Danganronpa: Once Upon an Smiling Priest

"Eh?"

For whatever was worth, Monokuma did look dumbfounded at what he had just heard given how he was now flatly staring at Hiro.

Yeah, that's the sort of effect he can have on you.

"You got us, okay? Think for some of us the spoke will last us 'till next Hanukkah." Hanukkah? Didn't he mean Halloween? Or was he thinking of Christmas? It shouldn't be that hard to know the difference. "Anyways, you can go ahead and reveal the trick now."

This guy… he is something else, isn't he? And such a great performer too! It brings a tear to my eye.

"Reveal the trick…?" Monokuma repeated, understandably as weirded out as the rest of the group.

"Yeah, cuz I mean… Y'know, this is all some kinda elaborated prank and all, right? So uh, like…"

Come on, keep going, you're almost there my friend! Take the stage!

"Dude shut the hell up and get outta my way!" Mr Owada snarled, making Hiro yelp as he pushed him aside. With loud steps, the Gang Leader placed himself in front of Monokuma, his following words rumbling like thunder. "Listen up, asshole! This shit's gone way too far! What the hell kind of joke IS this!?"

"Joke…?" The way he 'innocently' tilted his head, told me whatever Monokuma was about to say next would liberate pandemonium. "What, you mean like that fashion disaster you call hair?"

Ah. How terribly cliche.

"FFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-"

With his roar still going strong, Mr Owada lunged forward. The floor where the Ultimate Biker Gang Leader was standing made a creaking sound as he kicked off and launched himself toward the Monochrome bear, reaching him in a matter of seconds.

Huh, I guess he doesn't have his title for show.

With his target having no hope of evading that, Mr Owada grabbed Monokuma by the collar, or whatever Monokuma would have for a neck, holding him high while the bear began to desperately flap his arms in protest. Though it didn't seem to do anything. Intentionally or otherwise.

"Gotcha, you little piece of shit! I dunno if you're a toy or a stuffed animal or whatever the fuck you are! Either way, I'm gonna rip you to fuckin' shreds!"

"Waaaaah!" Monokuma cried out. "Violence against the headmaster is in violation of the school regulations!"

Ho? My smile grew a little bit as I heard the bear talk. I wonder if anyone's going to realise what that means.

"Shut the fuck up!" Despite how important that sounded, the ruffiian was having none of it. "Let me outta here, or I swear to Christ…!"

Again, instead of directing any word towards Mr Owada, Monokuma ignored him.

Only now, instead of an indirect jab, he did so by going utterly silent and limb.

What? Why would he suddenly― My smile dropped as I raised a brow at the sudden change until I heard it.

Beep beep beep!

Oh?

"What, no smartass comeback this time!?" Of course the belligerent fool hasn't become aware of the danger he's in. "C'mon, I dare ya open yer damn mouth one more time!"

Beep beep beep!

With Owada so relatively close to me and without knowing the range of that, I acted on instinct and dashed towards him. Even If I wanted to see the outcome I rather not be part of it.

"Stop that goddamn―"

I didn't let him finish that sentence as I shoved him aside with my shoulder. As he began to fall on his rearguard, I ripped Monokuma from his grasp. Digging into the bear and the ground I began rapidly spinning on the spot.

Then, with all the might I could muster, I threw the bomb as high and as far as possible.

"HEY! You fucker!? What is your―"

Whatever it was that that idiot had planned on saying, it died in his throat with the deafening and thunderous roar that came from Monokuma exploding in a million bits. The sudden explosion quickly silenced any and everything in the room.

Though such silence was quickly erased as the following screams of horror from my classmates made themselves known, I couldn't prevent myself from grimacing.

If I hadn't taken the bomb from him, the radius would have been enough to get me… or worse, everyone else.

So much for not wanting to kill us right now, huh? Though I do suppose that this will awaken them from their sheltered delusions.

"The hell!? T-That sure as shit wasn't a joke. It blew the hell up…" I heard Mr 'nearly melted' Owada mutter, and from the corner of my now opened eye, I noticed how his skin was a few shades lighter.

The usual effects of suffering a near-death experience and not being used to it, I supposed. Though if they are going to freeze at this little then Hope is truly lost.

"B-But you know… this means that the teddy bear's been destroyed, right?" Mrs Fujisaki commented, with a glimmer of hope in the programmer's voice.

Hope that I had to was unfortunately about to break. Poor child.

"I wouldn't count on that." When I said that, everyone turned to look at me, giving me their rapt attention. "If he was willing to blow himself up, then that means he has enough replicas for him to spare." I reasoned, looking up at where he blew himself up.

Turning around to meet their wide eyes with my closed. "It is only logical." I flatly stated.

"Hey!" As if on cue, another replica of the monochrome bear appeared out of nowhere behind the podium. "I told you, I'm not a teddy bear! I'm Monokuma! Besides, he's right y'know?"

"Uwaah! There's another one!?" Mr Kuwata gave a very masculine scream. No shade.

"You son of a bitch!" Whatever hints of fear Mr Owada had moments ago, it all became replaced with utter rage and indignation. "You seriously tried to kill me just now!"

"Well, yes. I was serious about trying to kill you. You did violate one of the school regulations, after all. I'll let you off with a warning this time, but you'd better be careful from now on, I don't think you would be lucky enough to have Voyager save you sorry ass again!" He still hadn't given up on singling me out, huh? It's starting to get stale my furry friend. And besides it felt like he was forcing it a bit at that point. "Any naughty boy or girl who violates my rules wouldn't get off with just a little swat on the butt!"

"H-Hey… when you say that he's right, you meant, like, the part Voyager said about the existence of a bunch more of you around somewhere?"

It didn't look like she meant it, but that extra bit of spotlight Mrs Enoshima was sending my way wasn't doing me any favours. I'm supposed to be a background character! Not a main player goddamnit!

Sigh. My enemies are winning.

"Monokumas have been placed all throughout the school, yes." The monochrome bear confirmed with a nod. "Plus, don't forget the surveillance cameras installed everywhere. If you're caught breaking any rules, well… You all just saw what happened, right? Upupupu…" Yeah, and almost likely feel it a bit too given what just happened, but the point stood. "And I won't be so forgiving with my punishment next time. So don't let it happen again!"

"Th-That's not even punishment," Hina muttered, some colour drained from her face. "That's just… wrong…"

"Now then, lastly, to commemorate your joyous entry into our school." If he felt any sort of pity for the swimmer, he made it clear to not show it. Though I doubt he did. "I have a little something for you." Monokuma said while he put a bag out of… somewhere. I'm not going to question it.

Giving it a careful look, I noticed the bag was full of what appeared to be a bunch of tablet-sized devices.

"This is our official student handbook! Pretty cool, isn't it?" Monokuma boasted while he handed a handbook to each of us. "As you can see, it's fully digital. So naturally, we call it... The e-Handbook!"

"…" Well, that's a name, I guess. Basic as it is.

"…Ahem. Yes, well, moving on… this handbook is absolutely vital for a healthy school life, so don't lose it! When you start it up, it will display your name. Always make sure you have the right one with you! Now, this is not your everyday notebook. It has so many more uses than that!" Yep, the guy was proud of that thing.

"Also, it's completely waterproof. Splash it, wash it, drown it, and it'll keep on ticking! And thanks to its space-age design, it can withstand an impact force of up to ten tons. Very resistant!" I would admit, that's impressive. Also very useful for... future situations. "This device contains all of our school regulations, so make sure you review them thoroughly!"

"You'll hear me say this a lot." Monokuma then took a more threatening body language, enough for everyone to forget his previously bashful moment. "But any violation of school regulations will not be tolerated! Rules restrict, yes, but they also protect. Society, for example, would be utter chaos without laws."

A good speech I must admit. It made sense for us to always be up to date on any... changes. Now if only it didn't come from him.

"The same thing applies here! This is why it's crucial we have strict punishments in place for violators! With all of that being said…well, that about brings our entrance ceremony to a close!"

Huh, so that's all. I guess I got lucky that nobody began to ask anything, even with all the hints the bear threw every now and then.

…I just jinxed it, didn't I?

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O' Lord please be merciful.

"Please enjoy your abundantly dreary school life! I will see y'all at―"

"Wait just a moment!" Looking over to the origin of the voice with a raised brow I saw… Mrs Kirigiri.

No.

No!

No!

Don't do it!

Don't be that guy! Don't spoil the twist! Don't ruin the play!

While I remained emotionless on the outside an inferno was raging on the inside.

It was a shame. A true shame damnit! Although I couldn't say I was shocked seeing it was her who caught up on it. She seemed to have a knack for that sort of thing.

I wonder if this is something to do with her Talent...

Inner complaints aside, everyone felt silent at the lavendered-haired girl's sudden outburst. Each and all looked between the mysterious quiet girl and the bear, curious about what was going to happen next, and even though Monokuma looked like he was already ready to leave, I could see his mouth inconspicuously growing into a smirk.

Did… He also anticipated that Mrs Kirigiri was going to be the one to bite the bait? So I've been set up then. If anyone would know of Mrs Kirigiri's mysterious talent then it would be the blasted bear.

"Hm? What is it? Just so you know, I'm a BEARY busy bear?"

"Don't worry, I will be quick about it." If she got irked at the joke, she didn't show it. A shame. "I just need you to answer me about something I have noticed."

"Oh?" Monokuma tilted his head. "I guess I could indulge you on that. Shoot!"

"Alright then." Kirigiri began, ignorant of the way my fists were clenching. "My question… it is regarding Voyager."

This is it, huh? Ruining the show for your own selfness huh? A slight frown appeared on my face. Even if you don't realise it girl you're going to ruin me.

"Voyager…?" Monokuma echoed, a tint of 'confusion' in his voice. Most classmates looked at each other, showing a similar, though much truer sentiment. "Why ask me? If you need anything from him, he's right there, y'know?"

"Not like that…" The purple-haired girl shook her head. "Since the beginning of this 'Entrance Ceremony', you have addressed us only as 'you' or 'that' person, with him being the only exception among our group. Besides that, whether it was on purpose or not, it didn't go unnoticed by me those weirdly specific commentaries you have made so far. I think we both know towards who they were intended at." Kirigiri… I truly have to be careful around her. She is a truly dangerous child. And a ruined of fun.

"My question is why? Why put this much emphasis on a single and specific person?"

After Kirigiri's detailed declaration was done, I could see that everyone began to contemplate her words.

"H-Huh…?" Looks of realization began to show up among the group, beginning with the Baseball Star. "Now that she brings it up… it's kinda weird, right?"

"I guess so?" Mrs Asahina shrugged. "I mean, why would he do that?"

Slowly but surely, each member of the group turned in my direction. Some with looks of curiosity, a few of them with interest, and others with caution.

There's no way the bear isn't gonna reveal it. It's too good for him to let this one go... Right?

I mean the stage had bearly been set. The actors had just got up. And now we're just gonna tear it all down before it even begins?

Even if it was only for a minute, a sluggish and suffocating silence was cast upon the room, with nobody daring to utter a single word.

Finally, almost if calculated, when those exact sixty seconds passed…

"…Pu…"

He laughed.

"Upupupu…"

Monokuma laughed.

The damn bear laughed.

"…Upupupupu...upupupu...pupu―HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Oh, you bastards! I almost thought for a second that nobody was going to bring it up! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

In the short amount of time we have met the bear, no one could claim having seen him look so gleeful. At least not to such a degree. Among those not even understanding where that despairful euphoria was coming from, there was no one seeing his reaction without uncomfortable anticipation, waiting for whatever it was that Monokuma would say next.

Even if I knew what he was about to reveal, and though dread wasn't a word I could use to describe how I was feeling about it, I was admittedly curious about how he was going to go about it.

I knew this moment was going to come up, whether it was from my mouth or his. I never planned to keep it a secret forever, it was just a matter of convenience at the beginning… so much for that, eh?

My frown deepened. Before I even got a chance. They took away my role right as the curtains opened.

"Oi, you fucker!" Finally, it was the Owada who couldn't keep hearing more of the discordant cacophony that made Monokuma's cruel laugh. "Drop that shit and tell us what's with you!"

"Hahaha… Ha…" As if listening to the Gang Leader for the first time, the monochrome bear did as asked. "Sorry, sorry. It's just that I couldn't contain my excitement!"

Then he did his best attempt at clearing his non-existent throat.

"Ahem! You see, my dear students! As your Headmaster, it is my duty to be completely impartial in this environment of killing and being killed this school encourages! But, how do I put this…" He paused for a few moments 'For the sake of suspense, no doubt. While I love it and all overusing it so much is getting annoying.', then without any warning, he raised his voice. "I got it! If all of you guys were horses, I would put all my savings on Voyager with no doubt at all!"

...

...Huh?!

Wha-?

"H-Huh? I don't understand, is… is he saying we are equines?"

Any bets on who said that?

"I see." Unlike Hiro, Celes appeared to catch on to something about Monokuma's declaration. "For the sake of clarification, would you kindly explain why that would be the case?" While her face was stoic, I could see the calculating gleam of curiosity in the gambler's eyes.

Don't go switching up on my now woman!

"Hmph, such an irrational bet!" Mr 'I'm better than you' Togami sneered with a smirk. Then, he eyed me up a down, not impressed at all with what he was seeing. "What does this commoner have, that I, the successor of the Togami family couldn't have?"

"Oh, that's simple!" Monokuma chirped. "The answer is… Talent."

! ! !

…That's... definitely a way to say it, I suppose.

Though... I threw a suspicious look at the bear. There's no way he would know about That right?

"Talent?" Mrs Maizono repeated. A bit of anger was well hidden under her voice. Well... not enough that I couldn't undercover it. In any other situation, I would have smiled, but right now?

It only pissed me off further.

"But that doesn't make any sense!" Hina pouted. "Everyone here has a Talent, that's how we got into this school to being with, right?"

Around the gym, more whispers and questions were heard, trying and failing to figure out what was the monochrome bear talking about.

"…Wait a moment, guys…" It seemed Mr Naegi of all people was who began to put together the pieces. "Voyager has never told his talent to anyone, right?" Not everyone told me their talent either smarty pants! Actually... In fact, no one did! "Could it be that―"

"That's it! Talent." Before the Ultimate Lucky Student could finish his sentence, though, it was Mrs Kirigiri who resolved the mystery behind Monokuma's cryptic clue.

If the widened eyes in alarm, while her gaze flickered between Monokuma and me, was the tip of what awaited me, I was due for a long and tedious talk. That's if he revealed what I think he'll reveal. "You are talking about a talent that's effective in this killing game you have set, right? That means…!"

"Someone should give the girl a cookie! Upupupupu!" The monochrome bear raised his arms in utter satisfaction. "Yes! It's exactly what you are thinking! A talent perfect for this Killing School Life, the talent of Oberon V. Voyager is… The Ultimate Assassin!"

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Huh?!

Revelling on this... supposed revelation, he didn't let the gasps of surprise and horror deter his demented spiel. "Every single killing method I mentioned earlier… He has done it Dozens! Hundreds! Thousands of times! Every single killing method you could or might ask him about… The same! Dozens! Hundreds! Thousands of times! I'm honoured as a member of this institution, to have in my halls, the most talented Assassin in the entire world! Upupupupupu…!"

It was obvious the bear was enjoying every moment of everyone's growing panic. The 'I guess' realization and fear oozing out might as well be a five-star filleted salmon dish for him if his expression was anything to go by.

With the faces of every single one of my classmates turning my way, none of them with any positive expression to show, though three were a little more... interesting.

I couldn't help but think of a single thing.

Well... I must admit.

...

This is certainly an... interesting turn.