A Gamer's Guide To Beating The Tutorial

“With that done, let’s all welcome our next challenger to the stage! Give a big hand to AccordingToAccordion of the twenty-eighth floor, who despite his diminutive size, weighs in at a level of seventy, and is still somehow taller than Kitty!”

That one went over well. Lots of people cheered for that one, yessir. Not me, though. I’m too busy trying to not look intimidating. See, so far, people have surrendered because I looked spooky scary, right? And, of course, part of my strategy so far has been to be a bit spooky scary to psyche people out. But I don’t need that kind of strategy if I’m fighting a chump. For chumps, I just want to beat ‘em up. Easy as that.

Is it so much to ask for to be allowed a chance to actually fight in this damned tournament?

However, thankfully, this guy I’m up against might be able to pose a threat against me. Maybe. See, he looks pretty stinking cool. Guy’s got the whole outfit. I’m not the type to have favorites when it comes to colors, but black and yellow is just such a classic combination. And with the robe and the satchels and the hat? Oh, yeah. That’s a good outfit. I can’t tell if he’s a thunder or bee wizard, though. Only one way to find out!

“Ready, set… go!”

I gesture at my chest. Come at me, bro.

Damn, I love how serious he looks. He’s not completely ice-cool, but he’s far less overtly afraid than my previous opponents. Like this, I might actually get to have a good fight, and if I’m even luckier, I could get a new resistance! Mmmh, bee resistance…

“...You’re quite cocky, aren’t you?”

I perk an eyebrow at him. “I like to think I’ve got a good grasp of my own abilities and limitations.” I lick my lips. “That’s why I’ll ask you again. Come at me.”

That finally gets him moving. Pulling a long, ivory stick-looking thing from his belt, he points it at me with his left hand, his fingers seemingly slipping into five specific grooves. Interesting. Dark cracks along the staff suddenly begin being filled with a webbing of light, the smell of thunder and rain spreading across the arena. Spider legs of electricity dance at the tip of the staff, pointed right at me.

Huh. So, no bee-magic, the—

CRA-ACK!

Lightning flashes across the arena, striking me square in the chest, the sheer light of it briefly blinding the entire audience, and in the aftermath of that immense shock…

—N?

I look down at my chest. There’s not even a mark. I touch my chest, finding it slightly hot to the touch, but otherwise completely fine. Uhh…

On the other side of the stage, my opponent stares at me, and then at his staff, and then at me again. “...Huh?” He doesn’t say this loud enough for it to be directed at me, but thanks to my senses, I can still hear him say, “The heck? Did I miss…? Did the God of Speed revoke my blessing or something?...”

“Is everything okay over there?” I shout across the arena.

“Sh—shut it! Just keep quiet for a moment, okay? I need to…” Pulling a little amulet out of a satchel, he begins praying. That’s what I think he’s doing, at least. In the end, the little amulet begins to shine brightly, making him sigh in relief. He turns back to me with a flourish, raising his staff again. “Prepare yourself. This time, I won’t fail!”

I shrug at him. Oh, yeah, sure, cool, I’ll just keep standing here and letting you shoot me with lightning. That’s totally normal and not at all weird to do in a death battle. But, yeah, just let me prepare and I’ll—

CRA—ACK!

Another stroke of lightning arcs across the arena, very clearly hitting me in the chest, doing absolutely nothing. No, not nothing.

Paralyzation Protection Lv.6>

Electrocution Protection Lv.2>

Heyyy, been a while since I saw those two! Maybe I should thank him for raising them?

…Nah, going by the way he’s hitting his staff like an old remote, I doubt he’s in the mood for compliments. Still, this is no way to conduct a proper match. “Hey, dude, if it isn’t too much of a bother, how about you just surrender and we can—”

Zap!

And now he’s using his right hand to shoot lightning at me. To absolutely no effect, mind you. I’m not even feeling slightly tingly, so although I’d love to drag this out to get some higher resistances, I doubt his euroshop lighting will actually grant me anything beyond what I’ve already gotten.

Ignoring his pathetic displays of magic, I approach him, zaps and bolts of lightning bouncing off of me like water off a duck’s back. With every step I take, he grows increasingly desperate, panting and trembling as he exerts every effort to keep shooting ineffective, useless spells at me.

By the time I’m standing in front of him, he’s no longer able to fire off a single spell, the sound of his hare’s heart echoing rapidly through the air, his breathing heavy and labored and his arms trembling. Is magic really such a physical endeavor? Apparently, it is. Unfortunately, there’s still a spark of fighting spirit in his eye, so to extinguish it fully, I grab both of his wrists, squeezing them hard enough to make him drop the staff and fall to his knees, though not enough to actually break them. I mean, I could, but it’s not like he actually hurt me any, so…

I look down at him. “Well?” I ask. “Do you surrender now?”

He breathes heavily. I squeeze his wrists a little harder, feeling his bones creak threateningly. “I—I give, I give! I surrender, so, please…” His head falls to face the floor. “Don’t… don’t hurt me…!”

I wasn’t going to! Well, not grievously, but…

“Another opponent surrenders within mere minutes! Kitty is on a roll!” Pain unhelpfully narrates from above. He grins down at me, and at the confused audience. “For those who might not understand what you just witnessed, I can gladly tattle on the fact that dearest Kitty’s divinity protection is currently at level four, meaning that no low-tier lightning magic will have any hopes of getting through. With that said, the same can’t be said for ordinary weapons! So, while this sad excuse of a magician drags himself off the arena, let’s welcome our next challenger, the lovely PinPrickPrecision of Hard Difficulty floor twenty-nine, with her shocking level of seventy-one!”

…Only seventy-one? Wasn’t the guy I just creamed at level seventy or something? No, considering that she’s only on floor twenty-nine while this guy was on floor twenty-eight, wouldn’t that mean that she fought challengers from the beginning of the thirtieth floors? And she won?

That’s… quite promising. But I shouldn’t get my hopes up. I mean, my lever is still higher than hers, so there’s still a chance that she’ll be a chump like the rest.

Somehow, I can’t help but feel a little more excited when she comes on stage. Leather armor, chainmail, and once our eyes meet properly, she puts on a helmet, one with long ends to hide her neck. Like this, her entire body is protected, without any visible gaps. However, since she’s only wearing chainmail in certain places, and since the rest is mainly protected by leather rather than actual metal, my claws can still get through.

As I’m beginning to wonder if she’s supposed to be an archer or something else, she pulls a long, thin blade from her side, taking a pose that I’m pretty sure is mainly used by fencers.

No way. Am I seriously about to face off against an actual fighter? Someone who knows what they’re doing? Someone who can match me, and more?

I feel myself tremble with excitement.

…No, no, I need to control myself. Just because she’s showing a little promise doesn’t mean that—

“—Go!”

She flies across the arena, her rapier flashing as it goes directly for my eye, an instinctual side-step being the only thing to save me from a one-hit KO.

‘She’s fast!’ Is about all I have time to think before she draws back her blade, reading to stab again—stab what? My chest? My stomach? My neck? My face? With the helmet hiding her eyes I can’t get a grip on where she’s aiming, so instead of waiting for the answer to stab me, I forge an answer for myself, refusing to back down and instead approaching her, arms raised to defend my skull while the other goes for her rapier. If I can just get it out of her hand, then—

She side-steps and swipes at my feet. I dodge it, but in the brief moment of distraction, she stabs her sword at me again, aiming for my neck. My hand moves quicker, letting her instead stab my wrist. I almost grin. See, a funny thing about how the wrist works is that the two bones comprising the wrist and arm actually cross each other when you turn your wrist. In other words, now that her blade is stuck between those two bones…

It’s a rather simple trick to twist that wrist a hundred and eighty degrees, crossing the bones and capturing her sword.

The grip of her rapier leaps out of her hand with the force of my turning hand, its weight causing the blade itself to slip out of my arm, clattering to the floor. I stomp on it. “Well?” I ask. “What no—”

A knife I didn’t notice before flashes out at my neck, but thanks to my impressive instincts, I’m able to catch it in my wrist. I look at her. She looks at me. I can’t see her face through the helmet, but I can still practically taste the sheer indignation.

…You know, it feels kind of cruel to do this, but…

Yoink!

The knife flies through the air and I grab it at the same time that she does, leading to a single breathless moment when it’s just me and her, our fingers interlocked across the hilt of the knife… And then she uses the knife to stab me in the chest. Very rude. Since she clearly can’t be trusted with weapons, I jimmy the knife out of her hand and toss it into the moat. There: disarmed.

I grin at her like a cat. “So? What now?”

No answer. Well, I’m still holding her hand, so I might as well force it out of her.

With a simple movement, I remove her helmet, before just as easily grabbing her by the neck. She’s kind of heavy, but not much more than a goblin, so I’m still able to lift her up with one hand without making it too obvious that this is a strain on my musculature. “Come on,” I say to her choking, gasping face. “Just a little word and you can leave without getting hurt at all. Wouldn’t that be nice?”

Her eyes burn something fierce. It’s seldom I see eyes as determined as these ones, so even as her face turns RED I can tell it won’t be enough.

Without waiting for her to pass out, I toss her in the moat.