An Age of Mysterious Memories

B 2 C 22: A Constellation of Tears On Her Lashes

I wake up finding myself being thawed out by Lil. Laughing uproariously, though it aches like heck, I conclude that I’m pretty sure my family is just desensitized to seeing me almost dead at this point. More or less. This last time was stupid too, I didn’t even know wireframes were solid matter. Hm, actually they might not normally be, it might only be my buggy nature that caused it to impale me.

Tears of laughter streaming out my eyes, I ask, “Hah, uh, how long have I been out Lil?”

“Most of a day buddy! You good? That was pretty gruesome. Um, also Lu told me what you did.”

I start to sweat at Lil’s assertion. Trying to close off my brain from our shared wavelength, I speculate. In the world in my memories, saying ‘I just slept with her’ would be tantamount to treason between best friends. Or maybe Lil’s talking about the tackle? Or nearly getting her killed? Or dislocating her shoulder? I need to open my wavelength back up, now I’m worried about Luni. Opening up our telepathic bond I query about Luni.

Lu skips in from outside my visual range and plops down atop me, she carefully avoids my abdomen and right side. Instead, Lu twines her legs with my right leg and lays on my right arm so that her own right arm is elevated between her hip and mine. Teuila likewise twines her legs with my left leg and lays on my left arm, pinning me. Oh no, I know what’s coming next.

Lil dejectedly harumphs at not being able to jump on my belly, so they instead snuggle atop my face. I laugh through a faceful of dragon heiny. “Pffft, pblbblbllpt Lil come on buddy, hahaha. Pfftt. Guys, guys, hahaha, the other me told me to take it easy for a week. I don’t think being pinned by my dearest ones was what they had in mind.”

My statement earns me several curious looks, and three simultaneous questions. “The other you?”

“Oh, yeah, I don’t remember if we got into it in the tunnels. I don’t think it qualifies as dissociative identity disorder, this is something weirder. I don’t think distinct personas or alters interact, much less have out of body experiences where they can observe the others.”

Lil and Te query, “Huh?”

Lu takes me into private thinkspace, a deeper level than I can recall being, so the others can’t hear. “Just try not to think about that one, k Reggie? Please? Um. If you could maybe please do me that favor? It’s not the right time. Could you maybe, kinda, possibly deflect the topic?”

I gaze into the telepathic depiction of Lu’s face, finding myself slightly stunned but unable to deny her request. I confirm, “Oh, um, sure, anything for my anchor I suppose. Are you doing okay? There was a lot of intense stuff back there, and a lot of physical pain.”

“We’ll talk later, thank you for caring. You’re the best.” Luni floods my mind with affection in this deeper thinkspace so much that I’m booted back to reality.

I find myself blinking, a bit stunned at the exchange. Did that really just happen? I catch Lu winking out of the corner of my eye. My heart flutters, and I cough, trying to distract myself. I ramble a bit randomly, “So, um, Olioli? Are they really back? Can anyone tell? Does this mean we could meet the others again someday, somehow? Has anything like this ever happened before? Like, what the heck? Is death permanent? How’s everyone doing? Lao said Mata went missing that first day, that awful, horrible, endlessly repeated day. Is he okay? The Mana twins? Are Sugar and Spice used to their new forms? Do they have magic? Did we get enough bags for everyone? Lao isn’t too upset that we didn’t check in for a couple days is she? Is Agwai still working on jokes? Is everybody doing okay and moving on with things okay?”

Luni flinches when I ask about Mata, and the day when I earned the time skill. I can’t tell if it’s because she feels bad for me, and how much pain I went through losing Teuila over and over, or if it’s because Mata had something to do with it. I’m almost positive it’s the latter. Luni sharply mentally hints to stop guessing about those related topics. Right, right, sorry Lu.

My friends are laughing at my inability to follow a train of thought without jumping tracks, and my inability to wait for one question to be answered before continuing on to ask more. Lil steps up to answer, somewhat unhelpfully, “So, first few questions, don’t know, don’t know, don’t know, don’t know. Not to me, obvee. I dunno, what the heck to you too buddy. Also don’t know. They can tell you themselves. Also I heard that, nyeh.” I telepathically send apologetic waves towards Lil for the ‘somewhat unhelpfully’ comment.

Lu and Te stand up, and carefully, gingerly pluck me from the ground. Lil stays perched on my left shoulder, their tail around the back of my neck. As I rise, I can tell why I might need a week for this. I gaze worriedly at Luni. How much of my injuries did she share? How much of it was just pain, but how much of it actually harmed her? Lu shakes her head, indicating she’s unwilling to answer, and that she’s reading my thoughts. Of the four of us, Luni has always had this secret depth to her, and the most constantly-active telepathy, as far as I can tell.

Still, if Lu says later, then later it is. I struggle to clasp Teuila in my right arm, but my arm is mostly unresponsive. Between the cold preservation, and my wrist still being broken, I can do little more than lightly squeeze Teuila. Lu and Te guide me gently to one of the cushioned seats that we made for the party, they’re all adorning the inside of our home now. The feasting table has been moved under a pavilion to preserve it. I gaze around, searching for each family member, when I’m greeted by a gnawing at my ankle.

The being below looks and acts like Olioli, my heart both soars and breaks. What does this mean? How can they be here? How did the twins find an egg while fishing? I try to bend down to be able to lift Oli into a hug, but I can neither bend, nor grab at the moment. Lu does me the favor of snagging Oli to snuggle.

I ask, “Does, does Oli have any memory logs? Did they ever?”

Luni responds while wearing a forlorn half frown, “They used to, but this Oli either doesn’t have any logs, and never will, or they’re locked from us, and this Oli doesn’t know how to unlock them.”

That’s almost more worrisome. If one of us was slain, and we came back, could we be just shells of our former selves? No memories on any given day? Could Oli have been like that because they’d already reincarnated once before? Would I be little more than a hungry face to feed if I were slain and returned? Not to disparage Olioli, I don’t know what’s going on in their head, obviously. I wish I could help them communicate. They’re a lot like me in that regard, unable to express anything verbally without help. I'm suddenly distracted by thinking of the types of help I've received for communication. Simply being in a party, having a mediator, and even thinkspace, whether being talked down in thinkspace, or experiencing years together over the course of days.

Wait a minute, what if the thinkspace acceleration isn’t dependent on all four of our health, but just Luni’s? During the entire cragbeast foothill excursion, it was slowing down more and more, and Lu was becoming more and more haggard. During the awful repeating day, we had lost one of our quad, and I was still able to retreat into a thousandfold thinkspace. Lil and my mental health in those moments were in grievous agony, but Lu was likely healthy as she was so far away. I peer intently at Luni who casually avoids my gaze. Just how much power do you have, Lu? Is she straight up telepathic? Could she hear Olioli’s true thoughts?

Answering my nonverbal question, Lu replies, “No, um, no, you, uh, err, you think too highly of me. It’s sweet Reggie, but um, it’s not like that, not at all. Someday we’ll be able to talk about it. It’s a long ways off though. I’m sorry. I hope that’s okay. I hate not being able to tell you. I’m, I’m sorry.” She telepathically sends the embarrassed avoidance expression once more. The expression is that of her playing with her index fingers while avoiding eye contact, speaking from the side of her mouth.

I’ll just take Luni’s word for it. I spy Mata looking grumpy in a corner, flinging small rocks at other small rocks on the floor. It’s a bit like a game of marbles. When Mata observes my gaze having fallen upon him, he looks utterly furious. It’s a bit shocking so I gulp and avert my gaze.

Wow, I was not expecting that level of hostility. I thought maybe he’d be happy to possibly have a family member back. I shake my head, rattling my brain to try to focus on something else, anything else. The twins aren’t in here, so they’re probably fishing, while being watched over by Lao, and perhaps Agwai. Where are Sugar and Spice?

As if on cue, Sugar and Spice waddle in from wherever they’d been. Sugar veritably leaps for joy at seeing me up and about, her leap takes her on a collision course with my torso. I’m so glad to have such powerful companions, as they intercept and catch Sugar for me. Sugar pouts in response. I can only smile weakly at her as I greet her.

“Hey Sugar, hey Spice. How are you two getting along with your new forms? Everything going okay around here? Have you learned anything about your equipment or abilities that might be magical yet? Also, Spice, um, those things doing okay? Haven’t had too many?”

Spice looks embarrassed at being singled out and he makes a slight hissing shushing sound. Sugar takes care of the rest of the answers, “We’re good, good good good good gooooood, yep yep! I can kinda fasten things together, it’s a bit weird, and I can’t lose my tools, even if I forget them somewhere, they’re always back in my belt a little later. Spice is all mathy now, talking all formulas and equations and theorizing on the beauty of architectural artifice as he puts it. My nerrrrrd, hehe. But seriously don’t make fun of him for it or I will gut you.”

I nervously chuckle at the abrupt shift in tone near the end. I’m pretty certain she was serious. At least to some extent. I glance around at my companions nervously, they only shrug with mildly shocked expressions on their faces. I put my hands up in a plea of mock surrender. The flick of my right wrist is excruciating.

Struggling, I stand. Exhaling as calmly as I can, fighting the pain, I state, “I need to talk to Lao, I’m guessing she’s with the twins? You guys can stay here, catch up for me, please?” I indicate my inner circle and wave at the home, and its new decorations.

There are strenuous objections from my inner circle but I give them a very serious ‘try me’ gaze, which quiets them down. Spice tugs at my left wrist lightly as I’m leaving our home. He whispers, “Lao, uh, she isn’t with the twins. She went for a walk, south by southwest a bit. She said you’d know where. Thank you for coming back to us, and um, thanks for, well, this, and everything.” I rest my head on Spice’s for a moment, struggling to give him a one-armed hug. He seems to be thanking me for his evolved form, but I didn’t do that. I didn’t give Luni, Sugar, Spice, or Teuila their middle evolution stages.

I playfully hip-check Spice back towards my inner circle, and he relents, rejoining them. After sighing, I take a determined breath and start marching towards where my face, and Teuila’s face, plowed through a lot of dirt a few nights ago. South by southwest. It’s a fairly long walk in my current state, and I’m almost surprised Lao has the patience to await me there. But this is Laomati we’re talking about, well, that I’m talking about. When I arrive, Lao is seated with poise on a mound of soil, the mound of soil that was raised as a result of my own fall.

Lao turns her gaze upwards from the ground to meet mine at my approach, and there’s a constellation of tears on her lashes. She’d been crying for a dreadfully long time at this point. She motions for me to approach and enter her embrace, so I do. Her poise crumples as she is wracked with sobs. I spend minutes, maybe hours being held by Laomati as she sheds galaxies from her eyes.

Finally, between sobs, Lao speaks in barely audible utterances, “It’s too much. It’s too much. A family member returned to us? I can’t understand it. I’ve grieved their losses already. I don’t know what it means. Dare I hope for more? It’s too much.”

I don’t know how to comfort her. I remember how hard Lao grieved, and for how long. In a world where survival doesn’t offer one the luxury of unlimited time to grieve, hers had to be compressed into several weeks. Something tells me there was another, stronger flood shortly after we left.

Lao continues, “This has something to do with you, dear child. I’m certain of it. I don’t know how, but every magical, wonderful thing somehow comes back to you. Here you are, returning to us from the brink of death once more just as we are reunited with one who had already been lost to death. I don’t know whether to thank you, or throttle you.” Lao sniffles, composing herself, then makes a polite demand, “Thank you for seeing me, beloved child of the Shellcracker clan. Come, Luni said something is to happen shortly after noon, we should yet make it in time.”