A Real Goddess Would Let Nobody Die

Now that Kennalaria had made all of Her decisions, Menelyn wanted to be honest with Her.

Izena had immediately put both Izenakee and Kennalaria into the 'little sister' category, right next to Menelyn. It had been natural for Her. But to Menelyn, while Izenakee was mostly Sister now, there was still a nodule of Daughter.

Menelyn already knew that Her present perception of Kennalaria, pure Daughter, was never going to change, and there was nothing She could do about it. It was stupid--Menelyn's relationship with Her was no more special than what Her Sisters had--but it was reality. Izenakee and Izena had both known how Menelyn felt for a long time, Izenakee because She could feel the motherly love pouring out of Menelyn's mind, and Izena because Menelyn had never been able to hide anything from Her even when She had Her Own body.

If Menelyn had ever needed to attend Kennalaria's funeral...She couldn't even think the thought. Izena's death had filled Her with guilt and self-hatred; watching Kennalaria slowly decline and die would have filled Menelyn with...nothing. Hollow. Empty. A husk. For the rest of eternity, She would be going through the motions, unable to forget. Menelyn had been afraid that Kennalaria might have sensed that, and that if She had known, She would not have made Her Own independent choices.

But now, Menelyn was convinced that Kennalaria had made all of Her Own choices--all that determination was Hers alone--and it would be alright to be honest. Menelyn wanted to, anyway, and something Kennalaria had said earlier made Her feel like it might be important to Kennalaria, too.

"She finished," Izena murmured.

And it was true. Kennalaria's audience had said their last farewells, and She had turned toward the Goddesses waiting for Her. Menelyn tried to think of what She would say when Kennalaria reached Them, neglecting to consider that She wouldn't need to walk the distance.

"Can We start the expansion tonight, now that this craziness is finally over?" Kennalaria asked.

"Yes, if You still have the energy for it," Menelyn managed to say. "But before We start, I have some things to say, back in the Sanctuary."

She nodded. "Lead on."

...Menelyn did have a habit of imagining conversations to be more difficult than they turned out to be.

They passed through layers of beaming Guards, and entered Their home. Their permanent home. Or one of them, at least.

The thought gave Menelyn vertigo.

Izenakee went straight to Her room, while Menelyn guided Kennalaria to Her bed, and laid down next to Her, shoulder to shoulder.

"Best to do it lying down," She explained. "It really does hurt, and the pain is from the immaterial pool, connected straight to Your mind, so there's nothing that can be done about it."

That was all true, but if She were being honest, for this talk, Menelyn had wanted to recreate the feeling from when She had first lain next to little Kenna, stargazing. It ranked highly in Her 8960-year list of precious memories. Very highly.

Now, how could She even start? Well, never repeat the same neurotic mistake twice...or failing that, don't repeat it for the ten thousandth time. Here goes. Just talk.

"I have always called You Sister, because that has always been how You have referred to Us, and I wanted to respect that," Menelyn began, speaking to the ceiling. "And, I did not want You to feel like We were trying to replace Your parents, or that You...owed Us deference? Were subordinate? I don't know how to say this."

Kennalaria turned Her face to look at Menelyn, so Menelyn turned to look back.

"I have always felt guilty for stealing You away, from Your family, from Your life, for placing the needs of the world above what was best for You, and perhaps imposing a burden on You that You never asked for. No, let Me finish. But even despite that guilt, I need to confess, that I was so very, very happy, relieved, more than You can imagine, when You made it clear that You intended to join Us. So, so, so...I can't think of a word, happy-relieved-thankful, that I felt like My judgment might be compromised, that I had to be careful that it was really Your choice, and not You feeling like You should do what I wanted, like You owed Us something, or, especially, that You felt like You needed to do it for My sake."

Menelyn and Kennalaria swallowed at the same time, a perfect mirror.

"You see, I...I don't know exactly what it is. It might just be the resemblance, or that You were so young when You joined Us, so I watched You grow so much, grow into the person You became, or maybe I'm just--" Menelyn shook Her head. "That doesn't matter. What I'm trying to say is, I have been doing My best to treat You like a Sister, but the truth is that I think of You as My Daughter, and I know I always will, even though it's strange since We will always look the same age, and I haven't been very different from what Izena or Izenakee have been for You, and obviously I never gave birth to You or anything, I didn't name You, I didn't even know You existed until You were five, and I have no...I'm rambling."

She sighed.

"I wanted You to know. Thought You should know, now that it won't distort anything. I am not trying to replace Your parents."

Kennalaria's eyes were glassy. She turned back to the ceiling and ran Her arm across Her face before replying quietly.

"At first, I called You all Sisters because it was what You called each Other, and it felt weird, silly, to call the Goddesses My Mothers. Right now, Izzie and Keekee feel like My Sisters." She paused a moment, and Her voice was cracking when She restarted. "I think You're right. It is the similarity, in appearance and, and other things. I know how it happened, but still...It feels like You are 'the One Who made Me?' Or My...the One Who I...inherit from? Who I..." It felt even more awkward to say these words than to tell the world it could worship Her. "...You are Who I came from? Way, way, way more than, than My, My, My..."

Menelyn rolled over and pulled Her sobbing Daughter to Her. "I know it's weird, and I know that doesn't change the feeling one bit. I am on the other side of it. This is what You were trying to convey, when You included the bit about Me being Your 'template,' earlier. You didn't need to include that part, but You wanted everyone to know, because it's something important to You."

She nodded against Menelyn's throat, and then mumbled into Her chest.

"I've never...I've always tried to think of You as 'Sister,' called You 'Mennie' like I did with the Others and, and tried not to single You out, because, because, calling," She shuddered a breath, "walking around calling the Sun Goddess My Mom...who could do that?! It--"

"Her sparkling Daughter."

The place in Menelyn's chest that once radiated acid was releasing some warm syrup instead.

"And by the way, I love it. We do like to make pretty light shows, don't We? And I love the confidence that goes into it all. Your charisma. I've never had that; that part is all You." She could feel Izena's silent, smug approval welling up. "I'm so proud of You, what You grew into. And thank You, for not leaving Me. I'm truly terrible at being left behind."

'Oh, You don't say?' Izena didn't need to verbalize the words. They were implied.

Menelyn didn't know what else to do, so She just bathed Kennalaria in Her mana for a while.

A long while.

"Maybe We'll start tomorrow, instead?" Menelyn eventually suggested, but Her Daughter had already fallen asleep.

Menelyn snuggled in.

This whole thing was weird, but Her Sister shared Her body, and Her whole family was immortal. Maybe this was just how things worked for a Goddess-Mother and Her Goddess-Daughter?

She felt very lucky. Mmmmmm. The syrup. Warm.

Everyone would understand if They went stargazing tomorrow, right? That's what they had built the place for, right? So She would use it when She wanted? Neither of Them had taken a day off in a long time.