NOVEL NEXT Chapter 43: Chapter 41: Just Solve the Problem So We Can Go Home
Summary: Always solve your math problems
Star doodled in her little notebook. Miss Skullnick was going off about 'math this' and 'numbers that' and stuff like that, really boring. Out of all the pointless classes she had to take at school, math took the grand prize as the most useless.
Steven might've pointed out Jushtin out with how smart he was back in the day, but he only had like two pages in the spell book, and she was more interested in the fact his wand talked when he had it, and he had a really fancy hat too.
"Hey Star." She turned to look at Jana, a lady that had been one of her best gal pals on earth. "Why did the chicken cross the road?" She shrugged. "To get to the other side."
"To get to the …" Star started laughing. Oh corn, that was a great one! "To get to the other side!"
"Star." The troll teacher spoke up. "Is there something you want to share with the rest of the class?"
"Ha, Jana just said this joke about a chicken, how it's just going to the other side! You expect it to be something else, but it just hits you with logic instead!" She looked at the girl, who was shaking her head no for some reason.
"Star, stop messing around!" Marco shouted slash whispered to her from across the room. "I need to hear this for tomorrow's test."
"If logic fascinates you so much, then you will come up here and solve for C!" The human turned troll pointed her chalk at the complicated mess of numbers on the board that Star couldn't even begin to understand.
"Sure thing." Star skipped her way to the front, staring at the letter C, before turning it to a base for her cat drawing. "There, C equals kitty." She was such a good artist.
"You didn't even try!" The teacher accused her.
"Well of course not, I can't do it." Star calmly explained.
"No one is going to leave this room until you actually do the work to solve for C!" Students began groaning at that complaint, something she would NEVER have on her conscience.
"Fine then. Magic, solve the problem!" It sparked pink and green, before she blasted the board in an effort to have a correct answe-
"Hey Star." Star turned to her friend Jana, who wore a red beanie instead of a green one. "Why did the chicken fly over the road?"
"Huh?" Didn't she just say this joke a minute ago with different words?
"To ask out the rooster."
"How is that a joke?" That probably shouldn't have been what her main focus should've been.
"Star?" She looked up, seeing Miss Skullnick look at her. "Is there something you'd like to share with the rest of the class?"
"Star, stop messing around!" Marco shouted slash whispered to her from across the room. "I need to hear this for tonight's homework."
"Wasn't it for a test tomorrow?" She asked her friend.
"There's a test tomorrow?!" Something was off here.
"Star, solve for C!" No, no, that wasn't going to happen, no matter how weird things were getting.
"Fantastic EXIT BEAM!" She fired her magic, sending herself out the door. Finally, FREEDOM-
"Hey Star?" Jana asked with a cowboy hat. "Why did the chicken shoot the car?"
"WHAT THE CORN IS GOING ON!?" It was like she was stuck in her worst nightmare! No way anyone else could be having it worse than her right now.
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Steven slowly regained consciousness, letting himself rest in the comfort of his bed. The sun wasn't up yet, so it was fine to just rest with his comfy sheets, the silk pajamas, and an arm wrapped around him-his brain stopped, processing that one.
Alright Steven, go through the options. A) You've been kidnapped and you're being held down. B) You sleep walked to your parent's room and spent the night with them. C) Star had a nightmare and decided to sleepover with you, and you were too tired to remember.
The last one made the most sense … he wouldn't be in his bed if he was kidnapped … and it did feel like his sister's arm … all three of them!? His eyes snapped open, staring at … Star!!??
"Good morning, my little blueberry." It was Star's face, but completely purple with glowing giant hearts in her eyes instead of pupils. It looked like she was in Mewberty, but that passed, didn't it? "Did you have a good dream? Cause I woke up to a better one." She smirked, kissing him … on the lips …
"AAAGGGGHHHH!!!" He screamed, jumping out of the bed and scrambling back. "Wha-I-what is-how are-why did-?" Steven had more questions than his brain could process.
"Wow, someone's jittery this morning. Where was all that energy last night?" The six armed version of his sister flew up into the air, showing off those eerie giant butterfly wings, though that hardly mattered when she was looking at him with…intimate fascination. "Don't look so tense. I can help relieve some stress." Her multiple arms began reaching for him.
"Star, what's going on!?" He shouted, jumping back. "Why are you in Mewberty, and why are you acting like this!? We're FAMILY!!" Today was by far the top on his weirdness meter.
"Wow, you're thinking that far ahead into the relationship? We've only been dating for about a month." The girl shrugged with a giggle. "Then again, we might as well be married with how everyone acts around me nowadays. I can always count on my little blueberry to have my back."
"Star, nothing you're saying is making sense!" Everything was wrong, his sister was mutated, and they were in bed, and he felt shirtless. He went down to button and cover to gain any sense of normalcy … finding a blue diamond on his chest. "... What ever-loving corn is this?"
"You must've drank expired creamed corn again last night, because you're acting like you've never seen your mother's gem before." Star answered, getting into a custom made robe.
He stared at her with wide eyes, he could feel tears forming. "My mom is … Rose Quartz … A mirror, I need a mirror, what's going on, why is everything wrong-"
"My Diamond, I could feel your tears, is there anything.." A voice entered the room…and it was Lapis, her eyes having that glassy look, but they were someone familiar, someone that didn't look completely different.
"Lapis!" He ran over to the blue gem and hugged her. "I don't know what's going on! I don't know where I am, why everyone looks so different, or why I suddenly have a blue gem on my chest!"
"My Diamond, please calm yourself." She answered, patting him like a mother would a child. "Take a seat, we can talk this out calmly and quietly." Lapis told him. "Would you like me to ask Pearl to bring some tea?"
"Yes…No…I don't know…" He took a minute to breathe deep breaths. "Just…what is this?" He pointed to the gem on his chest. "Why do I have this?"
"... You were born with it." She started with confusion. "Your mother had you with a human she had bonded with over the loss of Pink Diamond. You are the only Gem Hybrid among the Gem Empire."
"Gem empire…wait…am I on homeworld?" Steven looked around, the room was blue, filled with posters and art supplies, mainly hand drawn pictures of different gems and Star.
"No silly, Blue made peace with Mewni, it's why you're marrying into the Butterfly lineage." Star smirked. "Not that I wouldn't have made a move anyway."
"Blue….Blue…" He felt the gem on his chest and gave it a hard feel. "Blue…Diamond?" Wasn't that one of the rulers the Crystal gems always talked about.
"My Diamond, are you well?" Lapis asked with concern, before taking a look down the hall. "... I can tell them your organic half got sick if you want a day off, Steven."
"Yeah…go do that." He felt all the energy leave him as he fell down on the bed, barely having the strength to react when Star gave him a multi armed hug.
"You're so silly, Steven. I hardly know what to expect from you." Star nuzzled his cheek with her own. "We can spend the day throwing water balloons at Aquamarine or crank calling Yellow if you want. Her facial reactions are hilarious."
"... I think I want to be alone." He said. "I just … something is wrong with my head …" The world got so foggy…
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Steven felt himself getting slammed into a wall by what felt like a tail the next moment he opened his eyes. "Heck yea, one more point for the one and only STAR BUTTERFLY!" Star shouted. On one hand he wasn't being seductively cuddled by his sister, which was a leg up in ANY scenario be damned. On the other, his sister was now a lizard person cheering as he pulled himself painfully out of a wall.
"Star...weren't you just…Is this…did you shapeshift?"
"Wow, did I give you a concussion or something?" She laughed. "Come on, stop being such a wuuse. We've got shit to do and I need to wake up." She charged at him, claws aimed to poke his eye out … or if the new hole in the wall said anything, poke his skull out.
"Star, give me a second to think!" His instincts drove him to try and summon a shield, but when he put his arm out, LIGHTING came out instead, hitting his sister directly in the chest.
"Ahaha! Finally, you decided to stop pulling your punches." His 'sister' grinned as she shook off the scales that were burnt black. "Don't hold back for even a second, Rhinestone!"
"Who the heck is RhinstOOO!" He jumped out of the way as she began to move faster and harder than before, the area barely containing their might as they moved about. "Would you just-" He tried to reach for his powers, maybe exploding bubbles to gain distance? When he focused on offense and attack … he received a yellow trident … which accidentally cut off her arm mid punch, much to his horror.
"Oh yeah, nothing gets the blood pumping like mutilation!" Stat laughed maniacally.
"I get being frustrated, but there's no need for to try and murder each other!" Steven really didn't want to continue this.
"What're you talking about?" His scaley sister said as her arm grew back. "This is just the morning workout."
"That's … why do you heal like Toffee?" He asked with fear.
"Since when do you refer to dad by his first name?" Star looked at him with a head tilt. "You're always so formal with calling him 'father' all the time."
… Steven didn't know if he wanted to go back to seductive Star or not when this was the alternative. "I'm going to pretend like I didn't just hear that and try to figure out where the corn I am now, or why I'm suddenly shooting lightning." He reached for his stomach, feeling no Rose Quartz gem on him. Tentatively looking under his black armor, he spotted not a blue diamond, but a…"Yellow Diamond…"
"SHUT UP!" Star immediately slapped her hand on his mouth. "Do you want the entire kingdom to hear you're the son of our greatest enemy!?" She shouted her whisper at him.
"Greatest what!?" He shouted with confusion, before going to a whisper. "What do you mean our greatest enemy, Mewni isn't at war with the Gem Homeworld, Earth is."
"Seriously, don't you remember anything about what Dad taught us as kids?" Star looked at him like he was stupid. "It's because he and Mom worked together that we stopped those bastard gems from hollowing out the planet."
"I just … wha?" He asked. "Okay, I need to sit down for a second, because everything is wrong." He started. "Toffee isn't supposed to be our dad, River is. I'm supposed to be the son of Rose Quartz, not this 'Yellow Diamond'. And I'm not supposed to be here, I'm supposed to hang out with you on occasions because you're living on Earth."
"Did I give you amnesia? You're the one that lives on earth with the Mahaswarrens." Star rolled her eyes. "You complained to dad all the time about wanting a 'normal' life so he sent you to earth to give you what you want."
"I just …" He sighed. "Star, have you been messing with the wand lately? Something is wrong and I keep …" The world was foggy again.
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Steven groaned, looking at his … phone? "Great, another strange reality, is it!?" He shouted sarcastically to the world, which was apparently the inside of a barn. "What strange gemstone do I have this time!?" He went to a mirror, noticing the giant white horn on his forehead. "Great, I look like a unicorn." He grumbled. "And what random fate does Star Butterfly bring me this time." He asked nobody, opening the door.
… And was greeted by Pearl … who had their entire left eye replaced with a massive crack within it, skin bleached white as they stared down impassively at him, in utter silence. "...." The lady gave him some weird hand signals that probably meant something.
"I'm sorry." He spoke tentatively to her. "I don't understand what you're saying." It was rude, but maybe they could try talking it out? Then again she was horrifying as it was.
The gem looked at him with concern, before pulling a phone out and texting someone. After staring at the sky for a minute a purple portal opened and out stepped … Eclipsa the Queen of Darkness!? "Where's my baby boy!?"
"....I lost it. I've gone insane and I'm resting in some rubber room right now with some drool hanging down my mouth." He let himself fall to the ground on some scratchy head. "Wake me up when someone puts me out of my misery."
"Now, now, Steven. I was certain you wouldn't hit your teenage emo phase until next week." Eclipsa smiled down on him with a motherly smile that at any other time probably would've made him feel warm and fuzzy.
He looked up, staring at her impassively. "It's what happens when you keep shifting lives within a single day. I keep changing moms and lives, and Star keeps changing skins, and somehow the world keeps shifting." He looked at Pearl. "She's supposed to be able to speak and doesn't have a broken eye." He pointed to his head. "And this is supposed to be Rose Quartz's Gem."
"My my, you've certainly found yourself in a conundrum." The supposed evil queen sat down and rubbed his forehead. "So let's have a rundown of the situation. You have a completely different memory of the world that's around you, and everyone you talk to is utterly convinced of a history that, to you, sounds completely ludicrous?"
"Yeah. I woke up being kissed by my sister. You tell me." He deadpanned.
"That's a rough one." The woman chuckled. "What was I like?"
"You're considered the most evil queen in all of Mewni." The version he was talking to was definitely not what the history books wrote, but that could just be the reality difference.
"Heh, some things never change, I suppose, no matter where in the universe you live." Eclipsa laughed. "It seems you've found yourself dealing with a crack within space time, making your mind fall into alternate versions of yourself."
Steven groaned. "Me and Star promised to not mess with Skywyne's things after that Hourglass incident!" He was going to lose it at this point. The half gem sighed. "I'm sorry I'm not your son … or what I assume is you're adopted one."
"Ironically, it's because I have that hourglass that I was able to save my daughter from Shastican's machinations." Eclipsa kept a smile that just said she was up to something. "And because of that I managed to find the most adorable unicorn boy in the middle of the woods." She pinched his cheeks. "It doesn't matter if you're a different variant or not, you're still my child in my eyes, and I'm going to do what I can to help you."
He looked into the woman's eyes. Despite the hint of mischievousness, Eclipsa didn't convey the vibe of a dark overlord. "You're not actually evil, are you?"
"If you call eloping with a monster and creating a chapter on dark and terrible magic evil, that's you." She smirked. "I just do what I need to do." She opened a portal. "Here, this'll take you to the realm of time. That should cease the dimension swapping. From there, Omnitraxus Prime should be able to sort out this mess."
"Thank you, thank you, thank you!" He rushed over to the woman and hugged her. He didn't care if this lady could steal his soul, she was the most helpful person he's met in this universal roadtrip of insanity.
"No problem, my little unicorn." She patted his head. "If you run into my son while you're there, tell him we're having Cookie Cats all week."
"Cookie cats are still a thing here!?" His face palmed. "Of course the universe wouldn't let me go without dangling THAT in front of my face."
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"… Quartz … Universe … Butterfly …" Omnitraxus Prime spoke slowly, glaring at the boys in front of him.
"I was just minding my business at home when I got flung into other weird versions of myself, I wasn't doing anything!" The kid shouted. "I'm the victim here!!"
"You think you got it bad? I had the powers of my greatest enemy!" The kid in yellow freaked out. "That pink fiend that keeps trying to shatter me just because she can't understand I'm not my Mom!"
"And I got stuck inside of a barn, with the queen of darkness." The kid in blue spoke. "She is the walking nightmare threatening us all and I couldn't help but be afraid."
"I have no idea what the heck was happening to me." The one in white shuddered. "That purple girl was so invasive."
"And now there are four of you, two of which are Gems abominations." The cosmic being could already feel the headache. "Believe it or not, you're not the one at fault this time."
"HOORAY!" All four of them shouted at the same time. " We're not destroying the universe!"
"It's hers!" He looked at the approaching quartet of Star Butterflies approaching them.
"So many Steven's…" The Mewberty Star looked in absolute lust. "This is my greatest fantasy come to life."
"So many Stars …" The Blue Quartz looked at them with diamond shaped eyes. "Truly a spectacular moment."
"Oh great, more headaches." The Yellow Quartz groaned. "What did you do this time, you moron?"
"Hey, I was minding my own beeswax, asshole!" The Monster Star shouted back.
"Wait, who's this girl again?" The White Quartz pointed to the Star Butterfly that resembled a Lucitor.
"Yeah, I've never met any of these people before." The Demon Star shrugged.
"… Rough day?" His Quartz asked.
"Stuck in an annoying time loop." The girl groaned.
"Alright, everyone into my belly, it's going to be easier to explain in there." He opened a minor portal to his guts. After some reluctance, they all followed. "Okay, so there's an infinite number of you with an infinite number of variations."Omnitraxus explained, showing crystals.
"Aww, I'm a kitty."
"I have seven limbs."
"Why do I have rose petal wings there?"
"However, despite that, all counterparts have certain links that drive them together." He continued. "For Star Butterfly … the math problem."
"Oh yeah, that was a breeze." Mewberty Star waved off.
"Circumference? I figured that out when I was five years old." Monster Star rolled her eyes.
"Who wouldn't know the answer to that simple problem?" Demon Star laughed.
"...So do any of you mind doing it again for me?" The cause of his current headache said sheepishly.
"Are you telling me the universe is going to be destroyed because Star won't do a math problem!?" Yellow Quartz shouted loudly.
"It's really hard!" Main Star defended weakly. "Like I'm going to actually be able to use math in real life! I'm just going to get it wrong anyway!"
"You're still supposed to do the work!" The boy argued. "Wait, what was MY common link!?" The main Quartz asked. "I've had a lot of confusing realities to deal with!"
"Oh, let me check." Omnitraxus searched known universes. "Alright, apparently you have the same father in every universe, a 'Greg DaMayo' …" He blinked. "Wait, are you a bastard child?"
"Yes/No." The Star's and Quartz's answered at the same time, before looking at each other. "No/Yes."
"You know what, I couldn't care less." The space time rumbled. "Cause that is your universes hitting themselves against each other due to Star not working on that Math problem."
"Star, do it before everyone and everything we know dies!" Quartz yelled. "Just do the work before we're all turned into space dust!"
"But I don't want to…!"
"STAR BUTTERFLY!" Quartz shouted in rage. "So far I have been raised by Eclipsa, witnessed you have Toffee as a father, and watched you try to seduce me!! Do the work or so help me I will bring VENGEANCE!" The boy shouted, glowing a very familiar shade of pink.
"Please, please do! I can barely stand the thought of Star generally to begin with!" The Yellow Quartz gagged. "Seriously, there's so many better choices out there, like Connie!"
"Says the one with a monster as a companion." Blue Quartz groaned. "Why do you hang around that disgusting abomination?"
"What did you say, you blue bastard!?" Yellow Quartz lit himself all over with lightning and tackled the blue one. "NO ONE TALKS ABOUT MY FAMILY LIKE THAT EXCEPT ME!"
"Unhand me you cretin!" The Blue One shouted back, expelling a blue energy. "I will shatter you to pieces!"
"That's it." Omni brought out … the lamp. "You all remember my threat right?"
"Oh please." Demon Star waved off. "What's a little lamp gonna-" He shined infinity into their eyes, letting them scream in agony. With a flash, all three extra versions of the two were gone.
"..They're going to be alright, right?" The main source of his mental pain said with a weak voice.
"They're all going to stay in the lamp until I deem it safe for them to return to their proper realities." He glared at the two. "It doesn't even matter if you get it right! Just do the work or I'll guarantee you'll BOTH spend the rest of shattered space time in an endless void of pain and regret!" He needed a power nap.