Danganronpa: Once Upon an Smiling Priest

No sooner had we left the trophy room and begun to move through the halls, had Mrs. Enoshima decided to ask me a question. One that made me pause.

"Sooo… where do begin?"

There was a lot of ground to cover, right? Like those metal plates that have been bothering me for some time, but… as I pointed out just now, there were a lot of areas to look for, so the best option would be…

"I think we should head to this 'Despair Hotel' I mentioned earlier." I finally said while giving her a cheeky smile. "It would be best if we do a general scouting to know how much we can explore, and then we can focus on a more thorough investigation of the most... interesting places we see during our exploration."

The Fashionista developed a thoughtful look before nodding in acceptance. "Hmm, yeah, I think I get what ya tryin' to say. I guess that way we won't miss anythin' important, right?" I was going to say something but was cut off by Mrs Enoshima's excited words.

"And! And! We are like, a lot of people, so it's possible that the rest will take care of those not-so-important places or find details we missed at the locations we checked, and with that, we will have all the ground covered! Any of those 'Interesting places' will be totally found out. Maybe even a few secret clues as to what happened right? I just totally figured out your master plan, didn't I?" She finished with a cheeky smile and a peace sign.

"…" I gave Mrs Enoshima a deadpan look. This seemed to damper her mood a little as her posture weakened slightly.

Though before it could get any worse I gave a hearty laugh and spread out my arms slightly as I gave praise. "Hahaha, my my, Mrs Enoshima, you're quite the astute one aren't ya."

I mean, it wasn't some kind of secret or elaborate plan. Nor was it a perfect plan either, but I cannot deny that it was good that she was using that tiny, little brain of hers. Though I was a little surprised that she understood what I was trying to explain.

Apparently, there was something funny about what I said, seeing that she giggled while looking at me. "Hehe, I know right, you don't hafta sound so impressed about it! Alrighty, let's go check this 'Despair Hotel'… Uwah, it sounds so lame…" Her shoulders and arms were lax as she suddenly looked a little upset. "Why did I have to get abducted into sucha gaudy place."

I gave a nod at that with my signature closed-eyed smile, and with that, the two of us moved again in search of this new area.

Still, that didn't prevent my mouth from turning into a thin line as I pondered about what the Enoshima had said.

Was I really acting in such a way?

=======

Once we travelled through the seizure-inducing hall that led us to this 'Despair Hotel', we found ourselves in the hall that went through to get to the gym.

Gazing around, I noticed Mrs Enoshime looking to the right and seeing an open double door. Next to it, there was a sign with a drawing of a fork and a knife. From our current position, I could also see a few tables and chairs past the new entrance.

"That must be the dining hall." I mused aloud with a smirk. It seems someone has done me a favour and opened the door.

Looking in the same direction as me, Mrs Enoshima gave a nod in agreement. "Yeah, at least that freaking bear won't starve us to death... maybe. We don't know if it's stocked. Wanna check it out?"

Before answering her, I turned my sight to the opposite side of the dining hall where I ended up noticing something of interest. Causing me to open my eyes slightly.

"Maybe later, I am more curious about investigating that place." I said while lightly pointing at what caught my attention.

Tilting her head in confusion, the 'strawberry-blonde' followed my finger. "Hm? What are you― Eh!? What's up with that place? It looks, like, totally suspicious!"

As Mrs Enoshima and I approached what was labelled as 'BATH', I noticed three points of interest. The first was what looked like some kind of entrance, though it had no doors. It was completely exposed instead.

The second thing was that, even without doors, I couldn't take a guess at what was inside because it was completely obscured.

The lights must've been turned off, though even with that, it's a bit strange… How on Earth would someone be able to do such a thing? To completely blackout a room is no small feat.

The third and final point was that I couldn't go and check further than that because it was blocked by some yellow tape with the words 'KEEP OUT' all over it.

Seeing that there were no rules that forbid it, I approached the tapes to remove them. I raised my hands towards it and―

! ! !

My instincts kicked in, I immediately turned to my left… just in time to see a fuming Monokuma.

What? Where did he come from? Why didn't I notice him until the very last moment? Did he materialize out of thin air?

"Hey! Hey!" Monokuma deemed fit to snap at me, for some unknown reason. "What do you think you are doing, young man!?"

"Gaah! What the hell!? From where the heck did you come from!?" Mrs Enoshima demanded.

Following the Fashionista's example, I narrowed my eyes at the bear before asking a question of my own. Innocently pointing at the bath with a straight, closed-eye face. "That." I innocently said before swinging my arm over and pointing at Monokuma. "And what are you doing here?"

"What am I doing!?" Rather than answering either of us, Monokuma raised his paws, fuming with so much intensity that he was now completely red in the face. How... Aren't you a robot? Did... did someone build you like that? "You are asking me that!? I got one better for you, bastard, what are YOU doing!?"

I was very tempted to give him a deadpan look, nevertheless, I knew that being as diplomatic as possible had better chances of acquiring some insight from our captor's part. And as such, I pushed down my exasperation along with any other emotions and spoke as matter-of-factly as possible. Well as much as I could muster in this kinda of situation.

"What does it look like?" I gave him a little smile as I spoke. Though still speaking in a monotone tone. "I am removing the tape so I can go and try to see what's inside, nothing else beyond that."

"Are you dumb!?" Apparently, he wasn't fond of that approach either. "Those tapes are obviously there to block you or anyone else from getting further!"

"Hey! And what if we wanna go in there!?" Mrs Enoshima exclaimed; her arms crossed in indignation.

"What is this, an idiot combo? What? All you have is hair instead of brains? I'm saying you can't explore that place!"

Putting aside the fact that it, for whatever reason, did irk me that Monokuma insulted her, I opted to point out the elephant in the room. "Didn't your rules say that we were free to explore the school as we pleased?"

"Keeping playing dense, aren't ya?" The monochrome bear mocked; the now gone from his face. "In case you forgot, the rule's exact wording is: With minimal restrictions, you are free to explore Hope's Peak Academy at your discretion. This is simply one of the few places in which those restrictions apply."

"…I see." It was worth a try I guess, but it appeared that pushing it further would do no good.

"Such a stupid rule." Enoshima grunted, although there was some finality in her words.

"Geez, kids these days." The monochrome bear sighed, shaking his head in exasperation all the while. "I don't even know why are you guys so interested in checking that place…" He paused, and a mischievous smirk grew on his face. What are you smirking about?

"Unless…"

No.

A look of realization that I didn't like one bit formed on Monokuma as he chuckled in my direction.

No!

"Upupupupu, oh my, I didn't know you had that kind of side!" Don't lump me in with her!

I already felt a few warning bells ringing in my head with that tone of voice he was having.

"What are you talking about?" I tried my best to restrain myself from punching the bear straight through the skull. God, having these two around me is doing wonders for my mental health. Golly, isn't this just great.

"Yeah, what's up with you now?" Mrs Enoshima added, her brows scrunched in suspicion.

"Upupupupu… It's just that, as an assassin, I know you have some experience killing ladies. I know, I know, it is part of the job and all that jazz." Monokuma waved off when he noticed the flash of slight irritation on my face. "But now I find that you not only do that but that you also are a lady-killer! Didn't know you had it in ya!"

"…Huh?" Mrs Enoshima and I said at the same time.

What was he talking about? What does he mean by lady-killer? Wait...

I may not be an expert in the area 'Willing or otherwise…', but I knew the term. Terms like that were used, not just for patrons, and clients but for targets as well. Hell, my own students had thrown around the term in small talk and in jest.

Going from there, Monokuma implied that term on me because we wanted to explore some public baths 'Or at least that's what that label suggests the place is…', t-that means―

Oh, you little fuck! I have half a mind to rip your head off right here and now!

"What are you talking about? Speak clear you freak!" Unfortunately, my fake fashionable companion allowed for curiosity to get the better of her.

Of course, she had to probe further…

...

...

...This is why you'll die an early death woman! You can't keep to yourself!

"Enoshima, cease you fool, don't―"

"Upupupu, you see." Before I could prevent Mrs Enoshima from prodding further on the subject, the monochrome robot beat me to it. "As a bear, I'm not an expert in the subject of the birds and the bees, but even I can see that if a young man and woman want so desperately as you guys do to get some privacy in a dark place, then only indecent things are bound to happen!" Monokuma announced between giggles, much to my chagrin and silent, bubbling rage.

At first, Mrs Enoshima just made a confused face, but after a few moments, her eyes went wide, blushing so hard that her entire face turned a bright crimson red.

As much as I hated it. I couldn't fault her, seeing as my cheeks were, unfortunately, heating up too. Whether it was because of such an implication, how ridiculous this situation was or from my rage I couldn't tell. My only saving grace was that, due to my dark skin, it was incredibly hard to tell if I was blushing or not.

Regardless, the following reaction was instant.

"W-W-WHAT the hell!?" Mrs Enoshima shrieked, a mix of emotions that I couldn't begin to guess flashing through her tomato-toned face. "W-We… we just wanted to do some exploration to find a way outta this place! What the heck are ya thinking!? Believing that we... that Oberon would… That he-ARGH!"

"As if you were going to find a way to escape inside a public bathhouse of all places!" Monokuma retorted with a smugness he didn't have any right to be capable of. "Upupupu, anyone with eyes would think the same thing as me if they saw the same scene that was unfolding before my BEARY innocent orbs!" He said pretending to shield his eyes as if he'd seen something he shouldn't have. "A young man in the company of a young maiden, leading her at the privacy the darkness offers! Both eager to have a taste of each other's―"

"FUCK OFF YOU DISGUSTING CREATURE! / GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!"

I was not someone who tended to raise his voice, but when it came to subjects like those… well.

First, he kidnaps me then he thinks I'll do something like that. Something l-like... Covering myself with my arms I shook my head rid of those thoughts and painful memories.

Ugh, dealing with sexual innuendos wasn't a forte of mine, alright? Let alone... Urgh.

Leaving that sore subject of mine alone, hopefully, for a while, the bear seemed to get into some kind of dejected state as he slumped down, which I disappointingly doubted he truly meant. "He even used a mean word, awww… You guys don't have to be so rude, y'know? I'm just your Headmaster worried about the integrity of my students. That's the sort of gratitude I am gonna get from despicable people like you two?" Though just as quickly as it appeared, the bear righted it and spoke with a fury. Seems like all that truly was an act.

"Fine! If you wanna get hanky panky, just make sure to don't try it in places with clear signs of not being allowed in! You bunch of walking hormones, see ya!"

And with that, the bear was gone to… Well, I'm going to be honest I don't care. So long as it was away from me.

Too bad I didn't get the chance to figure out how he does that.

"Dammit! That bastard!" With no monochrome bear in sight, it appeared Mrs Enoshima felt free enough to curse his name. "If I see him again, I swear I'm gonna beat the crap out of him!"

As much as I shared her thoughts on the matter…

"You shouldn't do that Enoshima, don't let what he said get to you. He's only doing that as an excuse to kill you."

Just pointing out a logical and rather obvious warning. Nothing strange in me doing that. I rather stop any kind of potential death from happening. Whatever satisfaction our captor had from watching kids die I'll rip it away from them.

"Huh? Why are you saying that? I'm definitely going―" The gasp and that suspicious look she was giving me wasn't a good signal. "W-Wait, d-don't tell that you were actually―!"

"What? No!" I said in a more hurried tone than what I'm used to or wanted for that matter. "I'm talking about the rule number five. Remember? Doing as much as a scratch on him is a death penalty."

Her look of realization told me that sufficed to calm her down. "…Right, for a moment I forgot about that. Kind of happens whenever I get angry, y'know?"

She gets impulsive to the point of ignoring something of such importance? That was…

Worrying.

"I see, just... just be careful." I simply gave her the standard response one would expect in this scenario. Though, for some reason, I couldn't fathom, I felt... worried?

No. There wasn't anything deeper behind those words. Obviously.

"Yep, that weird bear isn't gonna catch me off-guard again!" She said with her usual grin and peace sign.

Satisfied enough with that answer I gave a hum of acknowledgement as I turned away.

"Alright, let's keep exploring then."

She simply nodded, and with that, the two of us moved, leaving that… weird experience with Monokuma behind.