An Angel’s Road to Hell

Reia Pendragon

If you’re really exhausted, there is this moment when you’re still awake but everything, your worries, your hopes, your aspirations, it all just vanishes behind a curtain of tiredness, as if you were already asleep, your soul and mind detached from your body. That wasn’t even close to how I felt. I wasn’t unconscious, not really, I could still hear and smell but I just couldn’t get myself to open my eyes or to care about the horrendous mistake I had made. All I cared for were the strong arms cradling me and Cassy’s soothing voice rumbling through my body whenever she took a few moments to answer questions and… well, order people around. I didn’t know where she was taking me, nor did it matter much to me. Not even the new tail I felt seemed very important. I just didn’t want her to let go of me, her warmth slowly spreading through me, driving away the lingering cold.

Time passed, minutes, maybe hours and I dozed off a few times only to be shaken awake again whenever she readjusted her grip. I had the impression that she was carrying me somewhere, somewhere with quite a lot of stairs in the way, and with the low murmurs of voices that simply didn’t go away, some of which I knew others I didn’t, I was decently convinced we weren’t alone, either. Which, and it was the first more or less coherent thought I was capable of, was a pity since I fully expected her to tear off my ears once she was done fretting over me. I wouldn’t have minded some privacy for the impending scolding, but on the other hand… I truly deserved it. She had given the seed to me to take care of and I had managed about 10 days without a major fuck up. At this rate, I’d be lucky if she ever again entrusted me with anything more valuable than a water skin.

I had to bite my tongue to stop myself from groaning, which would have made it plenty obvious that I was awake and I wasn’t prepared for the conversation that would surely ensue. Not yet. It seemed so much easier to simply snuggle into her and forget the whole disaster. Which I did, as thoroughly as I possibly could. She had to feel my tails tightening around her but she didn’t comment, her only reaction a content hum while she caressed my ears and I drifted off again.

When I next woke up I felt better, still a little drowsy, as if I had been sick and had just slept through the night for the first time, but definitely more like myself. Unfortunately it also meant that the memories of the night before returned in a rush. Inadvertently I turned around and buried my head in the pillow, eliciting a soft complaint from someone next to me. Surprised I opened my eyes but I couldn’t see much, the room and most of the bed I was on hidden behind black and platinum tresses and a veritable sea of silver and white tails. Before I could do more than blink, some of them moved, wrapping themselves around me like fluffy chains and pushed me back down, without a word spoken, while sparks of silver and azure ignited on the pillows next to me for the fraction of a second. Neither Cassy nor Ahri woke fully, their eyes closing as quickly as they had opened, and I couldn’t do much but surrender. If they didn’t want me to get up I wouldn’t and I didn’t really mind, either. Hiding here seemed like a great way to start the day, any day really.

My resolve to act like a good little girl lasted for about five minutes, then I became bored. I mean, listening to two immortal creatures snore softly was fun, for a while, but I couldn’t even see where I was and judging from the golden glare, filling the room, it was already close to noon. Also, the ceiling, the only part of the chamber I could actually see, had me intrigued. There were no lines or boards, it was made of unbroken, dark cherry wood and even though I wasn’t sure, I was prepared to hazard a guess as to where they had taken me. Maybe my thoughtlessness hadn’t been all bad. I couldn’t remember what had happened, not exactly, but it didn’t take a genius to figure out that the cherry stone I had carried had actually bloomed, despite my mistake.

Suppressing my first impulse to tickle Cassy awake, I slowly began the arduous task of wiggling out of their fluffy embrace without disturbing them. That was until I saw a familiar face staring down at me, mirth and excitement sparkling in young, whole eyes I had only ever seen blind and useless before. I froze and without meaning to I blurted out: “Greta?” The face winked and disappeared into the wood again while my two guardians moved in their sleep, entirely nullifying my stealthy efforts to disentangle myself from them.

What the hells? I hadn’t seen it but I had heard the story often enough and the ancient kitsune shouldn’t be here. She should have been dead… worse, she should have been gone, but even though it had been only for the fraction of a moment, I was sure it had been her face. A younger, less grumpy version but still her face, imprinted on the dark, gleaming wood. I fell back onto the pillows, pushing deeper into Cassy’s embrace, my restlessness gone, evaporated like a cloud under the midday sun. And then another thought struck me. Tails. I had two of them now!

“I swear, if you don’t stop fidgeting I’m going to hand you over to mom,” Cassy grunted sleepily. “You might have slept for eight hours straight but I haven’t and I have one hell of a day to somehow get through.” Her arms snaked around my chest and pulled me even closer. “If you can’t sleep, at least pretend. We’ll be up in an hour or two. Call it a punishment.” Her velvety voice was already becoming slurry when she added: “for almost giving me a heart attack. I’m glad you’re still in one piece, little one.” And that was that, at least if her deep breathing was any indication.

“Aren’t you in luck, then,” Ahri whispered from my other side, her multicoloured eyes opening slowly. “I haven’t had as much of a turbulent night as her and I’m very prepared to have a chat with you while she’s recuperating. And don’t count on her stopping me. If it comes down to it, she’ll do as I say even if it means clipping your tails. So… what have you been thinking?” Uh oh. I knew I’d have been able to get around any real repercussions with my sister, an apology and a hug usually turned her into a winged teddy bear but her soon to be wife was a different matter.

Ahri liked me, but that unfortunately also meant she wouldn’t simply write me off and make sure I’d understand what I had done. Not that it was strictly necessary, my stomach still felt like it was filled with stones every time I thought about my carelessness, but I could very well do without her hammering home the point. Don’t ask me why, but if I had to come up with a simile I’d have called Cassy a caring mother, as strange as it may seem, while Ahri felt more like a strict, protecting father to me. Whatever the reason, I wouldn’t manage to wrap her around my finger with a teary eyed gaze and a heartfelt apology.

“Not much,” I tried hesitantly but the way her eyes flashed told me exactly what kind of reception this line of reasoning would yield. I sighed and lowered my gaze, squirming reflexively until Cassy’s tails became a silvery wall between me and Ahri’s fierce stare. “I forgot,” I finally admitted.

“You forgot,” she parroted. “Reia… are you fucking kidding me? You forgot that you were carrying the last seed of Boseiju with you? Are you serious?”

“What do you want me to say,” I hissed quietly, my temper stirring. “I’m sorry but yes, I forgot.” She blinked and grimaced but I could still see the flickering smile she tried to hide. “You really are like her,” she finally groaned. “There was this one time… no, you’re not getting out of it this easily. Do you know why I’m actually angry? And before you answer, it’s not that you endangered your life. As much as it pains me to admit it, that’s just a part of the job description… being close to us is dangerous and I doubt there is anyone closer to Cassy than you.” I felt tears burning in my eyes and quickly tried to blink them away. I had known before but having the one creature who truly understood her tell me that I was important to Cassy, maybe even as important as she was to me, felt… elating and crushing at the same time. How could I have been so unbelievably stupid? I had gone and begged them for their trust, which they had given me unconditionally, and the first chance I had had, I had thrown it away like… the child I had promised I wouldn’t act like. Oh. And there was the snag.

“Because I’ve proven you were right when you didn’t want me to come with you,” I mumbled demurely. “I’ve disappointed you.” Ahri’s expression changed but she didn’t get another word out, as we were both suddenly smothered in a tide of silver.

“Which part of pretend to be asleep was in any way unclear,” Cassy grumbled. “But seeing as you’re adamant about getting everything out in the open, that’s not it. Neither of us expected you to act like a soldier. I knew fully well what I was doing when I gave you that seed. No, that’s not it. I’m not… we’re not disappointed. She’s not angry because you made a mistake, happens to the best of us,” I felt her chuckle softly before she continued: “she’s angry because you’re actually clever enough to realise what you’ve done. Look, Reia, you didn’t show any indication of joining Brianna and her friends while we were still watching you. You already knew we wouldn’t allow it, even though you didn’t take the moment you would have needed to figure out why. Instead, as soon as we turned our backs, you went right ahead and simply jumped in, head first. Quite literally. You’re pretty similar to me in that regard. I usually also prefer to ask for forgiveness than permission, but… if you want to act like that you’ve got to be able to clean up your messes. And, I’m sorry for being blunt, you wouldn’t have been able to, this time, not without my help. She’s angry because your priorities are still skewed. You want us to treat you like an adult but yet you act like a child, expecting others to fix your mistakes in case you can’t and that doesn’t fly. You’ve got to choose and stick with it, one way or the other. Which means,” her hand snaked around my head and she pinched my ear, firmly, “we expect you to use that noggin of yours in the future.”

“Thanks for undermining my lecture, darling,” Ahri huffed but I could hear the smile in her voice, even though she quickly added: “and as far as I’m concerned I actually am disappointed. You should have either stayed put or at the very least asked… and you knew as much, which is why I’m angry.”

“Does that mean I’ll have to stay here with the others,” I asked subduedly, fully expecting them to draw the consequences my actions implied. That we wouldn’t leave with Arthur, now that the tree had grown, wasn’t much of a question where I was concerned. I couldn’t see Cassy’s face but when Ahri’s eyes darted to a point somewhere behind my head I knew they were communicating silently.

“No,” my sister finally said, “but you’ll have to work for it. I’ve been talking to our grandmother for a while last night and she’s prepared to take you under her wing. You’ve got two days to prove to us that you’ve decided to shoulder some responsibility. Convince her and we need not talk about it anymore. I hope you’ve slept well because from what she’s said you won’t be having another quiet minute in the coming days. We’ll even join you for some of the fun,” she finished with an ever so slight shudder in her voice. Despite myself I blurted out:

“That’s it? No screaming, no punishment?” Ahri shook her head, the light dancing across her red white tresses.

“You scream at and punish a child to make it remember… if we have to resort to that, we might as well call it a day. Besides… you’re going to remember what happened last night anyways, every time you look in a mirror.” For a moment I was confused. Was she talking about my second tail? But when I saw her gaze travel over my ears and hair I panicked. With trembling fingers I pulled a few strands in front of my eyes, my mouth opening wide. The spell I had always used had broken but that wasn’t the end of it. Instead of ebony locks, I stared at waves of black and gold, interspersed with silvery highlights.

“Your ears and tails are the same,” Cassy explained quietly. “I think it looks good on you but I fear you might not be able to change them again. That’s… let’s just say you’ve become more like me and it might take a little more effort to transform than you’re used to. I’m sorry.” I paused and then I laughed loudly.

“You’re sorry? Whatever for? If anything… that’s a wish come true,” I ended in a whisper.

“Wait until you try to light a candle and blow up the house,” she replied darkly. “Another reason why I want you to train with Sera. She might actually be strong and knowledgeable enough to stop you from hurting yourself… or anyone else for that matter. Still,” I felt her tighten her grip as her head came to rest on my shoulder, “would you mind? I don’t have to meet our fey and the mercenaries until noon and that’s still an hour away.”

“More like 20 minutes,” Ahri chuckled. “If you want a chance to bathe and eat, you’ll have to get up. Now.”

“And they call me the devil,” she complained. I had heard her say it before, but I had never understood what she was referring to and considering I was tugged in between them like their actual child, a better opportunity to ask might never come.

“Uh,” I began hesitantly, “aren’t you an angel? Why are you called the devil and by whom? Shouldn’t that be a title for a demon?”

“There isn’t that much of a difference,” she whispered in my ear. “An angel to some is a demon to others and vice versa. Just imagine how Asra’s friends, provided he had some, are talking about me right now. You know I’m old… and I’ve never been particularly good at staying out of trouble. A trait we share, isn’t it? As to why I’m called the devil… it’s just one world, some place I’ve spent quite some time in during my previous life and that vixen over there just loves rubbing my nose in it. Anyways, some of my visits didn’t work out splendidly, in fact most of them didn’t. Let’s see… there was this city, Rome, maybe it still exists. I had a run in with one if its rulers, a nasty piece of work.” A chilling coldness crept into her voice, a stark contrast to the warmth I felt.

“Flavius Valerius Constantinus. He wasn’t a bad politician but an atrocious human. We clashed over his son. He wanted him gone, as in dead, but when the executioners came… as luck would have I was around. I had met Crispus before by happenstance. We weren’t friends, not exactly, but I liked him. He was witty, caring, brave… Anyways, I returned the heads of his soldiers to Constantinus with a friendly reminder that his son would leave and should he ever try to find him again it wouldn’t be the blood of his henchman I’d use to paint the throne crimson. As far as I know he took my warning to heart and never looked for him. Crispus spent his remaining years in another country, Greece, under a false name and when his dear father became the most influential figure of, what would turn out to become the most prominent religion for centuries, I was painted as the devil, my name tantamount to evil incarnate. A petty squabble, but it stuck and I never cared enough to try to change it.” While I was still puzzling over her words Ahri interjected:

“Also, my love, if you’re honest you’ll have to admit that you’ve always enjoyed it, haven’t you?”

I felt the vibrations of Cassy’s laughter against my back. “Guilty as charged. If you’re already called evil incarnate there isn’t much you can’t do. It’s… liberating. On Earth I never felt like I had to pretend. Who knows, given enough time I might even manage the same around here.”