NOVEL NEXT Chapter 1: Prologue
"Shit, I'm going to die…" That was my last thought as I saw the truck of destiny heading toward me. After all my efforts to be a good citizen, this was how it would end. The impact, though, was so fast that I didn't even feel it.
At least I was a faithful believer and a good citizen from start to finish. Surely the gods will reward me for that. I followed every rule without straying, while my colleagues invented anal to say they didn't have sex.I didn't do any of that!
When I came to, I looked around. I was in a white palace with pillars that seemed to pierce the heavens. Their shape was a little odd at first glance… Was that a cock…? Never mind.
The place felt like a courtroom, though a strange one, considering the number of statues of nude women around, along with several angels in questionable clothing—if they were wearing any. I thought angels were genderless… wait, are some of them both? What the hell did I smoke?Is it just me or are they fucking while flying?
"Finished with your thoughts?" In front of me was a giant figure with a beard of flames, looking down at me. He was angry, letting out a sigh as he put his hand on his forehead, clearly frustrated.
"God?" I had no doubts. Whenever someone died, they were supposed to meet him, the god of love and compassion.
"Stop with the faggotry, kid. It wasn't that fluffy, soft love. It was about fucking, hardcore. Even if they told you to stop, you should go harder, cumming hard enough to go through her body and out of her mouth." His sighs grew heavier by the second. He was definitely not pleased.
"But, sir, you wrote a book that specifically says not to do that…" The ground shook as he slammed his head against the table.
"Damn it, kid, it was a gift for you guys. When everything is forbidden, it just gets better. How the hell did you misinterpret it this badly?" For the first time in my life, I felt complete and utter shock. My god… was he a pervert?
"Don't look at me like that. Sex is something transcendent, an absolute art that shouldn't be wasted. Do you know how hard it was to create all of this just to watch idiots like you do everything backwards? Everybody got except you!"
"Well, there's nothing left to do, so just send me to hell or whatever, let's get it over with." He started laughing in my face, his bloodshot eyes blazing with a fury I wouldn't dare challenge.
"See, in theory, you aced it and completed everything perfectly. According to divine laws, I have to give you a paradise… or something equivalent. Problem is, I've never made a paradise for mortals, let alone a son of a bitch like you. So, I'll send you to another world with a little gift."
"And if you have any loyalty this time, make sure you do exactly what I told you—just the opposite. I'll hand you everything on a silver platter, just get it done, damn it!" He coughed a bit and, pointing his finger, shot a glowing bolt of lightning at me.
[Welcome, mortal, to the God of Love's system!]
[Now that you've overcome the earthly trials, it's time to prove you can be truly divine!]
[Complete the missions to become a true god!]
"Nice, I like the cute presentation, but now what?"
"Because you did everything wrong, I'm giving you a chance to become a god with a lowercase 'g.' Think of it as a tutorial. Make a name for yourself down there, and we'll handle things up here later."
[Please select a world to spread your faith!]
"Any interesting suggestions?" There were so many options, and I wasn't in the mood to browse them all.
"Try the Danmachi world. Those people are constantly in heat, and the dungeon drama is actually pretty fun. Just don't break too many rules—they're real there and will give you a hard time."
"What kind of god makes fake rules to begin with…" His veins were pulsing with every word I spoke, but how had I ever thought it was a good idea to follow a god like this?
"If you've chosen, then go on. The portal's open." A wormhole appeared at my side, and before stepping through, I couldn't resist but point my middle finger at him. A fucking god who couldn't even explain properly.
"I can read your thoughts, you piece of shit!"
"Oh, good! Saves me the trouble of saying it out loud!" Insults flew back and forth as I slowly entered the portal. When the light hit my face, I finally saw where I'd ended up.
"This isn't the Middle Ages… do the toilets work here?" Damn it. Before I could regret it, the portal closed, leaving me at the mercy of fate.
[Welcome to the world of Danmachi!]
[To begin, recruit your first Familia member.]
[Reward: +2 cm of dick size]
[Remember: It's wrong to fuck members from your own Familia.]
Is this for real? Give me money; what do I want with…? Deep breath. Things have changed; now, my mission is to fuck as much as possible. I guess having more helps with that… I never really thought about it, but is mine small, medium, or big?
Guess I'll have to ask the first person who comes along. Then again, it's weird to call them my children. Anyway, wasn't I told to do the opposite of what I was supposed to? So, I can fuck anyone to join my 'Familia'?
No way I'm bringing a guy into this mess—I'll be the god of the harem, only women here. I might even steal from other families and their gods. Isn't there a Freya and Hestia around here? Two fuck hotties; I'd be an idiot not to try to get with them.
But one thing at a time. I'll starve if I don't get someone to help me. The main objective here is to fight the dungeon and make money, something that as a god i can't; without it, I might still die here...