Beacon of Light in the Dark Sea

“It’s okay to be more angry and curse them out! The people who killed you and Tina like that are already corpses or will be soon! Even if some survived, do you think those bastards who selfishly escaped in the pods will live well? Such selfish jerks will die even more horribly someday, even if not here! They’ll pay the price for what they chose!”

So much for emotional restraint. I was sobbing but also stomping around furiously. I was so sad that this situation happened and anger surged up from my gut. I couldn’t tell if that anger was directed at those selfish, enraged people, the missile that caused this situation, or this underwater base itself.

Kim Ga-young and Yoo Geum-yi were standing in the doorway watching this scene. After hesitating a few times, Yoo Geum-yi approached Bel’s side. Then she quietly spoke to Bel.

“Tina would have wanted to stay by your side no matter what. …… She must have liked you enough to give up her escape pod.”

As Yoo Geum-yi reconnected Bel’s weakening fingers with Tina’s fingers, she said,

“Enough to not mind becoming fish food together.”

The murmuring voice continued, directed at Bel who was blankly staring at the ceiling.

“By your side is the person who loved and protected you, and also someone who doesn’t know you well but has come to respect you like this. There’s Ga-young eonni who owes you for coffee several times, and me who was plotting to clean out the bakery because you said you’d buy bread.”

Yoo Geum-yi smiled and said softly,

“You worked hard. Thank you for that passion. Now hold Tina’s hand and rest.”

I realized you could say it like that. As I looked at Bel, I felt my anger disappear in an instant. I bit my lip and swallowed my sorrow. I felt like I would cry if I opened my mouth. I finally felt like I could understand the emotion Ga-young mentioned of wanting to cry when you see good people.

I washed my hands several times and unwrapped the towel around Ga-young’s burned hands to examine the wounds. Ga-young, who justified to me that she had washed it under running water for 20 minutes, spoke of her hand injuries as if it were no big deal.

“Uh…… Moo-hyun-ssi. It doesn’t hurt as much as you’d think.”

As soon as I saw her hands, I almost blurted out that it’s because the nerve cells were destroyed, but I barely held back. I didn’t want to scare her first in a situation I couldn’t immediately fix. The left hand was relatively fine, but the right thumb, index finger, and middle finger were the worst, with two knuckles of skin blackened from 3rd degree burns. There were also areas where blisters were forming.

I tried my best not to burst the blisters as I dressed the wounds with items salvaged from the emergency bag and wrapped her fingers and hands with the cleanest cloth available. I had her open her mouth wide to check if there was inflammation inside from the hydrochloric acid fumes, but fortunately there was none. I tried my best to speak calmly to Ga-young.

“Once we get out of here, you should go to the hospital quickly, Ga-young-ssi. Now try not to use your right hand as much as possible.”

“Okay.”

“…… Don’t use your left hand either.”

“Then what do I do?”

“Order me and the others around.”

At those words, Ga-young let out a small laugh as if exhaling. Why does seeing someone else laugh reduce my anxiety and depression too? Even though I’m not the one laughing.

As I was disinfecting the scraped and scratched knee and calf areas, I took a look around. Jihyun went down to the 2nd floor, which was filling with water, saying she would check the freight elevator with a few others. Yoo Geum-yi found some spray pain relief patches in a lab and went into the room where the corpses were piled up, saying she would spray it on her back and waist. Yoo Geum-yi says dead people are less scary than living people. …… I’m scared of both. As I disinfected Ga-young’s calf, I asked in a small voice.

“Um…… Ga-young-ssi. I’d like to have a bit of an uncomfortable conversation. If you feel bad or don’t want to answer during the conversation, please tell me you don’t want to.”

At those words, Ga-young tilted her head to the right, then to the left, stretching her neck, and answered me.

“Okay. Go ahead.”

“Weren’t you scared when pouring the hydrochloric acid?”

“…… That my hand would get hurt? Or that the other person would die horribly?”

“I’m also concerned about the former, but my question is about the latter.”

“I was scared of both, honestly. But I was more afraid of him approaching us and harming us.”

Ga-young said, looking at her hand wrapped in gauze and bandages.

“I know there are people in this world who can’t be reasoned with or persuaded through conversation alone. After seeing him use the organic compound decomposer on a human body, I gave up trying to persuade Goodman at all. I guess it’s because I’m old enough. I’m an old person who’s too lazy to invest enough time to have a conversation and persuade with various evidence, so if it seems like words won’t work, I easily give up on the other person.”

“At that time, I thought the four of us could subdue him. …… Is that naive? This conversation isn’t meant to criticize your actions, Ga-young-ssi.”

Ga-young looked at the back of my intact hand, unlike my battered face, and spoke with a frown.

“Being naive isn’t a bad thing. But there are a lot of crazy bastards in the world. Some can only be stopped by death. There are quite a few people with problems in their brains too. …… Um. I saw some of those types before coming to the lab, and unfortunately got involved with them, so I know. I thought that if that bastard hadn’t died like that then, one or two of the four of us might have died.”

I have lived a life far from violence. I’m deeply regretting just pulling the trigger in my dreams. That guilt. The heavy feeling in my index finger and the sight of the people who died from it kept coming to mind. The weight of the dead cats and the blood people shed too. Those deaths were all in dreams.

And I kept thinking of Bel who just died, Martina who was next to her, the corpses strewn around, and the man named Arthur who died before that. I’ll probably never be the type of person to harm someone first in my life. I can’t be someone who gets hit and then hits first. I’ve been lucky enough to live without getting badly beaten or properly hitting anyone, but how long can that last in this underwater base?

Even when I really disliked certain people while living in society, I never personally beat them up or took revenge. I’d rather stop getting involved or just avoid them. Don’t people usually call the police if things get too serious? Ga-young fiddled with the bandage on her treated right hand with her left hand and said,

“I don’t really regret what I did.”

“…… That’s why I’m telling you this, but do you have any intention of going back to the deep-sea creature center to check if the other person is alive or dead?”

“You’re telling me to go back into that darkness?”

Ga-young shook her head vehemently with a terrified look. Of course. How could anyone go back there? Of course, Ga-young seems to have enough guts and tenacity to go back if told to, which is why I’m even asking. I don’t think I could go either if asked.

“I’m not really saying we should go back. But that person…… might still be alive. He could be rescued by others later.”

“…… Uh oh.”

“In the case of the people we met at the deep-sea creature center, I confirmed whether they were dead or alive, but with Arthur Goodman, I was too busy running away to check. So if that person happens to be alive and gets rescued, it could become a problem later. It seems like there won’t be any witnesses to that incident besides the four of us though.”

It’s a far-fetched possibility, but what if people from the outside try to rescue the people here? You have to assume someone is alive until they are definitively pronounced dead. And the person pronouncing death here is me. I should have acted more level-headed then and confirmed Arthur Goodman’s life or death status, but all I could do was run away in a panic.

It seems unlikely anyone could see us properly in the dark, but a lightning-fast question crossed my mind after hearing that James and Kanu survived by hiding. What if someone was hiding and watching what just happened? What if he’s still alive due to someone’s emergency treatment? Ga-young made a perplexed expression and said,

“It’s a slim possibility, but that could happen? Him surviving in that state?”

“People come to the hospital with their mouths gone. …… If we escape and it becomes an issue because of that person, I’m going to claim self-defense and say you were my accomplice then.”

“…… Why?”

“If I had just pummeled that person with my fists a bit, it might not have escalated to that extent. You and that person Arthur might not have needed to get this injured.”

Ga-young made an absurd expression but soon laughed.

“Is that what you’re sorry about? Hmm. I don’t know Moo-hyun-ssi well, and we just met today, but you’re kind to the point of being naive. Jihyun said something similar in the bathroom earlier. She said she grabbed a knife but fell and got up and doesn’t know where it went. She apologized for making unnie handle such a thing.”

Kind to the point of being naive. Isn’t that an excuse for guilt? All four of us benefited from Arthur Goodman’s death, but if this becomes a criminal case, no matter how slim the chance, I don’t want Ga-young to take on most of the blame. I pointed to myself using a slang term I had heard somewhere before.

“Aren’t you going to ask why I’m being a pushover?”

“I don’t like the word pushover. It mocks kind people. It drags down the moral standards to the bottom like everyone else, assuming others will act the same way you do. Don’t use that word.”

…… I think it’s really fortunate that Ga-young is much more educated and intelligent than me. It’s not easy to have a chance to have this kind of conversation with this kind of person. I guess we can all be honest because we’re in a disaster situation. Since we just met, there’s no need for formalities, and our work fields are completely different, so there’s no reason for us to get entangled. Ga-young snatched the tweezers from my hand and said,

“I know exactly what I did. If he’s alive, well, it can’t be helped. That means he has a long life. …… I’ll have an intact mouth, so I’ll go around blabbing to the whole world about what he’s been up to. Well, don’t worry too much. If he’s alive, at least I can alleviate some of my guilt.”

Then Ga-young awkwardly began treating my torn eyebrow, swollen eye, and busted lip. I was about to point out Ga-young’s hand hygiene and dressing methods, but I closed my mouth and quietly received Ga-young’s treatment. I half-closed my eyes because she was so close.