An Angel’s Road to Hell

Cassandra Pendragon

At least Lyra had been as keen as mustard to accompany the kids on their trip to the countryside. Astra and Aspera… not so much. For the ancient elf anything was still an adventure and running after them without being seen had ignited her interest like a wildfire, but the other two saw it for what it truly was: an exhausting chore I had simply dumped on them without even asking properly. Oh well, cosmic powers that defied description had to come with an upside, didn’t they?

By now we, that is Ahri, Sera, Xorlosh, the dwarf had finally made his way back here from his ship, the Madame and her girls as well as Alassara, Aurelia and Viyara had made themselves scarce as soon as the initial ruckus had calmed down, were sharing a platter, or rather a wooden plate, of goat cheese, figs and sourdough bread while we watched our elves prepare a handful of spells and tried to suppress our smiles at their consternated expressions. Some of us, that is. The dwarf wasn’t as tactful and grinned openly while the Madame and Liz were much too occupied exchanging dirty glances when they thought nobody was looking and otherwise acting like they were walking on eggshells. Not much of a surprise there, considering how the young woman had ended up in our midst. If it had been me, I would have probably been at the old hag’s throat already, demanding an apology or, at the very least, an explanation. She had practically sold her off, after all, and even though it hadn’t ended badly for her, it very well could have.

While Alassara was waving her daughter off, the little vampire had decided to tag along with Reia and the rest, I had finally had enough. Half seriously and half in jest I commented: “you know, if there’s so much bad blood between the two of you, you could always settle it with a duel,” which didn’t have the desired effect. Instead of making them laugh, they actually took my suggestion to heart eyeing each other like rabid dogs or hyenas on the verge of pouncing. Well done, Cassy, exceptionally well done. A few more insightful remarks like that and I would have done Amon’s job for him, without him ever lifting a finger. “I wasn’t being serious,” I immediately added.

“Too bad,” Liz replied wistfully with a sidelong glance at the Madame. “I wouldn’t have minded beating you black and blue. It would have been… what was the word again? Cathartic?”

“No need to hold back,” the older woman croaked. “But if you think I’m just going to sit still and take it you’re going to be surprised. Girl, I’ve been dealing with thugs and murderers when you were still a twitch in your daddy’s pants. Don’t think I couldn’t handle you only because my ass has become all wrinkly. And since that’s probably going to change soon as well, I’d take my chances now, if I were you.”

“Is that an invitation,” she asked innocently, her blue eyes sparkling.

“If you want to take it as such. But don’t go tattling to mommy when you’re on the ground, bleeding, will you?”

“If I’m the mommy in this scenario, I have to object, most strongly,” I interjected dryly. “Call me that again and the both of you will be grounded in the same room until you’re friends again.”

“Which would probably have the same result,” Liz stated confidently, her gaze never wavering from her former employer. “How about it Madame Sinis? A good, old fashioned catfight. You won’t even have to apologise, seeing you in the dirt will be good enough for me.”

“Sure thing, kiddo, but I’ve never, in all my life, risked anything without a reason. What do you have to offer? I know you’re broke and I’m too old to be enticed by your figure, even though I know how skilled you are. If you want to see me bleed, there’s got to be something in it for me.” Damn it, this wasn’t exactly how I had pictured the conversation going. We had more than enough to do without adding to the already steaming pile of…

“Are you for real,” Xorlosh interrupted, his eyes wide. “I mean, sure, me and me boys would love to watch, but is this really the time? Don’t get me wrong, I’m with you, Liz, but now?” She shrugged.

“We’re only going to invite more trouble further down the road, unless we settle this.”

“Settle what, exactly,” the Madame inquired snidely. “You snooped, you got caught and you paid the price, end of story.”

“Which gives you the right to sell me like a worn out glove, doesn’t it,” Liz shot back, her voice rising with every word.

“Yes, yes it does. That’s the world we live… lived in. Honey, I’m not saying you still are, but you were a commodity, your trust, your body, your life a thing to barter with…” I really intended to stay out of it, but this… it took all the self control I had to keep my mouth shut but apparently my eyes and wings didn’t bother with my good intentions. The former started glowing and the latter whispered into existence while silence settled over the group, Ahri, Alassara and Xorlosh the only ones who were still smirking. Hardly surprising, they knew me well enough to figure out where this was headed from the very beginning and the good Madame had managed to push almost all of my buttons with a single sentence. Quite the achievement, even though I wasn’t sure if it was something to brag about.

“And you made her join that life, didn’t you,” I hissed, barely able to keep my power from leaking into my voice. The old woman blinked owlishly, but didn’t flinch.

“Yes, I took in a half starved, dirty, infected child, gave her a place to sleep, food, medicine and a modicum of security. Excuse me for not being a Good Samaritan. In my book, this means I own her. Would you rather I had left her in the streets? Because if I had, we wouldn’t be having this conversation and you, my dear, would be dead as a doornail.”

“So I should be grateful, is that it,” the black haired beauty erupted.

“Grateful? I don’t give a rat’s ass if you’re grateful, resentful or something in between, but don’t go running around all high and mighty, looking down on me, only because you can afford to, now, by the grace of people who have come into your life because of me. You don’t owe me, Liz, but neither do I owe you. So, unless you’ve got something to offer, I’m not going to participate in a pubescent display of outrage and so called honour.”

“Honour, outrage, debts,” I growled, my voice, in contrast to Liz’, becoming quieter with every syllable. “I don’t think you’ve understood what this is about. Maybe you can’t, in which case I can only pity you, or maybe you don’t want to, in which case… I’ll make you. You don’t own her, that’s true, but you also never have. She… they, all of your girls, they trust you, they depend on you and that’s how you repay them? Tread carefully or it might be me next, who demands a fight and then, my dear, the tricks you’ve learned won’t matter. I can guarantee as much.”

“Spoken like a princess,” she spat, “but unfortunately this ain’t no fairytale and I don’t bow to a hollow crown…,” she didn’t get any further. A wave of light surged from my wings to the dome of my head, painting me in silver and blue for the fraction of a second. They had to close their eyes and when they had blinked away their tears a tiara of scintillating fire danced across my brow. My tails fanned out behind me, sparkling like molten metal, and my wings framed me in eternal flames while my temper rose and liquid anger thundered through my veins. So much for my self control. I wasn’t close to losing it, but I was still done. Done with having to explain what every goddamned human should have learned while still in diapers.

Anxious cries were followed by a hushed silence while the whole square paused and turned towards me but I didn’t really care. I had already paid my dues today and played along. No more. Liz was one of mine and this time I wouldn’t comply, I wouldn’t lower my head. The scent of ozone rose like a tidal wave and I snarled: “Hollow? Oh boy… make no mistake, Madame Sinis, my crown is hollow because I choose not to wear it, not because there’s anything or anyone that could stop me. I would have looked the other way, I would have simply ignored your past, but don’t ever defend what you were, what you still might be. Don’t you dare. There is right and wrong, even if you can’t see, can’t understand it. Don’t make me teach you or, by the gods, I will.” The infuriating bat simply grinned, her yellow teeth on full display.

“That’s more like it. I’ve always wondered where you would draw the line. Now I know.” Much more nimbly than I would have expected she got to her feet and leaned in closer, entirely unfazed by the crackling energies surrounding me. She whispered four words into my ear and the very next moment my wings vanished and my eyes went wide. With a cheeky grin she leaned back and continued loudly: “or why do you think I’ve been so adamant about her coming with you? As a punishment or to keep her quiet… did you really buy that?” Truthfully, I had. “If that’s the case, I think you’ll be the one in dire need of some education. Now, do you still want to step in?”

I shook my head demurely and sat down, caught somewhere between amazement and embarrassment. I should have seen it, I should have smelled it, but with the friggin perfumes they wore… still, now that I knew, I could hardly fail to see the resemblance, even though one was old and the other young. Ahri’s thoughts raced through my mind like a whirlwind and when she stumble across the simple sentence, her jaw dropped to the ground. In all fairness, I hadn’t fared any better, but on the other hand, would you have expected her to say: “she is my daughter”?

“Why…,” I stammered forlornly, but the Madame interrupted me without delay.

“That’s none of you concern and not something I’m going divulge here. If you want to know, you’ll have to buy me a drink or several dozens. Now, could we skip the whole act and get back to business? Liz, if you want a fight, make me an offer, if not, let bygones be bygones. Your choice. I don’t mind either way. What’s it going to be, dear?”

The person in question was staring at me and her, confusion written clearly across her face, and she wasn’t the only one. Most of our visitors had already gotten somewhat used to my outbursts but it still took quite a while for them to return to their activities and for the casual background noise of work and chatter to resume, even though the dwarfs were doing their best to push them along. They, at the very least, weren’t one bit intimidated by what I was and had already experienced my mood swings. The others… would eventually get used to them.

“I… I just… what the hells did you just say to her,” the girl stammered.

“That your mom was a real piece of work and wouldn’t have minded what I’m doing,” The Madame replied.

Flabbergasted Liz whispered, her anger apparently forgotten: “you knew her? Why did you…”

“Fleetingly. I promised her never to tell. Your birth wasn’t… it was a blessing but it couldn’t have come during a more inconvenient time. Still, believe me, she’s done everything she can to keep you alive and in one piece, even though it might have been too little, but that’s all I’m going to say on the matter. If you want to know more, you’ll have to find her.”

“She’s still alive?” Liz’ voice caught as if she was having a cold.

“More or less. I haven’t met that person for… oh, quite a while, but she was tough as nails. Chances are she’s still around.”

“But she never cared enough to go looking for me, did she?” The complicated mess of emotions in her voice was gradually turning to anger, maybe even loathing. If I hadn’t known the context, I wouldn’t have been able to pick up on it, but the Madame looked… hurt.

“Oh, she did. Only because you didn’t see her, doesn’t mean she wasn’t there. I didn’t… oh, what the hells, her decisions, her life made her a danger to you so she stayed away and by now, I think she’s just… afraid of meeting you again, afraid of the blame you might rightly lay at her door. If you want my advice, let it rest. There’s nothing to gain, only old wounds to be opened. You’re your own person, as I’ve just been forcefully reminded. You don’t need her, you never have.”

“Don’t, just don’t. I don’t want to listen to you, of all people, talk about her.” Damn it, by now I was starting to feel sorry for the Madame. That had to sting. Especially with the tears pooling in her daughter’s eyes and her inability to do what every mother would have wanted: hug her child.

Instead she cleared her throat and croaked: “then I won’t. Does this also mean we can forget the whole idiocy about clawing each other’s eyes out? Look, I do understand that you don’t like me, how could you, but, at least for the foreseeable future, we’ll have to work together. We’ve already managed quite well in the past. Is it too much to hope that we can go back?”

“It is,” came the sniffling answer. “And you’re wrong, I didn’t only like you, I respected you for most of my life, but those days are gone, dead and buried. You’ve seen to that. Still, I don’t mind working with you, but I won’t ever trust you again.” Again, my resolve to keep my mouth shut was put to the test, but this time I at least managed to catch the Madame’s gaze before I made a fool out of myself. When she shook her head ever so slightly I sat back with a huff and reached for Ahri’s hand, intertwining our fingers. Just as well, I had already blundered enough, might as well enjoy the show without putting one on myself.

“You don’t have to,” the old besom said after a moment. “In fact, it’s probably even better this way.” Her eyes travelled to mine while she added: “I think you’ve found yourself a new home… a better one… even though I have to admit I’m going to miss you. You were a right pain in the ass, down to the last moment, but, occasionally, you were a real joy to have around. I…we,” she indicated the other girls around her who were still busy either gawking at me or trying to to puzzle out what in the hells had just happened, “wish you all the luck in the world. Just… even if you should one day become a true and proper lady I truly hope you won’t forget where your journey has begun.” Superficially it might have sounded heartfelt and sincere but I had my qualms with her word choice and apparently, I wasn’t the only one.

“A proper lady,” Liz erupted, her subdued, melancholic composure cracking with a hint of real anger. “How could I ever become one after everything I’ve done, after everything you’ve made me do? I’m… I’m…” For Christ’s sake, I simply couldn’t let that slide, could I?

“Confused, angry but also beautiful and precious,” I stated quietly. The hushed silence, spreading as soon as I had opened my mouth still made my voice carry further than I had intended. “Liz… we’ve been there before, except it rained and the both of us were rather out of it. This time I’m calm, despite how I might have appeared a moment ago, so let me tell you this: the chains you see, they’re in your mind, they aren’t real. You aren’t… spoilt. Whatever you might think now, in time you’ll come to realise that you’re future is yours to live and by no means is it determined by your past. You are who you want to be, every single day of your life.”

“How do you know,” she asked chokingly, the flame of anger already extinguished.

“Because I’ve been there… because I am there. You don’t know much about me but trust me, what I was, the world I come from, that’s not something I’d wish on anyone. Still, I can either cry over it, I can wallow in self pity over the shadows my past still casts into my future or I can try to make the best out of the days I have. And if I can do it, so can you.”