Be a girl

I could feel myself settling into a new normal. It was good for the most part, mostly due to the fact that there were people who weren’t related to me who were willing to tolerate my presence. No, I was being too harsh on myself. They actively sought to include me, and enjoyed spending time with me. It was nice.

In other news, Jaxon and I both had a maths test coming up, in the class that we both shared. And, well, Jaxon was evidently struggling, despite us only having a few weeks of lessons. I was having zero trouble with the class, a completely unsurprising fact to me. After all, I took another maths class, and that one was a step above in difficulty.

Jaxon – acutely aware of this – practically pleaded with me to help him. He invited me to his house on Sunday, the day before the test, to tutor him in the subject, and I agreed. It would be my first time in many many years since I’d gone over to a friend’s house. Not since primary school.

Mum offered to drop me off, but I respectfully declined. Her house was actually closer to Jaxon’s than dad’s was, so it wasn’t a very long walk. I rang the doorbell and Jaxon greeted me at the door, beckoning me to enter. On our way to Jaxon’s bedroom, we passed by the dining room, where we were met with a tall girl still eating her breakfast at ten in the morning. Given her age, I assumed she was Jaxon’s sister. She had the same brown hair as Jaxon, and while I could tell she was quite a bit shorter than him, she was still easily a foot taller than me. Even though she was sitting down, she was above my eye level.

As she saw the two of us walk by, she raised her spoon and pointed the tip in my direction. “Got yourself a boyfriend I see, Jax,” she remarked, her mouth still partially filled with whatever cereal it was that she was eating. “Was wondering when that would happen.”

I immediately blushed and saw that Jaxon had as well. How was that her first thought upon seeing the two of us!? That was not a normal conclusion to reach. Unless she wasn’t being serious, and she was just trying to rile up her brother. That was a distinct possibility.

“Emily!” Jaxon whined. If she were trying to rile up Jaxon, she had certainly succeeded.

I tried opening my mouth to speak, to deny the accusation laid upon the two of us, but I was too stunned to utter a single word. Luckily, I didn’t need to say anything, as Jaxon came to my rescue. Though in fairness, he was also defending himself. “Ben is not my boyfriend!”

“A pity,” Emily said, shaking her head and scooping out another spoonful of her cereal, “You snagged yourself a cutie.”

Wh-what? Me? Cute? That did not compute. The only word that could adequately describe my appearance was ugly. Cute simply did not apply to me. Still, being called that did make my face become even hotter than it already was. It felt like someone had raised the temperature of the room by several degrees. It was still technically summer. Maybe a warm breeze entered through an open window and heated up the entire house. You never know.

“Oh, he’s even more adorable when he’s flustered,” Emily giggled.

“Emily, please shut up,” Jaxon pleaded.

“What? It’s a sister’s job to tease her younger brother.”

Jaxon sighed, hanging his head and shaking it. “I never should have told you that I’m bi.” He was bi? And he was just ok with saying that out loud to me, someone he’d known for less than a month? I mean, not that I had any problem with it, but I would have thought he’d have a little more tact. He surely would have known how some people treated those in the LGBTI community.

Emily cackled. “Would you rather me be less accepting of your bisexuality?” she asked, resting her chin on her hand and giving my friend an incredibly devilish grin.

“Ugh, you’re the worst,” Jaxon groaned.

“At least I’m not homophobic!” She cackled again, revelling in his discomfort, and I was suddenly glad that my own brother was far too young for such a sibling relationship.

My friend rolled his eyes and crossed his arms in front of his chest. “I don’t think your girlfriend would appreciate it if you were.”

“True that,” she smirked. She paused for a moment, turning her attention to me. “So, you gonna introduce your short friend here or what?”

“Oh! Right! This is Ben. Ben, this is Emily, my older sister.” He glared at the girl sternly, clearly fed up with her nuisance behaviour.

I gave Emily a timid wave and a meek, “Hi.”

“Snagged yourself a shy one, huh? Tell me, Ben, are you gay? Don’t worry, I won’t judge you.”

I. What? We’d only just met, and she was already asking if I was gay? Who did that? I could feel my hands clamming up, getting all sweaty inside my gloves. This question shouldn’t have been so hard to answer. I mean, I was straight. I liked girls. I knew that. Girls were pretty. There was no stigma against being a straight guy. People constantly droned on about how well off straight guys were, though I never quite felt like I’d reaped any of the supposed benefits. So, why did I have trouble answering?

Before I was able to answer, Jaxon interrupted, “Listen, Ben is here to tutor me in maths. And no other reason.” He glared daggers at his sister, ensuring that she understood that he was fully fed up with her nonsense.

Not that it worked. Emily burst into laughter. “That cliché? Oh, you two are definitely gonna end up being lovebirds in no time. I can tell just by looking at Ben that he’s one hundred percent into men. My gaydar is flawless.” She tapped at her temple a couple times with a cheeky smirk on her face.

Jaxon inhaled deeply, highly frustrated with his sister’s behaviour, but still attempting to maintain some measure of composure. He placed his hands together as if he were praying, then pointed his fingers at her. “Gaydar? More like ‘faildar’. Ben isn’t attracted to men.”

Oh, so they were just going to argue over my orientation without my input. Ok. Was this normal sibling behaviour? Or were these two just weird? It was perhaps best for me to speak up, but they were talking so loudly that I wasn’t sure my tiny voice could project itself enough to be heard.

“You’re seriously gonna buy that? Look at how he carries himself!” She made an exaggerated gesture in my direction to sell her point.

Wait, was that why Jesse and his goons called me ‘faggot’ and ‘poofter’? Did I carry myself in a gay manner? I never really thought about my mannerisms too much. I merely acted in the manner that felt the most natural to me. If that made me seem gay to other people, then it wasn’t intentional.

Baffled wouldn’t even begin to describe the face that Jaxon just made. There was some exasperation mixed in there too. “That’s not… You can’t just… You should know that better than anyone!”

“Says you,” she scoffed. “I was just teasing anyway.”

“Well, it wasn’t funny.” Jaxon turned to me and addressed me directly, “C’mon, let’s go.” He jerked his head in a direction which I assumed was towards his bedroom.

He placed a hand on my shoulder and gently guided me away from the dining room and to his bedroom. The first thing I noticed upon entering was how much of a mess it was. Clothes strewn across the floor, and even on the bed. Random junk, including empty soft drink bottles and cans. How he slept in a bed covered in junk, I didn’t know, but I figured it would be rude to ask. I reminded myself that it was rude to judge.

Opposite the bed was a reasonably sized desk with a desktop PC sitting on top. He had a two monitor setup, but the second monitor was only a four by three screen rather than the more common sixteen by nine. Still better than a single monitor setup. I would die without my second monitor.

Jaxon flopped onto his bed, his body (and some of the junk atop the bed) bouncing slightly before settling. He let out an exasperated sigh. “Sorry about my sister. She’s a lot to deal with.”

“It’s fine,” I reassured Jaxon. It was only a little uncomfortable…

“Come on, let’s go do the thing you came here for.”

Jaxon rolled off his bed then led me over to his desk, before realising that I had nowhere to sit, since there was only the single chair. He rushed out of the room and returned quickly with one of the dining room chairs. He placed it in front of the desk and gave a little flourish to encourage me to sit down.

I had assumed before I came here that Jaxon would have all the required stationery, so I didn’t bring anything of my own. We started at the very beginning of the topic, with me doing my very best at explaining. Based on my observations from class, the conceptual basis was there (mostly due to me explaining it during class), he just needed some guided practice.

“So,” I said, “differential calculus.”

“Yep. Differential calculus,” Jaxon replied. “Please help me Obi-Wan Kenobi, you’re my only hope.”

Alright, wordplay out already, and we hadn’t even started yet. After several weeks of knowing Jaxon and his punny world, I’d been working on my own pun game, and I felt like today was time to bring out the big puns.

“Now, polynomials are easy to differentiate,” I began, “You can tell them apart by looking at the highest power of x.”

“Wait.”

I continued, ignoring Jaxon’s request. “Of course, exponential functions are exponentially easier to differentiate.”

“Stop.”

I raised an eyebrow at him. “Stop what?”

“The puns.”

“Oh? Why? I thought you liked puns.”

“I draw the line at maths puns,” he said sternly. Well, now this was unexpected. Here I was thinking a true punnoisseur like Jaxon would appreciate all kinds of wordplay.

“I’m sorry, but, if I recall correctly, the first pun you ever told me was a maths pun.”

“Well, I’d say you’re recalling incorrectly.”

I placed a finger on my chin and smirked at him. “No, I distinctly remember you saying that you found maths to be ‘a bit triggy’. Now, calculus can be triggy at times, but we’re not up to that yet so it’s a bit of a tangent for now.”

“Emily! Help!” he yelled. Calling for backup? Was he really that incapable of withstanding a few terrible maths puns? Why did he hate maths puns?

“What’s the matter? You’re not at your limit, are you?” That elicited another groan.

“Maths puns aren’t allowed. It’s like, a principle.”

“The first principles?” I asked.

“Emily, please!” he shouted once more. His sister appeared in the door not a moment later, looking rather displeased. She leant her shoulder against the doorframe, her arms crossed.

“What’s your problem?” she asked, annoyed that she’d been interrupted from her obviously busy schedule.

“You gotta save me!” Jaxon pleaded, “Ben is making maths puns!”

Emily rolled her eyes at her brother, looking even more irritated than previously. “You of all people don’t get to complain about someone making puns.”

“But they’re maths puns!”

“I’m leaving,” she said, walking away from the door. Jaxon leapt into action, charging over to her. He fell onto his knees and grabbed her by the waist, staring up at her with pleading eyes.

“Please!” he pleaded.

“You don’t think my puns are too derivative, do you?” I tossed him a cheeky grin. Emily groaned, tossing her head back in annoyance.

“Save me!” he whined.

“I didn’t used to make puns, you know,” I interrupted, “You lead me down this slippery slope. It was merely the rational conclusion of your punditry. It’s all your fault.”

My friend let out a whimper. “I’ve created a monster!” Well, he could at least admit that he was responsible for this.

“You only have yourself to blame,” I called out. 

“God, you and your friends are such weirdos, Jaxon,” Emily scoffed.

“Ben, this is your sign to stop.”

“My sine you say?” I snickered.

“Yes, and if you don’t stop, it’s only natural that I log your behaviour.” Hey, wait a minute!

“I hate you both,” Emily whinged. She placed a hand on her brother’s forehead and pushed his head away from herself. Jaxon released his grip on Emily’s waist and hung his arms limply by his side, while Emily left the room with a grumble, even more annoyed than when she’d entered.

“What was that about no maths puns?” I inquired curiously. Here he was begging me to stop, all for him to go and make a couple of his own! Something was up.

Jaxon shot me a sly grin that stretched all the way from ear to ear. “You bought that? Hah!” he chortled, “You seriously believed that I, the punmeister extraordinaire, would despise any form of wordplay? Hah! Puns are integral to my very core. To scorn them would be an attack of the highest order.”

“So, what was all that about then?”

“Oh, Emily hates puns,” Jaxon chuckled, “I just wanted her to suffer a bit.”

I shook my head, disappointed in him, but I couldn’t help but smile at his deviousness. Here I was actually thinking he didn’t like my terrible puns! How foolish of me. “Well, now that your hyperbolic tangent is over, shall we actually get to studying?”

“Sure!” he beamed, returning to his seat, “Calculus has been way too complex for me to understand.”

“Hmm, it shouldn’t be,” I replied, “We only deal with real numbers in this course.”

We worked for about an hour before we both became bored. There really wasn’t much to cover given that the school year had only just started, and he was clearly getting the hang of it. He wasn’t completely inept at mathematics. I suspected that he had the misconception that mathematical skills were something with which one was simply born, but that wasn’t the case in the slightest. Like all skills, it was mostly a matter of practice. I made sure to hammer that point home to him.

After that, we started playing some games. It was nice to have someone else to play against other than my younger brother. While I always had fun playing with James, I did need to go easy on him so that matches were fair. I didn’t need to hold back against Jaxon. In fact, it was possible he was holding back on me. I’d never faced off against such a formidable opponent, and I was struggling to keep up.

The gloves I was wearing didn’t help though, as I couldn’t quite get a proper grip on the controller, and my hands slipped on more than one occasion. Normally I wouldn’t need to wear them while playing video games as there was no risk of accidentally transforming someone while I was at home. But I wasn’t willing to take that risk while sitting right next to Jaxon.

My thoughts wandered as we played, back to the conversation I’d witnessed when I first arrived here. Jaxon seemed so… insistent that I was straight, despite me never having mentioned my sexuality. He was right of course, but he shouldn’t have just assumed it, should he? Even given the statistical likelihood of him being correct. His sister also shouldn’t have assumed I was gay either. I wasn’t sure why she would think that. And to argue about it right in front of me like I wasn’t even there! What the hell!

I decided to bring it up. “Hey, Jaxon.”

He glanced at me, intrigued. “What’s up?”

“Why were you so insistent that I’m straight before? I mean, I am, but I never told you that. You shouldn’t assume things like that.”

He gave me a puzzled look, and I wasn’t sure what to make of it. “I never said you were straight.”

I blinked in confusion. What? He absolutely said that. I was sure of it. “Yes you did! What are you talking about?”

“No, I didn’t. I said you’re not into men.”

“Same difference,” I replied dismissively.

“No?” I wasn’t quite sure how to parse that. He seemed confused, more at me than anything else. And I was confused too, not just at what he was saying, but also at why Jaxon was also confused. Confusion all around.

“Huh?” was all I could manage.

“How about we just drop this conversation and get back to the game,” he suggested.

“Ok,” I agreed, though it didn’t stop my mind from continuing to roll the thought around in my head. As much as I would have liked to keep playing the game, I simply couldn’t stop the thoughts. I was distracted, and it was obvious, even to Jaxon. What on earth did Jaxon mean? He said I wasn’t attracted to men – and he was correct in that assumption; I hadn’t experienced any sort of attraction to any men – which naturally meant that I was straight. Right? Right?

Before Jaxon had an opportunity to comment on my preoccupation, his sister entered the room and sat herself down on the couch next to us. She sat sideways, so that her legs lay over the top of Jaxon’s lap. She kept her knees bent so that her feet stopped short before touching me. “What are you nerds doing?”

Jaxon moved his head so that Emily’s knees didn’t block his vision of the tv, using his elbow to leverage them out of the way as well. “Playing a game. Go away.”

“Aww, am I not allowed to spend some time with my dearest younger brother?” she said in a mocking tone.

“You’re so annoying,” Jaxon said exasperatingly. He put down his controller and glared at his sister.

“I try my best,” she smirked.

“What do you want?” he demanded, shoving Emily’s legs off of his lap, only for her to put them back, much to Jaxon’s chagrin. Emily shot him a cheeky grin.

“I was actually curious,” she began, sitting up slightly to get a better look at me, “Why’s Ben wearing gloves?”

I sighed. This was going to be my life from now on, wasn’t it? People constantly asking me why I wore gloves. I didn’t ask for this, nor did I want it.

“They have a skin condition,” Jaxon answered for me. Thank you, Jaxon.

“Fairo.” There was a moment of awkward silence. I was relieved that she didn’t push me further, trying to get me to talk about my ‘skin condition’ more. There was nothing I wanted to talk about less than that.

By this point I began to realise just how drained I’d become from all the social interaction I’d done today. I pulled out my phone and checked the time, to discover that it was nearly five. When did that happen? In any case, it was time for me to head home. Or, well, to mum’s house. I’d be heading home after dinner at hers.

I announced that I was ready to leave, and thanked Jaxon for the hospitality. In return, he thanked me for the help I’d given him for our upcoming maths test, and for all the puns. I nodded in response and made my way to the front door. Jaxon was courteous enough to open it for me and gave me a kindly farewell as I exited.

I waved both him and Emily goodbye and began the short walk over to mum’s house. For once, I’d actually had a good day, and I hoped that more days could be similarly pleasing in the future. For the first time in several years, I could say that I had a friend. And it felt oh so good. Things were finally looking up for me.