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Chapter 1: Pain

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Pain.

Why is it so painful?

It doesn't make sense.

Subaru gasped as he darkness seemed to meld with his entire being. His existence as if being embraced by thoudsands of hands. Invasive. Possessive. A honeyed and sticky feeling seemed to persist on his skin.

He felt as if his heart was being crushed.

Ah…Is this the feeling of sleep paralysis people was talking about? Hm…I can't open my eyes.

Despite feeling a heavy weight on his body, Subaru attempted to move, just to find out that his body refused to head any command at all.

Perhaps this will be over soon…I can just wait it out. Damn it. My body is going to feel like hell next morning.

Subaru had his fair share of exhaustion after late night gaming, but that didn't make subsequent attempt any better. Maybe he should just try living healthier life.

I think I did quite well keeping my mind adrift…

Still, what brought this on? It could be because I was sleep deprived. However, this has never happened before.

And is sleep paralysis supposed to be this painful? I thought it only made your body immobilized.

…

…why isn't it over yet?

The pressure in his heart started to get worse.

Ack!

Wait. Wait a minute. Could I be having a heart attack?

Hell, I don't want to die young. Although I was wasting my life, I could still turn it around!

…

Eh? The pain…it doesn't hurt as much. Though it still feet as if my heart is being clawed inside out…

And I barely sleep, too. Look like I will be incapacitated tomorrow. I did promise to be active, but this is a reasonable excuse right? Mom and Dad will understand.

…

Why am I thinking about them right now? I will see them tomorrow. No harm done then.

Now that I think about it, it has been a long time since our family went on a trip together. That is something nice to think about.

Alone with his thoughts, Subaru's mind began to wander.

Mom and Dad is always patient with me. They must be very disappointed, yet they didn't show it. Maybe I will try to go to school again, if only to relieve them of some stress. I could have sworn I saw some white in Dad's hair the other day.

…

Ah…I can move my body now. I should try opening my eyes.

Though his heart still felt as if smothered, Subaru willed himself to open his eyes. It took some effort, but finally his consciousness return. It was then that Subaru noticed his vision was tinted with red.

My eyes…is it bleeding? Everything is so...red.

His vision eventually cleared and he became aware of his surrounding. He saw the dark wooden floor enveloping his vision, and suddenly realized he was lying on his face.

This floor…this isn't my room.

He tried to roll over, but a stinging pain in his chest quickly remedied his effort. He perked up and saw a notebook with black cover, splattered with blood, lying in the corner of room.

To the left of his vision was a clothing rack with a black uniform with a glint of something. A patrol cap, with an unidentified insignia rested above it. That glint his saw must be a badge.

Police uniform? It's not from Japan.

Subaru noticed something hard under his body. He shifted his body a bit, and took out the object under him.

An ornate dagger, covered in blood.

A dagger? The engraving is quite detailed…it must be quite expensive?

Leaving the knife on the side, Subaru rolled over and tried standing up, but his heart throbbed once again as he kneeled on one leg. Subaru started panting from the pain.

It is still bearable… Subaru stood up slowly, using the nearby window ledge the prop himself up.

The architecture have classical Western style. Besides the clothing rack, there is a decrepit bed, a study desk, and some wall lamp with distinguished texture. There are various household applications all over the room.

Subaru looked out of the window and notice that the glint in his vision, and the red that currently coated the room was the crimson moon outside.

Huh…how cliché.

Noticing a mirror, slightly cracked as it was at the edge of the room, Subaru slowly made his way toward it. Bright red hair, blue eyes, with stubble on his face. He wore a brown linen shirt, with similarly brown pant. There is a noticeable gash on his shirt where his heart is, and blood still stained the area around it. His hand, too, was covered in blood.

Wait. This is not me!

Subaru mulled over for a bit. It finally made sense! He must have transmigrated!

…I looked like a depressed single dad. 

The gash on his shirt...someone stabbed him? The knife from before...it could also be suicide.

And supposedly I was the one taking over the dead body of this guy... this situation is quite morbid.

Well, this was supposed to be a dream came true. He had grown up fantasizing about such situations many time. But the world in mangas and novels were usually vibrant...Compared to this particular circumstance, ít was a bit hard for him to accept.

Wish I could have been in my own body. Wait, do I have family, then? I don't have any experience acting as someone else.

Calm down. Take a deep breath, Subaru. You got this.

At that moment, his head was assaulted with an influx of memories.

It is the memory of Heinkel van Astrea, a citizen of the Northern Continent's Loen Kingdom, Awwa County, City of Tingen. He is also a deputy captain of the local police force.

His lineage is nothing to be scoffed at. His father, Wilhelm van Astrea, is a renowned mercenary, and his mother, Theresa van Astrea, was a high ranking bodyguard of the former king. She had retired after marrying her father. Unfortunately, she lost her life a few years ago trying to fend off some of her old enemies. She could have survived, yet she was with Reinhard at the time, and she probably died trying to protect him.

Heinkel's relationship with his father had been strained every since, because Wilhelm blamed Reinhard for the death of his wife. They hadn't been in contact for a long time.

Reinhard is the name of his son, and he is Heinkel's only child with his wife Louanna. About the topic of Louanna, it seemed like an unfortunate event. She suddenly collapsed on the street last year and fell into a coma. She hasn't woken up ever since.

The three of them live in a two bedroom apartment together. Yes, this barely sustainable apartment. While being a policeman is not a low-paying job, the medication for his wife and school fee for his son offset most of that. He is the sole breadwinner in the house.

Damn it. Such a complicated situation, too.

Subaru couldn't help but compare the situation with his own family, and noticed how lucky he had been. While he was not perfect, much less the opposite, his parents were tolerant and understanding.

My thought…is his temperament affecting me? I must focus…

Subaru shook his head slightly. As he scanned around the room once more, he noticed numerous bottles lying around the room, and the room itself reeked of alcohol. Of course, Heinkel is an alcoholic, everything made sense now. The stress must have been crushing.

Is this why he stabbed himself with a knife? Because he couldn't deal with the accumulating stress?

No…that wasn't quite right.

He still had his wife and son to take care of. The Heinkel in his memory didn't seem like the type to leave his wife and son, especially when they can't take care of themselves.

I must find more information.

Subaru's eyes cast to the dagger on the floor.

The engraving is exceptional. With Heinkel's current situation, he couldn't have afforded something like this.

With a frown on his face, Subaru approached the notebook in the corner of the room. He picked it up and saw an unfamiliar text.

While Heinkel is a policeman now, he used to be a history graduate. His family was well-off at that time, with more than enough money to get him into university. Heinkel knew of the ancient Feysac language, which was deemed the origin of all languages in the Northern Continent. But this particular language on the notebook seemed to be Hermes, with the content often about sacrificial and praying rituals.

I still can't read it…

Suddenly, he saw the text on the notebook shift, and finally turned into something readable.

In Hermes language, the content is:

"Everyone will die, including me."

Chapter 2: Thoughts

Chapter Text

Subaru felt a deep chill upon deciphering the writing. He unconsciously touched the place where his heart is. It wasn't too visible under the shirt, so he quickly undressed, only to see a small but gaping hole before his heart. And it is pulsing inside his ribcage. Subaru's breath hitched.

"How am I still alive?!"

Despite his horror at the grievous injury on his body, Subaru forced himself to calm.

His heart is still beating. As for how, it may be related to his transmigration.

"Damn it, although I keep telling myself that, it can't be that simple."

Subaru began searching around the room, and his eyes landed upon the grayish-white pipes and metallic-gridded lamp on the wall beside the study desk.

This was the most common gas lamp of the times, known for its stability and illumination capability.

Before Louanna fell into a coma, Heinkel's family was still well-off, so a gas lamp wasn't that out of the question. Although with their situation now...Subaru could only wince.

The gas lamp was for Heinkel's many nights researching different criminal cases, he was a policeman, after all. He was actually a quite capable one back then. Although not necessarily talented, he managed to solve numerous cases that he got promoted to his current stature. Although considering his current state, perhaps it won't be long until someone else takes his place.

Actually, now that Subaru thinks about it, although the living conditions may not be the best, Heinkel was capable enough to make ends meet. He was desperate for new cases to solve and to progress through the ranks, since while they were not starving now, it was a delicate balance. Heinkel was even considering dropping Reinhard out of school.

Subaru shuddered at the fragmented memories. He approached the study desk and saw the gas lamp's switch.

"I should turn it on. This red tint is grating on my nerve."

He began twisting the as lamp's switch. A sputtering sound, and he could hear a spark mostly from friction, yet light didn't appear as he expected. Subaru clicked his tongue and tried a few more times to no avail.

"This is not it…" Subaru tried to focus and once again access Heinkel's memories.

A few moments later, he made his way toward the door where a machine installation was inside into the wall, grayish-white pipes connected to it. He quickly took out a coin from his trousers pocket. It was a coin with a bronze sheen and engraved on it was a portrait of a crown-wearing queen, with a simple '1' on a clump of wheat on the back.

Heinkel van Astrea knew that this was the most basic currency of Loen Kingdom, a copper penny. Its value was roughly around 60 to 80 yen before his transmigration. Such coins had other denominations such as five pence, a half-pence, and a quarter-pence. Despite having many types, the units were not small enough. The consequences are that from time to time, one had to buy several things just to spend a single coin.

The coin was minted and circulated after Queen Capella Emerada ascended to the throne. Subaru flipped it over a few times before inserting it into the gas meter's coin slot.

"Capella, huh? Little goat? It probably had some other meaning in this world."

After it reached the bottom with a 'clang' sound, the grinding gears started making sounds, and the machinery came to life.

"Huh…neat." Subaru nodded to himself before returning to the desk and once again twisting the gas lamp's switch.

This time, a fire plume ignited and rapidly grew after a sharp sound and some sputtering. The room was then blanketed with light. The crimson sheen covering the room quickly receded. Subaru felt his unease soon melted away.

"The wound…it seemed better." Looking at his reflection at the mirror, Subaru quickly realized the abnormality. The wound seemed to be closing at a discernable speed. Subaru was no medical professional, so he didn't know how long it would take to heal completely, but it would probably be not for long.

"Hm…this healing factor, is it reliable? Or it's just the effect of my transmigration?" Subaru thought about it for a moment, before letting out a long sigh "Nothing I can do about it now. At least I'm still alive…"

Searching Heinkel's memories, Subaru quickly found some soap, a towel, and some clean clothes and went to the public bathroom in the apartment.

"I must clean up the bloodstain. I look like a murder victim. It will be problematic if Reinhard sees this in the morning."

Subaru opened the door to the corridor. It was pitch black. The crimson moon cast an ominous glow at the end of the corridor, making his paranoia spike. He felt as if being watched.

Subaru took a deep breath and quickly made his way toward the communal bathroom, his footstep made a slight creek every time, and Subaru winced at the sound.

When Subaru entered, the moonlight was abundant in the room, allowing him to see everything clearly. Wasting no time, he turned on the tap and tried to wash away the bloodstain on his chest.

Suddenly, a harsh sound came from behind the door, and it was swung open. A purple-haired man wearing a top hat, a vest, a black suit, and a monocle stood at the entrance.

"Who is there-" The man shouted but immediately closed his mouth at seeing Heinkel.

Heinkel was shirtless, with countless bloodstains still marred on his body. His face was hidden by the shadow, saved for a mop of his red hair, and the crimson moonlight shined upon his body gave him a rather ominous appearance.

"A-ah! Mr. Heinkel! Uh…coming back from a mission?" The man lowered his voice, seemingly frightened of him.

This is Joshua, and he is the landlord of this sorry place. He was an annoying stickler for rules, at least in Heinkel's memories. He had a set of rules that his tenants must follow and watched them like a hawk for any mistakes. Joshua seemed to be quite narrow-minded and prejudiced toward low-income people, although he never said it directly.

And guess what? He is always bragging to everyone about his big brother, who is oh-so very influential and refined. Heinkel couldn't care less, and Joshua knew better to get in his way.

"Get out." Subaru said in a gruff voice, and Joshua quickly backpedaled, not forgetting to close the door behind him.

Subaru wondered what kind of reputation Heinkel had to incite such a response.

"I will think about it later…" Subaru quickly scrubbed off all the bloodstains in his body and washed away the lingering blood on his ripped shirt. His work didn't get rid of all the blood, but luckily the shirt was dark-colored, so unless people look at it closely, they won't be able to figure out if something wrong.

Subaru quickly returned to his apartment after that, and began his job of cleaning the residual blood. Apart from some splatter on the dark wooden floor, it appeared that the suicidal effort of Heinkel didn't make that much of a mess, which was curious. He seemed to have stabbed himself in the heart and expired shortly after.

'Everyone will die, including me' That line in the notebook still unsettled him deeply.

What does that even mean?

No signs of struggle, so this is likely to be a real suicide.

The writing had a hopeless feeling in it. What could have driven a policeman like Heinkel into killing himself? Or who?

And it didn't make sense that there was so little blood. Subaru had studied in school before, and know the heart is a vital structure for blood production. There was no way for a stab to the heart to be so…clean. 

"It must be because of my transmigration…"

After a while of fruitless pondering, Subaru changed into his new shirt.

This man's situation is too complicated! I don't want to deal with it!

Subaru began to think about returning back home. He was sure he would jump at the chance of going to another world, but now he had second thoughts.

His parents…what will they think? They must be worried sick and probably thought that he had run away. Although it was easier for Subaru to think that nothing would change for them, he himself knew that this wouldn't be the case.

They would blame themselves for his disappearance…

"No way…I must at least try to return."

Subaru racked his brain for anything that could be the reason for his untimely transmigration. Was this just bad luck, after all?

Bad luck…Yes, I tried a luck enhancement ritual before dinner today!

Subaru has always obsessed with stars and constellations since young, probably because he was named after a cluster of stars called Pleiades. He prided himself on knowing the name of many stars and its meaning. Though he had no friends to share his passion for the cosmos, his family was more than enough to make up for it.

He remembered the event yesterday. He was walking home, there and then he spotted a fortune teller sitting in a tent, waving him over. Curiosity overcame him, and he approached for a quick divination.

'Your stars were bad…' was her verdict.

The uncanny reference to stars made him on edge immediately. In the recent month, he had some sort of a bad luck streak. Stumbling on a rock, falling down because of a loose sewer lid, and he could swear he saw an owl staring at him through the window the other day. While Subaru was not usually superstitious, it was too much of a coincidence.

The fortune teller told him of a simple luck enhancement ritual. He thought the ritual was simple enough, so he made an attempt at it.

All he needed was to get four portions of the staple food in four corners of his room. They could be placed on furniture such as cupboards and tables. Then, he must stand in the middle of the room and take four steps in a counter-clockwise fashion to make a square.

The chant, which he must recite sincerely, was as follows:

'Blessings Stem From the Ageless Sage of Heaven and Earth'

'Blessings Stem From the Towering Sage of Heaven and Earth'

'Blessings Stem From the Exalted Ruler of Heaven and Earth'

'Blessings Stem From the Favored Chosen of Heaven and Earth'

After the four steps were taken, close his eyes and wait for five minutes without moving. Then the ritual would be completed without a doubt.

He was disappointed that nothing happened back then…

Then again, who would have thought that the ritual actually caused him to transmigrate?

Transmigration! It's not a small thing!

"Hm…I should try this again tomorrow. Perhaps I will be able to transmigrate back. Or better yet, I can establish connection between both world!" Setting down the ornate knife he was gripping tightly, Subaru stood straight up.

Unreliable, but this is all I have now…

I have to do it!

Chapter 3: Reinhard

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

"Okay…now that I have a plan, let's see if this guy has any more useful memories. But first-"

Heinkel understandably had the habit of turning off the light when not in use, and always reminded Reinhard of it too. Considering their financial state, it was perfectly reasonable. Subaru quickly turned off the pipe's valve and watched the light dim until darkness once again covered the room.

Subaru inspected the dagger again. A quite detailed eye was engraved at the guard, it was life-like enough that Subaru could swear it was staring at him. On the hilt, countless lines resembling branches were meticulously carved into it. The blade wasn't too sharp, but the slightly darkened color made Subaru think it was made of durable material.

"Peculiar…but it doesn't really help."

Subaru scratched his head lightly, before sighing. He tried to focus on the memories of Heinkel. It was hazy, fragmented, and even blank in places.

"Did the alcohol get to my brain?"

Subaru clicked his tongue in frustration. No matter how much he thought, it escaped how he came into possession of such a clearly expensive, if not slightly creepy dagger. He didn't know if he was the one who committed suicide, or if it was an elaborate murder. The words 'Everyone will die, including me', while quite disturbing, didn't leave much impact when he couldn't understand the context when he wrote it.

While the fragmented memories heavily revolved around the incident, going as far as two days before, some staple knowledge he ought to know seemed outright missing. He couldn't remember some part of the law, although Heinkel had always been diligent in learning it for his promotion. Some details about recent cases had turned up blank despite having discussed it with his colleague just days ago.

I must report my findings of the case to the Tingen Police Department two days later…what's this deadline?!

It was pivotal that Heinkel solves this case...yet-

I can't remember a thing...

If Heinkel performed inadequately this time, he might even get demoted…

…

Subaru spent a long time mulling over the implication, his gaze set on the setting blood moon in the west. Soon, dawn arose and dyed part of the horizon in a golden glow.

Suddenly, he heard a sound inside the apartment. A steady sound of footsteps was approaching his door.

"Ah…it must be Reinhard, to be so punctual like this."

I was just a teenager yesterday! How am I supposed to deal with a kid? My kid at that! Subaru groaned internally as he was at a loss how to act.

He tried to search Heinkel's memories and found something strange. Although Reinhard is his son, Heinkel's memories of Reinhard are filled with an indescribable mix of emotions. Frustration, care, disgust, loathing, guilt, worry,...

With family situations like Heinkel's, applying your child to school was the last thing you think of. They were poor enough as they were. Although Reinhard's elementary education was completed at a prestige school, he wouldn't be able to continue to secondary school because of his current situation.

An unpleasant memory fragment appeared in his head...

When it was his graduation day from elementary school, his grandmother Theresia decided to take him out to an amusement park. That was when things went downhill, Heinkel's mother died, his father blamed Reinhard, and Heinkel and Reinhard's relationship soured. Because of that fact, even after Heinkel's family situation took a turn for the worse, he didn't contact his father for help.

Luckily, the Loen Kingdom enacted the 'Basic Education Law' a few years back. A Primary and Secondary Education Committee was established and was specially funded by the kingdom, making their intention to develop education quite clear.

When it was time for Reinhard to go to secondary school, several public primary and secondary schools had already been established. Since the incorporation of numerous church schools, these public schools were created to strictly maintain the principle of religious neutrality. Heinkel and Louanna were ecstatic at this development since they didn't want Reinhard's education to revolve around the conflicts between the Lord of Storms, the Evernight Goddess, and the God of Steam and Machinery.

Compared to the prestige school where Reinhard studied before, the quality there could be quite sub-par. However, Tingen Technical School provided education six days a week for nine pence, and since it was secondary education, the price can be considered cheap. It was the optimal option for Reinhard's future.

Reinhard was a prodigy, simple as that. From a young age, he excelled at almost everything. Maths, Literature, Swordmanship,…his talent far eclipsed Heinkel's own. In his childhood, Heinkel was regularly scolded by his father for his lack of potential, and seeing his son so excellent was a sore spot for Heinkel. The inadequacy only grew after his wife went ill, and his hope of getting Reinhard a better education was squandered. He always felt as if he was the reason why Reinhard was wasting his potential.

Meanwhile, Heinkel's career took a turn for the worse. An influx of new recruits with talents threatened his position. Although he tried to take on more cases and buried himself in work, it was hard to match the efficiency and boldness of youth. On the contrary, it accumulated stress and Heinkel resorted to booze to keep his mind adrift.

Shifting through the memories made Subaru feel like he was drowning as well…

"Damn it…if I fail to go home…will I have to deal with all of this in his stead?"

In a way, Subaru and Heinkel were too similar. Having excellent parents, yet mediocre talent.

"If I can't turn my life around…will I be like this, too?"

Conflicting thoughts were plaguing Subaru's head, and only a knock on the door knocked him out of his stupor. Subaru quickly hid the knife in his hand under the pillow and adjusted his messy clothes.

"Father?" Reinhard's voice echoed back to him

"Come in."

The door opened with a creek, revealing the face of a young boy with piercing blue eyes, his hair was a bright red. However on closer inspection, Subaru saw that the tone of his skin was slightly pale and his body was a little thin. His would have looked a lot better, had their family made to afford enough nutrition for a growing boy his age.

"Father, you look…better?" Reinhard inquired, in his voice a hint of hesitation. It seemed as if he was afraid Heinkel would explode at any minute.

"Uh…yes. I had a nice rest, you see?" Subaru scratched his head and chuckled. Did he look terrible every other day? It must have been because of his alcohol consumption.

An image of himself lying in bed, inebriated, with cheap booze rolling around the room appeared in his mind. Subaru could only shudder.

"Did you catch a cold, father?"

"No, no…I just thought of something unpleasant, is all." Reinhard froze at his word, and Subaru realized he probably had said the wrong thing.

"I…"

"Reinhard." Subaru said firmly. He didn't know what Heinkel did, but in his drunken state, he must have stated some very hurtful things. There was no other explanation for Reinhard's reaction.

I must do something to remedy the situation

"You didn't have breakfast yet, right? Come on, I will prepare something for you to eat."

Subaru got up from the bed and approached Reinhard. He placed his hand on his son's head, and Reinhard's twitched at the unexpected contact. Undaunted, however, Subaru ruffled the child's head, the bright red hair left an oily feel on his hand. He smiled lightly at the child that was his son.

Reinhard's eyes widened as he stared at his father in disbelief. Subaru only nodded before he went ahead, and Reinhard quickly trailed behind.

Reinhard's expression…I don't like it. He is likely afraid of me. I just hope acting gentle is enough.

Damn you, Heinkel. What exactly did you do?

Methodically, Subaru moved a stove out from a corner. It had already become second nature for Heinkel. With some charcoal, he lit up the stove and placed a pot of water on it.

He checked the cupboard and was disappointed to see a can of tea leaves. Although Heinkel apparently treasured it, its quality was of an inferior kind.

Just have to make do with it.

He threw about ten leaves into the pot, the usual amount Heinkel used. It was nothing more than glorified water, but with enough time, maybe he could convince himself that it was real tea.

He found some rye bread. Although there was no sawdust or excessive gluten mixed in these, Subaru winced at its unappetizing appearance. He shredded the bigger part and gave it to Reinhard, along with a big cup of 'tea'.

Reinhard took the food with both hands, although Subaru knew that he didn't like it. If one day his parent forced him to eat something like this, he would cry, no question asked.

But this was the only food in the household, so both of them had to force themselves to swallow. They might starve otherwise. Subaru took a sip of tea after each bite, and it was the only reason he managed to eat his whole portion. At least it was quite filling.

Subaru suddenly remembered something. He approached the clothing rack and searched the pocket of his police uniform.

I think this is enough.

He took the meager amount of money in his pocket and gave it to Reinhard.

"Father…isn't this a little too much?" Reinhard counted the money in his hand before asking

"Aside from fresh bread, remember to buy some meat and peas too. I trust you will know which kind."

"Wait a moment, father!" Reinhard interjected with a panicked look "Is this something we should waste our money on? I think…I think only bread will be sufficient."

While Subaru appreciated Reinhard's consideration, this money was just Heinkel's booze money. Subaru didn't have any problem giving it away.

"Your final exam is coming soon, right? I will make you mutton stew with peas, then. You will need to be in top shape to get the best result." Subaru explained, while Reinhard still looked concerned.

"Just…leave the worrying to me, okay?" He ruffled Reinhard's head again, and this time his son didn't flinch from his touch "Is that alright, kiddo?"

"Okay…" he finally relented, keeping his head low, as if to hide his expression.

Subaru cast his eyes at the calendar beside his study table. In the Nothern Continent, the calendar was not that different from that on Earth. When compared with Heinkel's memories, Subaru noticed both worlds were similar astronomically.

Could it be a parallel world?

The splitting of days, although ultimately similar, the reason was because of religion. The Northern Continent had seven orthodox gods: the Eternal Blazing Sun, the Lord of Storms, the God of Knowledge and Wisdom, the Evernight Goddess, Mother Earth, the God of War, and the God of Steam and Machinery.

Watching Reinhard close the door and leave, Subaru could only sigh. Although he had decided to try the luck enhancement ritual again, a thought persisted in his head.

What will happen to Reinhard then…