After the ending, I want to die too

Episode 18

The hesitation in her voice echoed clearly in the dim room lit by red candles.

“Don’t trust people so easily.”

But the words that followed were firm.

Unlike the hesitation of the previous two.

Some people’s words of trust are just candy floss.

There were times when those words were indeed nice to hear.

“I believe in you, Hestia.

But it didn’t take long for me to realize that those words became a great burden, shackling Hestia to live up to expectations.

And the end of every one of those beliefs was the same.

‘I believed in you…….’

Since that day.

Not once had I ever asked someone to believe in me. Of course, he’d never believed in the sincerity of faith.

“I’ve never been an easy believer…….”

Theo growled, pulled back the covers, and sat up. His golden eyes glowed in the darkness, like the eyes of a young wounded beast.

Hestia felt Theo’s gaze on her, but she didn’t turn her head.

Hestia looked down, pretending to read the unreadable words.

“……Good, good.”

The low, casual two was quickly followed by a calm reply.

“I don’t say that lightly, and I’m not asking you to trust me.”

“…….”

“I just feel like I have to tell you, Hestia, that…….”

It looked so precarious.

Like it was going to just fizzle out and disappear.

Theo bit his lip impatiently, unable to finish the sentence.

Hestia turned her head to stare at him, who had stopped talking mid-sentence and met her gaze.

A deep sadness was written on the face of a child who had only lived fourteen years.

She was sure her face was no different from his.

It was not the same weight or concentration of sadness. Just as black paint is black no matter how many coats you put on it. What mattered was that the white life was stained with the marks of grief.

It didn’t matter how thickly it was stamped.

“…….”

“I want you to be happy, Hestia, and that’s why I’m brave enough to say it, and it’s the first time I’ve ever said it…….”

Theo added another word to that as if hiding in the darkness of the night had summoned up some courage he didn’t have.

Courage.

Courage…….

“Why?”

Why would he summon such courage for someone he didn’t even know?

Hestia suddenly wondered about the boy.

“I told you, I want you to be happy, Hestia.”

Theo’s tone was oddly coy as if he’d never been shy before.

“So why?”

This night. Hestia wished she could crawl into the shadows and pry into his words.

Why does he want something like me to be happy?

Why doesn’t she seem happy to me now?

“Look, you still have that look in your eyes.”

Hestia’s pupils fluttered precariously.

Sarak.

A wind whistled through the air, and Hestia flipped open the book she was holding.

“…….”

“It’s just, this……. It’s the most I can do for you right now, and it’s the least I can do in return. Well, maybe it’s not much to say to you, Hestia, but…….”

Theo’s gaze was still on Hestia. A hard light sprouted in his golden eyes.

“I just wanted to work up the courage to tell you now. I just wanted to tell you now, because I don’t want you to disappear.”

“Ah…….”

Disappear, Ra.

That’s what she wishes for herself.

Hestia’s eyes flashed with self-inflicted sadness.

However, it was the first sincere words she had heard in a long time.

Strangely enough……. When the final moment of waiting came. I thought I would remember her words at least once.

Even so, I can’t catch myself at the end…….

“Goma, woah.”

The corners of Hestia’s mouth curled up gently, grateful for the child’s courage in thinking of her.

Of course, apart from gratitude, the words that came out of her mouth had to be accompanied by embarrassment and courage.

After a moment of hesitation, Hestia spoke up, feeling like she owed Theo something.

“Do you think you could give me…….”

“I don’t expect anything.”

But Theo, who had guessed the back story, quickly rejected her.

“Then maybe…….”

“I don’t want anything.”

Theo just shrugged his shoulders smugly.

“Hmm…….”

Hestia narrowed her brow and rolled her eyes in thought. The room fell silent for a moment.

“Then…… can’t you just tell me how old you are?”

Theo broke the silence.

“Ah……. I’m sorry, but like I said, that’s a really hard question for me.”

I’d lost count.

Hestia smiled sheepishly and murmured in an inaudible voice.

“…….”

How can you count and forget your age……?

A questioning look of surprise crossed Theo’s face.

“Go to sleep, my face is worn. Apprentice Theo.”

Hestia’s voice was playful as she spoke to Theo, who blinked wide-eyed and didn’t look away.

“……Good night.”

With a grunt, Theo turned his back to the wall and lay down.

“Good night, too.”

Theo didn’t even stir as Hestia’s goodnight was the last thing on his mind.

“I must have been tired.”

There was warmth in her small voice.

After what seemed like an eternity, just as dawn was about to break, Hestia closed the book and blew out the candle.

It wasn’t until Hestia fell asleep with an even breathing that Theo stopped thinking and let his eyes drift closed with a growl.

* * *

A small, unoccupied space with no cars.

In it, two deeply hooded figures faced each other by the light of a single candle.

“Is it still…….”

Tsk, tsk, tsk.

Nervous fingers tapped on the table, making a steady noise.

“……I’m sorry.”

In-young’s voice was heavy across the table.

“We-no, you must find him first.”

“If ……can’t find him, it’s not going to be easy for you to find him.”

“Why would that child…….”

He stared at the letter in his hand again.

It was barely more than a one-line sentence, asking for some time, saying he was doing well.

The first letter was just a quick note to say that he was alive, and the second letter looked like this.

“I know you need some time to reflect, I’m sure you’ve learned a lot from this experience.”

“Yeah…… so much like her.”

I said, my voice dripping with uncomfortable memories.

“Did she say Silio Village?”

“Yes. But she doesn’t seem to be in town, hiding out in the nearby mountains, where the terrain is so rugged that even professional searchers are tongue-tied.”

“And what about Artis himself? Is he still unwilling to cooperate?”

The fact that he had already sent two letters despite hiding in the mountains meant that he must have someone helping him.

Despite several visits to the top of Artis to find out who it was.

“You know the Werner family, don’t you?”

Reynold Werner.

I couldn’t even see the top of his head.

“I’ve even offered my title, but to no avail. I’m afraid it would take the Emperor’s seal to unlock the latch on the top of Artis.”

“You mean the top lord is Ilina’s son?”

The man across from me nodded.

“Hah. Then it probably won’t work. Where will that blood go?”

A heavy sigh settled over the room at the movement.

“I’m afraid I’ll never see her again.”

A self-deprecating chuckle tinged the words.

“Haha. You dare to look, while I don’t even dare to dream.”

The man across from him laughed again, this time meaninglessly, but with a hint of anger and regret.

Ding.

A muffled tap on the wall echoed faintly. It was so subtle that I wondered if I’d misheard.

“…… will have to take a look.”

“Until next time, Your Highness, may I bring you news from the Second Prince.”

The words stopped the rush to leave.

There was a moment of silence, and then he spoke.

“There are many eyes upon me.”

With those words, all hope of another encounter was lost.

As he pulled his hood deeper into his face and disappeared, those left behind could only bow their heads in greeting.

“This time, I will…….”

I will protect her. I can’t let her slip away so easily.

She knew how desperately he wanted to find the Second Emperor more than anyone else.

“I will never give up.”

His ashen eyes glowed strangely in the darkness, and he spat out words he didn’t know to whom he was speaking, then hurried out of the room.

* * *

Two months passed quickly.

In the meantime, the season had suddenly moved closer to autumn, and the once-green forest had begun to turn red.

The objects in the house, which had always been in odd numbers, were now placed in pairs.

Much had changed, but Theo was still with Hestia.

“Are you up? Basil salad with lemon dressing for breakfast.”

Theo walked in, sweaty, basket in hand, and turned to face Hestia, who stretched her arms upward, stretching.

“You don’t listen to me again. I told you not to leave before sunrise.”

At the sight of Theo, Hestia quickly lowered her arms to rest on her waist, and for what seemed like the umpteenth time, she gave him a stern lecture.

“If you’re in danger, you can run home, I suppose. And I’ve told you many times that I’m not good enough to defend myself in anything but extreme circumstances.”

Theo held up the wooden sword in his other hand. Hestia had bought it for him in town when she delivered the last letter.

“You won’t show it to me, so I have to trust you.”

Hestia clicked her tongue in frustration and accepted the basket from Theo.

I wondered if there was anything I could do to help, though Hestia had expressed a desire to watch her practice swordplay on several occasions.

“I’m not good enough for anyone to see.”

Theo had said the same thing then as he does now, and he’d said no.

One day, he blushed at Hestia’s persistence and said, “I don’t want to show you what you lack.

“I don’t want to show you that I’m not good enough…….

Unable to pry any further, Hestia gave in and gave up.

Of course, she could always steal a peek, but it was against her morals and manners, and she didn’t want to go that far.

Theo, who had finished his dawn training, naturally took over the morning preparations.