D Minus

As we live, we occasionally face things that are hard to handle. Every time that happened, I would struggle a bit but always managed to overcome them. But this time, I feel like I might lose because the outcome is already determined and unchangeable… In short, it’s D-180. There may be slight variations, but this is how many days I have left to live.＊＊＊The sunlight streaming through the window was so intense that it naturally woke me up. With drowsy eyes, Hajin stared blankly at the unfamiliar ceiling pattern and then yawned belatedly. It seemed the aftermath of the move was hitting now, as his whole body felt stiff.When he half-opened the window, the laughter of neighborhood kids, previously blocked by the glass, invaded the room. He bent his back, stretched his arms forward to loosen up his stiff body, and then opened the door. The sunlight gathered in a circle in the middle of the living room, looking almost sacred.“This is nice and leisurely…”How often have I done ‘nothing’ in my life? Even after reflecting repeatedly, it was so rare that this given freedom felt a bit awkward.He took out bread and blueberry jam from the fridge, made a light breakfast, and then sat in the rocking chair by the window. When he was young, he often saw grandmothers knitting by the fireplace in movies, always sitting in chairs like this, and he thought he now understood why. The gentle rocking of his body felt quite pleasant. Although he missed having a fireplace, the bright sunlight wasn’t bad.At thirty-one, he had passed the teacher certification exam at twenty-nine, working diligently for just two years. Perhaps that dedication had been his downfall, but he didn’t think his life had been particularly idle. What he got in return was stage 4 stomach cancer. With closed eyes, Hajin gently rubbed his stomach and let out a hollow laugh. He had no idea what to do.Bang, bang. Bang, bang, bang. Bang, bang, bang, bang.Just as his half-closed eyelids grew heavy, an obnoxious knocking sound was heard. Hajin, curling up like a startled cat, wrinkled his nose. He remembered someone was supposed to move into the other room today, and it seemed like they had arrived.“Hello…”“Open the door quickly. It’s freaking hot.”As soon as he unlocked the door, it swung open. Hajin, having lost control of the conversation to the stranger, looked up at him blankly.The man, who seemed to be about 190cm tall, was wearing a black t-shirt, and beads of sweat clung to his neck, perhaps due to the summer heat. Unlike Hajin, who had brought a lot of luggage despite not having much time left, the man’s only belonging was a large backpack. He glared at Hajin with a sullen look before pushing his way into the house.“Where’s my room?”“Next to the bathroom.”Without a hint of courtesy, the man disappeared into his room with only the necessary words. The warm smell of sweat lingered where he had passed. Hajin, standing in a daze, rubbed his elbow and sighed deeply. He should have saved more money. It would have been much more comfortable to live alone until the end.“Where do you eat?”“Excuse me. I just moved in yesterday too, so if you have questions, ask the landlord…”“If you don’t know, just say you don’t know.”He was completely self-centered. The man, who seemed to have showered quickly, with droplets still falling from his hair, walked past Hajin and opened the fridge. The heavy smell of sweat, which was like his first impression, was now gone.“Do you want to eat?”“No. I already…”The man had a bad habit of asking questions but not listening to the answers.He took out two slices of bread, which Hajin had eaten earlier, from the fridge and placed them directly on the table without a plate. There was no jam or milk. He chewed the bread as if it were gum, with one leg propped up on a chair.Hajin’s expression twisted in dismay. It wasn’t just the crumbs falling on the floor; the man jittered his leg so much that it felt like the vibrations reached Hajin.“How old are you?”“I was going to ask you that. How can you speak so informally without knowing my age?”“I’m asking now, aren’t I?”“That’s not the point…”“You’re really talkative. If you don’t want to answer, don’t.”It was beyond frustrating. Although he had only worked for about two years, Hajin found the man’s rude behavior unacceptable as a former teacher. Placing his hands on his waist, Hajin approached him. The crumbs scattered on the floor bothered him immensely.“My name is Park Hajin, and I’m thirty-one.”“You’re older than you look. I thought you were in your twenties.”“Ha…”“It’s a compliment.”The man was even shameless. Hajin sighed deeply and sharpened his voice.“I heard you’re also contracted to stay here for six months. Let’s at least keep some manners.”“Am I being rude?”The man tilted his head after swallowing the second piece of bread completely. His bold demeanor left Hajin flustered.“Don’t speak informally to me.”“Why?”“How old are you?”“Thirty.”“I’m older, and we just met today. Why are you speaking informally?”“Then you speak informally too.”Despite Hajin’s irritated tone, the man replied nonchalantly and blew on his lips, scattering the crumbs on the table in all directions. Hajin’s face turned to shock as he was about to add more.“What are you doing?”Desperation set in. Hajin’s voice grew louder. The man, after brushing off the crumbs from his hands, looked at him with one raised eyebrow as if he didn’t understand the problem.“Why?”“Who’s going to clean the floor if you do that?”Grumbling about why he was raising his voice over such a thing, the man used his foot to gather the crumbs on the floor. He wasn’t even wearing slippers or socks, just his bare feet. Hajin’s face filled with contempt. Trying to continue the conversation felt foolish.“Hey.”A sigh escaped him. He couldn’t let anything ruin his plan to spend the remainder of his life peacefully and comfortably in this quiet seaside village. Sweeping back his thin hair aggressively, Hajin glared at the man.“I don’t have much time left to live.”No family, no friends. It was an excuse born from living life diligently, always looking forward, and, if he were more honest, from failing to take care of those around him. As a result, the only people who knew about his terminal diagnosis were the doctor who diagnosed him and the principal who processed his resignation. Maybe the news had already spread through the teachers’ office, but that was it.He never thought he would reveal his weakness to a man he just met today. The more absurd part was that, since receiving his terminal diagnosis, he hadn’t shed a single tear until now. But now, tears were flowing. They seemed to be tears of frustration, born from the fact that nothing was going his way, even in his final days.“I searched hard for this place. I wanted to die quietly… peacefully.”Of course, he didn’t intend to burden the kind landlord with cleaning up his corpse. He just wanted to stay here until he could no longer move freely. That period was probably no more than 180 days. Thinking of the “D-179” banner prominently displayed on his phone’s background, Hajin steeled his gaze.“Let’s not get on each other’s nerves and just… just try to get along.”Quietly. Those last words, spoken almost in a whisper, were the key point. After a brief silence, the man, who had been listening indifferently with his arms crossed, snorted. Hajin, feeling his eyes grow warm with rising emotions, opened his mouth. This reaction was entirely unexpected.“Is dying a big deal?”“What… what did you say?”“Are you scared of dying? It’s not a big deal.”“…”Hajin was speechless. How many people, facing a terminal diagnosis, would utter such nonchalant words? He wasn’t expecting sympathy or pity, but he also didn’t anticipate this level of rudeness. His face twisted in disbelief.The man, crouching to gather the crumbs with his fingers, looked up and grinned.“I might die before you.”“What did you say…?”“Let’s get along.”Hajin thought he should turn on the air conditioner. The sunlight streaming through the window was too intense, causing sweat to run down his back. Thus began day D-179 with a man who had no sense of courtesy.＊＊＊“Hey, are those things in the sink yours?”“The sink? What’s in there?”What did he expect Hajin to do with that? It had been a week since they started living in the same house but different rooms. Hajin had been trying his best to avoid talking to the man.Today, he had planned to take a rare walk along the coastal path and had woken up early, only to find three pairs of black underwear soaking in a sink full of water. He didn’t want to touch them, so he went straight to the man’s room and knocked. This was the result. The man, still half-asleep, questioned back. Shaking his head, Hajin pointed to the bathroom.“Underwear.”“Oh, those are mine.”The man yawned widely, nodding as if he just remembered. Hajin clicked his tongue in annoyance and snapped.“Clean them up, now.”“I was going to wash them.”“When did you leave them there?”“Yesterday, I think. Last night.”“You leave laundry soaking all day? I need to wash up, so clean them up quickly.”As Hajin raised his voice, the man’s face twisted in annoyance. He hadn’t noticed before, but now that he was closer, Hajin saw a deep scar cutting through the man’s right eyebrow. Judging by his rough appearance, it seemed like he had gotten into a fight somewhere and had been injured.The man, wearing only shorts, yawned three more times in quick succession and then sluggishly headed to the bathroom. Hajin followed right behind him.“Please clean up immediately from now on.”“You’re really annoying. We don’t even need a pigeon.”“Pigeon?”“The bird that sticks its head out and cries when it is time.”He probably meant a cuckoo, but Hajin didn’t bother to correct him. It wasn’t worth the effort. The man carelessly wrung out the soaked underwear and walked past Hajin. Water droplets trailed behind him like Hansel and Gretel’s breadcrumbs, marking his path to the laundry rack on the veranda.“Such a long tail.”He really was an uneducated person. Shaking his head, Hajin closed the bathroom door firmly, cleaned the sink several times with the showerhead, and finally grabbed his toothbrush.＊＊＊“This is nice…”The words came out naturally. Hajin had visited many tourist beaches, but this was his first time at such a peaceful rural seaside. The wind carried a salty scent, dried fish lined the sidewalks, and children with sunburned faces played on the sandy shore. Hugging his knees, Hajin kept muttering how nice it was. The view, so different from anything he could find in Seoul, was simply beautiful.Yet, a part of him felt suffocated. In such a beautiful and peaceful place, what had he been fighting for, unaware that he was dying?Hajin pressed his hand against his thoroughly wrecked stomach. They said that cancer would make you hurt like hell, stop you from eating, make you thin, and cause your hair to fall out. But maybe because he hadn’t started chemotherapy yet, he felt surprisingly normal. Or maybe it just hadn’t started yet.He wasn’t particularly scared. Initially, he wondered, “Why?” and felt a sense of unfairness, thinking, “Why me?” But now, he just didn’t have any strong feelings. He simply concluded that among all the hardworking people, he was the most useless. Those who needed to stay would stay, and people like him, who were useless, would leave.He sat on the sandy beach for over an hour, facing the sea breeze. The scorching sunlight stung his skin, but since he considered it his last summer, it was bearable. His scattered thoughts didn’t lead to any clear conclusions but instead created a simple desire: he wanted to eat stir-fried kimchi wrapped in warm tofu today.“Why has tofu gotten so expensive?”He agreed with the middle-aged woman grumbling while holding a cloth shopping bag. He picked the tofu in a pack because the slab tofu looked too hard, but it cost a whopping 2,800 won.He had decided to spend his money freely since he couldn’t take it with him to the grave. However, his materialistic mind quickly started calculating. He had kimchi at home and only needed tofu, so he decided to buy it. Deep contemplation was a waste of time. Hajin put a single pack of tofu in a large plastic shopping basket and headed for the checkout.“Huh…?”What stopped him in his tracks was the sight of a large man standing in the pet section. Hajin blinked several times in disbelief, but no matter how many times he looked, it was indeed his rude housemate. He couldn’t understand why the man was at this distant supermarket, but it wasn’t really his business.As Hajin resumed his steps while staring at the man’s back, the now familiar husky voice of the man echoed loudly from behind.“Ma’am!”“Can I help you find something?”“Which one is for cats?”Hajin intended to walk past unnoticed, but the man’s overwhelming lack of manners caught his attention again. The middle-aged woman in a red apron looked up at the man with a stiff face, clearly taken aback. The only one unaware of the problem was the man himself. Holding a square can in one hand and a round can in the other, he asked again with a menacing look. Hajin’s jaw dropped.“I can’t tell because both have pictures of dogs and cats. Which one is for cats?”“Well… it says here…”There was a murmur among the onlookers. The man, almost 190cm tall with a build like a mountain and a deep scar on his eyebrow, looked like a gangster. Maybe he actually was one. Hajin, forgetting to check out, stood there, watching the man and the woman.“Is this one for cats?”“No. It says here… that’s for dogs, and this one is for cats…”“So, this one is okay for cats to eat?”“Yes, yes.”“Thanks.”Interrupting rudely seemed to be his habit. The man picked up the round can the woman indicated and turned away. Finally snapping out of it, Hajin quickly hid behind a display to avoid being seen by the man. With large strides, the man headed to the checkout with just the cat food can and left the supermarket.Hajin ran into him again in front of their house. Because he had wandered around the supermarket to avoid him, Hajin ended up buying squid and marinated meat he hadn’t planned on. He stopped in his tracks when he saw the man’s imposing figure by the fence.“Meow. Meow.”The calico cat on the brown fence was the same one he had seen on moving day. The cat, accustomed to human touch, rubbed its head against the man’s hand, perking its ears. The man, smiling kindly, effortlessly opened the can and offered it to the cat.“Eat and get chubby. Plump up.”The cat was already obese and would probably struggle to get off the fence if it got any fatter. Hajin wondered if this was a new form of animal abuse, but the man, watching the cat’s tongue lick the food, looked genuinely pleased.It was a combination that didn’t suit each other at all. Watching them briefly, Hajin felt dizzy from the intense sunlight and hurriedly opened the front door. The sound of the door lock disengaging made the man turn his head, but Hajin didn’t notice.“Smells good. What are you making?”The man smelled of heavy sweat, just like on the first day. Ignoring him, Hajin sprinkled sesame seeds on the stir-fried kimchi he had just finished. Startled by the man’s sudden face in his, Hajin screamed involuntarily. The man’s brows furrowed.“You scared me!”“Why did you suddenly stick your face in?”“Because you didn’t answer.”“I’m cooking!”“You don’t answer even when you’re not cooking.”The man was stupid and ignorant, yet articulate. Hajin, at a loss for words, could only snort. Meanwhile, the rude man picked up the widest piece of kimchi, the one with the most sesame seeds, with his unwashed hands and popped it into his mouth. Hajin’s face filled with shock.“That’s so good.”“Crazy…!”“Let me have one more.”Could anyone be more unsanitary? Touching his food with hands that had petted a stray cat without washing them. Not to mention, eating kimchi with bare hands was wrong. Without any sense, the man reached out again, and Hajin instinctively hid the dish behind his back. The man’s eyebrows drooped.“You’re so stingy.”“No…! Ha…!”Hajin, a former teacher who had never thought of himself as ignorant, had always won debate competitions and never lost an argument. At that moment, the saying “ignorance is bliss” came to mind. The man, eyeing the dish, smacked his lips in disappointment.“I’m really at a loss for words…!”“You snort like a pig.”“You…!”When Hajin received his terminal cancer diagnosis, he hadn’t cursed. But the man had a peculiar talent for provoking him. As childish as it might seem, Hajin couldn’t help it. Dodging here and there with the kimchi dish hidden behind his back, Hajin finally yelled when he saw the man’s attention shift to the pot of tofu.“I’ll give it to you, but wash your hands first!”He had planned to throw away the parts the man touched anyway. Whether it ended up in the trash or the man’s mouth, it was all the same. He decided to cut off a bit of tofu to give him.While Hajin meticulously separated the dishes to transfer the food, the man returned from washing his hands and sat at the table, clapping his hands and shaking off water droplets everywhere. Hajin resisted the urge to ask if he hadn’t learned how to use a towel.“This looks delicious.”“Here’s your chopsticks.”Hajin spoke irritably, but the man didn’t seem to mind as he took the chopsticks and stabbed the tofu. Hajin was surprised once more. He hadn’t expected the man to use chopsticks correctly, but he also hadn’t imagined he would grip them like a fist and stab clumsily. Standing with his hands on his hips, Hajin looked down at the man with clear disdain. Oblivious, the man shook his leg and devoured the food quickly.Although it wasn’t his intention, it was the first time Hajin and the man ate together, on day D-173.“Can you at least do the dishes?”“Just leave them there.”Luckily, the man had a minimal sense of responsibility. Hajin could have done the dishes himself, but he was annoyed at the man for only eating and not lifting a finger, so he wanted to make him do something. Hajin stacked the dishes neatly and placed them in the sink. He wiped the table clean with a cloth. The man hadn’t moved an inch the entire time.“Aren’t you going to do the dishes?”“I will.”“When?”“Tomorrow?”“Damn…”