An Angel’s Road to Hell

Cassandra Pendragon

“So… what’s your favourite dance?” I jerked and fell a couple of metres before I managed to regain my balance. Quenda’s question had caught me entirely off guard, I hadn’t even realised she had approached. For the last couple of minutes the four dragons had been chitchatting, Aurelia a grudging, more or less involuntary participant, who hadn’t been given much of a choice. As for me… after I had managed to weasel my way out of talking too much about my past, I had distanced myself from the group, flying ahead with Kana at my side. I hadn’t fled, not exactly, but I hadn’t felt up to mimicking the interested, approachable companion, either. The others had been doing a bang up job anyways and since I wouldn’t be seeing too much of our scaly friends in the future, I hadn’t felt the need to ingratiate myself with the two dragons.

The quiet void, which had felt oppressive before, had become a soothing balm, a precious illusion of peace that had calmed me down. Ever since my last dream my mind had been frothing, even though I had been too busy to realise, and the infinite expanse of the blue sky above and the emerald sea below had given me perspective. No matter who we were, no matter our struggles, in the end it would be over and the sky would still be there, staring down at someone else’s plight with the same uncaring distance. I had been dealt a shitty hand from the start, but it was up to me to make the best of it and no one would be able to do it for me, even if they wanted to.

Considering what I had been contemplating, call it self pity if you must, it shouldn’t come as much of a surprise that I had been oblivious to my surroundings, aside from Kana’s warm hand in mine, a small reminder that, no matter how long it took, sometimes everything just worked out… after a while. A long while. The salty wind, tussling my hair, the distant roar of crashing waves and the almost imperceivable song of birds, migrating to another, small island to the east, had slowly cracked open the labyrinthian convolutions my thoughts had been stuck in and it had almost felt like meditation, until the dragoness had called out to me from behind.

At first I had simply been startled but when I finally managed to wrap my head around her words I was also surprised, surprised and a little amused. I slowed down a notch, an unspoken invitation for her to join us, which she accepted immediately. “Can’t say I have one,” I admitted. “Up until now I’ve only ever been forced to dance with people I neither truly cared for nor knew all that well. Truth be told, it’s always been a chore. Are you trying to strike up a conversation or do you really want to know?”

“The former. I’ve never spent more than a few hours in a different body and I’ve only learned how to transform a couple of decades ago, anyways. Neither do I care overly much for human customs nor do I know the first thing about recreational movement or music, for that matter. I just didn’t know what to say… I’ve been flying behind you for a while. That’s the best I could come up with. Was it that bad?” I chuckled softly.

“Probably. Unless you’re trying to fill an awkward silence it’s mostly better to simply ask what you actually want to know. Which begs the question…”

“Oh, I don’t mean to pry, I’m simply curious. The way Aurelia, Viyara and Sera talk about you… it baffles me, at least when it comes to the latter. You saved and protected Viyara and her vampire, that often leads to a skewed point of view, but Sera, even though she is related to you, doesn’t seem like she’s driven by gratitude or even pride. She also doesn’t strike me as prone to exaggerations. Still, I can hardly fathom what she makes you out to be. Is it true?”

“Which part? That I’m older than her, even though I’m her granddaughter? Or more powerful?”

“All of the above. I’m also wondering why, if you really are… she called you an angel, even though I’m not entirely sure what it means, you’re even here.”

“Talking about customs, you’ll have to buy me dinner, first, before I’m going to tell you my life’s story,” I replied tartly. “I don’t mind indulging you and your brother when it comes to what I am, but if you want to know who I am, you’ll have to try a little harder.” Her scaly lids clicked loudly when she blinked.

“Are you inviting me to get to know you better or trying to deter me from doing so?” I sighed.

“Neither, I’ve just been honest and it’s a bit of a sore spot. You wouldn’t want to share your personal burdens with me, either, would you?”

“On the contrary. I admit it’s difficult to see you for anything but another ant, but I wouldn’t have come here if I hadn’t been prepared to… let’s say learn. Do you know why Ignus sent us?”

“Politics? You’ve already forged a name for yourselves and I assume he wants you to settle here, which would place this island clearly out of bounds for other dragons. Also, I suspect he wants you to keep an eye on Viyara’s development. Make sure we don’t… turn her into an ant.”

“Mostly. He also hinted that we, as in my brother and I, could profit immensely from getting to know you.”

“And that’s why you picked a fight, the first chance you had?”

“Of course. We’ve talked about it beforehand. You didn’t listen in the beginning but the few questions Viyara actually answered convinced us that you wouldn’t try to kill us for insulting your pride. After we’ve felt your magic we can at least tell that he didn’t directly lie to us. So, here I am, trying to, what was the idiom again, mend the fence?”

“Which makes me wonder why you’re alone. Shouldn’t Narros be here with you, then?” Despite the distance between us I felt her warmth when her body heated up. I wasn’t sure but I thought she was blushing in embarrassment. Profusely.

“That was actually my idea,” she admitted after an awkward silence. “From what I’ve gathered you like to surround yourself with pretty girls and considering what I know about the behaviour of short lived races I expected my chances to be better than his.” I had to appreciate her honesty but I really didn’t like the insinuation. “Was I wrong?” I would have loved to answer with a resounding yes, but once I actually thought about it, I had to admit she wasn’t. It wasn’t her gender, not really, but rather the ramifications it entailed.

To cut a long story short, medieval societies weren’t what you’d call equal. There were valid reasons for it, but they didn’t matter much, the result was rather simple. Maybe I suffered from helper’s syndrome, maybe it was just my own upbringing, my core or my past, whatever the cause the likelihood of me feeling sympathetic to the plight of a woman in our times was much higher. It could also have been nothing but pure chance that had thrown a bunch of people I was drawn to into my path. But whether it was the former or the latter, neither held true, in any way, for those two dragons.

While I was still struggling with my reply, trying to decide how much to share, Kana cut my musings short: “you were,” she stated resolutely. For a moment I thought she’d elaborate but her attention had already been gobbled up by a particularly interesting cloud formation, as if there was nothing more to say. Quenda, though, wasn’t satisfied and simply demanded an explanation.

With the air of someone who was trying to convince a slow pupil that two and two indeed equaled four she returned her focus to the dragoness and continued: “you’re neither asking for help, nor advice. You want to form a personal connection, without the head start a shared conflict or a mutual past provides. That’s not easily done. Trust me, I know, I’ve been forced to plenty of times. If you mean to supplement commonalities with attraction you’ll have to understand where it actually stems from and you don’t know the first thing about her. She isn’t drawn to women, she’s drawn to people in need, and the two of you are many things but powerless isn’t one of them.” As much as I disliked having my personality dissected right in front of me, I could hardly contradict her. I wouldn’t have phrased it like she had but the gist of it wasn’t far from the truth.

“One of the lessons a walking machine had to learn,” I still asked scathingly, even though I had to bite my tongue a moment later. It had been uncalled for but Kana didn’t seem to mind. She only shrugged and even managed a pinched smile.

“One of the more boring ones. Most people know as much instinctively but I guess dragons have to have it spelled out for them. Just like I had. By now it seems almost trivial.” When she realised that I was still fidgeting she gently touched my arm and added: “no need to feel bad. I was who I was and we’ll both have to come to terms with that, eventually.”

“You’d have to tell me first,” I mumbled subduedly.

“I will, one of these days. Just not yet. It’s an open wound and I need to keep it hidden… bandaged for a while longer. You’ll be the first to see the scars, though.” Damn it, now I felt even worse. In a way she was like a convalescent patient and I had just pointed out her disfigurements. Way to go, Cassy. Why not ask her if she feels the urge to mutilate or murder, the next time you have the chance? At least I didn’t have the time to ponder my own ignorance for long, since Quenda used the moment’s pause to interject shamelessly:

“You know Cassandra pretty well, don’t you? What would you do, if you wanted to get to know her from scratch?” The winged girl shot me a sideways glance, unsure if she should answer. I nodded with an encouraging smile, I was pretty curious as well what she was going to say.

“Honestly, she’s one of the easier people to get along with. Don’t lie to her, don’t try to manipulate her and you won’t have many problems. If you want her to like you, don’t focus on her. Focus on her friends and family, help them, get them to trust, to appreciate you and you’ll be set. She… we will be leaving Free Land soon for quite a while. Make sure it flourishes and prospers.” I couldn’t suppress a smirk when I envisioned the young, pretty girl raising her hand and stating sombrely: live long and prosper, but I still managed to keep my mouth shut. “Don’t treat the people living there like cattle, show some empathy and restraint and I don’t think you’ll have much to worry about. It might take a while but she’ll come around. It’s quite surprising but despite her age she’s still trying to see the best in everyone. Don’t give her a reason to doubt you.”

“Is that you or your past speaking,” I asked quietly. She tilted her head and thought for a moment.

“A bit of both. Like I said, you haven’t changed that much, but you aren’t as bitter. Back then you needed a reason to even look at mortals properly. You’re different now. Younger… more hopeful.”

“Or rather more naive,” I commented. With a flourish I whirled around and asked the dragoness: “now, that’s been more than you could reasonably have hoped for. Are we done?”

“Don’t you have questions yourself,” Quenda asked suspiciously.

“Not really, but I do have a few things I want to tell you. You wouldn’t have come here if you hadn’t deemed it worth your while. I imagine you have a considerable interest in Viyara’s choices and you’re equally intrigued by the opportunities you might encounter for as long as you stay here. You’ve made sure I wasn’t just an imposter, the very moment we met, and Sera’s presence must seem like a windfall, provided she doesn’t suddenly feel like eating you. That’s great and I don’t mind if you do your own thing, as long as you stay within bounds. There’s a reason why none of us even blinked when it came to inviting, please, excuse my candour, two hotheaded, young dragons, without any ties to us, into our midst.” I could tell she didn’t appreciate my honesty by the soft growl, building in the back of her throat, but since she didn’t interrupt me I pressed on:

“I don’t know how much Ignus has actually told you about our plight but I’m planning on using you just as much as you intend to use us. The gist of it is actually pretty simple. We’re at war and we need allies. If you truly mean to stick around it’ll become bloody, probably much sooner than you expect. Unless you’re prepared to risk your scaly necks right alongside us, there really isn’t much to say.” I was speaking to Kana just as much, if not more, as to the dragoness. She didn’t, she couldn’t possibly know why we had suddenly appeared on Free Land’s doorstep and it was about time for her to realise what she was getting herself into. So much for my intentions, but the winged hybrid didn’t even flinch. In all honesty, she acted like it didn’t even concern her, or maybe she wasn’t listening, relishing in the sensations of flying above the waves, as if it were the first time in her life. Maybe it was. Not the flying part but the actual enjoyment.

“You can’t expect me to answer without knowing the full story,” Quenda replied slowly. “Ignus made it sound like you were on the run from some sorcerer or the other, but I have to admit, ever since I felt you take away my magic I’ve started to have my doubts. Who is he?”

“That story can’t be told in a few sentences, but we also have a bit of time.” I massaged my temples and bought a few seconds, trying to figure out if there was any harm in sharing our past. Ultimately, I thought it’d be much more dangerous to keep them ignorant. Even if they wanted nothing to do with us and our struggles, we’d still be better off with them in the loop. “Alright, listen closely, I’m not going to repeat myself. I guess it all started… probably when I was born. Across the ocean lies another continent and it’s ruled by a truly magnificent despot. He’s been after me ever since I’ve opened my eyes. When I turned seven, a couple of weeks ago, he…”

In the end I talked for a few minutes, I had gotten faster over time, and provided her with a pretty detailed account of what we had been up to. I skipped the usual suspects, like Amazeroth or my past in general, but as far as Amon was concerned I was quite thorough. Now, you might call me a hypocrite for demanding a dinner first and then spilling the beans without a second thought but in my defence, I didn’t share anything personal… mostly. A few examples were necessary, in my humble opinion, otherwise the thick headed lizard would never have believe that a mere human could pose a threat to their oh so mighty race. Ignorance truly was bliss. Until it nipped you in the butt.

When I had finished my mood was again oscillating between a fully blown depression and plain anger at the whole world, the time I had spent with Kana, soaring through the sky, utterly gone to waste. When Ahri wasn’t with me I was apparently pretty prone to whining. I also wasn’t very eager to continue our chat and ended rather gruffly: “there you have it. Think it over, talk to your brother and decide if you want to become involved. Not that you have that much of a choice, but I’m sure you can still hide for a decent while before you’re drawn into this mess, whether you want to or not.” The dragoness hadn’t interrupted me once and even now she showed more restraint than I would have, when she let my last remarks slide without a response. Instead she shook herself, almost like a dog drying off, and exhaled a small tongue of silvery flames.

“There isn’t that much to think about. Our islands aren’t large enough to hide forever… provided what you told me is the truth.”

“Do you really think I’d lie about…” I erupted but she silenced me with a single glance.

“No, but I do think it’s possible that you’re mistaken. From where I’m standing some parts don’t make sense… Answer me this: are you really more important to him than an entire continent?”