111. The Agony of Almost
I blinked, the familiar lighting of my room at the Jade Harmony Inn slowly coming into focus. The warm, golden glow from the lantern on the nightstand cast gentle shadows across the walls, wrapping me in a comforting embrace.
For a moment, I wondered if it had all been a dream. If the intense battle, the desperate struggle, and the bitter defeat were mere figments of my imagination, conjured by my anxieties.
A fleeting hope stirred within me. Maybe I hadn't lost. Maybe the final round was a hallucination, a product of my restless mind. I sat up slowly, the bed creaking beneath me. But as I moved, a sharp pain flared in my chest, drawing a wince from my lips.
I glanced down, pulling aside the loose fabric of my robe. There it was—bruising at my sternum, dark and stark against my skin. The exact spot where Jingyu Lian's needle had struck. Reality crashed down on me with a cold, unyielding certainty.
It was real. The final round had happened, and I lost.
I moved to sit up, each muscle protesting with a dull ache. The bruising on my chest, a stark reminder of Jingyu Lian's final strike, sent a fresh wave of nausea through me. It wasn't just the physical pain; it was the sting of failure, the bitter taste of what if.
What if I had reacted faster?
What if I had anticipated her last move?
What if I had simply been better?
The memories of the battle swirled in my mind, each detail etched with painful clarity: the searing heat of the fire zone, the acrid scent of the paralyzing poison, the chilling finality of Jingyu Lian's gaze. I could still feel the poison's tendrils coursing through my veins, leaving a trail of weakness and regret in their wake.
A heavy sigh escaped my lips, the sound echoing in the quiet room. I had come so far, fought so hard, only to be brought down in the final moments.
The door creaked open, and Feng Wu's concerned face appeared. His eyes immediately fell on me, and his brow furrowed with worry. He stepped inside, the gentle click of the door closing behind him echoing in the quiet room.
"Kai," he began, his voice laced with a gentle concern as he approached the bedside. He reached out, hesitating for a moment before resting a comforting hand on my shoulder. "How are you feeling?"
I mustered a lopsided grin, the effort tugging at the corners of my mouth like a rusty hinge. "Eh, could be worse," I quipped, injecting a false cheeriness into my tone. "At least I didn't get flattened by a runaway pill furnace like Tian Zhu."
Feng Wu's lips quirked into a half-smile, but his eyes remained troubled. "That's one way to look at it," he acknowledged. He paused, studying my face intently. "But honestly, Kai, how are you really holding up?"
I shrugged, the movement sending a dull ache through my bruised chest. My voice caught in my throat, and I had to clear it before I could speak. "Oh, you know, just contemplating a career change," I joked, the words tasting bitter on my tongue. "Maybe a professional pillow tester? I've had plenty of practice in the last few hours."
His expression softened, the hint of amusement replaced by a look of empathy.
"Kai..."
"It's fine, Feng Wu," I interrupted, forcing a laugh that sounded more like a choked sob. "I'm just kidding. It's just a competition, right? No big deal."
I couldn't fool him. He knew me too well.
He didn't say anything, just nodded slowly, his eyes filled with understanding.
"I know it's hard. You gave it everything you had. Sometimes, that's all we can do."
As he spoke, he gently set down Tianyi, who fluttered her blue wings and settled on the edge of the bed, sending waves of concern through our link. From his sleeve, Windy slithered out, the pure-white serpent curling around Feng Wu's arm before making his way toward me.
"Spend some time with them," Feng Wu said, his voice softening. "They've been worried about you too."
Silence hung between us for a moment, heavy and oppressive. I could see the sympathy in Feng Wu's eyes, the desire to say something that would make it all better.
But there were no words that could erase the sting of defeat.
"I'll give you some time to work it out," he said finally, his voice soft. "Take the time you need. Process this. You'll come back stronger, I know it."
"Thank you."
He gave me a small, encouraging smile before turning to leave. As the door closed behind him, the room fell into silence once more. I leaned back against the pillows, staring at the ceiling, my mind a tumult of thoughts and emotions.
Tianyi nuzzled my cheek, and Windy tightened his coil slightly, as if to offer comfort. I had lost. There was no denying that. But how I chose to move forward from this moment would define me more than the defeat itself.
I took a deep breath, trying to shift my focus away from the sting of loss. "Well," I murmured, forcing a smile, "looks like we have some free time. Maybe it's a good thing. I can finally catch up on sleep, maybe even read a book that isn't about alchemy or combat for once."
The two spirit beasts looked at me, listening to my words.
"Yeah, maybe losing isn't so bad. I mean, I don't have to deal with the pressure of being the Grand Alchemy Gauntlet Champion. No more expectations, no more eyes watching my every move."
I chuckled, but it was a brittle sound, cracking in the quiet room. "I can just... relax. Take it easy for a while. Go back to the village and expand the garden. I'd be able to build that greenhouse now."
But as I spoke, the words started to blur, the forced positivity crumbling under the weight of reality. My vision wavered, and I blinked rapidly, trying to clear the sudden haze. A single tear slipped down my cheek, followed by another, and then more, until they were streaming freely.
I brushed at them with the back of my hand, frustration bubbling up. "Damn it," I whispered, my voice breaking. "I was so close. So damn close."
The pain in my chest wasn't just from the bruising anymore. It was deeper, a hollow ache that gnawed at my heart. The image of Jingyu Lian standing victorious, the cheers of the crowd ringing in my ears, replayed over and over in my mind.
I tried to tell myself it was just a setback, that I'd come back stronger. But the rationalizations felt empty, mere echoes in the vast chasm of my disappointment. The fight, the effort, the dreams—all felt shattered, scattered like ashes in the wind.
For the first time in a long while, I allowed myself to simply feel. To mourn the loss, to acknowledge the pain. The path to healing, I knew, would be long and arduous. But it was a path I had to walk, one step at a time.
"I'll get through this. Somehow. But right now... it just hurts."
In that moment, I allowed the grief to wash over me, knowing that only by facing it head-on could I ever hope to overcome it.
I stared dumbly at the pile of gifts and letters on my table. It was a mountain of silk, parchment, and gleaming metal.
"This... It's all for me?"
Feng Wu chuckled. "There's been a veritable flood since the final round, Kai. I've spent most of my time fending off well-wishers and merchants eager to shower you with their wares." He gestured towards the teetering stacks. "I barely managed to keep them from turning our room into a bazaar."
I reached for one of the letters, my fingers trembling slightly. The envelope was made of fine parchment. With a careful hand, I broke the seal and unfolded the letter inside.
"Dear Kai Liu," I read aloud, "Congratulations on your remarkable performance in the Grand Alchemy Gauntlet. We are in awe of your skills and potential. Enclosed is a gift—a robe crafted from the finest silks. We hope you will keep us in mind for your future clothing needs. With admiration, the Golden Thread Textile Company."
I set the letter down and unfolded the robe. It was beautiful, made of rich, deep blue silk that shimmered in the light. The embroidery was intricate, depicting scenes of nature in silver and gold thread. I ran my fingers over the fabric, feeling the quality and craftsmanship.
"Why?" I asked, looking up at Feng Wu. "Why would they send me something like this? I lost!"
Feng Wu smiled, a knowing look in his eyes. "You've made quite an impression, Kai. Companies, sects, clans, they all see your potential, and know you'll likely be a significant figure in the years to come. These gifts and favors are investments in your future."
I nodded slowly, absorbing his words. It made sense, in a way. My performance in the Gauntlet had put me on the map, so to speak. These companies were betting on my future success.
I opened more letters, each one offering congratulations and gifts. There were high-grade herbs from a renowned apothecary, a set of alchemical tools from a prominent merchant family, and even a small box of precious stones from a mining consortium. Each gift came with a letter, expressing admiration and extending offers of future collaboration.
As I sorted through the gifts and letters, one particular envelope caught my eye. It was sealed with blue wax in the shape of a crescent moon. My heart sank. I carefully broke the seal and unfolded the letter inside.
"Dear Kai Liu," I read quietly, the words dripping with subtle venom. "Congratulations on your impressive performance in the Grand Alchemy Gauntlet. Despite your unfortunate defeat, your skills and determination were truly remarkable. It is with great admiration that I present to you a token of my respect. May it serve you well in your future endeavors."
I stared at the small beast core nestled in the envelope. My hands trembled with confusion and shock as I read the signature at the bottom.
"All the best... Sect Leader Jun of the Silent Moon Sect?"
Feng Wu's eyes darkened as he took the letter from my hands, scanning its contents. "That man is playing mind games," he muttered.
I stared at the letter, trying to make sense of it. "Sect Leader? How is he calling himself a Sect Leader now?"
He shook his head, a deep frown etched on his face. "I don't know all the details, but he interrupted the announcement of Jingyu Lian's victory, declaring himself the new Sect Leader of the Silent Moon Sect. He introduced four new elders—powerful figures who we've never seen or heard of before."
A knot of unease tightened in my stomach. "What does this mean for us, Feng Wu?"
The second-class disciple sighed, the worry lines on his face deepening. "I'm not sure, Kai. It's unsettling, to say the least. I've already sent a letter back to the sect informing them of the news, but I'll likely have to head back soon to relay the information myself."
He looked at me, his expression softening. "Time is of essence. Before we leave, do you have any loose ends to tie up? Anyone you'd like to say farewell to?"
I took a deep breath, my mind racing through the possibilities. There were people I needed to see, gifts to buy, and farewells to make. But the thought of facing everyone, especially after my defeat, was daunting.
"Yeah," I finally said, my voice steadying. "I'll spend today doing what I need to do."
Feng Wu nodded, understanding in his eyes. "Take your time, Kai. I'll prepare for our departure in the meanwhile."
With a final nod, I gathered my resolve and left the inn, Tianyi perched on my shoulder and Windy coiled around my arm. The bustling streets of the city greeted me, a stark contrast to the quiet solitude of my room.
As I stepped into the crowded streets, whispers and stares followed me like shadows. People recognized me, their eyes filled with curiosity and admiration. It was an odd feeling, being acknowledged and even revered by strangers. But beneath their gazes, I felt a creeping sense of embarrassment. I had lost the Gauntlet. How could I face them with pride?
Swallowing my nerves, I walked quickly toward the market, my heart pounding with each step. The lively atmosphere was a welcome distraction, with vendors shouting out their wares and children laughing as they played. I needed to focus on something other than my own turmoil.
My first stop was the Azure Silk Trading Company. The building stood tall and imposing. I stepped inside, the cool air and rich aroma of exotic goods enveloping me.