Come Back

■

As if captured by a drone, Choi Hong-seo’s view was of the city from above.

Clear skies, bustling downtown, traffic jams, subways. Countless people moving around busily. It looked no different from any other big city, so at first I couldn’t figure out where it was.

The field of vision gradually narrowed to a certain point.

Between the huge shopping malls and the city center filled with high-rise buildings, the lush green plants that stood out made it look like a park in the city. However, the buildings in the exotic traditional style caught my eye. Perhaps the place unfolding before my eyes was like an oriental Buddhist temple.

Choi Hong-seo’s vision, moving regardless of his will, suddenly showed the inside of a car in front of the temple. The two people sitting side by side in the back seat were Jeong Ji-in and his lover. Jeong Ji-in’s lover and Lee Hae-seong’s cousin. Unlike when he saw that person before he woke up in Yoon Hye-an’s body, he knew who that person was now.

Their conversation was overheard. A man named Lee Han spoke while touching the collar of Jeong Ji-in’s jacket.

“Have a nice trip.”

“uh.”

The voice of the answering man was hoarse and shaky. His face was also gaunt. Another man sitting in the passenger seat glanced at the back seat and spoke.

“I think the vice president is here too. There’s a Cadillac car diagonally across from him.”

Just like the lens of a camera shooting a movie, Choi Hong-seo’s view was also directed in the direction the man was pointing.

A large, black SUV with a heavy body, hiding among the cars trying to enter the shopping mall.

The next moment, Choi Hong-seo’s vision shifted to the inside of the Cadillac. To be exact, he was looking into the inside right in front of the rear window. The tinting was so dark that he couldn’t tell if there was anyone inside even if he put his nose right up to the window, but that didn’t matter.

The man sitting alone in the back seat was Lee Hae-seong.

The moment he realized it, Choi Hong-seo ran to the window. However, he had no body to run to. No matter how hard he tried to knock on the window, he had no hands to do so.

Before I woke up in Yoon Hye-an’s body, it was the same as when I wandered around without a voice or a body. I was overcome by a maddening fear. It was a fear that made me suffocate. But since I had no body, I couldn’t suffocate.

Mister, Mister!

I called out to him until my throat was hoarse, but I couldn’t get through even the slightest whisper.

He was deep in thought. His extremely thin profile was sharp, almost gaunt. His eyes, looking down at the two hands hanging between his thighs, were empty. They were eyes that were not looking at anything.

He barely moved, except to occasionally raise his shoulders and take a deep breath. His two hands, hanging limply, were shaking. He looked like someone who didn’t know how to handle his sadness.

ha…

He lifted his head with a deep sigh and looked out the window. He thought his eyes met mine, but he was mistaken. He didn’t see Choi Hong-seo.

His eyes, bloodshot with deep fatigue, were turned diagonally toward the temple. His bloodless, dry lips quivered. He was enduring. And finally, unable to hold out any longer, he let out a tear from his right eye. Soon, he collapsed, leaning forward and covering his face with his withered hands, their joints and tendons bulging.

Only then did Choi Hong-seo realize.

The city was Bangkok, Thailand, and it must have been the day his body was cremated.

Mister, Mister! Please look at me! I’m here, Mister!

No matter how desperately I called out, my voice could not reach him. I wanted to hug him and comfort his sorrow, but I had no limbs. It felt like my nonexistent body was being torn to pieces.

Don’t cry. I’m sorry. I should have stayed alive and asked you to fight together… I’m sorry. I’m not stronger.

My vision became distant so that I could no longer see him. I tried to stay by his side, not to get farther away, not to hear or see him, but to struggle madly, but it was all in vain. I was just getting further away from him, as if I was being dragged somewhere in the vast universe. The sky of Bangkok, where the sun was beginning to set, was filled with a mysterious purple color.

■

The scenery I saw as soon as I opened my eyes was different from usual. The dark and comfortable atmosphere was the same, but the height of the ceiling and the finish were not like Bundang’s house. My heart sank. I quickly shifted my gaze in anxiety and looked for Lee Hae-seong.

“……”

This was not the first or second time that I had fallen unconscious like this. Whenever I opened my eyes, I was in his bedroom or he was right next to me. I thought it would be the same this time, and tried to control my emotions for a brief moment, but it was not Lee Hae-seong who was standing by the bed.

“Who, who is it? Who is it!”

As he opened the curtains and saw a dark figure standing blankly in the dark room, Choi Hong-seo jumped up while lying down as if he was competing.

“I’m here. I’m the Vice President’s personal assistant.”

The man tried to calm Choi Hong-seo down with a calm voice without panicking, but Choi Hong-seo couldn’t hear him. Before he could completely escape the dream, his fear reached its peak. He raised his arms to cover his face, kicked the blanket with his legs, and frantically called out to Lee Hae-seong. Just like in a dream.

“Mister, mister!”

It just didn’t seem right now. I couldn’t stand someone who wasn’t understanding touching my body, or being in the same space as someone who wasn’t understanding.

Some strong force grabbed both of my wrists tightly.

“No, no! Don’t go! Don’t go! I was wrong! Just a little bit… I’ll stay here a little bit longer! Please!”

“Hongseo!”

“……”

“Hongseo! It’s me.”

It was a voice of understanding.

Choi Hong-seo, who had stopped struggling, opened his eyes through the arm covering his face. Lee Hae-seong, who had a surprised and worried expression, was right in front of him. Before he could think of anything, he just ran into his arms.

“Sir… ugh, ugh… Sir…”

I could call him.

“Oh, Hongseo. It’s me. I’m here. Yeah, you’re surprised, right?”

When he called, he answered, and when he hugged him, his arms returned his embrace. It was a miracle. Whether he had been crying since he was dreaming or not, Choi Hong-seo himself was unaware of the tears that flowed endlessly down Lee Hae-seong’s shoulders.

“I woke up from my dream, but the old man wasn’t there… sob, sob, sob, so…”

“Oh, right. That’s why Hongseo was surprised. I’m sorry. No matter what happened, I shouldn’t have left the seat. I’m sorry. I’m sorry, Hongseo.”

At the affectionate gesture of Choi Hong-seo, who clung to him tightly so as not to fall, Lee Hae-seong stroked the back of his head. Like soothing a crying child for an absurd reason, he apologized unconditionally and tirelessly, over and over again. Choi Hong-seo’s hands were trembling as he held Lee Hae-seong’s back and held his shirt tightly enough to wrinkle it.

“No, no. Sir… I didn’t do anything wrong, uh, uh, uh, no…”

Choi Hong-seo shook his head and dug deeper and deeper into Lee Hae-seong’s arms. Not only his hands, but his voice was also shaking violently.

When I lost consciousness and fell down and woke up, there were several times before when Hae-sung wasn’t right next to me. It was always in the familiar bedroom of my house in Bundang, but I had never had this kind of reaction…

I’ve never been the type of person to rely on someone like this.

I was never allowed to rely on anyone like this.

I couldn’t tell whether I became a person who didn’t rely on others because I couldn’t rely on others, or whether I didn’t rely on others because I wasn’t a person who didn’t rely on others. One thing that became clear to me at that moment was that relying on others isn’t always a waste.

I should have relied on him more.

Hae-seong quietly sent the attendant away and waited for Choi Hong-seo to stop shaking. He stroked his back, stroked his hair, and kissed his temple. He just waited like that in silence.

After a long time, Choi Hong-seo began to move a little. However, he still buried his forehead on Lee Hae-seong’s shoulder and mumbled.

“Where… is this? Isn’t this a house?”

“It’s a hotel. My fever is so high that I’m afraid it would be too much of a burden to go home.”

“Then it’s not America yet?”

While holding Choi Hong-seo, Hae-seong laughed softly. Even though it was a very faint laugh, as they held each other so tightly, his laughter resonated through Choi Hong-seo’s body.

“I haven’t slept that long.”

Hae-seong Lee, who lowered his head deeply to look at his lover’s face, kissed Hong-seo Choi’s eyes and whispered in his ear.

“Should we go home now? Hongseo, do whatever you want. You can have me bring your luggage to the airport tomorrow.”

“Can I just stay here today?”

“Anything… just do whatever Hongseo wants.”

Even going back to my childhood, I don’t remember hearing such words. I didn’t have the opportunity to exchange sweet words with someone while dating. I don’t know if all lovers in the world exchange such words. However, what Choi Hong-seo definitely knew was that Lee Hae-seong’s words were sincere, and that he actually did it. Except for one thing: going to see Mr. Lee Jong-ik.

Choi Hong-seo slowly pulled his face away from his shoulder. His hand still held onto his shirt. Lee Hae-seong carefully removed the hair stuck to his forehead and cheeks.

“I need to eat something to feel better.”

I felt belatedly ashamed of having had a nightmare and causing a commotion while being frightened. I looked down at his chest and said, wiping my cheek with the back of my hand.

“Then let’s drink.”

“Alcohol? I’m not feeling well either.”

“I know you’re not doing this because you’re sick, sir…”

Choi Hong-seo carefully raised his head and met his eyes, then stopped talking.

His face was even more disfigured than when he arrived at the hotel. As if it were him, not Choi Hong-seo, who had been sick with a fever. Just like the face I had seen in my dream a little while ago, on the verge of collapse.

I was so shocked and scared that I just looked at his face. I only had a vague feeling that something was going on, but I didn’t have the courage to ask.