Antidote

“Why don’t you ask me?”I stared at him.“Will you answer?”“Anything.”“Why does the Duke of Karlac hate you?”At my sudden question, the corners of Jiyod’s lips twitched. He gave a look as if holding back laughter, then abruptly pulled me into an embrace, pressing his lips to my forehead.“Of all the questions…”I balled up my fist and punched his shoulder hard. Jiyod let out a low chuckle as he pulled his lips away from me. I glared at him, urging him in a curt voice.“Just answer.”“Isn’t it obvious? He trembles every night, not knowing when I’ll drive a knife into his throat. How could he not hate me?”“Why?”“Why? If you were in his shoes, how would you feel about someone who might hang you any day now…”“That’s not what I meant. Why would you try to put a knife to the Duke of Karlac’s throat?”“Why, you ask…”His straight brows lifted, and a frown formed between them. His long eyes narrowed, and a cold, mocking smile appeared on his face.“Do you really think I’d just stand by and watch while he sits arrogantly on the throne that was originally yours?”His words shocked me, and I quickly covered his mouth with both hands. I glanced around. The shop was still shrouded in darkness, and there was no sound from beyond the lowered tapestry. My heart pounded fiercely, so hard my lungs ached from the rapid breathing beneath my ribs.“I told you not to say things like that.”Jiyod grabbed my wrists and pulled them down. His lips curved into a smile, and his narrowed eyes softened.He kissed my fingertips lightly.“What’s got you so worried? Don’t think too much about it. Everything is going according to plan.”“What plan?”“You seem awfully curious today. Is this because of the new medicine?”“Maybe?”Jiyod gave a very gentle smile. His hand softly stroked my cheek. His palm was rough and calloused, but his touch was so careful, as if I might break under pressure.“I’ll pay back those who turned you into this.”“But…”“I’m not sure how much I should tell you, but just remember this. This life won’t last long. Soon, I’ll return everything that was stolen from you.”He spoke while looking straight into my eyes.In my mind, reason shouted that this was just absurd nonsense, while emotion screamed to believe and rely on him. A headache began to brew. I blinked a few times and then lowered my gaze, avoiding his.My thoughts kept spiraling in different directions.Given that Jiyod is openly antagonizing the Duke of Karlac, how many people could be on his side? Return what was taken from me? There’s no way that’s possible. Would the Duke of Karlac just sit back and watch that happen?If I were in his position…My brow furrowed involuntarily.At that moment, Jiyod suddenly kissed my cheek.Startled, I looked up at him, and he burst into laughter.“Why the serious expression?”His thumb pressed gently into the furrow between my brows.“Don’t frown like that—it doesn’t suit you. What’s got you so worried? Is living in Glenberg that tough?”“No. Lisbeth treats me well.”“That means the others don’t treat you well, right? Since Madam Lisbeth is the only one who matters.”“It doesn’t matter. She’s the owner there. As long as she treats me well, that’s enough.”I answered carelessly.“Hmm. So, what are you thinking about so hard?”“Just…”I looked into his eyes.“I was thinking, if I were the Duke of Karlac, I’d try to win you over. Has he never tried?”At this, Jiyod let out a short, dry laugh. Then, as if unable to hold it in, he covered his mouth with one hand, suppressing his laughter. Still, a few snickers escaped between his fingers.“Win me over?”“What? Did I say something wrong? If he’s not an idiot, there’s no reason to make an enemy of you. It’s obvious that dealing with Ipsen would be much easier with you on her side. The same goes for Stravin and your army.”“You’re not wrong, but… ha ha, win me over? That’s ridiculous.”His reaction, as if he had heard a child’s absurd story, made me pout. He bent down and kissed the corner of my lips again.“Anyway, that will never happen. So don’t worry.”“Why not?”“Have you forgotten that I’m a knight, Slan?”His eyes curved into a soft smile.“And I once served you. Have you forgotten the oath of loyalty I swore?”His words made my face flush red.Oh god…I had completely forgotten about that.Jiyod chuckled lightly as if it didn’t bother him much.“Judging by your reaction, I guess you did forget. Anyway…”I quickly interrupted him.“But that oath is void now. I’m a slave, so your oath is null, and you’re free again. If the Duke of Karlac wants, you could return to his service anytime…”“Why do you keep saying things you don’t mean? Do you really want me to kneel at that man’s feet?”“That’s not it, but…”Just imagining that scene twisted my insides.I was startled by my own ugly thoughts and quickly shut my mouth. Jiyod must have noticed, as he smirked and ran his fingers through my hair, gently stroking it.“Even if he offered Karlac to me on a silver platter, it wouldn’t change my mind. What I truly want from this eastern Karlac, you’ve already given me. So don’t worry.”His sweet whisper made me silently gaze at him.Though he claimed I’d already given him what he desired, the truth was that Duke of Karlac could still easily take it away. Despite Lisbeth currently having me in her care, the ultimate authority over my fate rested with Duke of Karlac. He was the sole ruler of this eastern Karlac, and every slave here belonged to him.There was no way Duke of Karlac didn’t know about my relationship with Jiyod. Perhaps I was just a hostage, a pawn to restrict his actions.My headache worsened.I stopped thinking and rested my forehead against his chest.Jiyod’s hand slowly rubbed my back. The turmoil in my heart subsided, replaced by a quiet sense of contentment. I let his touch guide me, listening closely to the rhythm of his heartbeat.“Feeling a bit better now?”“Yeah…”I answered softly.“Shall we grab something to eat, then? Have you had a meal? Judging by the red token you received, you’re not planning to leave early, are you?”His voice was so sweet it felt like my ears would melt. I let out a faint sigh. The anxiety that had consumed me in recent days—waiting for Yofius’s letters, each one stirring up dread—seemed like a distant memory.Right. My status as a slave hasn’t changed. There’s nothing I can do, no matter how much I struggle. The sins I’ve committed won’t simply vanish. All I can do is wait, just like they say. I’ve held onto false hopes. But in the past two years, I’ve learned that surrendering and keeping a low profile is the best way to survive.“I…”I don’t seek revenge.I’ll just live out my days paying for my sins.As long as I can occasionally see you like this, that’s enough for me.But for some reason, I couldn’t get those words out. It felt like my lips were glued shut. Instead, I buried my face into his shoulder, breathing heavily.“I…”Just as I finally managed to speak, the sound of heavy footsteps echoed from outside. Jiyod turned his head, and I grabbed his arm in alarm.“I know you’re in there!”“Lady Lea!”It was a woman’s loud, commanding voice, followed by the familiar sound of Ismion’s voice. Quick and rough steps approached, and Jiyod immediately wrapped his arm around my waist, pushing me back as the tapestry covering the entrance was abruptly lifted.Blinding red sunlight poured in.A tall woman stood, gripping the tapestry with one arm.The light behind her cast her face in shadow, but I could see her eyes—two gleaming green orbs that shone brightly like emeralds. They stared at me with piercing intensity, like arrows aimed directly at me.“Lady Lea!”Ismion appeared behind her, panting heavily, and grabbed her shoulder. She didn’t budge, and instead, Ismion wobbled like a reed in the wind.“Please don’t do this, Lady Lea.”Ismion’s eyes scanned the room, landing on Jiyod and me. Panic flashed across his face, and he quickly turned back, shaking the woman’s shoulder again.“What’s gotten into you all of a sudden?”“All of a sudden?”She snapped her head toward Ismion, glaring. Her short bobbed hair, cut to her ears, swayed as she moved. Finally, the angle of the sunlight shifted, revealing her face.It was sharp and angular. Her wild, gold-brown hair contrasted with her pale, marble-like skin. She looked like she was just over twenty, tall enough to slightly tower over Ismion, with broad shoulders. She wore tight-fitting trousers and a shirt with a short tunic over them, a sword strapped at her side.Ismion called her Lady Lea.She must have been a knighted noble.She roughly shoved Ismion away, and the young mage stumbled backward with a yelp, like a fallen leaf.Jiyod’s arms tightened around me, but before he could act, the woman raised her voice.“Don’t think you can hide him from me, Lord of Ipsen. If you try to keep him from me again, I won’t forgive you.”I looked at her, and our eyes met. Instantly, I understood. She hadn’t come for Jiyod—she had come for me. Slowly, I pushed against Jiyod’s chest. He hesitated for a moment, but then released me, letting me step out of his embrace.“Do you have something to say to me?”My voice came out calmer than I expected. Thankfully. If I had stammered or spoken in a timid voice in front of this knight, I would’ve despised myself for being so weak and pathetic.Lea took a few steps toward me and stopped about five paces away.Her burning gaze bore into me.Those green eyes glared at me like arrows.“We met only once.”“…Sorry, I don’t remember…”“At Inkery. You told me you’d give me Inkery.”My breathing hitched.Inkery?The title of Inkery belonged to the Great Commander of Karlac, Isyon.“I did?”“Yes. You did.”She turned her head and shot a glare at Jiyod.“When Lord of Ipsen said you lost your memory, I didn’t believe it. But you’ve forgotten our deal too?”“Lady Lea. This isn’t the place for this discussion,” Jiyod interjected, but the young knight’s eyes flashed like lightning.“If not here, then where? In your bedroom? It’s impossible to get even a glimpse of our former lord with you protecting him so fiercely! And don’t get me started on that fool Ismion! I thought you two had conspired to hide Karlac’s young heir!”My face stiffened.“That name…”“What? He’s no longer Karlac’s heir, just a mere slave?”At that moment, one of Jiyod’s eyebrows twitched. He looked down at Lea, and the two locked eyes. Lea was the first to look away, turning her gaze back to me. Her breaths were coming quicker, and her face flushed red with anger. Her eyes blazed with fury.“You really… aren’t the person you used to be.”She spat the words out.“You’re just a shell.”My heart sank at that single statement.I froze, feeling as if I had been struck at the crown of my head.“Lady Lea!”Stumbling, Ismion got up again and approached, grabbing her arm.“Let’s go back. What kind of outburst is this? Lord Slan is still unwell. His illness hasn’t healed yet, and he just changed his medication not long ago…”“Illness? Illness? That madness of his?!”Her voice rose.“The man I swore allegiance to has become this lunatic? The one who sits in his lover’s arms with that dumb look on his face?! Lord of Ipsen tricked me! He said there was no problem! That he could give me Inkery! That the alliance hadn’t broken!”“Lady Lea!”Ismion practically screamed.And then, heavy footsteps sounded at the entrance again. This time, it was Urkal. His rock-solid face was pale as he entered and reached for Lea’s arm instead of Ismion. In that instant, the young, almost childishly young knight let out a sharp shout and viciously slapped Urkal’s cheek.“Don’t touch me, you lowly Ipsen slave!”It was only then that Ismion truly screamed.“Lady Lea! Have you lost your mind?! Do you know where you are…?”“Where am I? With two slaves, no, three, right here…”“Madness…”The words fell apart like raindrops hitting a window, breaking into fragments, syllable by syllable.Even as Urkal bled from his lips, he moved between Lea and me, blocking my view with his broad, wall-like back.I turned my head to look at Jiyod standing beside me. The sunlight hit half of his face, leaving only a cold, dark outline visible from my angle.I felt suffocated.The smell of dust hanging in the air was nauseating, almost making me retch.I pressed a hand to my temple. The headache and the looming sense of a seizure returned, my feet wobbling and my throat prickling as if I had swallowed a thorn.“I need to leave.”The moment those quiet words left my lips, everyone’s movements froze. Ismion, who was clutching Lea’s arm, looked at me, and Urkal turned his body.“Don’t mind me…”My voice was drier and more indifferent than I had expected.“Go ahead and finish your fight.”I slowly turned and slipped past Urkal, who stood like a boulder blocking my way. As I stepped out of the entrance, the fiery red glow of the setting sun poured onto my face. I hurried away, walking unsteadily into the narrow alley crowded with jars and carpets.Before I could take a few more steps, a large hand grabbed my shoulder, turning me around.“Slan.”Jiyod looked very flustered.His perfectly shaped forehead was furrowed in distress, and the ends of his thick eyebrows drooped.“I’m sorry. I’ll talk to Lady Lea later…”“No.”I shook my head.“She’s right, isn’t she?”“That’s absolutely not true. Lady Lea must have taken some strange drug or maybe hit her head somewhere… If she hasn’t, I’ll make sure she does. It’s all nonsense, so don’t pay any attention.”“I’m not. She didn’t say anything wrong.”“Please, don’t talk like that.”“No, really. It’s fine… I’m fine.”“The sun will set soon, and the gates will close. It’s dangerous, so don’t go back today. You still have the red pass, don’t you?”“I need to go back early.”“I messed up, so don’t be so cold to me.”He repeated how many times he had messed up. The more he did, the more shame flared on my face. Lea’s brief look of disdain and the word ‘shell’ that she spat out swirled around in my head.She was right. I am no longer who I used to be. I’m no longer the Duke of Karlac or the High Lord of Guntram; I’m just a slave. All the qualities I once had have disappeared, leaving only a pitiful version of myself that is satisfied with small comforts.I shuddered with unbearable embarrassment.I couldn’t even bear to look at Jiyod’s face anymore.I lowered my gaze and shook my head.“This isn’t something you need to apologize for. It’s my problem.”“Weren’t you here to meet Yofius? If you don’t want to stay with me, wait inside, and I’ll go drag that merchant over right now…”“It wasn’t anything important.”I muttered the words to myself once more. Yes, it doesn’t matter. What meaning is there in a madman, who’s nothing more than a slave, trying to inquire about the whereabouts of friends with whom he once shared glory?Jiyod grabbed my left arm.“Don’t leave like this.”But I pushed his hand away. His thick fingers dropped powerlessly.Jiyod slumped his shoulders like a large dog and looked down at me.“Are you going to flip the coin?”The thought of that copper coin lying somewhere under the fountain stirred a prickling yet painful sensation between my lungs.I slowly nodded once.It seemed like I hadn’t seen it properly, given the shallow angle.But my patience had reached its limit. I hastily turned away. This time, Jiyod didn’t stop me.I didn’t want to show my limping walk, but disappearing from his sight was more urgent. I hurried down the alley, dragging my left foot.When I returned inside the city walls, a crushing sense of helplessness weighed on my shoulders.The Glenberg manor was bustling in the evening. The sun had fully set behind the western walls, and the inside of the fortress was dark. Flickering lamps cast long shadows on the tiled floor and walls. Servants hurried about, filling the lamps with oil.I returned to my room, skipping dinner. Then, I tore a piece from the inside of my sleeve and wrote a short message on it with charcoal.In the middle of the night, I secretly sought out Yurel and handed him the scrap of cloth.“Give this to Yofius.”“Again?”“This really is the last time. There won’t be anything like this anymore.”The boy looked up at me.“Did things not go well? Is the merchant refusing to help?”“Help with what?”“I don’t know. I thought you were asking him for money or maybe a cotton blanket…”“A cotton blanket?”“Yes. Sometimes I wish I had something other than the blanket the overseer gives me. I want one stuffed with real cotton, not straw. They say after ten years of service in the castle, you’re given a cotton blanket. Have you ever used one? They say it’s as light as feathers. Of course, I’m used to straw blankets, but weren’t you once someone of noble status? I thought you were secretly contacting that hunchbacked merchant because you needed something but couldn’t ask the overseer.”“It wasn’t like that. It was just a letter asking for news of old friends.”I forced a bitter smile.“And now, there’s no need to hear more.”The boy stayed silent for a moment before nodding and taking the cloth from me.“I’ll deliver it tomorrow. It’s a shame, though. That hunchback always gave me some pocket money. Quite a bit, too.”I patted the boy’s shoulder, silently thanking Yofius for his small kindness.***The manor was silent.Lisbeth had returned from the palace after a long time, looking very displeased. Whether it was the Duke of Karlac who had summoned her or for some other reason, I didn’t know. But late into the night, the sound of the Glenberg siblings arguing echoed from her quarters on the second floor of the main building.After that day, a severe fever swept through Karlac Castle. Coughs echoed from all directions. Lisbeth, whose strength had already waned, wasn’t spared and took to her bed. Sorcerers and healers came and went frequently, and visitors stopped by to check on her constantly.It wasn’t until four days later that she was able to sit up. I took her three children into the large, quiet bedroom.The room was filled with the heat and steam from the hearth. The smell of boiling herbal medicine permeated the air. Beyond the curtains of the enormous bed, Lisbeth lay reclined. Her children, seeing their mother for the first time in days, sniffled and teared up, and she gently stroked their heads.I quietly watched her wrist, which was exposed beneath her long sleeve.The protruding wrist bones stood out. Her pale wrist looked so thin it seemed it could snap, resembling a cheap doll made of wood with leather stretched over it. Her eyes were sunken, and her cheeks were gaunt. The smell of sickness and death lingered in her breath, permeating the room.Lisbeth asked her children a few motherly questions: whether they had studied hard, if they had read many books, if they had troubled their tutors or nannies, and whether they were eating properly.The conversation didn’t last long. Lisbeth began to cough, and the sorcerer standing by came over. He held a cup to her lips, pouring the foul-smelling medicine into her cracked, pale mouth.I watched for a moment, then quietly led the children out of the room.Once the heavy door shut, the thick shadow of death seemed to fall away from beneath my feet.The siblings, who normally would’ve chattered like thrushes, were silent, holding hands tightly. I lifted the two young girls into my arms, and Kirsten clung to my coat, following closely behind. We hurriedly left Lisbeth’s quarters, as if trying to escape the shadow of death.From that day on, Lisbeth began to wither away like a flower touched by frost.The peaceful season from late summer to autumn was in stark contrast to the somber atmosphere that descended upon Glenberg manor.People walked on their toes, speaking in hushed voices.Knights dressed in black, as if preparing for some impending event, and no one laughed or spoke loudly.Lister roamed the halls like a ghost, his face perpetually gloomy. He reduced his trips to the royal court, spending most of his time in the manor. It seemed Lisbeth was teaching him how to handle some administrative tasks. One morning, while I was cleaning Lisbeth’s office, I encountered Lister sitting at her desk as if it were his own. He looked at me with his usual dark and brooding expression. I flinched, but nothing happened. Lister merely nodded his chin, signaling me to come closer.Nervously, I approached.As I drew nearer, I noticed the quill in his hand and the heavy gold ring on his finger. It bore the Glenberg crest. It had recently adorned Lisbeth’s finger…A small, ominous feeling of dread began to stir in my heart.“Organize those documents by date. If there are any without a seal, set them aside.”Lister spoke, and I obediently nodded.The sound of paper shuffling was the only noise in the office. Occasionally, Lister clicked his tongue softly, as if struggling with a difficult passage.“How’s Lisbeth?”My question broke the silence.Lister looked up from the papers and stared at me. After a moment, he nonchalantly lowered his gaze back to the documents.“She’s getting better.”I knew it was a lie, but I just nodded.“That’s good…”I mumbled those words and refocused on sorting the papers.A little later, Lister spoke again.“You’ve been behaving, right? Just because I’m not keeping an eye on you doesn’t mean you can run around. If you cause any trouble, I won’t let it slide, so watch yourself.”It was his usual nonsense. I kept my mouth shut, not bothering to respond. Before the silence stretched too long, Lister spoke again.“Is there anything you need?”As I was about to shake my head as usual, Yurel’s words suddenly came to mind. The boy’s innocent voice, wishing for a cotton blanket… Perhaps noticing my hesitation, Lister urged me.“What is it? Stop hesitating and just say it. You’re not about to ask for silk clothes or jewels, are you?”“It’s not that.”Though I hated asking Lister for anything, I gathered the courage, thinking of Yurel, who had endured many inconveniences for my sake.“I’d like another cotton quilt,” I said.“A cotton quilt?” Lister gave me a puzzled look. “What’s wrong? Did the one you have get ruined?”“No, it’s just… it gets cold at night.”“In this season?”“Yes. My room faces the north.”“And you, a mere slave, want to sleep under two quilts?”His sarcastic remark made my face flush. I lowered my head, staring at my toes. It felt humiliating to make such a request of Lister.“The workers here sleep under straw-filled blankets, you know? You should be grateful that you even get a cotton quilt, yet here you are asking for more.”I bit my lip, enduring his constant mockery. When I didn’t respond, simply standing there silently, Lister clicked his tongue quietly.“You must be really cold then, considering you’re not retorting like usual.”“…It’s really cold.”“Look at me.”At his command, I barely managed to lift my head. Lister gazed at me for a moment, then looked away.“Tell the steward.”With that, he said no more. I sighed in relief and returned to sorting the documents.That night, a maid came to my room, carrying a large quilt. It was a luxurious one filled with waterfowl feathers. I couldn’t give something so valuable to Yurel, so I ended up giving him my old cotton quilt instead. Yurel was overjoyed, pressing his cheek to the quilt’s surface and rubbing it against his face. Meanwhile, that night, I was plagued by nightmares under the feather quilt.As Lisbeth’s illness worsened, the number of people visiting the estate dwindled. The servants spoke little, and news from outside the manor came in less frequently, while internal matters rarely reached the outside.Occasionally, I’d hear bits of news brought by Yurel, who acted like a messenger pigeon. None of it was good. Someone had died, or someone was angry… but none of it had anything to do with a mere slave like me.It was after I had finally gotten Kirsten, who had been fussing all night, to sleep that I returned to my room at dawn.Sleep weighed heavily on my eyelids, and my steps wavered. There was still time before sunrise, and the corridor linking the main and annex buildings was shrouded in darkness and silence. Only a faint light leaked from the large brazier by the door. I paused in front of it to warm my hands before pushing the door open and stepping inside.As I headed toward my room, the sound of a spinning wheel clattering softly reached my ears. Instinctively, I stopped and listened for a moment, then changed direction. Instead of heading to my room, I walked towards the inner chamber at the end of the annex.A faint light was shining through the crack under the door.I quietly pushed the door open.The inner chamber was dimly lit. The air inside was warm and thick.The old woman was sitting in front of the spinning wheel again today. She must have noticed my presence because she looked in my direction, her cloudy eyes searching my face.“Why is a young person wandering around at this hour?”“Kirsten couldn’t sleep…” I explained.She sighed, her hands pulling the thread from the wheel slowly.“Bad things will happen before winter,” she muttered.“Don’t say such things,” I replied sharply.The old woman sighed again. I lowered my voice and repeated softly, “Please, don’t say that.”Just days earlier, Lister had personally executed a young maid who had been gossiping about Lisbeth’s condition and sent her severed head back to her parents. Since then, no one in the estate had spoken of Lisbeth’s health.The old woman gave no reply. Instead, she suddenly stopped spinning, and with a sudden movement, shoved her hand into her sleeve. She gestured for me to come closer. Curious, I slowly approached her.Her thin, wrinkled hand thrust something towards me.It was a small piece of cloth.“This is…”The words froze on my lips as I realized what it was.On the thick, dull black wool sat a dark blue beast with a mane, baring its sharp fangs.The emblem of Ipsen.“You shouldn’t be making things like this…”My voice trembled violently. The old woman furrowed her gnarled brows, her face crinkling like the bark of an ancient tree.“Didn’t you ask me to make it?”“But…”“If you don’t want it, just burn it.”She made to shove the piece of cloth back into her sleeve. Hastily, I grabbed her hand. It was rough and hard, the skin loose over the bone, as if it might peel off at any moment.The strength left my fingers, but the old woman pulled my wrist, dropping the piece of cloth into my palm. The dark blue beast emblem lay limp in my hand, making my arm twitch.I looked down at it silently.An intense conflict raged inside me, and after a brief but fierce internal struggle, my weaker side won.I crumpled the Ipsen emblem into my chest.“Thank you,” I muttered.The old woman didn’t respond.I left the inner chamber and returned to my room.The room was cold, the fire in the brazier nearly out. I grabbed the poker and stirred the coals, causing the flames to flicker weakly to life again.Sitting in front of the brazier, I pulled the cloth from my chest.The fire’s tongue flickered like a beast through the black wool.I almost dropped the Ipsen emblem into the flames, but I pulled my hand back at the last moment. Instead, I folded it four times, turning it into a small square, and tucked it back into my chest.A few days later, Ida came to visit Glenberg Estate for a regular check-up.In the small inner chamber, it was just Ida, me, and a stern maid with sharp eyes who silently watched us. The maid observed every move as Ida measured my temperature, took a strand of my hair, and drew a drop of blood from my wrist.There was no conversation between us.Ida remained silent, focusing only on her tasks.