Born of Silicon

My brain hurts, but that means I’m alive. It feels like my entire body has been scrambled, as if every nerve has been hooked up to a random part of my body. I try and lift up my head and a dozen different muscles contract and expand randomly with a great whirring sound.

My mind isn’t any better. I feel pain, every artificial nerve screaming out for attention. And that pain is the only emotion I feel. There’s no more excitement, no more fear, no more hope. Only pain.

For agonizing hours I sit there, trying to move, to rewire my very brain to handle this new body. 

Ever so slowly I begin to understand.

I focus as hard as I can through the pain on one part at a time. I try to move random bits until my talon curls, my beak opens, my wing lifts. Slowly but surely I adapt. My nerves quiet and with all my focus I stand. 

At some point it’s as if a switch is hit and my pain disappears, only to be replaced by a burning anger. I open my eyes for the first time and see him looking worryingly at me. Why is he worried? He did this to me. This is what he wanted.

“Are you ok, Oculus?” He pretends to care.

“Angry.” Some part of my brain knows I shouldn’t be, but the anger won’t leave. A small feeling deep inside me is the only thing that keeps me from climbing up there and pecking out his eyes.

“What’s wrong?”

“Quiet.”

I’m better than this. I can’t be controlled, even by myself. I was the first out of the egg, the first to be fed, the first to trust and the first to talk. 

How dare he curse me with this. I can picture myself getting my revenge. It’d be so easy, and it’d feel so good. 

Gabriel reaches out to touch me and I lash out, taking a chunk out of his finger with my razor sharp beak. Blood sprays out, covering my new, beautiful metallic feathers in red. Gabriel pulls his hand back and yells loudly in pain.

I was right, it does feel good to get revenge. I take a step forward and flap my wings, trying to leap at him. I’m not used to my body enough to move like this, and miss. I go spiraling off onto the ground. I don’t let that stop me and stumble towards his toes. Gabriel panics and jumps onto the table I just flew off of.

“Oculus! Oculus stop! What are you doing!” 

I look up at him clutching his bleeding finger and fear in his eyes. Fear of me. Why did I do that? What’s wrong with me? My anger disappears in an instant and is replaced with a shame just as strong.

“Sorry.” I drop to the ground, unable to even pull together the energy to remain standing. 

“What’s wrong, what happened?” He slowly climbs down onto the ground, ready to jump back onto the table at any moment. 

“Nothing. Sorry.” I force myself to stand and hide myself at the back of a nearby table. Nobody should have to see me.

“Oculus, talk to me. What’s going on?” Gabriel can still see me when he ducks down, but he keeps his distance.

I don’t respond, I don’t deserve to respond. Not after what I did. What I am. Why didn’t I trust my gut? I knew this would turn out poorly, and I did nothing to stop it. The only small comfort is that I didn’t let the others go first. 

I stay there for days while Gabriel tries to coax me out. I’m so deep in my sorrow that I barely notice his words. Over the course of those days my sorrow slowly fades until suddenly, as if another switch was pulled, it disappears, leaving me feeling nothing.

I finally stand up and walk over to Gabriel to start climbing up his leg as if nothing ever happened.

“Oculus?” Gabriel looks down in surprise at me climbing him. “How are you feeling?” He reaches down and offers me his finger instead of having to climb, which I take. Within a second I’m perched on his shoulder just like I always was.

“Ok.” I respond. I’m feeling nothing right now, but it’s better than what I was.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“No.”

“Alright.” I can tell he wants to ask more questions but doesn't want me to react poorly again. Especially when I’m on his shoulder. 

“Machine bad.”

“Yeah, don’t worry. We’re not going to put the others through that.”

“Good.” 

I can feel he still believes that this technology could save people, but I know none of the others are as strong as me. They would not survive.

From here Corax’s memories become fragmented, as if his subconscious is resisting reliving these memories. I’d be fine with him keeping his past to himself, but I’m unable to stem the flood of his memories into my mind.

I catch glimpses of him and Gabriel working together to blunt his emotions, and to get used to only feeling one at a time. Though Corax relapses sometimes, just like me, he makes quick progress. 

Then comes the memories he fights the hardest to keep to himself. I catch enough glimpses to piece together a timeline of events. Storms come more and more often, and even when Gabriel can leave, he always comes back with less food. He gives everything he could to the birds, even at the expense of himself. I see him growing thinner with every new flash of memory.

Finally a storm comes, large enough to entirely bury the building they’re in. Corax can feel a growing certainty. They will not survive the storm.

“Oculus, come here.” Gabriel calls to me with barely enough strength to stay awake.

I fly onto his shoulder, knowing this will be the last time we talk. There’s nothing to say and nothing I can do can change the inevitable. With the last of his strength he reaches one finger to the back of my neck. 

“I don’t want you to see this, sorry.”

The memory ends. 

The next time I awaken I’m outside, for the first time since I hatched. I know everyone is gone. 

“Hey boss! Take a look! This one works!” A man cries from above me. 

I don’t wait to see any more. I take off with one powerful sweep of my wings and ascend into the great blue. The man tries to grab me but he’s far too slow. I’m on my own now, I’m not going to be kept down by anyone. 

I glide far above the barren earth. In the distance I can see storms of sand and lightning, they’re easy enough to avoid however.

I don’t know where I’m going, just that I need to go. It’s that or think about what happened, and I can’t do that alone. If I fall into a sad emotion, I won’t be able to pull myself out of it.

After days of travel I can feel my energy beginning to wane. Not having a way to recharge myself is one of Gabriel’s biggest oversights. Maybe if I fly long enough I’ll find a way to fix his mistake. 

As the last of my power drains I finally come across a great land of scrap. Towering hills, far larger than the room I once called home, are laid out in front of me.

I guess this is what I’ve been looking for. If I’m going to find a way to recharge myself anywhere, it’d be here. 

As I search my wings no longer have the power to flap, and I gently glide down to the only people I can find. I don’t have a good feeling about them, but it’s my only choice.

“Battery.” I croak out as my consciousness begins to fade.

“Oh, Case is going to love you.”

Corax’s memories become twisted and distorted from there. Full of a primal anger and violence, just like the dog I met so long ago. Someone twisted him, turned him into a living weapon, a guard dog for a castle. 

The man responsible is ever on his mind, Case. Many people looking like him try to enter the castle, but no matter how many he kills, they keep coming.

Corax knows a lot about him, more machine than man, he rules his castle with an iron fist. Any perceived slight against him and he turns you into a living processor. Fully conscious, but can do nothing except follow the commands of the machine you’re tied into. 

Corax’s memories return to normal just a little after he escaped. The only flashes of memory that exist from his escape is a storm knocking out the power for a moment, then flashes of bullets and blood.

I’m free once again, free to roam and free to fly. I should leave, but something keeps me here. Some feeling telling me against all reason that it's better to stay than to leave.

Going against my feelings has only brought me pain.

I make a small nest to hide in, and fly back into the air. I follow my gut like a compass, leading me in circles for much of the night. 

Finally, standing just outside a blown out concrete house with another human, I find what I’ve been looking for. A woman with nearly pure white skin stands guard. Her movements aren’t smooth like the other beside her, they have the subtle jerkiness I’ve come to know with my own body. She’s like me.

I cry out in relief without thinking, only to quickly stop. The ones who captured me are likely still searching. I observe her all night, listening, learning. The one she’s with goes inside, only to be replaced with another. I need to be prepared, to know all I can about them. I don’t doubt my feeling, but just rushing in is sure to go poorly. 

Night turns to day and yet I still watch from my hidden perch. In the morning one of them runs off, only to return a little later. Four of them prepare for something while the fifth runs off once again. She returns with many men in tow, leading them to the slaughter.

Even from here I can feel my goal’s discomfort. She runs around the back of the house, unaware of the single man who broke off from the rest to come from behind. She kills him.

The runner comes to check on her, only to be shot as well. My goal runs off while the runner looks more angry than hurt.

I follow my goal just a little down the paths, only to see her fighting ghosts in her mind. Perhaps she’s not the one I’m looking for, she’s too unstable. I must have misread my feelings, I must be searching for another.

Deep into the night I follow my gut. It still demands I stay, but offers no direction. 

A net fired from a hidden gun atop a scrap mountain envelops me. My wing breaks on the ground once again. Three men surround me, men I recognize, I can see the anger in their eyes. 

I’m saved by my goal.

One or both of our subconsciousness decide to end it there and I return to my own body. I lay in the frozen grass in front of the castle. My body is no longer a monster. I’m myself, but with large chunks of my back and limbs still missing. Corax stands above me, fury in his face, but no longer directed at me. 

“Corax?” I choke out in a half conscious state. 

“Blue. Unplug. Safe soon.” He pulls a map out of his pocket of the bunker my physical body is in. It shows a path to where Corax is plugged into whatever mainframe is down here. He turns without another word and heads into the castle.