DC Hellblazer: I'm Constantine

###### C18. I'm Constantine

The auction setting isn't as glamorous as you'd expect with humans, but they've got everything to resemble. There are different types of demons present, from Fallen angles, Shamblers, to Hellhounds. Hellhounds seem to be serving as guards for god-knows-what.

Then there's the auctioneer. He's not as vibrant and lively as I'm used to. In contrast, there are no seats or chairs, and everyone has to stand. No bidding numbers either, and I'm curious to see how that'll play.

The crowd is varied, Lords of Hell from all sections of the Underworld. Even Hades makes an appearance. I half-expect Lucifer himself to show up, but he's nowhere in plain sight. Moreover, he's not omnipresent as God is; if he ain't here, he just ain't. And if I remember correctly, he's on vacation in Earth-666.

I'd say his position is filled, however, when I spot the First of the Fallen. Very big difference between Lucy and the First. You'd think they are one and the same, but Lucy is actually the Fourth of the Fallen. But for now, the highest-ranking demon in this place is arguably, the First of the Fallen - ugly A*** bastard!

I spot an old friend, Neron. Used to go by Nick Negro at the time when he was Constantine's mate, until Constantine stole his girl (Zatanna) and the beloved brown trench coat I personally like, then sort of banished him to hell. Now, he's a Reborn Demon risen to the rank of a demon lord through sheer brutality. He is a Lord of Hell that I've fucked with, by scorching up his vault of Lilim filth back in Texas, using his very own power. I can already hear the storm of reckoning approaching, fast.

We've got others, all of them recently wounded by yours truly: Nergal of Despair, Blight of Evil, Demons Three as guests in Hell, and all the bloody muscle to back up their hatred for me. I knew, from the get-go, that this was a damned trap Mammon's setting for me. But it could prove worthwhile if I come out with a pair of wings anyway. The rest will take care of itself.

Note to self: Frankly, if I don't die here, I claim immortality.

"Lovely crusade," I take a moment to observe out loud, only to get dozens of sneers and threatening looks. Every demon here hates me for one reason or two. Just the way it shall always be. But beyond that hate, I need for them to *fear* me because I've got a finger up their collective arses.

The auction starts. First to get auctioned in series are pieces of armour believed to be Lucifer's own before he became a fallen angel. They've got that radiance that looks angelic in a way that doesn't scream phony. It's fascinating that demons can actually touch such a thing without getting burned by the Divine, let alone the question of where they got them.

"Thought the Presence stripped Lucifer of his glorious armour before banishing him," I find myself wondering.

I take some serious notes when the bidding starts.

When the breast plate first comes out and the auctioneer announces a fixed bid price of six million souls - a high sum if you ask me - the arena breaks into a bloody war! Demons fight each other, each one claiming that they are the ones worthy enough. It seems six million isn't such a high sum for beings that have been trading souls for ages on.

The ensuing clash that follows erupts into full blown chaos. Swords and other melee come out. Demonic axes, and even Hell Hounds mix with the noise. Several demons fall, their essence fading away as they get sucked by the Great Darkness. That's that for them.

I get pulled into the mix without wanting. I don't spot the demon that stabs me in the back, but I'm keen when Abnegazar tries to pull a stunt on me with his brothers and immediately push them away with my specialty - their own power against them.

The pain from the stab lingers, but then disappears almost as soon, and I realize that it's healed.

"Bloody," it seems that I heal faster while in Hell.

I counter a few other cheap tricks, ensuring that my 360's clear as the battle rages. It seems to go on forever until it finally stops with one demon standing to demand if anyone else wants to battle him for the Breastplate. He's a tough, scary figure, but I guess any demon lord here could easily take him down if they just take their damned eyes off of me for just one second. But they are stuck in the vanity of wondering when they'll get the chance to torture me.

They didn't even participate in the battle; only let their lackeys keep them protected as they calculated the fastest way to get to my neck.

Without a challenger, the demon wins the bid.

The next items are the braces, shin guards, battle dress, and more parts of Lucifer's armour. I do my best to stay alive, avoiding standing in the cross-fire as much as I can, but intuition tells me I'll have to fight sooner rather than later.

It doesn't take long before...-

"-...the Devil's First Angelic Wings, for eight billion human souls!"

-the auctioneer announces my most coveted prize. I had a feeling they'd show up and I'd be objected to fight for them.

"Bloody... fantastic!" I say with a grin, kicking a demon in the face and officially announcing myself. "Who's bold enough to face the Hellblazer!"

All the demons take a step back, and I take this as sign of fear, my chest flooding with pride and arrogance.

Then.

All the demon lords take a step forward in perfect synchrony, and my shoulders droop a little as I count them silently. Even Mammon's among them.

"If you win, they are yours fair and square," Mammon smirks victoriously. "And you'll owe Hell eight billion souls. That's an entire Earth's population." He keeps on staring at me with a look that seems to ask, "just how far can you go,"

"But best hope you don't lose, Hellblazer," the First sneers. "I've got a whole new Hell planned out just for you."

"Once engaged in the battle for bidding, one cannot forfeit," the auctioneer announces, stating that rule for the first time since the auction started. It's a rigged game, because, during all those other bids, plenty of demons forfeited and nothing happened to them.

I look at the stakes. If I win, the world loses. If I lose... the world still loses, I figure. I'm there last beacon of hope when all seems lost. They need me, as much as I need their sacrifice to get those wings and save the world from what's coming. My mind's made up.

Next, I size up my enemies. They've all got a similar set of powers: demon/golem spawning, certain variations of reality warping, some can teleport, Blight's got insane amounts of strength, Nergal's got a way to twist despair into one's soul (I've still got memories of that little girl, Astra), and Neron taught me everything I know about magic. To add insult to injury, I'm in Hell, their collective domain. Their tuft!

I'm about as bloody fucked and outnumbered as an insect standing against an army of giants. But when has that ever stopped John Constantine from manning up? I dread the answer to that question, but my knees wobble as if to scream the response: EVERY BLOODY TIME, MATE!

"Of course. The Hellblazer, standing tall against a mob of demon lords. What could possibly go wrong?" I curse as the fear rushes. My body starts to chill despite the overwhelming heat in hell.

I count the curses marked on my skin. I'll probably die before I unleash all of them against this lot. I have their sigils still and that counts as something, but I can only use one demon's one power at a time, so I'm sort of *really* screwed. The mysterious symbols and my occult knowledge could be my Swiss army knife. Who knows?

Really, who?

But most importantly, I've go the mind of a universal trickster. That might as well be the thing that wins this fight.

Feeling braver, I mock the demon lords, "You sorry sods talk too much. Let's dance already, shall we?"

Bollocks! Words just won't flow, and these bloody paper cuts are doing me in. AI might be all the rage, but it don't speak my language - not properly, anyway. Feels like a load of phonies whenever I read 'em. Truth is, I've started preferin' the mistakes, the rough cuts - makes me use my brain proper. But blimey, it's no walk in the park, and let's face it, the comment section ain't enough. I need somethin' bigger, better - above and beyond.

Now, I could trick ya into it, but Zee reckons I should try honesty for once. So what d'ya think, mates? Care to give my [Patreon page](Patreon.com/mimiclord) a peek? Or do I need to drag ya kicking and screaming through Hell to get yer attention?