Bleach: Inconceivable Existence!

"Alright everyone, gather around so that I can properly explain the plan." I said with a clap of my hands as our team, now also consisting of Shiba Ganju who had just told us about his tragic backstory, gathered around me. "Now then, in about few moments we will enter the giant firework launcher of miss Kūkaku and will be shot at the barrier encompassing Seireitei so I need to tell you guys what we need to do in case this whole human firework plan doesn't end with our very flashy and fiery deaths."

"Oi, are you implying that the plan I made isn't gonna work?" Kūkaku asked with a growl and I simply smiled at her.

"Not at all, but I am implying there is a certain person who is very bad at controlling his power and therefore might end up causing our fiery and flashy deaths." I said as I directly looked at Ichigo, who was averting gaze while gritting his teeth.

"Carry on then."

"Thank you." I said with a smile and a clap of gratitude. "As I was saying we need a proper plan. Now, our goal is to save our dear friend Rukia who has been sentenced to be executed for the heinous crime of giving her powers to our other dear friend here; mister carrot top."

"Screw you!"

"No thank you, you are severely lacking in certain equipments I like in my partners while having another that I'm not interested in." I said with my nose turned up, uncaring of how Chad had to hold Ichigo back after my words. "Moving on, our goal is to save Rukia but there is one very important detail that makes this endeavor impossible as long as we do not correct it. We have no idea where she's being held." Which was a very big obstacle in our way, even if I technically knew where she was since I had no way to logically explain how I knew that.

"Meaning that our first priority is to gather information but obviously the nice Shinigami's, who are trying to have our friend executed, won't just sit on cushy cushions while we are trying to get our needed information. Meaning we need a way to not only get the Shinigamis confused about our presence. Meaning, that we need to split up and for somebody to act as the bait." In explained as plainly as I could.

"Split up? Isn't that the reason everyone dies in horror movies?" And my adorable apprentice Tatsuki made a compelling point with one of her eyebrows raised, looking like she was judging me and judging me hard.

"It is but this isn't a horror movie." I said with a roll of my eyes. "Not to mention the barrier will end up causing our sphere to dissolve for a moment after we get through it so the chances of us not splitting up is less than five percent." I explained my reasoning, even giving some bullshit percentage with confidence of my meta knowledge. "Moving on, we need one of our members to act as a living bait that will just cause a shitstorm instead of trying to save Rukia and get all the big bad strong Shinigami's attention on themselves. Since I am the strongest member of our group, that role obviously falls to me." I graciously explained and took the most dangerous upon myself, cause o was gracious.

"Wait a minute?" But then I was ungraciously interrupted by one carrot top delinquent. "Who died and made you the strongest?"

"While it does pain me to agree with Kurosaki on any matter, I must concur. You are not aware of how much we have improved since we last saw each other, there is a very good chance that I am the strongest here." The resident glasses also threw his five cents in.

"You?! No way you're stronger than me!" Getting the ire of Ichigo as well.

"Okay, let's cut this short." I said with a clap of my hands before pointing at Ishida. "You are the moron that thought it was a good idea to release a hollow bait in a highly populated area. You are basically the first arc villain that got beaten by the protagonists and forced to join the team through the power of violence, no way you are the strongest member." I could practically see each of my words turning into arrows and stabbing the bespectacled Quincy in the heart, the disappointed gazes of the rest of our team definitely didn't help. "When it comes to Chad, Orihime and Tatsuki it isn't anything against them but they are rookies. They had their powers for less than a month, so even getting to their current level is pretty impressive. As a matter of fact, let's all take a moment to congratulate our friends for their accomplishments." Then I started to clap but only Orihime clapped alongside with me. God bless that sweet summer child.

"Lastly Ichigo… you made it very clear that I was the stronger one when I had to save your butt from becoming shish kebab at the end of that captain's sword." I said with a mild glare at the substitute Shinigami who averted his gaze.

"Now that's cleared, let me continue. Even though I will definitely do a spectacular job as the bait, there is no way for me to get all the Shinigamis so you guys will have to fight too. Now listen carefully, there is pretty much no Shinigami on the level of mooks that can be a serious threat to anyone here so there are two kinds of Shinigami you guys will have to be careful of." I said with a nod before gesturing to my shoulder. "First are the lieutenants who all will have a band on their arms with their squad's number on it. Against them I would give Ichigo and Ishida around seventy to eighty percent chances while the rest of you guys would have somewhere around forty to sixt percent. So they are threats but you guys should be able to deal with them if you guys don't act like morons and underestimate them."

"The second group you guys have to be wary of are the captains, they will all have a white haori over their standard uniforms, and you guys have basically no chance against them." I said bluntly, uncaring of the glared of Ishida and Ichigo. "These guys are the cream of the crop and the best thing you guys can do is to distract them with something ridiculous and hightail out of there. I'm serious, the best chance any of you have against a captain is still below two digits while they are underestimating you. Don't fight captains." I ended with a glare, hoping that I got my point across to the more prideful members of the groups.

Other than me, none of our members actually had a chance against any of the captains. Maybe against Zaraki who always held back or Kurotsuchi who was not arrogant and not a combat specialist Ichigo and Ishida might have about ten percent of a chance due to the Quincy's power glove BS and Ichigo's existence BS. But that was it, any of the other captains would wreck them.

"Oh, sorry; I forgot one last group. There is one guy where any of those rules do not apply to." I said as I realized my mistake. "If you guys end up face to face with a captain that looks older than dirt, forget everything I told you. Just get on your knees, plant your head on the ground and start begging for your pathetic lives while praying that the old man is in a good mood." I really didn't want to imagine how fast things would go to shit if someone ended up pissing off Old Man Genocide.

"One old man, seriously?" Ichigo asked with a raised eyebrow and I got the immense urge to punch him in the face.

*SLASH*

"GAH!" But Yoruichi's claws ended up getting there sooner.

"Listen to Cain. The old man he's talking about is Yamamoto Shigekuni Genryūsai, the captain commander of the Got 13 and the strongest Shinigami alive bar none. If he actually gets involved we fail, end of the story."

"The only reason the Quincy Culling two hundred years ago is called a war is because that man didn't get involved." My words immediately had the attention of Ishida. "If he had gotten involved it would have been called 'That time captain commander got up and committed a small genocide before going back home before his dinner got cold'. That man is to us what that Menos Grande hollow Ishida's bait ended up attracting is to normal humans, no contest." I said with a snort. "Now, let's go." Then turned around to the Kūkaku's cannon and walked towards it, leaving the rest of our group shaken at that nice little tidbit I had revealed.

----------------

For those who like my stories, please check out my Patreon where one can become a patron and get the right to vote for which of my stories will get a guaranteed update for the next week or even vote for which one of my snippets will become proper stories and now even get to see my Patreon exclusive lewd short stories that will come out at least once a month! Not to mention every patron is a sign of support for my, in my opinion, subpar stories to get better! Also you guys can get to see my new patron only story, Imprisoned.

patreon.com/user?u=25343580