A Gamer's Guide To Beating The Tutorial

Ah, the lobby, the wonderful lobby. Eternally imperfect. Well, nothing to do other than—

My eyes get stuck on a pillar. No, not on a pillar. On the thing that’s plastered onto the pillow. As I stare at it in a mixture of horror and awe, a status box appears to explain everything.

God of Comedy>

It’s a poster. A poster, with a kitten on it. A kitten hanging from a tree. And above said kitten hanging from a tree, written in rainbow-coloured comic sans, it says, ‘Hang in there!’ Signed, god of comedy.

I don’t even…

Where I stand, I stare at it for almost a full minute before walking up to the poster and tearing it off the pillar.

Only to find another, exact replica below it. When I rip the replica off, I find another one. And then another. And then another. And then another. And then…

And then I give up, spinning on my heels, only to find the poster on literally every single pillar. All of them. I feel my eye twitch. Alright. Okay. I see how it is. But can it handle the unbridled force of my arteries?

I try to paint the lobby. Focus on ‘try.’ The damn posters are hydrophobic. Nothing sticks! Horrific!

However, my effort to somehow cover up the posters does give me time to check out a few other things, such as—for example—my new, slightly suspicious skill.

<[To Make A Martyr(Lv.MAX)]

The God of Cruelty, who watches

over those that show cruelty

above mercy, has granted some

of His powers to His potential plaything.>

any wound using the fresh heart of

a goblin, human, or dragon.

Cannot be used to heal user.>

<[SOVEREIGN SKILL]>

…Excuse me? What is…?

Any wound? On anyone? To what degree? Can it heal death? How fresh does the heart need to be? Does the recipient have to want it, or can it be done unwillingly? Why are dragons included? Why can’t I use it on myself? How do I actually use it? What is—

chuckles.>

<[Only one way to find out.]>

…I’m starting to kind of like the way this guy thinks.

Still, that doesn’t explain why the god of cruelty would give me a skill that heals people. Isn’t healing good? Especially if it’s any wound, then it’s really good! How could a good skill like this be cruel? I don’t get it.

Anyways, I can’t test it out here and now, so while I’m waiting for the next floor to open, I decide to send Moleman a message to explain my situation.

Hey moleman. just beat f22.

u doing good? gg>

And off it goes. Now, I just have to wait for the next floor to open. I guess I might as well use this time trying to get rid of these horrible posters.

<02:45:21

Day 855>

25:21:14:39>

0:00:10>

Here we go.

I hope this floor will have lots of people I can test my new skill on.

Do you want to enter?>

I press ‘yes.’ There is nothing else to press.

The world sways, briefly reminding me of the calming rocking of the Frisky Lady, only for the sensation to end as soon as it began with my feet plunging into ankle-deep gunk. What the heck is—

Hell Difficulty Twenty-third Floor:

The Horrid Sewers.>

<[Clear Condition]

Reach the depths of the sewers.>

…Of course it’s a sewer. I should have realized that by the smell, lack of light, and the gunk I’m standing in. Eugh. The description of the place is certainly flattering enough…

I take a few cursory sniffs. Ouff. Yeah, that’s horrid alright. The smell is actually making it difficult to use GVS, but I can use it well enough to tell which way I’m supposed to be heading, so there’s no confusion there.

Drawing myself up, I set out into the horrid sewers.