An Angel’s Road to Hell

Emilia Brightblaze

I had waited for ages and thought of many things to say but when I looked into her eyes my mind felt empty, squeezed dry. It was hard to describe but something in her gaze just made me feel… vulnerable, tiny, like a child. Of course I knew about her power, I had seen it first hand, but I had long since gotten used to facing bigger and frankly badder people, some of which had seemed much more frightening. On first glance, that is. On the second, though…

It wasn’t her beauty either, even though it was distracting and possibly a bit insulting, nor her voluminous tails. Even the distant smile she wore, as if the world couldn’t touch her, didn’t really matter but the look in her glowing, gem like eyes… filled with an iridescent, unwavering light they showed compassion and anger, weariness and hope in equal measure. The eyes of a child and those of a warrior stared at me from a painfully perfect face and, for the life of me, I couldn’t even remember why I had come here. And then her expression changed. Her smile widened as she took my hand with genuine warmth, laughing softly, almost like a cool summer breeze.

“There really is no need, Emilia. I need your sister just as much as she needs me. If you really want to thank someone, get in there, head upstairs and tell my brother. He’s the one who stopped me from walking away.” I still hadn’t let go of her hand and I felt her steady heartbeat beneath my fingers. She seemed so… real, alive.

“Would you truly have left us,” I asked quietly. She tilted her head, the soft glow of her skin illuminating her frown in the pitch black night.

“No… I don’t think so. Your sister doesn’t deserve to pay for her men’s behaviour either, but, so help me, the lot of you really managed to pull my strings. Stubborn, shortsighted, idiotic…” she paused and laughed again. “Oh, listen to me curse like a seasoned sailor. I probably shouldn’t spend this much time with the dwarfs.” Her tails moved, almost like water, when she rearranged them into a more comfortable position and leaned back. Her hair covered the side of her face like an ebony river with a solitary silver streak and I felt her squeeze my fingers lightly before she let go. “It’s been a long night, Emilia. Why have you come? We would have met soon enough. Has something happened?”

“No… yes.” I sighed, the burdens of the last days weighing heavily on my shoulders. Why had I come? To escape, even for a night? To feel safe again? To postpone the decision I had to make? “Maybe… can I ask you a personal question?” She shrugged and smirked.

“The last time someone asked me that they wanted my permission to court a dragoness. If your trying to chase after Viyara as well, you’ll have to get in line.” It wasn’t an answer but she seemed like she was waiting for me to go on.

“No… but it’s not even that far off,” I mumbled forlornly, her words barley registering. I hadn’t intended for her to understand me but her large, fluffy ears twitched cutely, reminding me again that I wasn’t dealing with a human. “Do you hate us,” I suddenly blurted out. I had to know.

“You as in your family, your fleet or your race? It doesn’t matter, the answer is no. It’d take much more than a few insults and poor decisions to make me hate you. Why? Should I?”

“I… I just don’t know, anymore,” I sighed. “But I just thought if anyone could tell me…” I fell silent, completely aware that I wasn’t making much sense. How could I? I was drowning, my mind in turmoil. I needed someone to throw me a raft, to show me a way and my sister, as much as I loved and admired her, she couldn’t. She had brought up Captain Asra’s proposal, after all. “I think I do,” I continued quietly. “Our struggles, our machinations…” I turned to face her, my eyes brimming with unshed tears. “Would you sacrifice your happiness for your people? For power?”

She tilted her head, her tails quivering. “There’s a difference, I think,” she said after she had studied me for a few seconds. “My happiness is a person and I wouldn’t sacrifice her for anything. My own ambitions and desires, though? To bring back those I’ve lost? To return the stolen days of peace to my people? Probably. But… Emilia, whatever you were asked to do, I can’t imagine it will bring peace to this island, or you for that matter, if you’re in tears and… feel the need to seek my advice. What’s going on?”

“I… I don’t think I can tell you,” I whispered. “I don’t think I should even be here. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have come.” I clenched my teeth, cursing my cowardice, cursing my indecision. Here I was and I couldn’t even get my self to admit the truth, to admit my selfishness, my weakness. I simply didn’t want to… I couldn’t spend the rest of my days tied to that monster. A plaything without a life, without hope. I just couldn’t. No matter the price.

“But yet, here you are,” she replied, equally quietly. “Do you want me to stay with you for a while?” I nodded hesitantly.

“Yes, I think I’d like that. And I’m sorry. This should have been a celebration. You’ve earned it.”

“Have I?” She jerked her head towards the square, where the battle had taken place, her long tresses dancing. “I’m sure they wouldn’t agree.” Puzzled, I wanted to ask her what she meant but when I opened my mouth I heard the faint rumbling of voices, my own breath almost enough to drown them out. I couldn’t make out more than the palest ghosts of words, but it wasn’t hard to guess what was going on.

“There’d have been many more, if you hadn’t been there…” she cut me off with a gesture.

“Or none at all. It doesn’t matter. I’ve already had to deal with more than enough introspection for the day.” Sighing, she closed her eyes and the alley immediately got much darker, colder. We sat in silence for a while, before she asked:

“Did you grow up in Free Land?” I nodded, before I realised she couldn’t see me.

“I did. My parents died when I was still a toddler, no more than 6 months old. Serena, she took me away and raised me here. It wasn’t easy, for the both of us, but we somehow managed.”

“More of a mother than a sister, is she? That makes an uncomfortable amount of sense.”

“What do you mean?”

“To become as prickly as her… you were either born that way or you had to fight fangs and claws for every little thing in your life. I’m glad she did, though. She chose well.” I felt my tears well up again. How could I even consider not helping Serena with everything I had? I dropped my head into my hands, stifling a sob. I owed her everything. If I could somehow lighten her burden… a warm touch brought me back to reality. Cassandra had placed her hand on my shoulder, her expression full of… pity? Understanding?

“What has she asked of you,” she wanted to know, a hint of anger thrumming through her words.

“How do you know,” I whispered, not trusting my voice to hold. She shrugged.

“Age, experience and… I can smell your tears, I can hear your heartbeat.”

“There isn’t much of a point in lying to you, is there?”

“Not unless you’re really good at it.” She squirmed uncomfortably, stretching out her long, slender legs. “But… you’ve come all this way to see me. Lying wouldn’t be such a good idea, anyways, would it?”

“Probably not. Cassandra, I… I just don’t know what to do. If I tell you, I’ll already have made a decision, but if I don’t… I’m lost.” I chuckled ruefully, my throat constricted. “I imagine that’s something you can’t really understand.”

“Don’t be too sure. Most of the days I don’t even know which way is up. I get by because I’m too stubborn to quit and have the strength to push through. Doesn’t mean I’m very confident in what I do. But I have friends who set me straight, once in a while. That’s what you’re looking for, isn’t it?”

I nodded slowly. “And maybe a bit of comfort. Which is most likely just the same thing. Could you… would you tell me a story of your home? A story your children listen to when they can’t sleep at night?” I didn’t know why, but the thought, no, the desire had suddenly welled up in my chest. Listening to what had made her find the courage to face gods and monsters and even comfort a stranger in the dead of night seemed… consoling.

“Oh my, that’s a first. Let me see…” a frown appeared between her eyes as she collected her thoughts. A moment later she began to speak and even though I had never been trained in the arcane arts, I felt something stir while her power seeped into her voice.

“A long time ago, when my race was still more numerous and far spread, there was a small village in the mountains. A quiet, peaceful place surrounded by pure, white snow in winter and magnificent, red cherry petals in summer.

The village consisted of a few families and a seven tailed elder, who had stumbled upon the place when he had tried to flee from his darker memories of a live he had left behind. One day, a young boy, no more than 15 summers of age, got hurt while working the fields.

A storm had taken him by surprise and he had burned his left leg to the bone with a fumbled spell. Everyone pitied him, the ghastly wound far beyond their humble healer’s capabilities. But the wizened elder took one glance at his leg and murmured a spell. Fresh, rosy skin covered the charred flesh in an instant and to top it all off, he even offered to teach the boy from then on.

And now, those who had pitied him became envious, since the ancient fox had never before offered to share his secrets. A year passed and under the tutelage of his new master, the boy even gained a third tail. He became the first of the youngsters who could claim such a thing. And then, the king called. Their country had been attacked and he was ordering every kitsune without a family who had at least three tails to join the ranks and repel the invaders. Again, the boy was pitied for his bad luck. He was the only one who would have to go.

He left with a heavy heart but to his surprise, he didn’t get father then the capital. The invaders had mostly perished in a deadly storm and the rest had been handily defeated in a bloody but single battle. All that was left for him to do was to collect his dues as a member of the victorious army, part of which included an item from the king’s personal belongings. When he returned, four short months later, laden with riches, and told his story, the people again envied his good fortune. Anyone could have done that, they reasoned.

The very next night, a heavy storm brought enough rain to cause an avalanche of mud to bury the treasures he had stored in a hut outside the village. And envy turned into pity again.

Unbeknownst to the boy, one of the treasures, a simple golden box, contained a long forgotten seed of the first cherry tree. It had slumbered in the king’s treasury for ages and the boy had chosen it on a whim. When the storm finally subsided, he returned to find the largest tree he had ever seen, blooming where the shack had been. The tree brought him fame and power and the people again envied his good fortune. Only the elder remained quiet and thought to himself: “we shall see. The sky is darkening, a storm is brewing. It is for us to toil and for the gods to judge.”” She fell silent, her gaze distant, as if she was lost in her own, darker memories. Sparks ignited in her eyes but she rubbed them away quickly. Following a sudden impulse I asked:

“Is it your story? Are you the elder?” She smiled crookedly, the fire in her eyes subsiding.

“No, Emilia, if anything, I am the storm. But it isn’t my story. I wonder, though, if it could be yours.”

“Mine?” I puzzled over her words before I added: “how? I don’t…” she shook her mesmerising head.

“It’s a story. I always thought the good ones speak to all of us… just differently. For me, this one has always been a reminder to try your best, knowing well enough that it might not matter. But if you don’t try, you’ll never know. As for you…” she sighed deeply and buried her head in her hands. “Clearly you’ve been asked to do something that makes you… desperate, even though you understand why it might be necessary. If you came here, expecting me to tell you everything will work out just fine… I can’t and I won’t. In the story… I believe there’s a reason why everything turned out for the best, at least as far as we know. The boy… we don’t know much about him, but he never once tried to shy away or run from his future, from the challenges he had to face. Now, before you get any funny ideas, I’m definitely not saying you should go through with… whatever, but I assume you already know as much. What I’m trying to say is this: I think you already know what you should do. Everything else be damned. If you face it head on, you’ll be just fine.”

“Will you help me,” I breathed, my voice quivering.

“I’d have to know what exactly we’re talking about, before I can answer your question.” I fidgeted, mulling over her words. Maybe she was right. If I had truly considered marrying Asra, I wouldn’t have come here. It might be a neat solutions, uniting our forces, cementing our power, especially now, but we simply couldn’t trust that sorry excuse of a man. This much, I knew.

“Asra is working to confront you with a changed power structure tomorrow,” I stated quietly. “He… the remaining Captains want to settle everything between themselves and get you to back off. A united Free Land wouldn’t need foreigners. He intends to tie our two families together. Money and actual strength combined would make us nearly untouchable even if Alassara finds more servants overnight. He… he has asked for my hand in marriage.”

“Son of a… not even a single, measly night!” Despite myself, I felt my face light up with a smile. Hearing the elegant, royal woman cuss was almost like witnessing my sister swear. It didn’t fit, like seeing a queen stumble or a king fall off his horse.

She took a few deep, calming breaths through her delicate nose and scrambled to her feet. “You had better come with me. I’m not the only one who should hear this.” Suddenly cautious, she added: “I take it you wouldn’t mind if I tried to present your sister and her newfound friend with accomplished facts, as well?”

“I… I don’t know? I didn’t expect… what are you planning?”

“I don’t know the exact terms of Asra’s proposal, but… as it stands the dwarven soldiers, my brother’s warriors, they all command more actual fighting strength than anything you could muster, except maybe for your sister and her ill begotten deity. They won’t stay, though, and everyone knows it. We have to work with whoever will be in charge afterwards. I originally thought there would be another balance between several factions, but apparently that’s not supposed to happen.” She extended her hand and helped me stand.

“But what are you going to do? Without that alliance, there’ll be chaos. No one will be strong enough to make Free Land stand up to the hellish nightmare we’re facing. ”

“Have another sleepless night, even though for different reasons than I had hoped. Emilia, Free Land is its people and almost anyone who’s left has only known suffering and despair at the hands of the Captains. I’m done bargain for support from that stubborn lot. After tonight, their support will be worth as much as their empty promises. I may not like it, but I’ve been taught a thing or two about power, as well. But first, you’ll have to excuse me. I really need to pee.”