An Angel’s Road to Hell

Cassandra Pendragon

My mind was wandering. Probably not the best disposition when you’re trying to change the fundamental structure of a living, breathing being but I wasn’t really needed. At least my thoughts and ideas weren’t. Ultimately I had become a glorified battery, or maybe an adapter, my changed wing and my core allowing Greta to perform magics she wouldn’t have been capable of on her own. But it also meant that I had been getting bored only a few minutes after we had started and that had been almost an hour ago. True enough, watching the magic grow within the dryad had been interesting and instructive, in a way it had almost felt like a lesson, but once I had grasped the fundamental structure, the nuanced changes she made every few seconds hadn’t held my attention for long.

Also, even though I knew how idiotic it was, I didn’t feel overly comfortable, standing naked in a pond with a variety of equally clothe-less people entangled in my wings, one after the other, while the love of my life was watching with hawk eyes from the sidelines. And while she had still been smiling when the first of them, Auguros, had joined me, her expression had transformed quickly enough when the, by now, middle aged man had been replaced by a beautiful girl with green hair. Icy or maybe murderous would have been an appropriate description when Morgan had lost consciousness and I had been forced to catch her. Luckily Ahri had realised just as quickly as me that I didn’t truly care. I could appreciate beauty in men, women and even creatures to the fullest, but it wasn’t… longing or lust I felt, rather some kind of detached admiration, almost as if I was incapable of feeling true attraction. Which was rather funny, considering what we had done an hour ago. Still, the whole situation was weird and by now I had to forcefully stay on track or I’d get lost somewhere within my own mind, just like I did now.

Auguros, Morgan, Erya nursing her frantically, and Will were snoring happily on a bed of moss, Greta had conjured close by, while Vanya was timidly shrugging out of her robe, her ears getting redder with every passing second. The impromptu exhibitionism wasn’t only to keep our clothes dry and conserve their integrity, magic and garments didn’t match well in my experience, but, as unlikely as it was, they could even pose a risk, considering the forces at play. Simply put, what I, or rather we, were doing was intricate enough that every minuscule disturbance could, in theory, have disastrous consequences. Which meant everything foreign had to be removed, otherwise I might have inadvertently turned their skin into cloth, an outcome I wanted to avoid dearly.

Once she was done she quickly hurtled into the pond, trying to hide by submerging herself in the crystal clear waters, which went about as well as you might imagine. I just about managed to stop myself from laughing, which would probably have made the poor girl die of embarrassment. In all fairness, she didn’t have to hide but complimenting her would have been only marginally better. Judging from her expression she simply wanted to get it over with as quick as possible. Come to think of it, her predecessors glowing, groaning, changing and ultimately collapsing might have also made her anxious. Still, she didn’t back down and clumsily stumbled towards me while she awkwardly tried to cover her breasts. I was pleasantly surprised that the onlookers, even the kids, showed enough decency to turn around while she was making a fool of herself. With Auguros and Will it had been a different story but the good natured catcalls hadn’t bothered them one bit.

“Ready,” I asked as neutrally as I managed.

“Not really,” she replied subduedly, unable to meet my gaze. “But chances are I’ll run away if I have more time to think.” She inhaled deeply and whispered, only loud enough for me to hear: “Will it hurt?” I shook my head.

“No, no it won’t. You won’t feel a thing. As soon as the magic takes effect your mind will shut down. It’s safer that way. Before we start, though, what do you actually want?” Morgan and Auguros had had a pretty solid grasp on their wishes and Will had simply grunted: “do as you please, I just don’t want to have to run anymore.” Even though we wouldn’t know for sure until they’d open their eyes again, from the outside at least it seemed like it had worked.

Morgan looked the same, except for the enticing, emerald glow of her hair, which just screamed magic, and the huge, white, feathered and almost translucent wings on her back. That part had been rather tricky since we didn’t know whether or not she’d be able to hide them on her own and I had been adamant about her ability to do so. In the end, Greta hadn’t formed the appendages from her tissue but rather as an extension of her life force. In theory, she should have been able to retract them, just like Ahri and I were, but again, we wouldn’t know until she woke up. Auguros looked just the same, with a few less wrinkles, maybe, and Will hadn’t changed either. For the most part. The flames igniting in his hair and beard from time to time had been a surprise, though.

“I… I’ve been thinking… you can read my mind, can’t you? Could you just see for yourself?” By now her blush was spreading to every corner of her face. Intrigued I shrugged and gently enveloped her in my wings, listening to the distant echoes of thoughts I immediately felt behind the flimsy barrier of her mind. A wave of embarrassment and anxiety swamped me but with a twist of my awareness I pushed past until I saw the image she didn’t want to describe openly. This time, I couldn’t quite suppress a grin.

I leaned forward and whispered in her ear: “they’ll know soon enough, everybody will. Why…”

“If I’m unconscious I won’t care,” she answered equally quietly. “And tomorrow seems like a long way off. Can you do it?”

“In a way. It won’t be… real, so to say. You’ll still be human, only your looks and whatever else we do will change. If that’s good enough for you I won’t mind but… can I ask why?”

“Didn’t you see?”

“I didn’t pry. I’m merely curious, you don’t have to answer, either, but…” her breath tickled my fur when she chuckled quietly.

“Seems only fair to tell you. It’s not vanity, not purely, at least. I… do you know how many friends I’ve made in my life? 3, maybe 4. Two are dead, one doesn’t want to have anything to do with me because he’s scared and the last one is snoring over there. I’ve watched you closely Cassandra, you and your people. You make enemies easily, it’s true, but you also make friends… true friends. I want that, too… I want to belong and after everything that’s happened, that’s going to happen today, I don’t… I just don’t think I’ll be able to fit in with my own people anymore.” I shook my head sadly.

“Vanya… becoming a kitsune won’t change that, it’s not a question of having tails or fur or fox ears. If you want to change like that… there’s no magic that can help you. That’s something you have to do yourself. Every morning you get up. Believe me, magic can’t change who you are, only what you are. I won’t deny you, it’s your choice, but… if that’s the only reason I’d beg of you to reconsider. Otherwise you might very well wake up someday and regret what you’ve done. Maybe I make it sound more serious than it is, you can transform back, after all, but…” I sighed and studied her anguished expression closely but still decided to add: “look, what you want has to come from within you and that’s hard. If you want my advice… don’t. I don’t know enough about you to be certain but to me it sounds like you’re trying to run… but some things you can’t escape from. You’ve got to face them. I don’t want you use this as an excuse you might regret later on. If you want a place to belong, you’ll have to work, to suffer for it, whether your human or kitsune.”

She bit her lip endearingly, which already counted as a win in my book. Somehow I had expected her to stubbornly insist, like most people would have, but she really thought about what I had said.

“Maybe you’re right,” she finally admitted, almost too quiet for me to hear. “I feel lost. Ever since we’ve met you, ever since that abomination killed Malique… maybe I really am running.” She caught my gaze for the first time and asked: “what would you do?” I thought for a moment, the silence pressing against my ears. The low murmur of conversations and the occasional outburst of laughter had ceased since everyone present and awake was staring at us curiously.

“Take it for what it is. In a way… you’re at a blacksmith’s, looking for new gear. You don’t go there to craft a new identity but to find a staff that suits you. Or maybe an armour. Don’t ask yourself what you want to become, that’s a path you’ll have to walk alone. Instead, ask yourself what tools you might need to do so. You’re an exquisite fighter. If it was me, I’d build on that. We can strengthen your body and connect you to the powers within you, pretty much the same as Will.” Winking I added: “with a little luck you might even get a set of glowing eyes out of it, or maybe sparks dancing in your hair, depending on your affinities.” A tremulous smile was tugging on the corners of her mouth as she breathed:

“And what about wings? I’d love to fly.”

“A set like Morgan’s I can’t promise, she was a fey and her magic is incredibly potent, I can’t yet tell if you could sustain them. We can try, though. If it doesn’t work… normal wings are surely possible but to carry a human sized body through the air you’d have to divert a considerable amount of your power to stay aloft and they’d be large enough to get in the way. In battle as well as in your daily life. Also… if you’re afraid of being shunned by your friends and peers I’m not so sure if sprouting wings is the best idea.” Her smile became more pronounced.

“I don’t think I have to worry that much anymore… what you said… that’s not something I’d expect a stranger to tell me, but a friend. I think I’d like you to try, either way is fine with me. Just one last question. Would you mind if I stayed, afterwards… at least for a while?” On impulse I hugged her, rather awkwardly considering we were both naked.

“I would have asked, if you hadn’t. You’re always welcome here, with fox ears or without.”

“Thank you, once again. Shall we get this over with before I get cold feet?”

“I thought you already did,” I chuckled. “Close your eyes, when you feel my presence, let me in. We’ll do the rest.” With considerably more grace than I would have managed she smiled, albeit a bit tremulously, and did as I had asked.

Greta’s old, unyielding will brushed against my thoughts, about as caressingly as a battering ram, just as my changed wing glowed brightly and turned into a burning bridge between Vanya and myself. I immediately reached for the glaring, frothing seats of her power, a bright green flame and a bluish veil, surrounding her like a coat. There was also a faint, golden shimmer but I knew I had no business meddling with that, just yet. It would still take a while before I could do more than destroy a soul and I didn’t think I’d try even then, my own experiences with soul magic had made me quite cowardly when it came to influencing what a person was at its very core.

Vanya let out a prolonged breath, her eyes rolling up into her head while her aura became visible, a sparkling blanket of green and blue that flickered between my wings. I felt Greta reach for the amalgamation of energies that was slowly revolving around my core but this time I didn’t plan on giving her control. “My mom is going to be up next and you can’t get involved there. Even if I’m trying to keep you safe, what slumbers within her might burn you to a crisp. We’ve both been there and I think we can agree that’s not going to happen, ever again.”

“A nice way of calling me weak. So this is a trial run for you,” she wanted to know.

“More or less. If I mess up, you’ll intervene, won’t you?”

“Sure… but do you really think that you can do it on your own? Those weren’t spells, Cassy. I know a damn lot about life… I can’t imagine you’ll be able to replicate what I’ve done.”

“We’ll see. Just… stop me before I hurt her. Can you do that?” I felt her thoughts meander, flickering quickly through different calculations I couldn’t quite follow.

“I think so. Go slow, take your time and don’t use any force. If you get stuck you can’t burn your way out of it without killing the girl. I know that’s something new for you, but ask me, in case you’re in doubt, alright?” If we had been talking normally I would have grunted.

“I taught you most of your magic anyways, didn’t I?”

“No… you’ve always sucked at anything intricate. What I know I learned from Aurora… and a few others. But that’s a story for another day. Focus now. And don’t block me out.”

“I won’t. Fine, here I go.” The first part, which I imagined would have been the most difficult for another magician, was actually pretty easy. With nothing but a wish I enveloped Vanya’s mind and inserted my own energies into every steam of power that sluggishly flowed between her life force and her astral body. In a way it became my own, a malleable piece of clay I could form to my heart’s content. Before Greta had always taken over at this stage, coaxing my power into patterns that would slowly transform the complex web of energies, but now she simply watched, carefully gauging every change I made. Luckily it wasn’t the first time I was consciously playing around with someone else’s body, the rather steamy experience I had shared with Ahri this morning had given me a pretty solid idea of what worked and what didn’t. Watching Greta had also helped.

Connecting Vanya’s mind to the churning forces within her was the easy part. All I had to do was show her the way, so to say. I simply pushed a minuscule tendril of power into her mind until I felt her latch onto it. Then I slowly coaxed her thoughts towards the seat of her power, creating a lasting channel. I had to repeat the process several times until the connection became strong enough to stay stable on its own but once her mana and her life force flowed freely between her mind and their origins, I was done.

Changing her physiological makeup was another matter. Within each creature there’s a delicate balance between body, mind, astral forces, life energies and the soul. Altering the one without simultaneously safeguarding the other is a bit like playing Jenga. Everything seems shiny until the whole tower collapses on you with one tiny but wrong move. In fact, it was even more difficult, since I couldn’t very well go step by step. I had to facilitate the changes all at the same time and then hold her stable until she could reach a new equilibrium.

Still, I had to start somewhere and from what I had seen Greta do, the best choice was dispersing her life force throughout her body, filling every nook and cranny until her body became its veritable extension. I could even help out, bolstering her energies with my own to make sure she’d have enough, but in that regard, I didn’t have to worry. Vanya’s mana capacity wasn’t very pronounced, something I’d try to change later on, but her life force was burning brightly, maybe even more so than Morgan’s had. Which also meant I should be able to grant her wish and give her a pair of wings that wouldn’t hinder her in any way. Mentally I quickly iterated what I planned to do. First I’d enlarge her astral body, pushing it beyond its limit with my own energy, than I’d do the same to her life force and finally, while her power was thundering through her veins, I’d channel it into a fixed expression, hopefully granting her strength and wings to fly on her own.