All The Time Lost

June leaned back in one of the deckchair she had recycled from her last trip to the dump. Bea laid in the other. Summer was soon coming to an end but the red-head was desperate to get as much color as her pale skin would allow.

« We should move to some warmer place, » her friend groaned.

Her friend. It still felt weird to Realize she had managed to make a friend. It had been so long. She had made a few friendly acquaintance in jail, a couple she even kept in contact with by email, but it had taken time and hardship. Becoming friends with Bea had been so easy. The woman was everything warm and kind and she radiated goodness. And June was so grateful for her friendship.

« I wouldn't enjoy it as much if it lasted all year round, » June took a sip of the virgin pina colada she had made and sighed in pleasure.

« I would, » Bea pouted. « But my parents would follow me and nag even more if we moved to a new place. »

« It's the parents' role to worry about their children, » June smiled.

« Mines worry too much. »

« Wait until you get your own kids and you'll Realize how hard it is. »

« Is it the same for you ? » Bea turned to lean on her side and look at her. « I mean, not to be disrespectful but I never believed that crap about natural instinct. »

June knew Bea was just being honest but it still hurt to be reminded that she had missed most of her children's life.

« And yet, » she smiled sadly.

« How did it feel to be apart ? »

June remembered one of the twins' birthday. It was their fifth. She had worked hard in craft class and knitted both of them small gloves. She sent them in advance so they'd have it on time for their birthday. She still remembered how the guard joked cruelly and threw her the enveloppe back. It hadn't even been opened. It wasn't the first time and it wouldn't be the last but that one time she had frozen with the enveloppe in hands. She felt the soft cushioning under her fingers and had snapped. She had insisted that the guard sent it back because her babies needed their gloves for next winter, she was worried about them being cold. She had a nervous breakdown and wouldn't stop even after the guard started beating her up. She ended up with multiple concussions and two broken ribs. And she had sobbed her little heart out around the closed enveloppe, hysterically repeating that they needed their mother's handmade gloves for next winter.

« Awful. »

Julian showed up with his father right after Bea had left. They were supposed to make some pizza again but this time Julian insisted she let Thomas in charge of making the crust.

June was slowly getting more comfortable around Thomas and she kept to her promise to make an effort. It did make it easier to spend more time with Julian since his father was a constant in his life.

« Oh, I've never drunk alcohol, » she declined the beer bottle Julian offered her after getting some out of the cooler his father had brought.

« What ? » Her son exclaimed and Thomas whirled around to look at her with shock stark on his face.

« I was too young before jail and it's pretty dry in there, » she chuckled awkwardly. « Now I'm just too scared to try. »

« Why ? » Julian frowned in confusion.

« What if I can't hold my booze ? At my age ? I can't afford to ridiculise myself. »

« We won't let you embarrass yourself, » Thomas swore but she still refused.

—

Thomas turned back to the wood fired oven and glared at the pizza cooking inside. He hated to be reminded of everything she had missed out on. For the thousandth time, he cursed the judge for judging her as an adult at only seventeen.

He looked at the beautiful woman chuckling over his shoulder and swore to protect her peace and happiness from now on.

They were making progress. Even as he sat down, he Realized June wasn't on high alert anymore around him, she even allowed herself to joke on some rare occasions. But it was still too slow for him. He ached to slid an arm around her back and play with her short hair while she talked about her day. He burned for her with a passion he hadn't felt since he had last held her in his arms and though he managed to hold back around her, his frustration made everyone else's life hard. It got to a point where Sawyer even forbad him from going on anymore missions.

« I would really love it if you came this time, » Julian sent a pleading look to his poor, defenseless mother.

« But your friends… And their parents, » she tried to argue. « I also want to see you play but it'll be selfish if I make everyone else uncomfortable. »

« Nobody's going to notice you, » Julian shook his head. « Dad tell her. »

« Most of our classmates moved away so it's almost all fresh new blood, » he agreed.

It only took a bit more pushing from their son for June to crumble and accept but Thomas couldn't feel bad for her.

« And we're moving to Ma and Pa's right after for a celebratory barbecue. »

« If you win, » Thomas raised an eyebrow at his confident son.

« Even if we lose, » he rolled his eyes playfully. « But since we will win, it'll be merrier. »