NOVEL NEXT Chapter 8 – (Snow) Bullet Day
Dealing with cops was never good. My anxious tics and fidgeting, my stutter, all were used as evidence by them that I had to be guilty of something. If it hadn’t been for Aleah and Ellie, I probably would have been taken as the suspect in the shooting. Well, okay, no, what had saved me from a night in police custody and a terrifying interrogation where they’d push me into admitting guilt was Mom showing up. She saw me, looked at the scene, immediately to me and stared down the nearby cop. The only things she said were our names, and whether we were free to go. Which, considering she was weaponising her perceived fragility as a white woman and mother in that moment, we were.
The ride home was quiet, for the most part. There was a heavy silence until we were far enough from school to not see any cop cars around. That’s when Mom parked on the side of the road and looked at me. “Are you hurt?” she asked, and I shook my head in response. “Did anyone get hurt?”
“I don’t think so,” I signed to respond.
“Did you see the shooter?” she continued her questioning, and I looked down at my feet, clenching my fists and nodding.
“It…” I said out loud, taking a couple deep breaths to collect myself “It was a N-Nightmare. Capital N. The, the stress from the d-drill made it manifest.”
Mom breathed in through gritted teeth. “Why am I not surprised that out of the three Nightmares I have heard of, two of them were school related.” She started the car again. “Okay, no patrol today, we’re staying in, I’m ordering us pizza from Cheese’s Cool Cousin, and we’re watching some low-stakes heartwarming movie to catch a break, what do you say?”
“Ponyo.”
“Ponyo it is.” Mom reached over and ruffled my hair, and shortly after that we pulled into our driveway, leaving me to sit down on the couch and wait. Mom’s phone buzzed right as she sat down next to me, and with a roll of her eyes she pulled it out and checked her texts. “Well, the good news is school is out tomorrow.” And with that revelation from Mom, I took out the wand out of my backpack. The weight I felt holding it was from the emotional weight tied into it. I didn’t have to wait until the weekend. I could tackle it now. Mom looked at it in my hand, and gave me a smile. “You want to try being a girl now, don’t you?”
I gave a quick nod to reply, and ran my free hand across the wand. “The, the other g-girls, they’re all, they’re all colored p-pride flag colors. That c-correspond to their iden-identity.” I faced Mom “And mine is, is trans pride colors. I’ve a-already accepted that I don’t h-have to be a boy, and that I’m probably n-not one, but…”
That’s when Mom pulled me into a hug. “It’s more than okay, sweetie. I’m not going to tell you not to transform, if it feels right to be in your other form. Or well, if you figure out it does.” She rested her chin on the top of my head. “So it will be she/her pronouns for you while transformed. Did you figure out a name you’d like to try? It also doesn’t have to be permanent.”
I blushed a bit and grabbed my shoulder. “W-well… I didn’t, no. I wanted to, to ask you for help. I’ve never asked w-what you’d have named me, had, had the doctor y-yelled out ‘It’s a girl.’”
Mom snorted. “You’re gonna think it’s incredibly silly, but okay. I wanted your name to start with a ‘day’ sound, since you’d be making all my days brighter.” She pulled me in closer “And you have been! Even if you don’t think so because of your anxiety, you’ve been nothing but an absolute treasure. Well, to answer, had you been a cis girl I would have named you Daisy.”
“Daisy…” I rolled the name on my tongue. It felt good to say. Daisy was a cute name. It felt right. The idea of being called Daisy warmed my heart. Was this the euphoria Clara had mentioned? It was the only thing I could think of that described it. And it was a name Mom chose for me, one that I’d be more than proud to have. Yeah. For tonight, for the following day, while at home, I didn’t have to be the boy David. I could be the girl Daisy. With a smile, I jumped out of Mom’s embrace and held the wand high. “Moon Wand Powers, Shine!” I called out, and endured the short sensory-deprived call of the void while transforming. I wasn’t shocked or surprised at the transformation this time around; I had mentally agonised over it for long enough, and so when it finished I still had the same smile as before. “Hi, I’m Daisy,” I said, which earned me a quick chuckle from Mom.
“Hello, Daisy, I’m Mom.” I didn’t even care that she went there, she just opened her arms again for a hug and I jumped right in. “And I’m so proud to have you as a daughter.” And there they were, the words that burst the dam; I started crying and hugged her tightly, and we just sat there for like half an hour, as I let all the tears I had been unable to let out for years fall, in Mom’s caring embrace.
I pulled back once the tears stopped, and grabbed the tissue Mom was handing me to blow my nose. “I don’t think I have to experiment further, but I want to be in this form as much as possible. If that’s okay.”
“Why wouldn’t it be okay? If this is the form you feel comfortable in, why would I deny you that? Although I am a bit concerned about you only having your army fatigues. Hey, Bun! Stop hiding in Daisy’s backpack and get your ass over here. We need to know if she can change outfits and take a shower like this,” Mom said towards said backpack, earning Potato Bun’s head nervously peeking out of it.
“She should be able to remove them, yes,” she replied before hiding right away.
“Okay then. Daisy, do you have it in you to go clothes shopping at the mall for some necessities or would that be too much for you?” Mom asked, and I thought for a moment. Then I laughed.
“I’m gonna look ridiculous walking into stores like this, especially if someone is even vaguely aware of who it looks like I’m basically cosplaying. But yeah, I have it in me. I don’t know if it’s the Magical Girl form giving me confidence, or just being a girl that’s doing it, but I’m glad about whatever it is. Bottom line, yes, I do have it in me to go clothes shopping.” I stood up and smiled at Mom, who nodded and got up as well.
I awoke the following morning blinded by a wall of pink hair, wearing a cute set of pyjamas. The shorts had constellations on them. They were also extremely comfortable. I shook my head from side to side in an attempt to get the hair out of my face, but only managed to make myself look even more like a pastel goth version of Samara from The Ring. So I decided to concede and get it out of my face using my hands. I had only had one night to acclimate to it, and it would definitely take a lot of getting used to, but I had no intention of cutting it. Especially because I had no clue whether it would regrow if I undid my transformation and transformed again, and I was not in the mood to find out. I checked the clock; since school was out today I hadn’t set my alarm, meaning I got to enjoy a nice long rest.
A rest that was being interrupted by the doorbell going off. Considering the time, I figured Mom was currently at work, and so it fell to me to go answer the door. So I first checked the camera feed, and seeing that it was Emily, I got somewhat nervous. While opening the door for her to come in, I made sure to stand behind it to remain hidden, and waited until Emily was far enough in for her to not immediately turn around when I closed it. But the door clicked when I closed it and Emily turned to look at me, giving me a once over. I sighed. “I would like to avoid transforming back into my original form for as long as possible, please, Emily, so let’s get the whole ‘who are you and where’s my friend’ song and dance out of the way first.”
“An intruder wouldn’t be wearing cute pajamas and wouldn’t have let me in with zero hesitation, David is an only child just like… their Mom, and has no contact with their Dad’s side of the family for obvious reasons, so that cuts out cousins too.” Emily started pacing around the room, a hand on her chin to make it look like she was seriously thinking. “And David had revealed to me Potato Bun and showed me the wand, whose pink your hair matches exactly. What is really giving me pause is the fact you haven’t stuttered once in that entire sentence.”
Emily was right. I hadn’t. I hadn’t even registered that fact until she had pointed it out, but I was talking fluidly and without issue, without any hint of being anxious. So, to just feed the antics in regards to proving my identity, I signed my following statement, “Well that’s good to know. Also, there’s only like four people at school that sign, you included, and I met the other two yesterday while you were shitting out your Mom’s attempt at cooking. So if you need more proof, there’s your embarrassing fact only I would know.” I cleared my throat to speak again while making my way to the kitchen. “What’ll you have to drink?”
“My usual, which I will have right after the charming young individual before me tells me their name.” Emily plopped down on the couch, and I opened the fridge.
“We’re out of Sprite I’m afraid,” I called towards her, which earned me a quiet ‘bummer’ “and it’s Daisy, with she/her pronouns. Sorted that out yesterday after getting home,”
“Just a glass of water then, Daisy. Cute name, did you pick it yourself?” Emily asked, and I shook my head while sitting down and passing her the glass.
“Mom did. Before I was born, even. It felt right when she told me, and so I took it.” I leaned back and fidgeted with my hands. “So, yeah. Turns out I’m a trans girl. I’m only going to be part time for now, though. At home after school and on weekends. I’m not ready to come out and I’m not sure how difficult it would be to tie all this--” I gestured at myself. “--to my legal identity.”
“Yeah, that’s more than fair, Daisy, I get it.” Emily took a sip and nervously looked around. “You know, I’m still curious about how your magical girl outfit looks.”
“Hold on then, give me a couple minutes to change into it.” I got up, and was met with Potato Bun directly in my face, the wand in her paws. I immediately fell back on the couch.
“I looked into it, Daisy, and you can transform your clothes with just a thought,” she said, and so with a grunt of surprise, I grabbed the wand and willed my magical girl outfit onto me. That was when Emily did a spit take.
“TRANS FLAG HATSUNE MIKU COSPLAY???”
“Trans Flag Hatsune Miku cosplay. Which is weird? Because the other three are like, a knight in rainbow dragon armor, and a bi flag witch and an ace flag ranger. Feels like I’m clashing genres or something.”
“Who the fuck cares, Daisy? You look adorable and your newfound confidence makes you even more attractive and I’m already crushing on you and--” Emily said, and then clasped her hands over her mouth.
“What?”
