Beers and Beards: A Cozy Dwarf Tale

The end of the tunnel was over a kilometer away, and we were taking it slow.

“Rafter crew! Check on the supports!” Copperpot shouted. The overall clad dwarves I’d seen during Balin’s rescue got to work climbing the walls as we made our way down the tunnel. “Excellent, I don’t see any real damage to the tunnel structure…” Copperpot leaned in, and I could see his glasses telescoping outwards.

“What do you think? Was the experiment a success?” I was nervous, and Balin wasn’t helping, as he rubbed his hands and practically jittered beside me. I could understand, as we were about to see if he would be with his lady love next week or next decade.

“Well, the boomdust certainly went Boom!” Copperpot smiled.

“Broke my ears.” Grumbled Grim.

“It was quite loud, Professor,” Lillyweather said from beside us. “Perhaps next time we should have ear covering even when we are outside the mine?”

“Yes, I didn’t take into account the focusing nature of the tunnel on the sound. Make a note of it please, Lillyweather.”

“Yes, Professor.”

The party continued down the tunnel like that for a while. The rafter crew would go up and check the wooden supports, Copperpot would examine the walls with his glasses, and everyone would take notes. Every once in a while, someone ran down a dive tunnel to see if there had been impact to them.

I looked around and realized we were actually stuffed in here pretty tight. Between the four guards that had come with us, the five grad students, the four-man rafter crew, Grim, Balin, and Copperpot, we were standing shoulder to shoulder at times.

I held Balin back so we weren’t in the way. I didn’t want to cause any problems at this stage, not when we were so close. Grim stayed near the front and helped Copperpot direct the rafter crew. One guard peeled off and stuck to us. I didn’t want to shoo him away, so I did my best to ignore him and turned to Balin.

“Do you think it worked?” I whispered.

“Sounded like it ta me Pete.” Balin hissed back. “I still can’t believe ya made somethin’ like that.”

“’We’, ‘we’ made it Balin!”

“Say what ya want, but it was yer idea Pete.”

“What matters is that we both get credit for our indenture.”

“True enough. I can’t wait ta see Annie again!”

Eventually Copperpot came back to chat with us as a bored looking Grim followed behind.

“Everything good?” I asked.

“Yes, I wanted to ensure the rafter crew was competent enough to spot any problems. They have proven their excellence, and I am confident enough to leave them to their work.”

“Don’t want to make em nervous, eh?” Gods knew I’d had difficulty with that when I first became the boss. I’d checked every employee’s work, ensured every single job was done to exacting standards, and practically ridden my first workers until they'd nearly quit. Thankfully, Caroline sat me down and explained what an ass I was being before it was too late.

Coach, instruct, and then leave it to the proven professionals; don’t micromanage.

“Nothing quite like a bigwig standing underneath you while you hammer on the ceiling to give someone the shakes.” Copperpot agreed. “So what is this radler that you and Statustician Diamond were discussing?”

“It’s a mixture of…” I shut my mouth with a *clack*. Wow, I've been giving out a ton of recipes for free in here. I was so used to getting anything I wanted off the internet that I had forgotten even ‘basic’ information could hold value. On Earth I could just look up a radler recipe online, but here I was the only resource.

Except for Bran, but I had ways to silence him. Having a sharp mind like Copperpot trying to ferret out my secrets was really helping me get my ‘A game’ back! That or the bonus wisdom.

“The exact recipe is something I worked out with Bran. It’s currently a trade secret.” I practically purred. “It has been successful enough that I am considering some investors though. If you’re interested, we could discuss-”

“It’s just lemonade mixed with beer.” Grim interrupted from behind us. Copperpot laughed out loud.

“Barck’s beard, Grim!” I whirled on him. “Why would you do that!?” Grim just gave me another shark tooth grin.

“Ahahaha!” Copperpot wiped some tears from his eyes. “Sorry Pete, looks like the lemon is out of the bag on that one. Still… lemonade and beer?” He pulled at his moustache. “Lemonade is more of a gnomish drink. I’m surprised that a dwarf was willing to ah, contaminate, their sacred brew with it.”

“I did hear that gnomes don’t drink much beer.”

“No, it’s too sour for our tastes. Most gnomes prefer dry flavours like teas and coffees though some prefer the sweet sugary taste of juice.”

We chatted about tea and coffee for a while as we walked. Apparently Copperpot comes from a family of gnomish oligarchs that own a tea business in Minnova. They are one of the main distributors of teas and coffees to all of Crack. At first I was desperately imagining cappuccinos, but then a thought slowly began to take form in the back of my mind.

“Copperpot, what if I could make a beer that gnomes would like?”

“That would be interesting. How?”

“It’s complicated, but I could probably whip up something acceptable.” I considered what was safe to tell him without giving too much away. If I played my cards right I could gain Copperpot's interest. Right now that outvalued any money I could gain from the information as long as I didn't give too much away. “Since your family sells tea, do you understand the concept of tannins?”

“Hmmm… I've heard of them, but can’t say I'm overly familiar. It's not my area of study, though it is part of my family's business."

"What do you know?"

"I know they're in plants, but not much else."

“Let's see if I can explain ... You understand that acids are sour, correct?”

“Yes, obviously.” Copperpot looked askance at me.

“Well, tannins are chemical compounds that make the tart flavour you’d associate with black teas. They’re bitter and astringent and leave your mouth and tongue feeling kind of dry. On the other hand, sour is a taste that leaves your mouth feeling watery and puckered, like some fruit teas.”

“Oho, you know some of the secrets of tea!” Copperpot jabbed a finger in my direction. “Were you trained somewhere?”

“Actually, I know about it because I’m interested in brewing. Tannins are important for beer brewing too.”

“Truly? How so? I wouldn’t think that beer has much in common with tea.” Copperpot's eyes sparkled with academic interest.

I squared my shoulders and spoke authoritatively. “First, you need to understand that tannins are a natural part of most vegetation. They are a preservative, and they form an outer coating on plants to help them survive winter. You get a lot of them on grapes, which is why red wine is often so dry.”

“You’ve had wine? I haven’t even had any, it’s very expensive.” Copperpot raised his curly eyebrows at me.

“Uh, so I’ve heard, anyway. When you mash your malt, it adds some tannins into the wort. Those tannins stay in the brew and help keep the acidity of the beer from overwhelmin’ your taste buds. The erdroot used in the local malt doesn’t need to survive winter, so it’s got no tannins in it. That makes tha beer a bit one dimensional.” Most beers got their tannin from the husks of the plant used to make the malt. Rice beer has some of the most tannins in it, and wheat beer has some of the lowest. Here in Crack the lack of any tannins in dwarvish beer was just another thing to dislike about it.

“Interesting. I don't really know what mash and wort are, but I can extrapolate them well enough from the context."

"Ah, sorry. Do you need me to explain?"

"No, that's quite alright." Copperpot looked me over. "Pete, you seem to know a lot about flavour, and you’re quick on the uptake. Are you looking for work when you complete your indenture? My family might be interested in someone with a unique point of view.”

Score! While a job working for a gnomish oligarch family sounded appealing, it wasn’t really what I wanted. It made for a nice failsafe though.

“No, sorry, I want to work in a brewery.”

“A brewery, really? How do you plan to get into one? They are very selective in who they employ.” Copperpot pointed out. “Most are kept within the family.”

“I have a friend that’s letting me work at hers.”

“Well, that’s a lucky break! Praise Barck!”

Ugh, I’d rather not.

---

After an interminable amount of time filled with constant stops to check the integrity of the tunnel, we reached a location that was coated in a fine dust.

“Alright everyone! Keep a sharp eye out!” Copperpot commanded. “We’ve reached the blast zone, and I want you to take note of every single detail! Leave nothing out!”

Every grad student had a notepad in hand in an instant, and the sound of furious scribbling soon filled the tunnel. I was getting incredibly bored, and Balin and I had taken to discussing our plans upon leaving the mine. He wanted to go straight to Annie’s and I wanted to scope things out for a day or two first. However, our discussion was suddenly interrupted by a pair of blue boxes that popped into my vision.

*bing*

Survive

You have disturbed a monstrous brood! Can you survive long enough for help to arrive?

This is a timed quest. Time remaining: 16 minutes.

Reward: +0.1 Vitality

Do you accept this quest?

Yes/No

Slay

You are encountering monsters for the first time! Show off your otherworldly prowess and slay them!

Slain: 0/10 Monsters

Reward: [Basic Slash]

Do you accept this quest?

Yes/No

HOLY SHIT! I accepted the two quests then turned to Copperpot and opened my mouth to shout a warning. How could I tell him without revealing my secrets?! Quick brain, think!

“Copperpot! I was just thinking, could a blast like that disturb any local animals?”

“I suppose.” Copperpot mused. “I had Speaker John check the blast zone ahead of time, but if there were any freschies he wouldn’t have seen them. The only thing we’d need to worry about around here are –“

“STONEANT!” A shrill feminine cry came from slightly down the tunnel. We yanked our necks around just in time to see some dust coated antennae quaveringly peek out from behind some rubble.