Believe In The Weird and Wild (Star vs. the Forces of Evil x Steven U)

Summary: It's time we commit a little larceny ... just a little

Lion gazed intently at his latest challenge, trying to fit into this strange narrow space. The strange object known as the 'cardboard box' would be defeated! "How can a Lion range from annoying to adorable in an instant?" The bushy green figure his boy felt affection for asked with a squee and camera.

"That's his magical power. He gathers all his strength from how cute he can make himself look." His boy laid down on his back as he pointed to the mirror. "Alright Star, I'm ready! Make the call!"

"Calling now, the moment she picks up, lets sync it up babies!" The boy's older kin said elated as she placed pointy and colorful hats on top of everyone, as she carried a tray of sparkling treats. "On the count of three, we give Ponyhead the traditional birthday greetings before moving on to the fun stuff, so we've gotta get this right!"

"Relax Star, I know how birthdays work. Out of everything in every dimension, I'm pretty sure that's universal." The red hooded figure said with a wave of the hand.

"Yeah, what kind of moron doesn't know how to do this?" The walking puff of annoyance the Lion wished to chew said from the green bush.

"Good, because we're on in three….two…" The blonde girl saw the image of a floating unicorn head pop up."

"What's up, homies…" A floating horse head greeted from the transforming glass window.

"Happy birthday to you." "Joyous day of life to thee." "We're happy that you've lived this long." The five beings all turned to each other, eyes wide. "Happy birthday to you." "We wish you the best." "Lovin you being here is incredible." They spoke, an awkward tension as they tried to wave their hands around. "Happy birthday dear Ponyhead." "Oh madam may your future be bright." "We'll party until the sun goes out." Now they all looked completely defeated. "Happy birthday to you." "Glorious day of life to Ponyhead." "And we'll drink till the sun goes up."

".. You forgot to sync up didn't you?" The floating horse head deadpanned.

"Different Dimensions, different greetings, go fig." His boy shrugged. "Anyways, happy Birthday, Ponyhead! We're all here! Even got some new friends to join us." He pointed to the green bush and puff. "This is the Tad and Kelly I told you about."

"Yo, what's up, party girl." The horse smirked. How did it speak without a body … how did it taste? Lion was craving something after being denied 'Quartz Junior'. "So have you considered dumping the hairball for something better?"

"Lady, I'm flattered, but there's only one girl in the multiverse for me." The furball spoke.

"Not remotely what I was trying to say or who I was talking to." His boy blushed when the head said that, probably knowing what she meant.

"Oh, Ponyhead!" The kin shouted. "We got you a cake, with firework based candles to boot! After that we are going to slide down the rainbow tear falls and party till we drop dead at the bounce lounge!"

"Ah…that's so sweet! You always know what I want!" The horse head shouted, before looking around and whispering. "But, can't do that, Saint O's would never let me out of here even for a day, and any care packages would be destroyed on sight, so no cupcakes or presentes either.

"No cake or presents on your birthday!?" His boy shouted. "That's terrible! No one should be forced to suffer the fate of missing out on their birthday!"

"Tell me about it, that's what I said, but no, they just kept telling me 'individuality is pointless' and not the way of the proper princess." The head snorted.

"That … seems a little extreme." His boy spoke with concern.

"Oh, that's not even half of it, Q-fly. They constantly have us say the same sentence about drinking tea for six hours a day with our pinky sticking out. I don't even have pinky's, yet I'm required to do the same pointless shit every single…" A pounding was heard from the background. "Oh crap, I expressed individuality with that swear…and that was my third strike!"

"Third strike?" The kin asked worriedly. "Third strike for what?"

"For being me! They're sending me to the chair now in the comforment chamber!" Black gloves covered the head, pulling it away from the screen. "No! B-fly Q-fly! I love you, your the best sibs I've always dreamed of having…!" The screen went static.

"And that's our cue!" Star shouted. "I will not let my bestie suffer within those soul crushing walls, we're busting her out!"

"Prison Break!" For once, all the figures in this group seemed to be in agreement with the kin's decision.

"Really Marco? I didn't take you for that type." The bush girl said with a raised eyebrow.

"I've seen a lot of prison break movies, I know what to expect by now." The hooded kid went through a drawer "Also I figured Star would do this either way. The one thing I do know is that no matter what happens, we're going to need a bobby pin to pick a lock."

"Understood." His boy trusted the kid completely. "Lion, get us there!"

Lion would normally just focus on the box … but he was more curious about how the head tasted. So they stood up and let out a small shout-that simmered into nothing. Blinking in confusion, they let out a bigger one, once more meeting the same result. Now having their pride attacked, they stretched out, aiming at a wall, and letting out all of their power. "RAAAAAR!" The world folded deeper … and deeper … then punched back into Lion's face, making them impact into a wall, almost as bad as the Lizardman.

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"Lion!" Kelly watched as Quartz comforted his trusted sort-of pet. It was nice to finally get more involved with the group again after that whole thing with his birth parents. Even better, he seemed to have moved on from that awkward feeling they both had from the Blood moon Ball.

"What the heck happened?" Kelly asked. "Lion usually knows how to be specific with the places he's told to go last I checked."

"Oh yeah." Star muttered. "Kinda forgot about the jammer."

"… Jammer?" Quartz asked tentatively.

"Yeah, same reason Ponyhead can't break out on her own. You have to do it a couple of miles away from Saint Olgas or else all dimensional portals fail."

"Grrrrr." Kelly swore this was the first time Lion ever growled at Star … or anyone other than Hekapoo in all honesty.

"Well that's a bust." Marco kicked the ground. "So much for doing it the easy way. What are we going to do now?"

"I can still get there with Dimensional scissors, but we'll have to walk part of the way, and there's still the tricky part of actually getting inside." Star mumbled, walking in circles. "If we're caught breaking in, I might actually end up staying there for real.."

"Staying there….staying…Star, that's it!" Quartz shouted out with that charming excitement she's come to really enjoy about him. "It's a school for Wayward princesses, so to get in, we give them Wayward princesses!"

"We blend in, one of us acting as the guard, the others find a pony and meet back up, shut down the jamming, and warp out." Marco spoke. "Solid plan!"

"Got it, I know exactly what to do!" Star waved her wand in the air. "RADIANT SHADOW TRANSFORM!" Blasting magic all over them, she felt a certain warmth cover herself and bright colorful lights dance around their skin. When it cleared, it showed Star in an all black dress with an eyepatch to complete the rebel princess look while Kelly herself was in one of the guard suits along with Tad to her left for some reason.

"What?!" Marco shouted, as he was put in a poofy pink dress right beside Quartz, who's own was a dark blue tutu. "How come we're in the dress and they're in the guard outfits!?"

"Because I feel safer if my bestie and brother are right next to me while we save Ponyhead, duh." Star explained her reasoning. "Sides, Kelly's tough enough on her own to bash any heads of people that get in the way. She's more than capable of taking out the tower by herself, and she has a meat shield right next to her for added bonus." She would crush some skulls when she had the chance.

"How come I'm also in guard armor!?" Tad shouted as well.

"It's an all hands on deck situation, two guards are better than one, right?" Fair point, but Tad wasn't a fighter in the slightest, the most they could expect from him was hiding in Kelly's hair and not getting in the way while providing moral support.

"Sounds like a perfect plan to me." Quartz was not at all phased by being put in a dress. In fact, the face he had on indicated he was probably expecting it.

"How are you not mad about being put in a dress?" Marco asked.

"You're just jealous because I wear it better than you." Well it did show off some nice curves.

"Ha, loser." Kelly flicked her boyfriend in the head for that comment. "The hell!?"

"Don't dress shame, I wore a tux and you never said anything about it." In fact, this almost felt like a role reversal of the blood moon ball, minus the intense prison break action. She couldn't tell if that made it better or worse, but she felt excited either way.

"Okay, the plan is set, and we know our roles. Now, most important of all, no matter what you see in there, no matter what they say, don't lose who you are." Star commanded. "Stay yourself no matter what, that is the key to surviving that horrible prison."

"Got it!" Everyone nodded their heads as Star opened a portal.

"Hey." She sent a nod to Quartz. "Good luck out there."

"Of course, it's just acting, what's the worst that could happen?" Marco slapped his forehead. "What?"

"We got to get you to watch more movies one of these days." Marco pushed Quartz through the portal.

"Guess it's just going to be you and me babe, just how I like it." Kelly heard Tad say. And while his presence was greatly appreciated, there was another presence she wouldn't have minded, one that she's sort of longed for since the Blood Moon Ball.

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The group walked to the imposing gates as lightning boomed in the distance. So far so good. Kelly stood next to Star and Tad stood next to him, keeping a hold onto his arm for show, although it felt a little tight.

Kelly made her way to the door, knocking on it loudly. "Three more princesses, rowdy and wild!" She pulled off the tough and scruffy Guard act pretty well.

"No good hooligans, just asking for trouble." Tad added in, kicking him in the leg for added measure, though that felt completely unnecessary if you asked Quartz.

"Ah yes, of course." A short man with only one eye…probably, it was covered up with a strange looking eyepiece, answered and opened the door. "Bring them in with the others. Ms. Heinous is just about to start the process of re-education."

"Right on." Kelly nodded. "Move along, we don't need to bring out the cuffs do we, ya no good rebellions?"

"I don't know, some on this one would probably make things better." Luckly, Kelly kicked Tad in the back of the head before someone could take that seriously. "Geesh, alright, just trying to play into the role, don't bite my head off for it."

"Uggh, this place looks just as terrible as my nightmares made them out to be." Star shuddered, as they were put into a lineup with other princesses, all of them from different dimensions. Some Mewman, some Kaelpfolk, one with six arms. "Doesn't look like they're picky about who they allow in here."

"Definitely a lot less colorful than I expected it to be." Quartz murmured. "Seriously, spice up the wall a bit at least, do they confuse behavior correction with depression?"

"A broken spirit is a moldable one." Quartz's thoughts were interrupted when an old lady in a grayish purple dress and one of the meanest looking scowls he's ever laid his eyes on walked into the room, the pressure she added making everyone tense up. "And from those broken pieces, we can build it back up into something workable." Quartz dared not to say anything back, knowing that trying to talk reason would only get them in loads more trouble.

"You all have your problems. Your rebellious spirit, love of adventure, desire to have fun." She grabbed a ruler, slapping the wall hard enough to leave cracks in it. "We will weed those out of you. Individuality is the enemy, and we will kill that enemy no matter the cost."

All the princesses scowled at the lady laying down the law, looking like they were seconds away from throwing a punch, but held off. Star herself was rubbing her arms worriedly, and he didn't need an emphatic bond to know she was two seconds away from trying to jump out a window.

"Soon you will become model princesses, such as this one." The woman gestured to a girl staring at them with dead eyes. In fact, she looked very familiar…

"Smooshy?" Star mouthed, and indeed, it was that girl that tried to steal his sister's face a while back, now looking at them like an emotionless robot. The elephant-like girl looked directly at them, but gave no visible reaction to whether or not she recognised either of them.

"I am honored to have been cured of my individuality, it was the enemy I never could see. Now I love drinking tea with my pinkie extended and looking pretty for boys." She spoke with none of the sass from their first encounter.

"As a part of a noble lineage, you don't get the luxury of having individuality. We will drive it out of the deepest recesses of your hearts and minds, no matter what walk of life you stem from. Whether it be from pixtopia…" Heinous took a good look at Star's cheek hearts, and pressed a finger on them. "Or Mewni." The sheer hatred stemming from that last bit actually made Star's cheek hearts turn blue and cracked from pain, a pain he immediately felt when she did.

… Quartz quickly realized Ponyhead and Star were 100% right about their fear of this place, and he needed mom to magically nuke it off the face of the planet.

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Star steeled herself as she walked down the hall, taking deep breaths. It was fine, Quartz was here, Kelly was a guard, Marco was here, Tad was a guard. It was fine, it was fine it was fine itwasfineitwasfineitwasfine! "Star! Relax!" Marco shook her shoulders. "Ms. Heinous is not here, and as long as Kelly and Tad are with us, everyone's just going to think they're guards leading us somewhere."

"Right, yeah, it's fine, we're all good. We grab Pony and leave." She rubbed her cheeks. "It'll all be good because we have a break out plan and a Bobby pin."

"Star, all those time's I've listened you and Pony scream in terror…I take back every time I complained about it." Quartz shuddered like he was just pulled out of a freezer. "Behaving better is one thing, but they don't even want these girls to think! Or even smile, at least not a real one!"

"Just a rubber stamp in a factory because that's what a princess is supposed to be to them because they are sick and demented creatures." She noticed a door. "It's labeled Ponyhead."

"Let's hope we're not too late then." Kelly smirked as she went up to the door, and proceeded to use her sword to slice the lock in half. "We'll keep watch, make it quick or it'll look suspicious."

"Ponyhead better appreciate all the trouble we're getting ourselves into for this." Marco rolled his eyes as the three of them in dresses walked in. "For a prison cell, they certainly have some fancy digs." He pointed to the velvet and silk lined sheets and blankets.

"Yeah, it's nice, until you realize it's the same boring and dull color as everything else. Not even a single poster or anything." Star grumbled, knowing this room was far from how her friend would want it to be. "Pony? Flying Princess Ponyhead? We're here to burst you out!" She whispered, noticing a floating figure staring right out the window.

Ponyhead turned to them … with dead eyes and an empty smile. "Why would I leave?" No … "There are so many wonderful lessons to make me an even more perfect princess. I haven't completed them all yet." They were too late!

"...What have they done to her?" Quartz shaped her horror. "Ponyhead would never call lessons of any kind wonderful, she hates learning!"

"Come on, you know me right." Marco joined them. "I'm earth turd, right?"

"Why would I use such improper language?" It was so much deeper than they thought. "I must report you to a higher authority at once."

"No, no, no, no need for that! We'll take these hooligans off your hands." Kelly dragged them out of the room and closed the door. "Okay, so that failed, what now?"

"Pony's not going to leave in this state. If we take her out, she'll probably start screaming and yell for help." Quartz wondered. "We need something to distract everyone while we try to get through her head."

"… Tad, take me to a place with a lot of guards." Marco spoke. "I'm going to do the one thing in every prison movie that always draws attention … start a riot."

"Marco, don't, you'll get caught.." Star tried to warn him. She lost one best friend already, she didn't need to lose the other.

"It's alright Star." The boy nodded. "Ponyhead deserves that birthday … So promise me you'll get her to enjoy it, alright?"

"We will. I promise that we all will enjoy that birthday." Star nodded, wiping away her tears as he and Tad ran in the other direction. "Which means we're coming back for you."

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"Remind me why I'm going with you?" He could hear Tad complain as they made their way to the dining hall.

"They're gonna need someone to fight Ponyhead, do you wanna take on a floating head with a horn?" Marco already got impalement threats from the horse head before, he didn't want to see if she would follow up on it in this brainwashed state of hers.

"Fair point, but did you have to leave that jerk Quartz with them. I don't trust him around Kelly." Tad grumbled.

"Dude, the last word to ever describe Star's brother is jerk. He is literally the least likely person to ever try something with a girl, especially one that's already dating someone." He continued running. "Also he's really uncomfortable around her after the whole fusion thing, I'd doubt he'd try it even if you weren't dating."

"Whatever. I just don't like the look they give each other. She's supposed to only look at other guys when we break up." He seriously needed to double down on his therapy lessons, maybe even make it his future degree with all this stuff going on. "So how do you plan to start a riot with princesses that have been brainwashed?"

"Hitting them where it's instinctual … their individuality." They stopped at a room full of princesses practicing tea sipping. "Girls like these are just waiting for the perfect opportunity to throw a punch at something." 

"Keep your pinkies at ninety degrees. More tea please." All of them chanted simultaneously, almost as if they were robots, all sharing the same hardware programing them to do the same thing over and over again. Oh yeah, they just needed to be pushed a little in the right direction.

"It's not criminal, to be an individual!" Marco shouted his own chant, grabbing a random tea cup and throwing it across the room. "It's not Criminal, to be an individual!"

"It's … not criminal … to be … an individual?" A princess asked, almost as if it was a question.

"It's not criminal, to be an individual!" He shouted once more, kicking a table over.

"It's not criminal…to be an individual." Another princess said without it being a question, letting her own tea cup fall to the ground.

"It's not criminal, to be an individual!" They all started chanting in mass, he could hear footsteps rumble, his plan already drawing attention. "It's not criminal, to be an individual!"

"It's not criminal. to be an-" He was cut off, a feminine hand choking the life out of him. The gaze of Ms. Heinous looking directly into his soul.

"We have you … and the fake guard."

"Oh come on, I'm not fake, I just can't do much alone!"

"All the guards are robots, they wouldn't be talking back to anyone like you just did." Well that sucked.

"You may take me down, but you'll never crush the spirit of-" He was cut off as she clenched tighter on his throat.

"But that's my Business … crushing spirits."