Be a girl

Mum didn’t leave right away. She spent most of the week packing her things, preparing for the move. She didn’t stop going to work, which meant she wasn’t ready to finally move until the next weekend. She left for her sister’s house on her own, only allowing us to help her pack the car. It was hard to see her leave like this, but at least I’d be seeing her next week, so it wasn’t completely doom and gloom.

James cried right before she left, and mum had to reassure him that everything would be alright, and that she wasn’t gone forever. Poor kid. James and I both saw her off. Dad, however, remained inside the house, not bothering to say goodbye. Whatever tension dad’s transformation had caused between them, I hoped it didn’t turn into resentment, though I didn’t like the odds.

When Monday rolled around, exam week had arrived. I honestly didn’t care enough to study for any of my exams; my results wouldn’t matter anyway, and it wasn’t like I was going to fail. I honestly had more important things to worry about than a few tests that were ultimately meaningless. Though perhaps the exams could serve to take my mind off things for at least a few hours. I wasn’t counting on it though, given how thoroughly my life had fallen apart. How much my entire family had fallen apart. I suspected most students would be nervous for their exams, but I was more bored and annoyed about them than anything. I just wanted to be done with this school forever.

Because I was no longer attending the school anymore, they told me my exam location would be separate from the rest of the school, in a regular classroom. I figured it best to show up in my school uniform so as to not upset whichever teacher happened to be invigilating my exams. Of course, I made certain that I was wearing my gloves when I left the house, to avoid any accidents. Though I didn’t expect I would come into contact any of the students here, it paid to be safe.

It was going to be interesting trying to hold my pen and writing whilst wearing gloves. Not to mention that the early December heat would likely make my hands all sweaty which I wasn’t looking forward to in the slightest. At least it was only my hands that needed to be covered. I wouldn’t want to have to be covered head to toe every day for the rest of my life, especially during summer.

I was nervous on the bus ride over to school, not because I was worried about my upcoming exam, but because I didn’t take the bus that often. Normally, mum would take me to school, but that was no longer an option. My nerves were only compounded by the fear that my gloves would slip off and I would accidentally transform a complete stranger. I knew this was a silly thing to get worked up over, but the brain loves to worry about irrational things sometimes.

I made sure to avoid all the other boys waiting for their own exams. I didn’t want anything to do with any of them, though I did catch glimpses of crowds gathered around the usual exam halls on my way over to my own exam location.

I entered the classroom and sat down at one of the desks. The only other person in the room was a teacher whom I didn’t recognise. He glanced up from whatever he was reading and smiled at me as I entered. I didn’t respond in kind, keeping my face neutral.

As I started pulling out the utensils I needed for the exam, an unfamiliar voice spoke up from behind me.

“Of fucking course they’d make us sit our exams together, assholes.”

I turned and saw that some girl with short brown hair had entered the room. She seemed familiar, like I’d met her before.

Oh. That was Jesse. I almost didn’t recognise him, given his feminine figure and the fact that he’d dyed his hair brown for some reason. But why else would a girl show up here? I wasn’t sure what the deal with the dyed hair was, and to be honest, I didn’t care to know. I at least agreed with his sentiment: I did not want to have to sit all my exams with him in the room.

It was very odd seeing him like this. For one, he wasn’t wearing his school uniform like I was, but that was to be expected; his uniform no longer fit him. While he certainly wasn’t dressed in a manner I would consider girly, his clothes definitely seemed like they had come from the women’s section of the store. The tshirt clung to his figure tightly, making obvious the new curves of his body. The shorts were also much shorter than would expect from a guy like Jesse, though I wouldn’t consider them short shorts given they reached down to about his mid thigh. He still had that same awful haircut though, despite the change in colour.

I felt a pang of envy as I took in Jesse’s appearance, but quickly brushed the thought aside. It was gross to feel envious of that asshole, and it made me sick to my stomach that I felt that way. He had been my tormentor for years; there was no redeeming qualities about him, and especially none that I should be envious of.

I didn’t say anything in response to Jesse’s remark. I wasn’t in the mood to talk to that asshole, nor did I think I would ever be. The teacher in the room once again looked up from his reading material. Instead of smiling however, he frowned, looking confused to see Jesse. “Excuse me miss, are you lost?” he asked.

Jesse rolled his eyes as he sat down at once of the desks, dumping his schoolbag on the floor beside him. “No fuckwit,” he retorted, “I’m here to take my stupid exams, and I’d like to get them over and done with as soon as possible. Did that dumbfuck principal not tell you why I’m here?”

The teacher straightened his back before speaking, as if to appear more professional, “I was informed that I would be invigilating the exams of two students who were expelled a few weeks ago. And since you –” he pointed at Jesse sternly, “– do not look like a former student, I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”

Jesse crossed his arms over his chest, propped his legs up on the desk and leant back on the rear two legs of his chair. “I want nothing better than to leave this shitty place, but my mum would be fucking pissed at me if I did before finishing my exams. You see, I am one of those two students who was expelled, and I was expelled because this cunt –” he pointed directly at me, scowling so harshly that I flinched slightly, “– turned me into a fucking chick.”

He then addressed me directly. “Thanks for that by the way, fuckstick” he said, his voice oozing with sarcasm, “Because of you, my life has become a living hell. ‘Preciate it.”

The teacher was utterly dumbfounded. “Do you really expect me to believe such an outlandish story?” he asked incredulously. In his defence, it was a rather preposterous claim. A month ago, I wouldn’t have believed what Jesse said either.

I drooped my head. As much as I hated Jesse, I needed to speak up. “It’s true,” I said softly. “I don’t know why, but for some reason, if I touch someone with either of my hands, they become female.” The teacher looked at me, bewildered. He likely didn’t believe me either. Who would? I wasn’t exactly going to demonstrate it to him in order to prove that I was telling the truth.

Jesse stood up and walked over to me with a foul expression. “Speaking of, have you figured out how to change me back?” I shook my head. As far as I was aware, I could only ever make people female, which meant that anyone whom I had changed would be stuck that way. I also saw no way of preventing people from changing, aside from the obvious: avoiding direct physical contact by way of gloves.

“I’m sorry,” was all I said to him. Despite how he had treated me over the past few years, I still felt sorry for him. After seeing how it affected my father, I imagined Jesse wasn’t faring much better.

Jesse leant in close to me and spoke directly into my ear. “If you think I’m going to forgive you for completely ruining my life, you’re sorely mistaken, dickhead. Sorry ain’t gonna cut it. Fix this shit then maybe I’ll think about forgiving you.”

I frowned. I didn’t want his forgiveness. He also ruined my life well before I did his. He wasn’t some innocent angel who could do no wrong; he was a horrible person who made these last few years a living hell for me. I was glad that once this week was over, he’d be out of my life forever.

I wanted so desperately to tell all of this to him, to cuss him out like he deserved, but my brain simply did not let me. My emotions overwhelmed me, and all I could manage was to quiver my bottom lip. I grew angrier and angrier remembering all the awful things that Jesse and his cronies had done to me, huffing with frustration.

I needed to get it out, but I couldn’t, frustrating me ever so. The emotions that had been pent up over the past few weeks needed to be released, but my brain built itself a barrier that nothing could penetrate. I was sure Jesse wasn’t lying that his life was now hell, but nothing could compare to the state my life was currently in. Years of relentless teasing, name-calling, bullying. And the thrilling conclusion to all that? My family falling apart. My father and brother having their bodies ripped away from them. My father, a husk of his former self.

After a few moments of silence, it was Jesse’s turn to frown, his face contorting with rage directed purely at me. “Nothing to say for yourself!?” he barked. He raised his fist. I instantly flinched on instinct and put my arms up to protect my head. With a loud roar, he slammed his fist on the table with a resounding thud. He took a very deep breath to collect himself before making his way over to a desk on the other side of the room. “Pathetic,” he muttered.

I glanced over the teacher and saw that he was still displeased. “Quite frankly, I don’t believe any of that nonsense the both of you are spouting,” he said. “But I don’t get paid near enough to care. So, if you’re quite done then we can begin.” He stood up and grabbed some sheets of paper which I assumed to be our exams. He asked us who was who, then handed out the papers.

My first exam for the week was physics. Nice and easy, for me at least. I grabbed my pen and tried to write my name, but the glove made it exceptionally difficult, so I hesitantly removed it. I figured since it was only the three of us, and we were all spread out, it was safe for me to leave my hand bare, so long as I remembered to put it back on before handing my paper back to the teacher.

I sighed. I had entered this room with the hopes of taking my mind off all that had happened recently, but the fact that I could see a very female looking Jesse in the corner of my eye made that extremely difficult. I really wasn’t sure what the school administration was thinking putting us in the same room. Did they forget that he beat me up last time? Were they not worried he’d do the same again?

The exam was, as I expected, easy for me. Though I did have trouble concentrating, making me take far longer than I would have normally, I still did finish several minutes before the allotted two hours was up. I made sure to put the glove back on my writing hand before handing my paper back to the teacher. Jesse scowled as I walked past him. I didn’t react at all. I was so done with him.

I hadn’t made it very far from the classroom – only about thirty metres or so – when I heard the sound of thongs slapping on the ground behind me. I turned to face the source of the noise, and saw Jesse rushing up to me, glaring me down. My breath caught in my throat, and I tried to turn and get away from him, but he caught up to me before I could get very far.

He wrapped his arm around the back of my neck, shunting me forward and halting my movement. “Where do you think you’re going, runt?” he snarled. I could feel the venom in his voice dripping into my ears, paralysing me. I wanted to call out for help, but my larynx refused to heed my calls to action.

What did the school expect, making us take our exams in the same location? Unbelievable. The arm around my neck squeezed harder, applying an uncomfortable pressure. I let out a whimper, desperately wanting Jesse to just leave me alone. After a few moments, he finally released me from his grip, shoving me forward. I faced him, eyeing him carefully in case he made any more moves against me. Despite his diminished stature, he still towered over, paralysing me in fear. I knew I couldn’t get away from him at this point; unlike me, he was physically fit, and could easily chase me down if I tried to run away.

“Listen here you little shit,” he said, “You’re gonna change me back right the fuck now, or I’m gonna kill you.” I stared at him, unable to speak a word to him. I absolutely would change him back if I could, if only to have him off my back. My lip quivered in fear, my heart rate rising as adrenaline began pumping through my veins. The look on his face told me he was one hundred percent serious, and it scared the life out of me.

“WELL!?” he roared, causing me to flinch a little. I opened my mouth to speak, to tell him that I couldn’t fulfill his request, but nothing came out. With a shaky hand, I slowly reached into my pocket, pulled out my phone and unlocked it. Using the stylus (a requirement whilst wearing gloves), I opened the notes app, typed out the words ‘I can’t’, and showed them to Jesse.

He screamed at me, and I covered my ears to protect my hearing. I could see tears starting to form in his eyes. I couldn’t help but feel sorry for him once again, even despite the way he’d treated me in the past. “YOU HAVE TO CHANGE ME BACK!” he roared, “I CAN’T LIVE LIKE THIS!”

He charged at me, his fist held high. I cowered away from him, raising my arms to protect my face just in time for his fist to slam into my forearm. I fell over from the force, barely catching myself with my other arm as I landed on the ground. I didn’t get up right away, instead rubbing at my injured arm to help ease some of the pain.

I looked over at Jesse, who had slumped to his knees, sobbing and wailing. This new Jesse was a stark contrast to the old Jesse, and not just because he looked different. The typical tough guy persona that he put on before had completely shattered, and all that remained was a broken and distraught child.

I sighed and lifted myself into a seated position, not taking my eyes off Jesse. He looked certifiably terrible; worse than I’d ever seen him before. A complete mess. At least he’d given up on attacking me, probably realising it was futile. I wouldn’t be changing him back, and hurting me didn’t seem like it would make him feel any better.

“I thought I heard a little girl crying,” a voice rang out from behind me, “Never thought I’d stumble upon two little girls.” Both Jesse and I snapped to attention. It was one of Jesse’s goons: Josh. Great, another one, just what I needed.