An Angel’s Road to Hell

Cassandra Pendragon

On the plus side, Kana had thawed considerably ever since she had opened her mouth in public. As if a knot had been severed she had begun to act normally after her little chat with Rachmahn. That her knowledge and the skills she had gained from a life, which had been much longer than the few years she had spent in this body, weren’t useless might also have played a role. On the other hand, for her to try out the fancy ceremonies and rituals she remembered fragmentarily she’d need a whole plethora of rare ingredients, some of which were expensive as all hell while others didn’t even exist on our world. She’d have to experiment and each failure would be equal to more gold down the drain than I wanted to imagine. Guess who’d most likely be footing the bill.

Nevertheless I quite enjoyed her changed demeanour as she was merrily talking to my mom while Mordred and I trotted after them on our winding way back to the tree. The two girls were bonding over the stupidest thing, but apparently living your life as an emotionless psychopath came with its perks, one of which was an uncanny knack for appearances, manipulation and hierarchies. Seeing as my mom planned on becoming a culinary entrepreneur and probably an information broker to boot she was more than interested in what Kana had to say.

Which left me with my brother, discussing our immediate plans for the future. As he had finally agreed to keep an eye on our home and I’d probably be gone for a while, depending on how fast I’d be able to persuade one of Greta’s seedlings to take roots on the Emerald Island, we still had a few topics to address. For him it mainly boiled down to persuading me to stay at least a day longer, which wasn’t going to happen. For me it was about what I still had to do in the few hours I had left. Fulfilling my promise to Rachmahn was a given but, aside from the purely necessary endeavours, like figuring out how to use the goddamned, never to be seen until now portals, I had quite a few people to say my goodbyes to and I intended to present them with a gift.

Something that would allow us to stay in contact, even if the circumstances turned out to be far from ideal. I was mainly thinking along the lines of boosted memory crystals. One for the dwarfs, whom I probably wouldn’t be seeing for quite a while, one for Alassara, one for Pete and one for my mom and brothers each. As a further token of his gratitude Rachmahn had promised to deliver the blanks in person when he’d be collecting his… payment.

Unfortunately my plans were put on hold, once again, when a very familiar voice reverberated through my mind: “they’re coming. I’m flying out to meet them with Sera and Aurelia,” Viyara sent, barely able to hide her growing curiosity. “Do you want to come along?” I groaned quietly, having all but forgotten the two dragons who’d be joining us. When my brother threw me a questioning look I mouthed the word “dragons” and massage my temples. Somehow I always ended up with much too much too do in much too little time.

“I guess so,” I replied. “Where are you?”

“Still at the tree but we’re leaving any minute now. I’m sure you won’t miss us. Sera said she’d be transforming directly. She reckons it’s about time for the humans to get used to her size.”

“Great… I’ll keep an eye on the sky then and join you when you’re overhead. My sister still locked in my room?”

“The door isn’t locked but she doesn’t leave and she’s cursing like a drunken sailor. What did you do to the poor girl?”

“Nothing much.” A pretty nasty grin was spreading across my face. “If it works you and your girlfriend will enjoy the same pleasure, soon, so I don’t want to spoil the fun.”

“Is that a promise or a threat?”

“Take it whichever way you prefer. See you in a minute.” I severed the connection and cut off the myriad of questions, bubbling through her mind.

When we entered one of the broader streets, leading to the former market turned garden, the crowd around us thickened and so did the smell and the noise. Sweaty workers were carrying seasoned timbers and pushing creaking wheelbarrows, laden with stones, along the cobbled path, baskets of food and coils of rope were transported in a seemingly endless stream towards the new construction sites, and amidst it all wily vendors had already jumped at the chance to sell and extol fresh juices or fragrant snacks for a few coppers. A few tailed soldier could be seen, keeping an eye on everyone, and from time to time I even spotted a dwarf, hustling hither and to, presumably cobbling together the last few things they’d need before they left for their home.

The lively, exuberant display made me marvel at human resilience. Not a week prior the whole city had been on the verge of falling prey to Amon and now they were going about their lives as if nothing had happened. Truly impressive, but what really made me smile was the way they reacted to us, or rather me personally. Up until now people had either stopped in their tracks and stared or they had given me a wide birth. Not anymore. They accepted me and some even extended a greeting in passing, a friendly nod or a few, mumbled words. All in all I felt welcome… at home and despite our misadventures I was looking forward to how the city would change while I’d be away.

I whistled sharply to drown out the noise and get Kana’s and my mom’s attention. When they looked around I waved for them to wait. “Change of plans,” I immediately explained. “Viyara’s honour guard is on their way. I’m going to join the welcome committee.” With a sidelong glance at Mordred I added: “so should you. Sera will probably look after them, if they’re going to stay, but it wouldn’t hurt if they knew you from the start.” He thought for a moment before he shook his head.

“No, thanks. I’m not going to make a fool of myself and try pretending like I’m on par with a dragon. I’ll invite them over one of these days, that’ll do nicely.”

“Can I come,” Kama asked shyly. “I’ve never seen a dragon before. Not in their original skin at least and I can fly on my own. I’ll stay quiet, I promise.”

“Sure, if you want to,” I replied with a shrug. “What about you, mom?”

“I’ll stay as well. Im curious what the dwarf has to say after his inspection and I’m not overly eager to deal with a bunch of boisterous lizards while I’m either looking like a pet or like this. Also… someone has to get everyone together for your farewell.” I rolled my eyes.

“It’s not like I’m leaving for a long time, you’ll see me again soon enough.”

“True, but neither Arthur nor the dwarfs will be around, then. You owe it to them to say goodbye properly… don’t pout, I’m not even going to make you wear a dress. You know, even when you’re not with Ahri you could still smile, once in a while.” Unfortunately there wasn’t that much to smile about, but if she managed, so would I, even though I feared the first try might have been closer to a grimace than the real thing.

“You’re right, I’ll try. And thanks. I wouldn’t have thought of it.”

“No thanks needed, I’m still your mother. It’s not…,” she paused when a palpable wave of anxiety gripped the people around us as two shimmering golden behemoths took to the sky, their wings billowing like sails while they blotted out the sun. A few shouts rang out here and there but they were stifled quickly when whispered explanations ran up and down the street. Most had already seen the dragons more than once and returned to their tasks but quite a few stopped dead in their tracks, their necks craned to keep the scintillating serpents in sight. Kana was no different, her mouth opening in a mute exclamation, her eyes sparkling with curiosity and adoration. A hill, in Sera’s case mountain, of jewels and gold, exuding a tangible aura of power and grace, slithering through the sky was a dream come true… or possibly a final nightmare.

This time I didn’t have to force my smile as I stepped up to her side and said: “they’re beautiful, aren’t they? Come on, it’s about time you had a chance to see them up close.”

“I…I’m not so sure if I still want to.”

“What’s happened to the untouchable demon queen who negotiated with an immortal?”

“You broke her. I… I think I’m…”

“Scared? Trust me, it’ll only get worse the longer you remain glued to this spot. Unless… do you want to stay here?” She shook her head slowly.

“No…,” she grinned sheepishly before she tore her gaze away from the sky and threw me a rather peculiar look form under her bangs. “I still remember what you are and I’d rather stick to you. You’re not going to let them eat me, are you?”

“Depends,” I chuckled, “how many skeletons are dancing in your closet?”

“More than you know. Do you want to meet them?”

“Probably not. Otherwise I might really be tempted into letting them take a bite out of you. Best to save your confessions for another day.” I unfurled my wings, which prompted the sluggishly moving throng around us to part like a wave, crashing against a rock. I rose a handspan into the air and offered her my hand. “We shouldn’t keep them waiting. They might get hungry and who knows what’s going to happen then. You do look very… delectable.”

“You’re not taking me very seriously, are you,” she pouted and took my hand. I waved at my family and pulled her along until the breeze caught her wings. With a sound like tearing silk she soared higher into the sky, the city turning into a colourful chessboard beneath our feet.

“No, I’m not. Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad you’re feeling… something, but I don’t find it particularly easy to adjust. Especially since you don’t want to talk about your… our past and what’s going on with you. I sympathise, I truly do, but you can’t expect me to ignore what you’ve shown me when we’ve met for the first time in this life. It’s hard to forget that look in your eyes, dead and distant, almost like a shark.”

“What’s a shark?”

“Of course… an animal, a predator, which isn’t know for its impeccable manners. Kana… we were friends, a long time ago, and I still feel some of what you meant to me, once upon a time. But that’s not us anymore. I’ve… changed and so have you, many times. We barely know each other and until we do I don’t think I’m going to be overly considerate when it comes to your feelings. I just don’t know if they’re genuine.” The winds were howling around us as we picked up speed, but I still heard her reply.

“Fair enough… does that mean I’ve got to pull down my pants for you to trust me?’

“You didn’t wear any when I found you, remember? Unfortunately I don’t think you can. You don’t even know who you are, who you want to be. Until that changes, there isn’t much you can do.”

“Don’t you… aren’t you going to try and influence me?”

“By the Great Fox, no. You’ve already got enough baggage without my meddling. Besides, if there’s still a spark of the girl, I knew all those years ago, left in you, I’ll know and so will you.”

“I’m not so sure,” she answered quietly, barely more than a whisper, carried away as soon as she had spoken. “I just feel… hollow. Like a mouldable lump of clay. I’ve never before… Cassandra, there are memories that aren’t my own, but they still feel more real than anything I’ve lived through as a… as a machine and they hurt. They hurt me every time I think about my life, about what I’ve done. I just don’t know if I’ve got the strength to…” I hesitated for a moment before I tightened my grip around her fingers.

“I said I’m not going to influence you. That doesn’t mean I’m not going to help, in case you want me to. You’re not alone anymore, if you don’t want to be. I… look, you already know I’m about to leave this place. Why don’t you come with me? If you want to, we’ll have ample time to deal with our past. I can’t promise you’re going to like what I have to say, but at the very least I won’t lie to you.” I felt her tension but after a few heartbeats she squeezed my hand and leaned in to whisper:

“I think I’d like that. But I’m also afraid you’re going to turn away once you know what I’ve done.”

“Kana, trust me, considering whom I’m related to, there isn’t much you can do or say that’s going to appall or even surprise me. Take your time and when you’re ready, we’ll just have to see, won’t we? So… in a way it’s not so much a question of whether or not I trust you, but if you trust me.” Her next words were barely audible, no more than a fleeting breath, even to my ears.

“Always have, always will.” I felt a melancholic smile tug on the corners of my mouth as I turned around in midair and hugged her.

“That’s a start. Now, wipe the gloom off your face, we’re nearly there. We don’t won’t to spoil the first time you’re ever going to meet two dragonesses in all their glory. Also… the smaller one is pretty friendly but if you want my advice, don’t play any games with the flying mountain. From what I’ve heard she isn’t exactly known for her patience.”

“I didn’t plan on opening my mouth anyways, but.. didn’t you say she was your grandmother?”

“Have you met me? I’m not exactly known for my patience, either.”

“Right… unless it’s a damsel in distress or a crying child.”

“Whom did you talk to? I’ll have you know my sister tends to over exaggerate.”

“No one told me. But… you haven’t changed that much. Pretend all you want but deep down you’re still the same person.” Not that I had much of a choice there. Deep down, at my core, I’d always be the same… more or less. I had a gnawing hunch that I might have to… evolve drastically before the end or I’d be rushing down the same, dark path that had already led me to my doom, once before. Either that or the fragmented crown I now called my own had shaken me more thoroughly than I wanted to admit, even to myself.

“Maybe I am and if you are, too, we will get along just fine.” I had hurried through my last words, very much aware of how astute a dragon’s hearing was and equally unwilling to continue our conversation within earshot. Aurelia and Viyara I wouldn’t have minded, the dragoness had probably picked up on some of my thoughts anyways, but Sera was a different matter. Back on Earth there had been… probably still was this famous saying: blood runs thicker than water.

Unfortunately it had become grossly mutilated over the years. The original read quite differently: the blood of the covenant runs thicker than the water of the womb, which basically meant the opposite of what it had been turned into and I quite agreed with the earlier version. Shared blood meant very little in comparison to the people we willingly sacrificed for. A decision, the chance to walk away and the commitment to stay nonetheless, were precious. I shared all of those things with my family, which included Viyara, but my connection to Sera was born from a frail kinship and her desire to turn it into something more. But it hadn’t happened, yet. Maybe it would but for now, she was the one who meant the least to me out of this little airborne gathering. Even the strange patchwork of a girl at my side was more important to me than my own grandmother. I might have been a bit nuts, but that was how I saw the world, or maybe it simply described the world I wanted to live in. It was hard to tell.