An Age of Mysterious Memories

B 3 C 7: The Naga or the Fairies?

Teuila and I sit in quiet discomfort for quite some time. We both rest against Luna, who seems to no longer need to sit on either of us. Teuila had explained that she came up to comfort me when I was panicking near the pyramid, then the next thing she knew, she was being dragged away by Lil. Or so she thought. Once Luna dumped enough water to clear her eyes, Teuila remembered seeing Mataalii on the other side of the pyramid’s clearing, seemingly hovering against a tree. She was going to point him out, but then something happened, and she still doesn’t even recall what it was, but that’s why her arms weren’t still around me when Lil had to begin dragging her away.

How the hell am I going to break it to Lu that I’ve messed up and come to a conclusion on one of our forbidden topics? She worked so hard. She put herself through so much stress, and pain to be able to keep all the secrets and redirect all my thoughts.

I’ve also come to a conclusion that Magnus shouldn’t really come with us unless he knows the risks. He’s not like Luni with secret magical powers, or Teuila with ridiculous physical prowess and an enhanced combat form, nor like Lil who is a freaking dragon. He’s definitely not like me. I’m some kind of error, some sort of freak of nature, an absurd accidental glitch of the system of our world.

For all I know, I’m part red-eyes, my own enemy, because of the obelisks being broken. My vision does go red a fair amount. Mostly though that’s my eyes bleeding, or like a capillary or something. Though, that one hallucination, and that fourth form, hm. No, no it’s not quite the same thing. I don’t get the same feeling as I do around that entity.

Ugh, can’t keep thinking around that topic or I’ll break down in panic. Okay let’s take a step back. Magnus. He can’t adventure with us. Dehlia was sure that even I would die before I could say hello amongst the naga. She saw me save her from the serpent, alone, facing off against the two of them, intentionally handicapping myself. She’s that confident of the naga society’s magic. That’s my next stop, but it’s not the next stop for my family. I was going to ask for feedback, but I’ve decided. Ugh, I hate adventuring alone. At least Teuila will be able to come visit me as a go-between a few times until I actually set out in search of them. Once I’m on the move, she won’t be able to find me unless she basically canvases the entire swamp. That would risk putting her in range to be a target of the naga. I’m not willing to take that risk. I know, I know, it’s hers to take, she’s smirking at me right now as I think about this, but it’s deadly serious.

I guess I could hold onto the comm stone again. She could maybe be able to find me if she and Lao talk to me through the stone at some point when I’ve taken a break in my search. Teuila is brightening up as she rides my wave of thoughts. Yes my beloved Wings, I obviously don’t want to be apart from you if I don’t have to. Any possible way we can avoid that, or shorten the length, I’ll try to figure out.

Still, poor Magnus, thinking we’ll be hanging out, and then I’m suddenly leaving, that same day. I’m pretty awful. Ow, Teuila just cuffed me upside the back of my head for my self-recrimination. Let me rephrase, I feel awful for doing that to anyone. Maybe he’ll find someone to get smoochy with in the SCRAP, the ShellCracker Raiding Adventure Party, the hundreds and hundreds of critterkin who now show up in my party panel as a sub party under me.

Who thought putting me in charge of any group of being’s welfare was a good idea? Oh right, Lil, Lu, and I guess Bettie. Maybe even Sir Reginald. Ugh, people need to stop relying on me! I’m bad at stuff! I either almost die, get people almost killed, get people killed, threaten to kill people, or kill people! That’s a lot of words involving death! Someone with that many words involving death about themselves should not be in charge of anyone else’s lives.

Why is Teuila laughing so hard that she’s crying? Heh. It’s not funny.

“Hahah, dangit Te, it’s not, heheh, funny, hahaha, stop laughing!”

We both devolve into full-belly laughter as we clutch one another, cuddled together against Luna. I’m only wearing the hip to thigh covering of the Valkyrie padded underclothing, and enjoying the bristly yet downy feel of Luna’s feathered fur against my back. Also of course enjoying the feel of Teuila’s warmth and her silky fur cuddled against my arm. There’s a hint of several layers of sadness beneath each of our laughs. The longing we know we’re both going to be feeling soon, with every minute spent apart. The regret that I feel for all I’ve wronged. The self-doubt Teuila feels in being unable to comfort me from my regret. A myriad of emotions that neither of us feel like sorting through right now. Instead, we’ll take this surface laughter, and nurture it as best we can, to hide the pain.

I sober up for a moment, ignoring my own desire to revel in the intoxicating laughter. I state as quietly as I can, “I love you Teuila Shellcracker, with every fiber of my being, every bit of what makes me who I am. Some of that isn’t such good fiber, but I’m yours. And Lil’s, and Lu’s. I have room in my heart to share more love, but it won’t ever be the same, as strong or as deep a well as the one I have for our inner circle. You three mean everything to me, and though Lil is my oldest companion, you above all.”

Teuila hides her face and slugs me lightly, repeatedly. She sniffles before saying, “Come on, don’t say stuff like that, that’s the kind of stuff someone says when they’re going to leave forever. Just, just don’t. Ever. Never leave forever. Please. Please always come back. No matter how long it takes, just please always come back.”

I embrace Teuila lovingly, tightly, as tears stream down both of our cheeks, hers running rivulets down my scales. Wait, what?

I don’t remember having made this much progress. It’s still not enough, but it’s dozens, maybe hundreds more transformations worth of progress than I recall having already made.

I confusedly ask, “Te, how scale-y do I look to you right now?”

Te abashedly replies, “Sorry pookapoo, I haven’t really been keeping track. You’re always you. You’re cute, and, and stuff. I like the way you look just fine. You can change or not change however much you want. I’ll, y’know, words, always.” Teuila adopts the SFS, Shellcracker Family Shyness expression, where she taps her index finger tips together and speaks from the side of her mouth while avoiding eye contact.

Heavens, that is adorable. Luni and Teuila use that to great effect on my heartstrings. Plus what Teuila just said is intensely endearing, and exceedingly brave of her, for how much of her feelings she just admitted. That wasn’t exactly what I was asking, but I guess it doesn’t matter. Progress is progress.

I’ll find some angry thing to attack me in the swamp, unlock my energy cap on my max mana, then get back to training until I can spend enough energy over enough days to go completely scalekind. Dehlia appeared to have almost half a body of soft flesh from a distance, but even her human-seeming torso was actually covered in micro-scales that were visible when viewed up close. I want to make sure I have at least that, if not an even further reptilian appearance before I reach out to the naga. If I’m lucky, Teuila will be able to visit every day or two for a while, then maybe once every few days as the contingent moves towards Point B.

Te lets loose a Shellcracker Family Squee, that elongated single laugh of glee from a closed eyed, barely-open-lipped smile. She probably just heard how I would feel lucky if she could visit me, and ignored everything else that I was thinking.

Te audaciously exclaims, “Yup!”

We break out into another fit of laughter and snuggling. Luna extends her left forepaw behind her side with her freakishly flexible shoulders, and smacks Te and me so hard that I swear we sink a quarter of an inch into the ground. This only makes us laugh harder, and Luna makes that odd horse-like huffing noise.

After some time, the others return with mixed news.

Lu casually reports, “So, good news is, we got the message across, and um, there’s no hard feelings for you bursting into the dam and, y’know, glrk,” Luni draws her index finger across her throat and I cringe as she continues, “murking as they put it, water puns, I tell ya, uh, yeah, no hard feelings since you discovered some naughties up to no good. They would have done the same anyway, with a little bit more psychological torment before execution. They’re kinda ruthless.”

Luni pauses a moment and hops into my lap, throwing her legs across Teuila, which gets an objection that Luni stifles with her left hand, as her right arm reaches around behind her head to form a headrest. This also lets her tickle my ear with her fingertips which feels really weird. When it doesn’t seem to get the reaction she hoped for, she stops, but stays in her position, using us as seats.

Luni clears her throat, blushes, and brings both her hands back towards her chest, so she can perform a Shellcracker Family Shyness expression, poking her index finger tips together. “So, um, well, they believe us, at least, that the volcano erupted, but they don’t think it’s going to be a threat. They um, they’ll deliberate, and create an evacuation plan, just in case, but they’re definitely not joining the march, unless, well, unless the volcano blows again real soon. We all hope it doesn’t.”

Lu waves towards Magnus. Magnus blushes and rambles, incoherently at first, “So, I know that you all must have done through amazing stuff things and gone to stuff. I mean, um, er, things done stuff. You did stuff, together. You must all have gone through many things together. I’m new to the family, and I can’t really do any of the stuff I’ve heard that you can do, or seen that you can do. Um, but, but I want to be around, you’re all really cool, and you’ve been so nice. I probably have maybe just a little smidge of a hero-worship for Reggie, which, I guess isn’t fair. Sorry.”

I sigh as I deliberate, “On the one hand, I’m glad you admitted that, there’s a lot of things wrong with me, a close relationship with me comes with a lot of baggage, decades worth at this point. I also only just realized something about myself, that I have trouble finding the words for, I don’t know how to express it without letting you down. I also have to let you down in another way. As much as I hate being apart from my winsome coterie as they’ve been called, I keep having to take solo adventures, over and over and over to ensure the safety of my family, and now the hundreds of people, and humans, in my charge. I’m going to be going off on my own again soon, like, within minutes. I hate it, I absolutely hate it.”

I turn my face away to hide my burning cheeks and running tears from everyone, but Teuila’s on my left, Luni’s face is adjacent to mine on my right, and Lil and Magnus are down in front of me, and above me respectively. I turn to the closest face for comfort, to hide my sorrow in her cheeks. Luni coos and shushes me, kissing my forehead softly every so often.

I hear Magnus gulp and clear his throat, and he’s already adopted the SFS expression of index fingertips together shyness. He shyly queries, “I’m um, afraid to ask, but the thing you can’t find words for? Does it, um, uh, well, does it mean you don’t like me?”

I shake my head no, I can’t quite get myself to speak at the moment, knowing that soon I’ll be leaving my dear inner circle once more.

Magnus tries to guess again, “Does it, uh, was the, the, when we, no, when I. Did I do a bad thing?”

I shake my head no, trying to absolve him of the guilt of kissing me without asking first, since I don’t really have any boundaries on physical affection, I’m happy to share pretty much all of me with pretty much anyone. I’d stroke Priss’s cheek and kiss her forehead if it could keep our factions at peace, and we more or less hate each other. Heck, I could nuzzle Sir Reginald’s scruffy face and twiddle his beard if I thought we were on affectionate terms. I really have almost no boundaries.

My inner circle snickers and giggles across our mental wavelength. I only learned of a boundary I have recently. We’ve never shared that kind of kiss in that kind of way, not in decades of time spent together. How do I tell him that? That if I was ever going to kiss someone that way, it could only ever be these three? That I’m still not sure if I’m ready to even share that sort of romantic-energy-laced kiss.

Lu whispers in our mental wavelength, “Just tell him, it’s kinder if you do. If he doesn’t understand, and won’t take the time to learn, then that’s his own fault.”

I sigh as I gather my courage to speak, “I, um, Magnus. It was, it was kind of nice, but I’m not. I don’t do that with anyone, I’ve never done that sort of kiss with anyone. If I was ever going to, it would be with these three that I’ve spent somewhere around a century or more together with. I, I liked swimming with you, and holding hands, and hugging. I just don’t want to make you think that I might ever be, well, that way. I just don’t think I would. I can’t see me feeling like that. I don’t want to hurt you, you’ve been nothing but kind and sweet to me. You comforted me without asking anything of me, and in a charged moment, one where I was leaving, you reacted to something with passion, I think.”

Magnus blushes and scratches the back of his head, nodding.

I continue, “I would be honored, so happy, if you would join our family, reacquaint yourself with Sugar and Spice, and look after everyone for me while I’m gone if ever my inner circle can’t be there. Some time in the future, I’ll return. I’d be pleased as punch to cuddle with you and catch up then. My family is very big on cuddles and handholding, right fam?”

My inner circle, Luna included, nods. She really does understand me, huh. Her love is very rough though. Or, maybe it was protection? Or both. It’s hard to tell.

Magnus adopts a wry smile and tries to find somewhere for his eyes to fall that isn’t meeting my gaze as he nods. There’s a sadness that plays across Magnus’s face, but I feel like he’s being as understanding as he can, whether or not I explained myself well enough for him to truly get it. I like him, I really do. I hope someone back at the main camp can make him as happy as he deserves.

Gulping, I pull my face out of Luni’s cheek to look her in the eyes, I express, “Lu, I, uh, I have something to admit, I..”

Luni interrupts, “I know.”

I shake my head, “No, no, not that, I mean, yes I love you, but I have to kill Mataalii. He, he did…”

Lu interrupts again, “I know. Don’t worry, you’ll make the right choices, you’ve got this. You’re my hero, always have been, always will be.” Lu kisses my cheek at the corner of my eyes. Eyes that I now realize have flooded with tears once more.

Lil and Magnus are caught up in shock. Magnus doesn’t know who Mat is, but he can tell how much I don’t want to kill anyone. Lil’s gaze is flitting from one face to another, stunned that no one else is reacting with surprise.

Lil’s question is one I expected, “Buh, bwah, huh? Buddy? What? What what what? When did you decide that?”

I answer as best I can, “Mata’s the reason. Gae Buidhe, possibly the pyramid, definitely the obelisks, the entity, you not being yourself when you came back, maybe even the volcano, maybe even that earthquake, and definitely Teuila attacking me just a bit ago with deadly force.”

Lil and Lu both gasp at that last bit and stare in shock at Teuila who is now trying to hide her face between Luna’s feathers and my shoulder. Sorry about that Teuila. Magnus looks utterly dumbfounded by the constant stream of revelations. I did tell him that any relationship with me came with a lot of baggage.

I’m a bit surprised at Luni’s reaction though. She said she knew. So me killing Mataalii was always going to happen, but she didn’t know Mat made Teuila attack me. The only reason I’m even alive is because the air being pushed by Teuila’s sword, when she first thrust, reached me early enough that my proprioception noticed it. The air brushing against the hairs on my extended arms was enough to let me know there was an incoming object. It’s like I have innate danger senses within a few inches. No one warned me, no magic item guided me. If Teuila had leapt away, and come at me with her top acceleration before thrusting, I’d be gone. There wouldn’t have been time to react. I’d have noticed the sword at the same location in relation to my body, but her speed would have been dozens, or hundreds of times faster. I could possibly have hoped that I might have instantly reacted by summoning Valkyrie armor, and that it would have caused it to be a glancing blow instead of a fatal one, but then we dive down the rabbit hole of what-ifs.

Sighing, a pain between my shoulder blades twinges, and I spasm backwards as it tugs my muscles together. I gasp a sharp inhalation from the pain, and clutch the back of my head as the stabbing pain travels upwards and becomes a throbbing ache along the back of my skull. Trying to calm my breathing, to ride out the discomfort, I decide on some things while I have my SAP with me.

I mumblingly make requests, “Te, could I get the comm stone? Luni, can you teach Magnus about the fam, and the important people in the camp, and the humans too? Lil, I so desperately want you to come with me buddy, but I understand that you probably want to stay by your Gal-Pal’s side. I just love you Lil buddy and I could use some words of encouragement for when I go off to train solo so that I can grow scales and see the naga people.”

There are some glances exchanged that I didn’t expect, and Lil leaps into my face to wrap their tail around my head, leaving me with a face full of dragon heiny. A common occurrence in our friendship to be sure, but not one I was expecting at the moment.

Lil proudly declares, “I’m coming with you buddy, doy! How are you gonna introduce yourself to scalekin and scalekind without at least one other scalekind at your side to vouch for ya? It’s you ‘n’ me pal, thick ‘n’ thin! Yeah, I mean, I love Lu, my Gal-Pal to bits and pieces, and, and my It’s-A-Secret Te as well, ‘cause, ‘cause stuff. They’re real swell, but buddy, how could I let you go at this alone? You hurt so bad when you gotta do these things alone. Lil and Lu can come visit ‘cause they’re super fast, super duper super super super duper fast. They’re like, blazing fast, mega blazing, mega mega mega blazing. But only when it’s safe, that’s why you’re taking the comm stone, right?”

I can’t help but to chortle at Lil’s affectations. Still, I have to nod, that is why I’m taking the comm stone. I didn’t expect to get to see Lu, because I thought she would be staying with Lil, because I thought Lil would be staying at the camp. Now I look worriedly at the girls, loves of my life in different ways.

Te sends a mote of jealousy across our mental wavelength. Lil joins in sending one as well, then the two each send one at each other, then all four of us blush telepathically. Yeah, our inner circle is entirely smitten with one another. No doubt in my mind about it. I’m glad the world in my memories is fake. No need to deal with the stress of whatever nonsensical social pressures make people follow certain rules on how love is supposed to look. Although, my memories are a lot like the human society from our world as well. Priss had a husband, and a son. She’s an actual, legitimate, biological mother. I barely registered the fact that Sir Reginald was rambling that fact off about her. Sir Reginald hinted that he may have had fancies for sisters, though he only explicitly said he fancied one. That might have been human social pressure to only share love with one other human.

I wonder if Sal and Har were actually brother and sister, or if that was a cover they were using to enter the exhibition matches. They seemed to have a boundless love for each other. I’m struck by a painful twinge of regret, remembering that my panic got the two of them killed.

Wait, I don’t remember seeing a graveyard. Did I just miss it? Or maybe there was a crematorium and they spread the ashes at sea. That’s the most likely. Humans don’t derez like people do, they die as gruesomely as my memories say they will. Still, why are there some people ‘of blood’ that aren’t human, that also have the critterkin mental interface, and all these things that Dehlia hinted at? Maybe the naga folk will help me finally start unraveling some of my mysterious memories. It has been ages that I’ve been stuck with them.

I’ll train myself day and night with Lil, we don’t need much sleep, and when I’m ready, we’ll seek out Dehlia and her tribe. The nagas first it is then.