Chronicles of the Forbidden Jewels

“Is that … a marriage proposal?” the voice heard out of the blue diverted my attention when someone said, “I … want you to become my grand duchess, Luvi. It might sound selfish but … marry me.”

Grand duchess … could it be that the grand duke is somewhere near my unconscious body and proposed to an acquaintance of his? That’s strange, yet part of me thinks it’s funny, coming from the grand duke. That side of him was unexpected.

“Thyra, did you hear what I heard?”

"I did. Each detail of the conversation. It's Raleigh, right? According to him, we're in a basement room in his castle because it's the safest place we can be. That gives us a lead. Your unconscious body can be seen from the surface. On the other hand, I can't be seen and people outside and will only see the Rhinecrest that appears like an alexandrite gem. It's interesting to know that he knows how to propose, though it had the worst timing."

"That reassures me that at least he didn't propose to you. My mind is now at ease." Thyra rolled her eyes and shook her head as if what I said was annoying. Sometimes, I wanted to know if she still has eyes for me. The entire time we were here, none of her words felt true.

Maybe it's because I still kept denying the reality that we're here. After all, it feels like something that won't exist in reality. I’m growing tired the longer I stay, with no idea how long I have to wait or if I’m waiting for anything.

My life is full of uncertainty.

Though the purpose of the Rhinecrest is to restore someone’s body back to life, it feels like it’s taking too long.

Thyra said she loves me, but whenever I open the topic of us being together once we get out of this strange place, her words only lead to the indirect idea of her not pursuing me at all.

What kind of future awaits us? Or, is there even any?

“Thyra, what’s your plan when you’re the one who gets out of here first?”

“I want to see what I can do first. I promised to help you defeat your siblings, right? But if in case that’s no longer possible, I’ll find a place outside the empire where I can start a new life. I can’t say what now, because I don’t know the circumstances yet. What I’m sure of is this – I’ll figure something out. I’m a quick thinker.”

She’s right. Knowing her, she’ll be unstoppable. When she wants something, she’ll get it, whatever it costs. Except that her ways can be more cunning than smart when the situation demands it.

My dream of being an emperor with her as the empress by my side feels like nothing but wishful thinking.

I yearned to scream in a place where my voice would echo unheard. Despite the abundant time we have to spend together, the stream of hope within me has run dry. My only solace lies in the hope that the grand duke will devise a solution. But with his impending proposal and marriage, he may have a justification to place us on the back burner. It's unlikely that we will be his main focus.

I longed to catch a glimpse of the sun once more, inhale fresh air, recline on the grass, or merely sense my own heartbeat. Yet, even these simple pleasures are out of reach, for I am unable to feel or physically touch myself.

I often wonder if death would have been a preferable outcome. What purpose does this state of 'existence' serve when I am essentially imprisoned within myself? It has given me a glimpse into the true nature of being a captive.

Despite technically being alive, I sense myself decaying in this desolate void where nothing else exists. The thought of losing my sanity looms over me, especially in the absence of being able to communicate with Thyra.

“Ugh, why didn’t I just die?! I no longer want to be here,” I complained, and even if my words sounded pathetic, it no longer matters. I had to let those words out of my mouth.

Thyra gazed at me with a sorrowful expression in her eyes. While I recognize her sympathy towards me, even she, with all her capabilities beyond this confinement, is powerless to alter our situation while we remain trapped here together.

At times, it makes me wonder if saving her was a good idea. Now that I think about it – if I didn’t, I’m sure I’ll spend the rest of my life hoping that I did. But if I knew that saving her would cause us to be sealed in this place, will I choose the same path?

I don’t have the answers. But just like what I said to the grand duke – I can’t save both the empire and Thyra. Yet, I chose her. I’m only reaping the consequences of my actions.

“Azriel, you can't dwell on the past. I know much you wanted to get out of here, but the reality is we can't do anything yet. The situation is out of our control." Her reminder made me feel even weaker.

“I get it. You’re a strong woman, and I’m not. I don’t even know where you’re getting the strength. I’m losing my mind, Thyra. My thoughts are killing me. It’s such a shame that you’re seeing me like this but … at least I’m not pretending to be someone I’m not.”

“Your enemy is yourself. If you keep on adding negative thoughts on top of the other, the cycle won't end. You're the only one who has control over your thoughts so you have to exert efforts to stay away from those. Don't you think that there's a reason for everything?"

Reason for everything. I can't come up with any however hard I try to think about it. I can't imagine why this should happen. It was as if God has abandoned me, and this is my punishment for all the sins I've committed – such as hurting her feelings?

She was unhappy when I married someone else, and now she wants to let me go. I have the luxury of time with her here, but when we're back in the outside world … it's likely that we'll be taking different paths.

“Assuming that we’ll be back to our normal bodies soon, will you stay by my side?” Thyra kept a blank facial expression, and the fact that she didn’t assure me of anything simply means she won’t promise anything. If I lost the throne and her, I have nothing left.

These thoughts are the things I can’t say aloud, can’t I?

“In Eurhyia, we see marriage as sacred. We don't permit divorce unless the reason is sexual immorality. That's why arranged marriages aren't common. Marriage matters are recorded, and someone can't remarry unless their spouse is dead even when they're divorced. Adultery is punishable by Eurhyian law. That’s why people there don’t get married unless they’re sure of the person. If their marriage won’t work, they have to fix it. If they don’t want to, they’re still not allowed to be with someone else. It's one of the reasons why I refused the nobles who courted me since they're after my influence. That's why I also figured out the motives of your foolish cousin, Warren."

Her explanation simply says that even though my marriage didn't end up with a divorce but with annulment, the idea of Zera being alive in exile still counts. I can’t stomach the idea of looking for her to see if she’s alive or dead.

The moment I forced her to leave the empire for good was my best way to show mercy after she attempted to kill the empress. How can I keep a dangerous woman who attacks people without them knowing?

I don’t even want to tell the details to Thyra. Doing so will only make me feel worse.

“So, that’s your reason why you don’t want to be with me even after we’re out of here, right?” I chuckled under my breath, yet I pitied myself more.

“You have no idea how much I gave thought when I planned to propose to you,” I bit my lips to hold myself from doing something that will make things awkward. “I wanted us to be happy together. That’s all I wanted, which is the reason why I saved you.”

Thyra kept her lips sealed as if to avoid the topic from growing deeper. We both know that this isn't going anywhere. She isn't the kind of woman who will change her mind easily. If anything, it takes time for her to and will demand a valid reason why she needs to change.

It's not different from the time she confessed her feelings and hated me for what I’ve done at the same time. Her father’s blood shed in my hands is a fact that I can never change.

Even with the slightest glimmer of hope, I am inclined to believe that it is not yet too late for us. The mere thought of losing her plunges me into a sense of despair.

What sort of existence would await me in her absence? The notion of witnessing her with another individual is unbearable; it would be preferable to cease existing in such a scenario.

“Azriel? Y-You're … scaring me." Her words pulled me out of my thoughts. "The way you're looking at me right now is the same way how you looked that time you were watching me from afar who was about to ride Raleigh's horse. What exactly is running in your mind right now? I can tell you're in deep thought but you look like a beast watching your prey."

“I…”

“Were my words that offensive to you?”

No. It's not her to blame. It was me, who realized that I've harbored this dangerous feeling of being possessive. She's not even mine, to begin with, and I don’t have the right to act this way.

I’m losing it. The relationship we once had … is forbidden.