Auntie toasts the VRMMORPG

Flora crouched behind the display case, but she could see the elevator door opening via a reflection of another cabinet.

A female dressed from crown to spikey leather boots in red entered the room. She even wore a cape. Flora knew only the most important and powerful people wore capes, like superheroes or villains or Julius Cesar. 'I should get a cape!'

As the female entered the room, Flora lost sight of her and only heard determined footsteps coming closer and closer. 

'Should I stand up? I don't want to die squatting!'

A datapad beeped. 

"Speak!"

"The terrorist started the attack on Doom Moon, Lady Mnoder. A fleet of 1000 destroyers arrived."

"Very good. I'm on my way."

'Very good? This info doesn't conform to my definition of very good!'

Suddenly the sound of puking came from the other end of the room. Flora closed her eyes and wished that she could close her ears as well.

"Come out."

"Lady Mnodederer." Jake stuttered.

"You desecrated my shrine, terrorist." 

The sound of a plasma sword filled the room. Then it stopped and was replaces by the dull sounds of knees, a tinny sound of metal gizmos on the belt, a thud for the upper body, and last, way too late for it still being attached, the lighter noise of a head hitting the floor.

After Mnoder left, Flora sank down.

Quest completed: Survive a Birthday Party on the Doom Moon

Reward: none

Difficulty: B

Completion: B

 

Quest: Survive and maintain the defensive structures on the Doom Moon

Reward: Bonus Crafting XP

Penalty: Scenario stops

Current status of the turrets: 91 %

Time Limit: 45 min.

Difficulty: B 

'Not now!'

Flora picked herself up and walked to Jake's body. Slowly, she shook her head.

"I'm sorry, mate. All I can give you is a half baked funeral."

Her gaze went over the heads.

"I'm too weak to take proper revenge against someone who wears a cape," Flora smirked without joy. "But I'm ca-pa-ble to do a bit of property destruction."

Methodically, Flora dismantled the cabinets. After putting all heads and Jake on a pile in the corner of the room, she fetched the original treasure chest from her inventory. It contained her camping equipment, including the lighter fluid and coals, which she added to the pile.

Flora checked the room to see if she had forgotten anyone. Although she found no further heads, she decided that it would be a waste to burn the plasma swords and the mannequin-routines. Therefore she transferred them into her treasure chest besides two of the sabers. One went to her belt and one to light the fire. After putting the container back into her inventory, Flora collected herself for the ceremony. 

"Rest in peace. You lived the way of the sword and the way of the multi-tool. May they light the way to the afterlife." She activated the welder of Jake's tool and the plasma sword and threw them into the pile. "By the power vested in me by the goddess Evailyn, I pronounce you, um. No, that is the wrong start! 

Again! 

Receive the Evailyn's blessing. The Lady bless you and watch over you. The Lady make her tools shine upon you and be gracious to you. The Lady look kindly on you and give you peace. In the Name of the System, and of the Goddess Evailyn and of the Holy, um, Toaster."

Flora sighed.

"Aidan, please research funeral rites of the Cetviwos', especially Evailyn's." Flora sighed again. "At least the fire is burning hot."

     ----------   

You gained an Achievement: 'Laying the dead to rest': You performed a funeral rite for the natives.  

  - + 1 OV to the affinity/resistance death magic 

     ----------

The goddess Evailyn approves of your heartfelt prayer: + 1 OV to faith.      

     ----------      

Suddenly the elevator door opened. Before Flora registered what happened, she was blasted across the room.

"I won't give you an easy death!"

While Flora skitted through the rubble, she had to admit that Lady Mnoder knew how to make an entrance.

'I accept the quest! Please port me out of here fast, dear System!'

     ----------

You are currently in a fight. The scenario will proceed afterward.

     ----------

Flora rolled to her feet and tried to fetch Mr. Twitchy's gun out of her inventory.

   ----------

You are currently in a fight. You can't access your inventory in combat.

   ----------

"Oh, I will write a letter of complaint about you! A formal letter! The company probably won't even know what that is, but I don't care!" Flora shouted out loud in her anger.

"I'm sure my boss, Emperess Hassmath, will deeply care about your feelings and address them properly."

First, Flora perked up. Of course, she had aimed her tirade at the System initially. Still, a hit was a hit. But then she remembered that nasty habit of non-nerds.

"You are using sarcasm! Against an engineer! I will mention that in my letter, too!" Flora added for shit and giggles. The situation had blown away her sense of reality. 

The funeral fire painted the dark metallic room in red, and the lights of the flames got reflected by Lady Mnoder's scarlet armor. She looked like she was burning through the smoke as she swaggered towards Flora.

Name: Mnoder

Level: 200

Class: Energymaster

Title: Lady

Rating: A

RPS: 3

'Hey, System. We are having a totally civil, maybe slightly heated debate over here. Not a fight! Not a fight at all!'

"So what part of you do I cut off first? Maybe that letter writing hand?"

"No need to remove my hand. Voice recording software is excellent these days. Oh, that sounds like I would suggest the throat. I should stop talking. Where is the pause button?"

Aidan to Flora: "Milady, the command is 'PAUSE scenario PAUSE'." 

'PAUSE scenario PAUSE!'

   ----------

You are currently in a fight. You can't pause a scenario during combat. For emergencies, use the commando EXIT scenario EXIT.

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'Concentrate on the scenario. Forget about all the mean things you want to do to the System like cutting his electricity supply, introducing some bugs to his server farm, programming toasters to throw shuriken toasts in his blue windows ... This isn't working!'

"I only cut off the heads of enemies I respect. Or sometimes when I feel merciful."

"Or when you kill your own son."

"What did you say!"

Lady Mnoder extended her hand. Glowing tendrils sneaked out and lifted Flora by her throat.

"Not the best strategy to restrict the breathing of people you want to answer your questions!" Flora croaked. She desperately pushed back with her own magic, and breathing got more manageable.

"What did you say about my son?"

Flora couldn't say that Vader sounded to a German a lot like 'father' and Mnoder similar to 'mother'. She had to trust in genetics.

"You must have recognized his eyes. The rare shade of blue."

Abruptly, Mnoder dropped Flora and ran to the pyre. 

The scene changed again. First, Flora took a deep breath. But she couldn't relax at all. Through the canon slits, she could see spaceships shooting at her position. Handy, Clyde, and Forky busied themselves with repairing the turrets. 

Current status of the turrets: 17 %

Time Limit: 7min 21sec.

"Milady! Use your datapad to scan for errors." Forky exclaimed.

Flora jumped to the cannon Handy worked. "Deformed ionic valve. Probably overheated."

Directly, she went to the next installation.

"Rail mechanism jammed. Forky, give it a push in this direction!"

<Repair>!

This spell is not available in the scenario!

She skipped the next turret because it smoked. 

Doing it manually was to much hassle when she had more straightforward repairs to choose from.

As soon as they fixed one turret, the next gun broke down. It was like cutting butter in the summer heat. Futile, disgusting, and it would be much more effective just to dip the toast into it or use a spoon.

When the time limit neared 15 seconds, Flora saw a formation of fighter ships zeroing in on their location.

"Retreat!"

Flora fetched Clyde on the way to the door, and Handy was hot on their heels. Of course, Flora chose a perpendicular corridor to flee - no outrunning blasts in a straight line for engineers. 

When the explosion came, it still threw Flora to the ground and gave her a "hearing impaired" debuff. 

Quest completed: Survive and maintain the defensive structures on the Doom Moon

Reward: Bonus Mechanics and Electronics XP

Current status of the turrets: 27 %

Difficulty: B

Completion: D

"Heavens. What did the other users do that over 20% rated worse than me who was absent most of the time?" 

"They were missing the whole time, Milady. Some recommended skipping the last quest to loot the warehouse in the chaos of the attack."

Time until the explosion of the Doom Moon: 5min.

"What no quest? Where are the escape pods, dear?"

"There aren't any escape pods on the Doom Moon, Milady. Because of the explosion, this sector has been cordoned off. We can't reach a hangar in the remaining time."

"I don't approve of this hazardous working environment! Remind me to include a letter to the workers' union the next time we are playing this scenario." Flora equipped her goldfish bowl because the air was getting a bit thin. "Let's get some booty."

With Handy's and Clyde's help, Flora filled up one of the treasure chests with turret parts and wall paneling. Flora transferred the heavy, mostly intact pieces like the remains of Forky directly into her inventory. The lighter parts landed in the container. The hole in the turret tower and half the room were filled with foam, but there was still more than enough stuff to collect. At the last moment, Flora put the robots in her inventory.  

Then a light pierced her vision.

The Doom Moon exploded. Due to the pressure wave, your loot got destroyed.

We hope you enjoyed playing the scenario 'Groom the Doom Moon'. Please rate it at the Cetviwos Shop!

Flora found herself in the training coffin. Her room looked like the Doom Moon exploded in it. The floor was covered in metals and plastics.

Wordlessly, Flora sat down on a yellow bar. 'One of Forky's parts, maybe.'

"Milady, the Wing Tsun course is going to start in 5 minutes."

Slowly, Flora rose up and exited her flat.

Then she exploded with speed and expletives.

"Rate this *bleep*ing scenario? Sure, I will rate it! Minus 3,14 stars!" She exclaimed, jumping to the teleportation circle.

"BLEAMTO the seven masters dojo TOBLEAM and learn to design doable scenarios!" 

While sprinting to the building, Flora's mouth never stopped complaining.

"So, you think I will let you kill off all my companions?" 

She power jumped two floors in the staircase and vaulted over the railing.

"Think again! Not on my watch!"

With only seconds to spare, she slid into the classroom.

"I will do this again until everybody survives!" She shouted with raised fists.

The pupils and coaches starred at her.

"Hey, that's kind of original. All the other villains want everybody to die." a classmate mumbled.

This Wing Tsun lessons, Flora had no problem at all punching with full power.