Believe In The Weird and Wild (Star vs. the Forces of Evil x Steven U)

Summary: Ah, growing up, it can be rough ... especially when magic and predation is involved.

Queen Moon ate her usual breakfast meal of eggs, jammed toast, and orange juice. "What's on the morning ajenda?" She asked one of the maids.

"After reviewing the inventory on all the corn, you have a meeting with the Magical High Commission." Moon dreaded that name the more the years went on. They were trusted ally's to Mewni, but they hardly had a lick of sense when it came to sensitive matters, and that was excluding the situation with her son.

"Don't worry dear, I can take over Quartz's training for today." River mentioned as he bit down into his usual breakfast of pig-goat meat. "The lad's strength has become significantly stronger within the last few weeks, so an afternoon in the woods ought to help him control it."

She had a sneaking suspicion this was an excuse River had to do whatever he wanted in the forest of certain death, but something else plagued her mind. "Where is Quartz this morning?" His seat was empty and his breakfast of waffles topped with popcorn was completely untouched.

"It's odd, he would have come in here the moment they placed it on the table." Not to say their son was a glutton, he had manners and didn't eat too much, usually sharing with animals and … monsters …, but the boy had an unrivaled sweet tooth. "Maybe I should go check up on-"

The door opened to reveal Quartz walking in … looking like a dead man walking. She frowned at the tired look on his face. "You didn't stay out too late with that Kelly girl, did you?" She asked him. "Do I need to place a curfew on you?"

"No mom, I was just really restless last night, I couldn't go to bed no matter what I tried." He unenthusiastically sat down at the table and stared at his food. "Anytime I managed to close my eyes, I kept getting the same weird dream over and over." He let out a yawn, and the more she looked at her son, the more she saw that something was off.

"Your skin is pink." River bluntly accessed

The boy looked at his skin. "Probably just a tan." He rubbed at it … until a sticky tear could be heard, a substance now linking his hand to his arm. "... Did I sleepwalk into cherry soda last night?"

This couldn't be right, Rose didn't show any signs of abilities of this nature, and he wasn't a Mewman, but the evidence was piling up. "Quartz, I believe you might be going through the first stages of Mewberty."

"What's Mewberty?" The boy asked, unaware of his fate.

"Well when a mother and a father love each other very much-" She subtly threw a fork near River's head.

"It's a specific period of time that those exposed to magic for years suddenly go through. In essence, it's the first stage of physical maturity." Moon explained.

"Maturity …" The boy gasped. "Does that mean i'll be old enough to watch those r rated movies!?"

"I said physical, not mental. You're not permitted to watch those pictures until you're well over twenty." She'd protect them from those mental scars if it was the last thing she'd ever do. "Exactly what did you dream about last night?"

"Oh…that's kind of embarrassing to talk about." Quartz blushed. "It was me and Kelly in this room full of pink clouds, the room was getting warmer, I felt hungry for bacon for some reason, and me and her became…one, like suddenly the two of us became one person after hugging for a few minutes…"

"Wow, that sounds like Mewberty alright." River laughed. "Soon you'll get into the girl crazy phase."

"... The what phase?" The boy's tiredness was immediately replaced with trepidation.

"It's where you take girls and stick them into cocoons." She kicked River right in the shin for not easing their son into it. "But it's fine!" He reassured the now pale boy. "We always carry precautions for it. We even had a room for … when Star … went into it …" The man trailed off as the hall went silent. 

"Star never has been through mewberty…" And if Quartz, a half human who SHOULDN'T be going through it was magically bonded to her…"Quartz, you have full permission to go to earth to bring Star back as quickly as possible."

"Lion, catch me! We're going to Star!!" The boy shouted, jumping out of the window.

"... He will catch him right?" She asked her husband.

"Seeing how we're not hearing a splat, I say he's good."

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"Marco, I'm freaking out!" Star screamed at him, her hand stuck to another locker. "I can't stop looking at boys and I'm feeling the urge to just hug them tightly and never let go of the sweet delectable- " She was lucky she had a friend who resorted to slapping her senses back into her.

"I got an A plus in biology, but I'm still behind on a few details when it comes to Magic stuff. So tell me what exactly is happening?"

"Mewberty. I think Janna called your version of growing up 'pubety' or something like that?"

"Puberty but go on." He said as he looked out for any boys to keep out of harm's way … which was Star at the moment.

"Basically every boy we meet looks like Bacon, but if you never tasted Bacon before, and you were starving for it." Disturbing but completely understandable.

"Wait, how am I safe?"

"Because I didn't realize until now that you're a boy." Ah, so it was one of those 'put a foot in your mouth' situations, was it? He would probably be more hurt if he wasn't so horrified at the basically predator in front of him.

Luckily, as stated before, Marco was a friend that was not above slapping a girl. "Star, focus! So you're boy crazy and probably want to jump the nearest guy, that's not….too terrible."

"You say that now, but when I start growing six arms and shooting webs everywhere, you're not exactly going to see spider lady swinging in to help things out." 

"Six what now?"

"Marco, believe me when I say this isn't going to be ordinary weirdness, this is going to destroy the records. This is gonna be … advanced weirdness …"

"Does quoting cartoons really help the situation Star?"

"I'm kinda letting my mind do what it wants to not focus on boys." Well, if it works, then no harm done. "Just gotta head home, bury my head in a couple of pillows and eat ice cream for the rest of the day…"

A bright pink circle in the air put a pin into that plan as a terrifying but familiar pink lion scooted its way into the halls. "Star!" Quartz jumped right on off the beast.

"Quartz, you have no idea how happy I am to see you!" Star greeted her brother with their usual hug. "Now everything will be.." She tried to separate…only for the two of them to find pink and purple webs holding them together.

"Mom said to drag you back cause we're both going through it!" Quartz's skin was pink, slightly scaly, and his hair looked a tad paler.

"What..no, that's not…" Star looked baffled, confused, and frustrated. "I don't want to go back to Mewni…"

"It doesn't matter what we want, the longer we wait, the worse it'll get!"

"Look, there's gotta be something else." Star scrambled. "Maybe we can ask Glossaryck. He has all the answers."

"All the answers on how to be the most unhelpful jerk in the universe.."

"It's better than listening to mom, not like she's known to make good decisions." Star's skin started spouting Purple Hearts.

"Hey, mom has our best interests in heart!" Quartz's skin started sprouting Pink Stars.

"She wants to lock us up and throw away the key!"

"Well maybe it's your fault-"

"WOAH!" Marco shouted. "Calm down before you say something you'll regret, you're just riling each other up."

"…Your right…we've never yelled like that to each other…not that intensely at least."

"Is that the Mewberty talking?" Quartz looked at his skin, looking afraid of himself.

"Why would Mewberty make you hate each other?" Marco asked. "Star is boy crazy, so Quartz should be girl crazy, you take the other's competition."

"I'm not going girl crazy." A group of cheerleaders walked by, Quartz's pupils temporarily becoming stars. "…Fine, let's see Glossaryck. If he doesn't see anything useful, I'm taking us back to Mewni."

"That's fair …" Star stopped. "Though I don't think I'm not going to Mewni either …" She gestured to the pile of sticky hearts keeping her stuck to the lockers. "Just get my spell book and head back quickly."

"Got it, where is it?" Marco asked. "In your locker, at home..?"

"I gave it to Jana." She did WHAT?!

"Star, why are you handing over the entire Butterfly history to random classmates!?" Quartz rightfully shouted his frustration.

"And why would you trust it with Jana of all people!?" Marco shouted.

"She likes weird stuff!" Star justified. "She said she'd show me something new and weird if I showed her something new and weird! The candle made from a skull was pretty cool too." More webs shot out of her as more boys walked past them. "Just find her and get the answers before things get too wild even for us to handle."

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"So the universe was made by a giant turtle?" Jana asked the blue man in Star's book. He was super chatty as long as someone gave him pudding.

"Yep, he didn't intend on it though. Just had so much energy that whatever rested on its back could form what it wished." They took another bite. "Then a jackass Koala made me a 'center of knowledge' and let me run my little section as long as I kept it organized … totally screwed him over too." Who knew one could learn the meaning of life before lunch time? "But he got a little pissy and made-"

"Jana!" Oh, there was the familiar teasing shout.

Janna looked up to see a panicked Marco and … "Tiger Millionaire?" With notably less face paint and a lot more pink everywhere.

"I um, never heard of this 'Tiger Billionaire' boy before, but he sounds like a pretty swell guy." The guy was a terrible liar, and it was actually a little endearing. "I'm Quartz Butterfly, Star's brother."

"Nice, hope you're as crazy as your sister." She laughed, even if the boy frowned for some reason. It was a compliment. "So what can I do for you two?"

"Came for … Star's book …" The safety boy panted. "Why do…you even want it?"

"I asked for it in hopes of summoning an eldritch abomination for a pet, and ended up learning that the universe was created basically as a side note to a galactic pissing contest."

"Too much existentialism." Quartz muttered. "Glossaryck, we need you."

"Well I do have pudding …" The blue man looked at the cup. "And you are the brother … What can I do for you, Steve?"

"You know what my name is by now, actually use it!" The kid shouted.

"... Okay Steve." Wow, boy looked almost as fun to tease as Marco.

"We don't have time for this!" The boy mentioned in question shouted. "Star and Quartz are going through Mewberty, we need a way to stop it!" Mewberty?

"Oh is it really that time already? Could've sworn that wasn't going to happen for another few months." Glosseryck fiddled with a timer on his wrist. "Either way, you can't stop it. Life's like a dumpster truck, hot, fast, and full of garbage. You just have to deal with it as it comes."

"Oh just let it happen, right, sounds great.." Quartz's hair was starting to get lighter, almost like it was made out of petals. "Except me and Star start getting mad at each other when we don't want to, and it's freaking me out!"

"Well that's more to do with your magic than her's." The blue man rolled his eyes. "Because of her, you're going through Mewberty when you shouldn't, and because of you, both your Magic's and emotions are amplified in this highly hormonal state the two of you find yourselves in.

"Hormonal …" Jana smirked, walking up till she was face to face with Quartz. "So what I'm hearing is I'm making you feel things?"

"Please don't, please, please don't do this…" The kid covered his pink face.

"What? Are you saying you don't find me pretty?" She faked a hurt tone. "Do I not make you flush?"

"Jana, I know you like crazy, but you're basically messing with a superpowered kid who's feeling things he doesn't even comprehend and might devolve to instincts." Marco spoke up. "That doesn't feel right on any level."

That was essentially a fantasy she had every three days or so, but the kid looked pretty stressed out, so she would resume teasing at a less stressful time. "Alright, I'll back off…for now." She winked at the kid.

"Well, aren't you quite the ladies man, just like your father…oops, did I reveal something again?" Glosseryck rubbed his head. "Guess that could technically apply to River, but he got lucky if anything.."

"Would you stop it!" The boy shouted, looking like he was about to charge, only to fall face first on the ground. "... Marco … are my feet glued to the ground?"

"Yes…just like Star's arm." Marco began backing away, but she felt compelled to get closer.

"Ah, the cocoon process has begun." Glossaryck mentioned offhandedly. "He'll be fully transformed in about two minutes, and from there we'll have to wait until 3: 58 until it's run its course. From there, they'll either go back to normal…or they won't at all. Tough to tell in this case."

"You are the most annoying teacher in the universe!" The glue began taking over his body until it reached his neck. "Marco, get Jana and Glossaryck out of here, and get a solution. I really don't want to know what I'm about to change into!"

"I thought we already knew: a girl hungry pink monster, Steve." Wow, even she knew there was a line between being playful and being an asshole.

"I think I'll stay." Jana shrugged, sitting down. "You need someone to look after you. Make sure to find what you're looking for, Marco."

"You sure…" The glue spreading everywhere stopped him from arguing. "Got it. Thanks." The hooded kid ran off.

"I don't know what'll happen when I'm done changing.." Quartz's head started to get covered. "I don't want to hurt you."

"This isn't my first rodeo, kid. My friend Amethyst has put me through a lot. Ever play with lava?"

"Not personally, but there are retirement homes over active volcanoes in Mewni." Now that's the kind of causal acceptance she could get into. "Thanks for staying, Jan…"' The sap finally covered him whole.

"No prob, Quartz." She sat in silence, quietly waiting for whatever weird fate was in store for her.

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"Okay, tell you what." Sadie offered. "I will do the toilets for today … if you finally talk." The sacrifices she made just to get one guy to not be an idiot.

"Ugh, why do you have to make it so difficult?" Lars groaned as they headed to their lockers. "For that fact, why are you invested with me and that nerd Marco?"

"Because you guys hung out a lot, and aside from me, he was the longest friend you ever had."

"Yeah, then he started bailing." The boy grumbled. "Sure, the Karate thing is kinda cool, but not when he doesn't use it to win fights. He just tries to stay away from the dangerous fun the cool kids have."

Oh yes, the titular cool kids that Lars didn't even have the guts to even talk to. He basically put himself through a perpetual state of never talking to anybody. If Sadie wasn't around, he'd probably be mute. "He is friends with Star Butterfly."

"I said dangerous fun, not weird danger." He spoke. "We don't need that freaky stuff around here, Beach Creek gets enough of it from 'Ronaldo' as it is."

"Fair point." Star Butterfly treaded the line between nice popular girl and biohazard you needed to keep away from for your own safety. "Just one attempt at talking is all I ask. Next time you see him, try to talk to him, and I'll drop the subject for good."

"Fine, next time I see him, I'll talk." He pointed a finger at her. "Then this never happens again."

Sadie smiled, looking at the window. "Oh look, here he comes now." And running in a hurry from the looks of it…running right at the window actually…

Crash

The supposed safe kid of Beach Creek high smashed through the window carrying an oversized boom. "Run!"

"I'm starting to doubt the safe kid title if you're always doing stuff like that." Lars rolled his eyes. "Do you know how much it'll cost to replace-" Lars was cut off by a purple web sticking onto his face, yanking him as he screamed … she wasn't gonna get a Lars Marco resolution anytime soon was she?

"What just happened!?" Sadie shouted as Marco grabbed her by the arm. "What about Lars!?" 

"It's too late for him for now! Right now the main focus is making sure Star and Quartz don't have more victims!" What does he mean more victims!?

"What does Star Butterfly have to do with this? And who the heck is Quartz…" They were stopped as they came across a section of the school that was covered in purple webs with a heart pattern. "What the.."

"Long story short, magic puberty is infecting Star, turning her into…" A giant purple bug creature with glowing hearts for pupils and six arms hovered above them, looking at Marco in hunger. "That!" They ducked and dodged under the flying creature, barely avoiding the shots of webbing that the thing fired.

"Why did we come here!?"

"The other option was the girl crazy feral Dino boy!" As if on cue, something stopped the ground, making it shaken ever so slightly.

Right before them was a sight that was arguably scarier. A seven foot pink lizard-like creature with flower-like…hair…on its head, with two massive horns sticking out of its head. " Garrrrrrrgggghhgg!" It shouted an ear piercing cry into the air, as its eyes had a similar look of hunger as Star…except it was aimed at Sadie herself.

"Other way it is!!" Sadie screamed, running as fast as she could. She was not going to be eaten, or something worse, by that thing!

"You sure there's absolutely nothing we can do!?" Marco screamed at the book he was holding, and a tiny blue man popped out of it, because why wouldn't one do that after everything else that happened today?!

"Yes,'I'm certain. Fighting against nature will only make things worse." The blue man told Marco. "Best to stay out of the way and let it run its course naturally…like that." The kaiju-like beast screamed at the butterfly monster, who shot purple lasers at it.

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The pink one was a threat. It intruded on her territory. They wanted the boys, and this thing thought it could take a section of boys for itself? No, that would not stand. These were her boys, boys she was free to use and throw as she saw fit. Each boy was hers! No one would take what was hers!

"Arreeeeeruuuuggh!" A pink shockwave of sounded forced her high into the sky. Big mistake. The sky was where she ruled. " Arcxk!"  A pink web grabbed her by the leg and pulled her into the ground.

She returned the favor. "Bbrrrzzz!" And cheap shorted the pink one in the eyes. Even if she hit the ground it wouldn't see her. It still hurts though, damn the pink one.

"Where do we run to!?" Shouted the voice of a woman. Gross, she needed to be eliminated.

"How should I know!? I don't think anywhere is safe!" Oh, a boy. Such a nice baconny scent. A couple of webs here and there and she'll be able to enjoy him later.

" Brrrraaerrgb!" That spikey tail on the pink one was a pain to deal with too, kept cutting through her webs everytime he missed. Bad pink thing, she worked hard for those bacon boys!

There was a simple solution to this, cover its mouth in webs and make it stop breathing. She'd let the vultures eat whatever was left of it. They got up pretty close and one move would decide who'd live and who'd….

A strange tune struck out into the world. She turned and saw a very delectable boy playing keytar on top of mobile metal. "Oh great, now Oscar is a target!" Yes, but she couldn't quite get to him, no matter how amazing he sounded. She turned back to bite the pink-

Star was suddenly falling to the ground. "Huh.,,what the…" What the hell had she been doing for the last hour?!

"Star!" Quartz's voice shouted, he was also falling, right next to her in fact. "We're going to crash! Butterfly bomb?"

"Butterfly Bomb!" she shouted back the name of their cannonball technique, huddling together and braced for impact. Luckily a pile of Purple Hearts and pink stars made it a relatively soft landing.

"Guys, you're okay!" The two looked to see Marco and Sadie run at them. "What do you know, we really did need to just wait out nature."

"I still don't like him." Quartz growned, scraping off pink stars from his body, before pausing at his back. "What the …'' Her brother took off his shirt, revealing small spikes adorning his back. "... How am I supposed to wear clothes, or lay in beds?" 

"Tom said something about that once, I think I can think of something later." She muttered, before feeling up her own back. "Wait, if you got spikes, then did I.." Something light and fleshy was sticking out of her back. "I got my wings!" She jumped and flapped them as hard as she could….before falling in her face. "….Well this stinks. Growing up sucks.."

"Tell me about it …" Quartz looked at Star. "Sorry for trying to kill you." And then turned to Sadie. "And sorry for trying to cocoon you."

"It's fine, more of a shock really. I've seen more dangerous stuff happening in the dumpster behind the Big Donut." Oh yeah, the fun place with free snacks in the alley. "I think you scarred Lars for life though, as well as every boy at school."

Star turned and waved to a couple of football players escaping her webs, as they screamed and ran away. "... Meh, as long as I didn't scare Oscar." She shrugged.

"I just hope I didn't do anything too regrettable when I blacked out." Quartz shagged his shoulders.

"Hey Quartzy!"Jana's voice shouted, and they all turned to see her hanging upside down on the ceiling with pink webs, as well as a bag of chips and drinks. "Thanks for the accommodations. For a mindless monster, you were still pretty nice."

"Great, that was a thing." The boy sighed, falling onto his back before wincing. "Marco, whenever I'm going through Mewberty again, just open a portal and dump me somewhere else, anywhere else?"

"Actually I think I'll just dump you on Jana … she actually enjoys this freaky stuff." The girl in question laughed.

"Oh yeah, you're gonna have to put in the effort to ditch me now, Quartzy!" 

"When I wanted to make more friends, this wasn't exactly how I pictured doing it." Quartz sighed. On the plus side, she had more material to tease him with. "Mom's going to kill us when she finds out."

"Let's just blame Glossaryck for it." Star waved off.

"... Love ya sis." And that's what makes them such great siblings, they always agreed on the important stuff.