Child of Thorns - A Pokemon Sinnoh Reimagining

Almost an hour later, Shadi stood in front of the whole class, redness and bruises peppered all over her face and arms, a single band-aid stuck under her swollen lower lip. Behind her, like a pair of stone gargoyles, stood the school's headmistress and their homeroom teacher, arms folded, waiting. Shadi held her right arm tightly and hung her head low as she spoke.

"…have acted reprehensibly toward my fellow classmates, and for that I could not feel a greater shame. I know my horrid display will be hard to forgive, but…"

Words spilled out of her mouth automatically. There was very little of Shadi there to think about what she was saying, after all. Her face was expressionless and her eyes were a green so dull they could have passed for gray.

Even though the bell had rung almost an hour ago, none of them were allowed to leave until Shadi finished her apology. Not like her outburst had been very effective, anyway. After her first couple punches, she'd been thrown to the ground easily, beaten and kicked and laughed at until the teacher had come running, asking what on earth was happening.

Of course, it was her classmates' word against hers. And even then, it was hard to deny that she'd been the one to throw the first punch. That was all that mattered in schools like these.

After the nurse made sure that she didn't have any broken bones, she was called to the headmistress' office and told in excruciating detail all the ways in which she'd disgraced herself and disappointed the school's expectations. Explaining herself was futile, of course, but Shadi had tried. Yet in the sate she was in, hurting and crying and shaking with fury, she wasn't able to make a very convincing case for herself.

Of course, a lot of the headmistress' fury came from fear. Shadi being the school's pride and joy, the last thing she wanted was to publicly admonish her. It was all over her face. That frustration, that question ringing through her mind. 'Why can't this girl just be still and obedient? Why can't she let us take advantage of her without causing trouble?' In her mind, Shadi needed to look to the world like a perfect student, but after what she'd done she couldn't be let go without some kind of punishment.

"…and it's clear that the rift between my classmates and I needs to be repaired in order for our class to be harmonious and united, like it was always meant to be. As such…"

In the end, the woman came up with a solution that benefited all but the girl who was causing her such trouble. Shadi would walk back to her classmates, and she would offer them a lengthy and heartfelt apology. It was not up for debate, regardless of Shadi's screams and complaints. She should've saved up those anyway. Because when the second clause came in, she was too exhausted to properly react to how horrible it was.

"…the headmistress proposed I spend more time around my classmates, so I could get to know them better, and so that we may become better friends." The words fell from her mouth like lead, heavy and lifeless. "From now on, I will be spending my remaining self-study periods reading and studying in groups alongside all of you. And… to foster even more our relationships…"

In a way, it was hard, yes. The words she was speaking were like hot needles stabbing into her skin, but at this point she was so sore and worn out that barely any emotion rose to her face. She'd run out of tears to shed. Her pride had been beaten, wrung out.

Even that pulsing, venomous anger gripping at her veins like icy claws felt subdued. In order not to literally vomit at what she was saying, in order not to scream or cry or jump forward and maim the first person she could find, she'd been pushing that anger further and further back, until at some point it felt as though it'd been pushed out of her body entirely. Now it hovered behind her, in between the teacher and the headmistress. Only she could feel its presence. It stood behind her like a tall shadow, its fingers running up and down the back of her neck, whispering, begging to be let back in.

At some point, Shadi realized that this was probably a symptom of dissociation. But at the moment, she welcomed it. There's no way she could've finished her apology without it.

"…that's why I hope we'll spend a lot more time together from now on, becoming better friends and classmates, and…"

I hate you, the shadow whispered, looking at her classmates. Hate you hate you hateyouhatehateHATEHATEYOUHATEYOU!

Yet Shadi kept speaking, her voice monotone, her eyes dull and distant. At one point, her eyes did veer from the floor at her feet. She looked up unconsciously, toward the only empty desk besides her. Reina's. She'd been lucky enough to have left before this whole mess.

Shadi stared at that desk for a few seconds, until she remembered what had happened. Those words Reina had spoken. The way she had denied her.

"And… a-and.."

Her voice shook for a moment, but then she felt it. That icy touch. The shadow behind her gripped the back of her neck with its long, razor-like fingers. It was a cold, hateful gesture.

Don't you dare cry! Her own voice boomed disgustingly inside her head. She doesn't deserve it, she's just as bad as them! Hate her, hateherhatehateHATE HER!

And so, Shadi's voice stayed firm and monotone throughout the rest of her apology. In the end, she looked up at the group of angry, sneering girls in front of her and gave them a smile that was barely a quirk of the lips. Like a corpse's lips twitching as its nervous system dies down.

"…In short, I beg for your forgiveness, and I hope we can put this all behind us and become good friends. Thank you, and I'm sorry."

Meanwhile, the shadow behind her shifted and boiled, screaming inside Shadi's mind, wishing with all its heart that every single person in the room besides her would die.

It was just shy of 8 p.m. when the sound of a door unlocking was heard in the Dawn household. A young, ashen-haired girl entered, then closed the door behind her without even bothering to lock it again, a mistake she often chided her younger sister for whenever she forgot.

She let the keys fall to the floor unconsciously, and started walking. Had she been more aware of the world around her, she would've realized the distant voices coming from the kitchen had ceased. As she was, though, she just welcomed the silence. A part of her thanked the fact that Inyssa was usually out playing with Barry at this hour. She didn't think she had the energy to deal with her enthusiasm right now. And her sister didn't deserve to see her like this.

Of course, she wasn't the only other person who lived here. In the sate she was sin, she had genuinely forgotten that, so it came as a surprise when she heard another voice calling for her as she headed for her room.

"S…Shadi?"

She turned around and almost jumped in place. How had she not noticed Sarah and Johanna, standing right there in the entrance to the kitchen? They looked… worried, or something. She was usually good at reading people, but right now their expressions looked to her like slowly moving molasses, nothing but a messy blur. She opened her mouth and tried to say something, but it came out strained and weak, lacking her usual eloquence.

"O-oh… hi. What… er, hi."

From their perspective, Shadi looked like absolute hell. Even disregarding the bruises and red spots on her chin and all over her arms, even looking past the trails of faded black eyeliner running down her cheeks which the girl had uselessly attempted to wipe off … even so, what shocked them the most was how little Shadi there was in her eyes, in her expression.

If there's a word no one would have used to describe Shadi, it was vulnerable. She kept her heart guarded at all times, to the point where her own family couldn't remember the last time they'd seen her cry or show any kind of weakness. So to say her current state left Johanna speechless would've been putting it lightly.

Shadi heard her mother say something, but she didn't quite catch it. To her it sounded like just a whiny noise, even though she was sure there'd been words there. It was hard to make out what people said over the constant whirr-like sharp static stabbing into her ears by the shadow behind her.

"I… what? Sorry, I..."

Johanna covered her mouth with her hands. "H-honey… oh Mew, are you okay?"

Are you okay?

She would've laughed if she had the energy to. What kind of question was that?

"…Johanna got a call from your school a couple hours ago," Sarah finally spoke. Her voice was easier to follow. "And then she told me and I came over. From what I heard, you… got into some trouble with your classmates."

Shadi blinked, confused. Why was Sarah here? Why did Johanna need to call for her like it was her business? The shadow behind her whispered the answer, boiling with fury, but she was too out of it to properly listen.

"…I want to go to my room."

She didn't understand why her words got the reaction they did. Her mother closed her eyes tight like she had a sudden headache and rubbed at her temples, her lip shaking. Sarah, on the other hand, looked horribly uncomfortable for some reason.

"What happened?" Sarah asked with a judgmental tone.

There were about a hundred ways Shadi could've explained it, but she could only say the first thing that came to mind.

"It… wasn't my fault."

Sarah sighed. It hurt, for some reason. Shadi let out a shaky laugh, but she could feel her chest tighten.

"It w-wasn't my fault," she repeated, voice on the verge of breaking. Her eyes began to sting again. "It's true."

Why weren't they saying anything? Why did Sarah look so… tired and disappointed? Not that she needed it or wanted it in any way, but wasn't this the part where they would've hugged her and told her things were going to be okay? That it wasn't her fault, so she didn't have to keep repeating it herself?

"I…" Sarah pursed her lips, then looked at Johanna. "She should probably rub some ointment on those bruises. I have some in my house, though it might be better if we rub it with some alcohol first. Could you go get some?"

Johanna blinked. "W-what? Oh… yes, of course, er…"

She looked between Shadi and Sarah for a moment, and it was almost like she wanted to say something, but then she winced again and grabbed at her temple.

"Y-yeah. I'm sorry honey I'll… I'll be right back."

Shadi was not proud of the sound she made in her throat as she saw her mom turn around and walk away in such a hurry. She stared at her back, blinking gormlessly. Then she turned to stare at Sarah, as though expecting an answer. But all she got was a frown.

"I'm sorry, I can tell you've had a rough day…" She spoke curtly, her tone apologetic. "Johanna told me what she heard from the headmistress. That you jumped on one of your classmates and started attacking her. I... was surprised, to put it mildly. I understand how frustrating kids can be at your age, but that's no excuse to use violence."

"It… wasn't my fault," Shadi said again, shaking her head. She didn't understand.

"Shadi… you're mature enough not to be making excuses like that for your behavior. I understand how you must be feeling, but…" Sarah pinched the bridge of her nose and breathed out. "I'm… not good at this. Look, just wait here, I'll go get some ointment and then you can rest a bit. We can talk about what happened later… it might be best if Inyssa doesn't see you like this."

But…

She could've sworn she spoke that word aloud, but clearly it wasn't the case because Sarah just up and left, closing the door firmly behind her. Shadi stood there, blinking, for what felt like an eternity until another set of steps approached.

"Shadi, is…? Oh, Sarah must've gone looking for it already…"

Again, Johanna was standing under the sill of the kitchen's entrance, holding some cotton and a bottle of ethanol. She was avoiding her eyes, still wincing from a pain Shadi couldn't see.

"Mom…"

The shadow behind her hissed and clutched at the back of her neck, hating that she'd used that word. She never did. There was a reason she always called her mother by her name, one she'd never liked thinking about. But now…

"Mom, I…" She tried to speak, but weirdly enough the words had a tough time coming out. "It wasn't my… I d-didn't…"

Tears started welling up in her eyes, which only caused the voice in her head to cry out harsher, gnashing and screaming and insulting her for being so weak. But Shadi couldn't help it. Maybe this time, it would help. Maybe…

"I d-didn't do anything, I swear…"

It was a plead, probably the last she would ever make toward her mother. And if in that moment Johanna had been brave enough to look her in the eye, if she'd seen that anger and confusion and had asked what happened, Shadi would have told her, as shameful and vulnerable as it would've been. She would've told her everything. Then Johanna would realize her daughter was going through her first heartbreak, as well as a lot more serious stuff, and might've been able to help her.

But instead, she closed her eyes tight and hung her head, just like before. She didn't press her temple again only because her hands were full.

"Honey, I'm… I'm sorry, I just…" She sighed. "Today's really not a good day for this. I had a really bad night again and…"

Shadi stopped hearing her at that point. She just stood there, unblinking, eyes growing slightly wider as the world around her became a lot colder all of a sudden. She parted her lips to say something, but all that came out was a laugh.

Right. I forgot there for a second, she thought. This is what family is.

That's what they'd always been, hadn't it? People she couldn't shake off, whose sole mission was to remind her of how unloved she was.

Shadi laughed again. It really was so incredibly funny.

"…Hey, mom?"

Johanna looked up, furrowing her brow at the eerie smile on Shadi's lips. If that's all family was, she might as well get it out of her system already. Not like the day could get any worse.

"What is it, hon–"

Shadi cut her off, whispering words she'd been keeping inside her for a long time. She spoke them suddenly and sharply, stabbing them into her mother like a knife.

"You should've been the one to die instead of dad."

The bubble of color and sound popped with a shimmer, and the illusion broke apart around the two sisters, returning them to that dark, empty house.

Shadi exhaled sharply, recoiling from Inyssa's touch like it burned her and almost hitting the back of her head against the wall. Inyssa just knelt there, silent, hand still outstretched. For a second, her eyelids and lower lip shook, but she quickly looked down and rubbed her face with the back of her sleeve, taking in a deep breath.

Silence stretched between the sisters avoiding each other's eyes. It only lasted for a few seconds, but it felt as though it went out for minutes. Shadi was the one to finally break it, with a bitter laugh directed at herself.

"…Mew, how mortifying. If you wanted to make me die from embarrassment at my younger self, you almost got it."

Inyssa barely listened. She looked at her outstretched hand, then sighed sadly and set it down at her side.

"There was never any chance, huh."

Shadi looked up at her, raising an eyebrow. It took Inyssa a good few seconds to gather the strength to even elaborate.

"You had it too. That bitterness that feels like boiling venom running through your veins. I always thought… but no, you were just better at hiding it than I was. It's… horrible, isn't it? It's always there, in the back of your mind. And when it takes over it feels like… like…"

"Like you'll never be free of it ever again."

Inyssa looked at her sister, surprised, but she pointedly turned her head, avoiding her gaze. Her lips pursed so tight they went pale.

"I was lucky. Or… luckier than you, at least," Inyssa said. "Mom eventually got her act together. If she'd stayed the same person she was when we were kids…"

A spiteful chuckle left Shadi's lips. "How convenient it must be. To just up and decide you're a better person."

Inyssa smiled, just as bitterly. "But that's how it works, isn't it? No matter how awful you are, you don't need anyone's forgiveness or acknowledgment to take that first step and change. Mom certainly didn't ask for my permission. And even if I resented her for it, she wouldn't have stopped."

"And doesn't that make you angry?" Shadi snarled, for once her emotions laid bare on her face. "Doesn't that make you so incredibly angry that you wish you could gouge her heart out and shove it in her face? Show her just how rotten it is inside?"

"…Yeah," Inyssa admitted. "I grew to tolerate it eventually, but after seeing those memories… it all came rushing back. It really does feel so unfair, doesn't it? I could say it to her face. I could make her get on her knees and beg for my forgiveness, and she'd probably do it. But what's the point?" she shrugged. "I finally have a mom now, but… I don't think I can ever forgive her. And she knows that. But she's not gonna let it stop her."

"F…fucking hypocrite…"

Shadi's shoulders slumped as she said that. She looked tired, empty, like the idea had robbed all energy from her.

"…I decided to move on and accept her, but that doesn't mean you have to," Inyssa told her. "I think it's okay if you decide to hate her for the rest of your life."

"Hah… like that even matters." Laughter left her lips, full of hurt and bitterness. "No matter how much I hate her, she still won. Even after being a piece of shit for so long, she just up and changes one day and suddenly everything's forgiven. She gets to start her new life with you and Fantina. Must be nice."

"…Isn't that your whole thing, though?" asked Inyssa. "You never needed anyone's permission to be happy either. And the same applies if you ever want to take that first step."

The look Shadi shot her was almost funny. She almost expected her to look around to see if she was being pranked.

"Ha… is that what your game is, after all?" she asked, incredulous. "Do you really expect me to repent and become a goody two-shoes all of a sudden? You think I'm just gonna smile and thank you for showing me the light and then we can be loving sisters again? Are you really that stupid that you think things can ever go back to how they were?"

"…Of course not."

Inyssa's hands clenched into fists, and for just a second she let the anger and bitterness inside her show on her face. Like a furious Pokemon baring its fangs. Shadi actually recoiled at the sight.

"…You're a piece of shit," she said, clear and succinctly. "What Sarah and Johanna did to you was awful, but then you went and took it out on me tenfold. You scarred me, physically and mentally. It's mostly because of you that I eventually tried to kill myself."

Actual, clear as glass guilt and pain crossed Shadi's expression. She looked down and scrunched up her face like she couldn't bear to look at her.

"You… always took everything in stride. You were so much better a person it… it pissed me off. It made me want to…"

"It wasn't just me," Inyssa pointed out. "At some point, you decided there was no going back, you convinced yourself that this was who you were. Wrapped yourself up in lies and rationalizations, thinking you were some kind of… angel of the dark." She scoffed at that. "It's time to stop running. It's time you answer for what you've done…"

As she said that, formless figures of light materialized behind her, staring down hatefully at the kneeling woman. As Inyssa spoke their names, the fog around them cleared. Mirages of their true selves came into view like spirits, memories made manifest by Uxie's power.

"To Darkrai, to Cresselia, to Candice, to Ciro… and to Siffa. To Mars." Each name was spoken like a gunshot, just another wedge stabbing into Shadi's form. "You attacked Barry and Percy and Reiko. You're the reason Palmer died. You hurt… so many people. It's not a matter of 'maybe' anymore. I will never, ever forgive you."

The hazy figures closed around Shadi. She cowered against them, but they did not attack, even if the looks on their faces indicated that's what they wanted. Inyssa kept them at bay. She held them like tiny spheres of light in the palm of her hand.

When she spoke again, the anger was gone. It had burned out.

"But… I can't bring myself to hate you either," she admitted. "I held on to these memories, to all the pain you've caused, while you were gone. I held them for you, until you had the strength to accept them. I want you to come back with me, and face them at last."

Shadi held her head low, unable to meet her gaze.

"…That's a hell of a lot to ask of someone like me," said Shadi, smiling sadly. "The more you speak, the more I wish I could just fade into this nothingness and have everyone forget me for good."

"Didn't I tell you? I'm never letting you steal yourself from me again," said Inyssa. "What do you say? If I could become this me, then you can at least go as far as to not be the literal worst version of yourself."

Shadi let out a derisive chuckle. "You had Barry and everyone else supporting you, it's–"

"No," Inyssa cut her off. "It was no one's feat but mine. I needed them sometimes, yes, but that's because of the kinda person I am, starved for affection and all that. A little thing you and mom instilled in me." She gave her sister a lopsided grin. "But you're different. You could do it in your own, if you actually put in the effort. What happened to you being all self-sufficient?"

"…I thought you said that was wrong." Shadi looked at her, frowning. "Wasn't that the whole point of that trip down memory lane?"

Inyssa shook her head. "That was so I could understand you, not deny you."

The glowing shapes around her disappeared into puffs of light. Inyssa took a step forward, falling to her knees, only inches from Shadi. For once, her sister didn't pull back. There was nothing to hide now. All of her was laid bare, shaking and vulnerable, like she'd always hated. But now…

"I won't deny your heart," she said plainly, warmly. "Even if you never needed someone to love you, you wanted at least for someone to understand you, right? To tell you that it wasn't wrong. Tell me… did you ever meet someone like that?"

The look that crossed Shadi's face was raw, like an open wound. Her hand twitched, but she couldn't decide between clutching at her chest or clasping her mouth shut. It was as though something had been stabbed into her heart, and she was terrified of what would come out if she were to speak.

"N… no," she finally said, barely a whisper. "Only my Pokemon… only they ever…"

That thought seemed to finally bring her back to reality. Eyes shooting wide with remembrance, Shadi parted her lips and let a single shaking word fall out.

"M…Midir…" The name sounded like it was full of thorns, forcefully pulled out of her throat. "Oh g-god, Midir…! I'm s…s-so sorry… now e-everyone else too, they're… they're gonna…!"

"It's okay." Inyssa assured her. "That's part of the deal I made with Lucian. I made sure your remaining Pokemon wouldn't be put down, so… it'll be okay."

Shadi stared up sharply at her, wild hope and shock clear all over her face.

"Y…you–?"

"Don't get me wrong, I doubt you'll ever be allowed to hold a Pokeball again," she said. "But you can see them, and talk to them. I can promise you that, at least."

"I…" Shadi's eyelids shook. The woman looked on the verge of crying, though due to gratitude or something else, it was hard to tell. "W-why are you…?"

"I told you a bunch of times, didn't I? If only your Pokemon could do it before, if no one else ever got it right..."

Inyssa smiled. Gently, she raised a hand and held it in front of her face, palm up.

"…Then I will," she said. "I see you, Shadi."

A sudden sphere of golden light materialized on her palm, burning the darkness of the house around them, and even beyond. It was so bright and potent that even the walls and ceiling started to collapse. The whole world around them burned away into little white silvers of luminescent ash, falling like rain. Even so, even though it was so strong, Shadi didn't wince or recoil from it. She stared at the light as though she saw in it something only she could see.

"I see you, and I understand you," Inyssa repeated, full of emotion. "And… I have one last truth I can give you. It's weak. You'll probably think it's useless, but if you let it… it might give you the push you need. To take that first step."

The two sisters knelt before each other amidst an endless void of luminescent white, ashes of their home falling upon them like glittering, miniscule shards of glass. There was a sudden burst of brightness from within that light, and then the two changed.

They were no longer the Shadi and Inyssa from before. They were smaller, younger, lines of suffering freshly carved onto their faces. The child Inyssa held her hand toward her adolescent sister, a tiny smile breaking through the misery she was hemmed in. And the younger Shadi reached toward it. Slowly, shakily. But there was no rush. Inyssa would wait for her patiently, for however long it took.

The sisters' hands finally grazed each other, and through that touch, the light between their fingers echoed. Shadi's skin shivered. It was so warm, so kind. It was Inyssa's final gift, a truth Shadi could not claim for herself, one that only someone who truly understood her could give her.

"I still love you, despite it all." Inyssa's voice flowed into her. "I know you regret what you've become, and that means you're capable of change. So even if just for those first few steps... I'll help you take them. You can lean on me, and I'll light the way for you.

"Let's go back together, okay?"