Believe In The Weird and Wild (Star vs. the Forces of Evil x Steven U)

Summary: Hands are the best, everything else has caviots.

Ludo watched as, once more, his minions proved incapable of taking a single wand from a teenage girl. Sure she may have had help from a 'karate kid' or something like that, but the point stood that they had the advantage in number and age. They weren't crazy people trying to take on River Butterfly.

"I've got you know!" Bear Dear shouted like a moron as they got rid of a sneak attack from behind.

"Bacon Kitty Hawaiian NIGHTMARE!" The girl shouted, shooting off what really did look like a Hawaian nightmare. "Seriously Ludo, you need to give up, you'll never win, because we're awesome."

"Heeeeyah!" The karate boy chopped Crocodile Face right on the snout. "It's really saying something when this starts feeling more like a morning workout than an actual threat to my life.

"Would you stop … rubbing it in?" He could hear the sparks his teeth were making. "Someone grab that wand, no matter the cost!" Ludo was losing it, he was sure he was going to snap soon.

"Don't worry boss, red boy is ready for action!" The bumbling oaf Lobster Claws scuttled his way over to the girl as Beard Deer scooped the girl up from behind. "The claws are made for snatching!" He grabbed…Beard Deer's antlers instead of the wand.

"Are you blind!? How the hell do you miss something right in front of you!?" Ludo was used to incompetentence, but he couldn't handle childish stupidity. 

"Probably the same way you guys miss us coming right at yah! Butterfly Bomb!" A pink bubble crashed into the ground followed by and explosion that sent everyone back. "Hope we didn't miss too much." Quartz Butterfly and a girl with a pink sword came out of the smoke.

"Oh come on! Two at a time was hard enough, but four!? That's just overkill!" Ludo shouted from his spot in the sky on his bat drone. It was just a typical day of invading the hooded human's home to steal the Butterfly's wand, where it should've just been Star and that Karate kid they were dealing with. Now they had to deal with Quartz the explosion boy and green bush duo.

"Didn't you bring …" The Butterfly started to count. "Eleven, twelve, thirteen. Thirteen guys to fight two?"

"I said don't rub it in!" Ludo shrieked at him. "It's one thing to deal with one magic user and one normal fighter, that I'm used to by now, but two magic users and two normal fighters is out of my comfort zone!"

"I'm not normal." Bush girl shrugged, her hair forming into whips that beat up two more minions. "I'm awesome."

"Great having you around more, bro! Anything new at home?" Star asked as if she wasn't sending rainbow fists into Buff Frog's gut.

"Not really, 'cept Omnitrackis told mom about me finding the armory, so now she's even more strict about me using Lion." Quartz held Chicken Head above himself and tossed him aside. "Luckily, as stated earlier, Lion does whatever he wants. Isn't that Lion?" 

Ludo looked to the pink lion standing next to him, gazing into his soul, then resting for slumber. "... I'm gonna be honest, i'm a little intimidated." Ludo admitted, letting his bat carry him back a bit.

"Eh, he's not too bad, just stop trying to attack us and give him a lion licker, and he's chill for the most part." The bush girl said, sending a punch into Bearnicorn's jaw.

"My entire life's goal is taking your wand! Just give it to me and I'll stop attacking!" He had no idea why they were being so unreasonable.

"You know, they say doing the same thing over and over again is defined as insanity." The prince looked to the sky as it created a bubble bomb to blast away Boo Fly. "Might be time to switch goals is all I'm…Star look out!" Three eyed baby face was in the middle of charging at the princess as Quartz's hand….from ten feet away…slapped the monster away.

"Thanks for the save bro …" Star blinked, looking at how far away her brother was, then down at the hands that stretched. "AAAAHHHHHHH!!!" The two siblings screamed at the top of their lungs.

"Alright, we've officially crossed the line where I stop caring about anything." Ludo covered his ears as he opened a portal. "Another failure everyone, you know the drill." The monsters began the all too familiar practice of the walk of shame. "That's right morons, keep it going….except you." Ludo stopped Lobster Claws from entering. "You're fired."

"What?! But why!?"

"Because out of everyone in this band of screwups, you've screwed up the most! The wand was right in front of you! And look at yourself, you're still holding Beard deer's antler!"

"Please, give me a second chance! I can do better!" They pleaded.

"This WAS your second chance, after the wrestling fiasco!"

"Oh yeah, you were there." The green pile of hair pondered. "You got completely crushed."

"Wait, you're just going to leave one of your own behind?" The karate kid asked. "That's a little harsh, you think?"

"Oh boo hoo, shouldn't you be focused on that mess?" He gestured to the giant extended arm Star was trying to gather into a single pile, both of the siblings still screaming.

"Why did my arm turn into a noodle!?" Quartz shouted.

"…Touché." Ludo left after that, ignoring the intense sobbing of his former minion. Eh, the big baby would get over it, or get turned to sea food. Like he said, Ludo was beyond caring by this point.

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Glossaryck really wasn't a morning person. He wasn't much of an afternoon or night person either, or even what some might say a people person, but he had a duty to help those in the Butterfly family, whether or not they actually were Butterfly's. 

Not to mention he and Rose Quartz had a silent but mutual pact when it came to preserving secrets for one end or another, so he supposed he'd help her son out of respect for his deceased ally.

Especially if it stopped the screaming. "HELP, MY BROTHER HIS ARMS ARE NOODLES!"

"I can feel more carpet rug than i've ever felt in my life!!" Yes, very annoying screaming indeed.

"Calm down, you didn't break your arms, you just stretched them."

"Just stretched them?! My arms feel like putty and I can't lift them!" The prince shouted.

"Well clearly you're not trying hard enough." Glosseryck shrugged.

"Wow, you were right, the guy is an asshole." Kelly deadpanned. "No wonder you hate him."

"That's only half the reason." Quartz rolled his eyes. "The other half is because he keeps reminding me I'm adopted by supposedly knowing my 'real family'."

"Just a slip up, I only tell people what they need to know." It would push the kid in the right direction eventually.

"Ah, guys l know we're dealing with one freaky situation, but that lobster guy is still outside, and he hasn't stopped crying." Marco looked out the window. 

"As soon as Glosseryck tells me how to fix my arms, I'm gonna go hug him." Quartz spoke up.

"There's nothing to fix." The man shrugged. "You wanted long arms, you have long arms." They made it sound so complex for some reason.

"But…why...?" Star groaned. "He's never done anything like this before."

"Because he's never had a reason to shapeshift before." 

Everyone looked at the boy and then at Glossaryck. "I can shapeshift?"

"Of course you can shapeshift, you became a spiky pink dinosaur and grew stars on your cheek as a child."

"You turned into what now?" Kelly asked, curious.

"Mewberty …" Marco shivered. "Wasn't pretty."

"Every girl looked like bacon and I just stuck them up with chips and soda."

"That's…terrifyingly flattering." The green haired girl shook her head. "But if this is just another power you have, then all you need to do is think of your arms as normal arms, right?"

"Alright, let me try." The boy closed his eyes. "Focus … small … compact … normal …" The arms slowly retracted until they were back to normal, everyone watching in fascination. "Yes, it worked, I did it!"

"Meow." The boy froze, looking down at his hand to find one of his fingers having a cat head. "Meow."

"You let your mind wander, didn't you?" Glossaryck deadpanned.

"Sorry, I wanted to think of something adorable first to get rid of all the freaked out emotions, and the cutest thing I could think of was a cat."

"Aww, who's a cute little girl?" Star began petting the finger. "You are. Yes you are, yes you are."

"This is so freaky." Marco sent a single finger right towards the cat head, only to reel himself back with a sneeze. "It's triggering my cat allergies, how real is this thing?"

"About as real as the young Butterfly wants to make it." He shrugged. "So are we all good now, can I go back to my nap and ignore the monster crying outside?"

"You barely acknowledge anything else, why stop now?" Quartz looked about as irritated as Solaria would sometimes get at him, which was hilarious considering that queen's relationship with Rose Quartz.

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"Lobster Claws, please stop trying to eat Quartz's finger!" Marco pleaded with the abandoned monster minion as he chased the prince around the backyard. The process of walking the red guy through the steps of redemption were tenuous at best, with every attempt they made to help him ended with something getting smashed to pieces or swallowed alive.

"Wait, that's his finger? I thought that was just a tiny cat no one would mind going missing."

"You're not supposed to eat cats either!" Quartz shouted to Lobster Claws. "I know you're used to living in the forest, but out in public, we try to keep eating things alive to a minimum."

"Really? So I can't even eat a really annoying kid that nobody likes?" Marco had to quell the temptation to say Jeremy Burbum's name out loud as an acceptable loss.

"Quartz, I know you got this crazy theory that we can talk to monsters like they're people, but he's a bad guy!" Star tried to inject. "We should just blast him then shove him into the forest of certain death, then we can go to more important things, like your finger's new friends."

"Star we can't just-New friends?" The boy looked down to see that now three of his fingers were cats.

"Mew." Was the collective call of five cat heads spread across Quartz's fingers, cutely but creepily meowing in unison. 

"Agh! I thought I stopped thinking about cats!"

"Hey, don't freak out too much, Quartz, just relax." Kelly patted the boy's back. "Just relax and think of normal fingers."

"Normal fingers….normal fingers…just regular Quartz fingers….and not fingers of tiny me-heads, just plain flesh stub fingers." Quartz wiggled his right arm and opened his palm as the cat fingers disappeared…and was replaced with a giant cat head on his right and five tiny cat heads on his left. "Aaaaaaaaggggggggghhhhj!" The fact the cat's looked happy even with all the screaming made it all the more creepy.

"Why don't you just drown them?" Lobster Claws suggested. "Since you don't want them, and eating them is off the table, water would make them go away, right?"

"That's horrible, I can't just troture them out of existence." The boy whined.

"Well Lobster Claws would think that, because he's a monster, unredeemable." Star continued to press.

"Star, everyone that works for Ludo are mostly just a bunch of guys that want to sleep under a roof instead of a tree." Quartz defended. "If he goes back to Mewni, he'll get rejected by the others and chased out by Mewmans. If someone's hurting, I'd like to do my part to take away the pain."

"Besides, he just got fired, without Ludo, he has no reason to be evil, right?" Marco asked the monster.

"Yeah, except I kind of do hate Star in general for all the times she's punched me in the face and laughed." That was fair.

"Well we've been at this for a whole hour and he keeps eating kids, destroying property, or getting beat up by the police." Kelly added on. "Not taking any sides here FYI, just stating the obvious."

"Hey, trying to be a good person is a lot of work, believe me, I know." Marco responded. "It's a step by step process where you need to have patience. Sometimes it takes years…."

"Years? I thought we were going to be done with this by the end of the day." Lobster Claws scratched his chin. "Life is much easier when I'm just beating someone up when I'm angry."

"On that we can agree!" Star shouted. "Come on Quartz, let's just forget this monster talk stuff and just go back to…" Everyone turned to see another giant cat head that had grown out of the side of Quartz's face. "Ah Quartz…you got a little…"

"I know…" Quartz responded with a bit of a bitter sounding voice. "Marco, I'm going to use the bathroom…and I'm going to be there for a while." Ugh, he didn't need to have that picture in his head right now.

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"Come on, I need to wash my hands!" Going to the bathroom just by itself was awkward with these cute but irritating pests constantly watching him with judgement, but they were absolutely USELESS when it came to using them as actual fingers.

" HISSSS!" All the cat heads screeched at him in anger, but he couldn't care less about what they thought.

"I can't eat, I can't grip anything, and you're always looking at me with judgment! Is this how Heckapoo feels about lion?" He idly thought out loud as he managed to turn the handle for the sink. "Now this'll only be for just a quick…"

" Meerrraagggh!" The cats screeched at him fiercely and actual bit into the parts of his fingers that were still his skin.

"Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry!" He reeled his arm back. "Cat fingers, why the heck did I even come up with that idea?"

"Hey Quartz, you doing alright in there?"Kelly's voice came from the other side of the door as she knocked. "You didn't fall in or anything, right."

"Come on, I'm too old to be something as silly as that." He countered back.

"Oh right, I forgot about how mature you are, Mr. Tiger Millionaire." The girl laughed. He was never going to live that down, was he? He sighed as he patted himself off with a towel, ignoring the minor hissing as he walked out of the room and passed by Star's room. "So are we just putting the whole cat head thing on hold while we deal with crab butt?"

"For the most part, yeah." Quartz shrugged. "This is the first time I met a monster that's actually willing to try and change, even if he's had a bit of a rough start."

"You must be the biggest optimist in the world if you still believe he can change after he's put like six kids in his mouth in one hour." Kelly said with an eyebrow raised.

"I just … hate fighting." The boy said. "I get why people do it but I feel uncomfortable whenever it happens. People get hurt, someone loses, and in worst case scenarios people die. I get if it's a ravenous animal but… monsters talk, there's gotta be good in them."

"You know what, you're right! There is no good in me!" Lobster Claws shouted from downstairs, making Quartz peek his head down but staying hidden. "I am evil, and I shouldn't be helping people, I should be trying to destroy them, you in particular."

"Exactly, and I want everything to go back to that too!" Star agreed HORRIBLY! "If it's that hard for you to be good, then don't even bother! You're better off just being another one of Ludo's lackeys."

"Tell me about it, but he still hates my guts."

"Don't worry about it, I'll bait him back to earth and we can fake you fighting me. You get a couple of nicks in, Ludo and your monster buddies get super impressed, and we can all go back to beating you up on an almost daily basis."

"She … wants to … what?" They were making progress. Genuine progress with helping this guy. But that wasn't going to happen was it? Because his sister has to be an idiot!

"Mreooow!" Why does she always disagree!? It hurts fighting monsters that are just looking for a place to live. Sure Ludo was a jerk, but this guy was actually trying to change!!

"Quartz, buddy, calm down." He could hear Kelly speak.

"Yeah mean, the cats are … growing." Tad added in.

"So that's it? When things get too hard, you just give up?" Quartz could barely notice the heads growing more and more around his body, or the slight sting in his spine with the spikes growing bigger. "You just give up on people that easily, like it's no big deal!?"

"Quartz!" Kelly yelled out to him, but they fell on deaf ears as he fell to the ground, the only thing that was on his mind now was anger, and prey.

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Alright, the bait had been laid. No Quartz or Marco around, and she acted overdramatic about being defenseless. Now it was just a matter of waiting for Ludo to show up. Any second now …

"Star Butterfly!" Hah, way too easy! Ludo was almost too easy to predict, sometimes it almost hurt.

"You and your minions won't be able to touch me, just like last time Ludo!" She aimed her wand. She waited a few seconds. "I said JUST LIKE LAST TIME, LUDO!"

"Not so fast!" And in came the monster of the hour. "Fear not boss, I've got this." Wow, this guy was terrible at acting. She'd fire him too if the whole plan wasn't about pulling this act off. 

"No, you'll never defeat me!" Star said in 'worry', generically waving the wand at Lobster Claws while he threw air punches that she pretended landed. "Ahhh, how are you so strong?!"

"Whoa, quite impressive." That big frog watched from the sidelines with awe.

"Yes, yes, clearly there's been marked improvement." Either she was the best actor in the universe or these guys were dumb. She liked to think it was a mix of both, even if it was probably the latter. "But you're still forgetting about the part where you grabbed the wand!" Looks like they would have to kick it up a notch…

The door was opened, Kelly rushing out before slamming it shut, looking scared and ruffed up. "Hey Star, bit of a problem."

"Kinda in the middle of something." She gestured to the 'fight' between her and Lobster Claws.

"Your brother is a monster!" Tad shouted from the hairline. "A Catziilla!"

Now she needed to put her foot down. "Alright, I don't know what your deal is, but my brother is a kind and innocent soul going through a lot right now!" Just a really hopeful guy that put his faith in the wrong things at times.

"Aarrrrrgggghhhhh!" The wall burst open, crumbling down to pieces as a fifteen foot beast on all fours crashed through. It's body looked solely made up of cat heads and various other feline like features, save for the glowing neon shades spikes sticking out of its back. "Staaaaaaarrrrrr!"

"Quartz??!?!" She shouted in shock and fear, backing up as the beast took a swing at her that Star barely dodged. "What the heck happened to him!?"

"We overheard your entire plan and that got him angry!" Kelly called out to her! "Next thing we knew, the heads got bigger and his voice got deeper!"

"Wait, what plan?" Not the time Ludo!

"The plan where I take this without a problem!" Lobster Claws snagged the wand as she was distracted. "Sir, I got it! I got….whoa…" The air around them felt notably thicker than before as the sky got dark and gloomy. "So much power!"

"No, no, no, don't be evil!" The sky got … fluffy? "Wait, there's good?"

"Staaaarrrrrrr!" The cat beast screeched at her in anger, looking exasperated at her confusion over the fact."

"Quartz, Quartz! If you're still in there, I'm sorry, to you, to Marco, and to Lobster Claws!"

"No, you're evil! Give me the wand and you can come back." The dark skies returned at Ludo's exclamation.

"I'm sorry!" She cried out once more, and let the transformed Quartz get close to her as she kept narrowly dodging each ferocious strike. "I'm an idiot that didn't give either of you a chance to prove yourselves! You can still prove me wrong, Lobster Claws!" The sky went fluffy again.

"You have nothing to prove to her, or anyone! You're a monster that should get rid of everyone that stands in your way!"

"No, you're a beautiful soul with crab hands that can cut red ribbons with kitty mayors."

"Hissssss." The Cat-Quartz beast caught her in between its two massive claws, and left her barely enough room to breathe.

"Okay, bad choice of words, I get it!" Star stared into the piercing pink eyes of her transformed brother. "But you've been trying to help people change for the better, and I love that about you! I try to be a better sister because of you!" She turned back to the conflicted Lobster Claws. "So I'm going to try to be better by not giving up on either of you! You can make a change, Lobster Claws! Make it a change for the better!"

The Lobster Monster looked back and forth between the two of them and Ludo, before pointing the wand at them. "Typhoon blast!" And a gyser of water shot out of the wand, engulfing both her and her brother.

"Haha, yeah! How'd you like them apples!" Ludo laughed with the rest of his entourage. "Not so great getting a taste of your own medicine, huh? Now then, Lobster Claws, let's return.."

"Heeey-yah!" Marco showed up, and chopped the wand out of Lobster Claw's grip. "Saw the whole thing from the bedroom window, I was waiting for the right moment.

The wand flew into the air and back into her hands….and she was PISSED! "Turbo Nuclear Butterfly Blast!" She instantly fired at them, not even giving the bastards the chance to be afraid.

"I'm sorry boss!" The red monster shouted. "I got too confident and forgot about the others!" He shot her brother! And she gave him a chance!!

"Eh, I would've been the same way to be honest, but forget all that, you actually used the wand and had magic for a second!" Ludo cheered Lobster Claws. "That's the closest we've ever been, and it's all thanks to you!"

"Really?" The bastard asked.

"Of course … welcome back friend." Ludo spoke, opening a portal. "Tell me, was it tingly?"

"Very. Tickled my entire arm." The group of monsters laughed as they exited into a portal.

"Guess you were right Star, he was just evil after all.." Marco started to say.

"Who cares about that? Quartz, where are you?!" She looked around, finding him in a small crater … completely cured. "You're okay!"

"Wha…huh…what the…" Quartz looked dazed and confused, scanning his own body as she pulled him into the tightest squeeze she could muster. "How did I.." The boy let his hand touch the ground, hitting the small amount of water left from the spell. "The water…it did get rid of them, just like Lobster Claws said."

"He saved you …" A monster saved her brother's life … "I'm sorry. You were right and I should have tried to-" She was interrupted by a hiss, a cat finger screaming at her.

The cat finger was hit by a stream of water, from a pissed looking Kelly. "I .. will hate cats … for at least a year." The sleeping Lion, who apparently never moved since the morning fight, moaned in his slumber. "He's a lion, that's the exception."

"That's fair. Till further notice, I'm a dog person." Quartz sighed. "I'm sorry Star, if I didn't get angry.."

"Let's just ignore everything that happened today for now." Star hushed her brother. "This time, I'll be paying for the goblin dogs."