and frowned. "I've known a couple merchants who tried to get into the crystal trade and they said it's cut-throat. Most rulers have a strong vested interest in keeping the power to themselves, and since they keep condensing new resources, it all tends toward monopolies."

"Gunjin said that their system is the least fair."

"Maybe that's true. You never hear about Krysali youth developing new powers and upsetting the system, and if they did they'd probably need a sponsor to buy crystals for them. I do think it's possible to buy yourself a title in a city-state with enough money."

"Really?" Kai glanced over at her in surprise. "I mean, I have no reason to doubt you, just..."

"I've heard it costs a million Goralian Eagles at minimum, and I don't know if that actually buys you enough crystals to contend with the others. But there's something to it, because shipments of those crystals are one of the few times that foreign merchants can make a profit on them."

A million Eagles... that amount was so far beyond anything Kai had dealt with that it might as well be imaginary. Rather than getting discouraged, he just enjoyed talking to Juray. She might not be a hunter, but in her work she heard a lot of stories from afar, and entirely different stories than the ones he'd overheard. Even if he didn't technically accomplish anything, the conversation got him out of his own head.

Once he got Juray's wagon where it needed to go, he chatted for a little longer and then left. She suggested that they should meet to discuss potions again and she might have wanted to talk more, he wasn't sure. The abruptly serious conversation about marriage had really thrown off his thinking, so he pretended he had something he needed to do.

Juray might have called herself old, but she was still gorgeous as far as he was concerned. What she'd said about what she wanted was basically the exact opposite of what he had, which didn't stop his mind from conjuring up scenarios anyway.

When he got back to the Granfian clan complex, he found himself wondering if he could manage another round of physical training. There were trainees in the practice yard, but they weren't taking their work particularly seriously. He felt a surge of anger and swallowed it bitterly.

"Kai?" It was one of the messengers from the gate, sounding a bit exasperated. "Are you even listening?"

"Sorry, distracted," Kai said. "What is it?"

"There's a message for you."

Kai took the paper and immediately frowned. There was just a time and a place, nothing else, but he thought he recognized the sloppy handwriting. "Who left this?"

"The Corinin girl, the new hunter they're calling a genius." The messenger frowned and stared upward before suddenly smiling. "Right, Inafay Corinin. She sounded pretty disappointed that she couldn't meet you, then she flew off."