A child who looks like me

On a quiet evening, while Yejun was fast asleep, Guksun grilled meat after hearing her daughter sing about wanting some. However, all the meat ended up wrapped in lettuce and into her granddaughter’s mouth.

“I don’t want lettuce wraps!”

When Jeong-o kept trying to feed Yena the wraps, Yena whined.

“You have to eat the lettuce wraps so you can poop properly! Hurry up and eat!”

“I don’t want to! I can poop just fine!”

“Look at your little tummy. You’ve gained 3 kg since starting first grade. You’ve only grown 1 cm taller, but your weight has gone up. It’s all because you’re not eating balanced meals. Do you understand?”

“Hmph! I hate you, Mom!”

Eventually, Yena, unable to bear her mother’s nagging, got up from the table and went to her room.

Seizing the moment, Jeong-o stuffed the grilled meat into her mouth, busy with her chopsticks as if someone were chasing her. This time, Guksun chimed in.

“Chew your food well.”

“Yeah, I’m chewing it well.”

“Eat some of the other side dishes too. You’re nagging Yena like that, but here you are eating only meat. You need to eat some vegetables.”

“But I’m an adult.”

“……”

“I have to eat meat first when Yena isn’t watching. I’ll show her that I’m eating vegetables later.”

The difference between how she acted in front of her daughter and her mother was stark. Guksun gently coaxed her daughter.

“But it’s something your mom made, so please eat a bit more.”

“Sure. Since you made it, I can eat this much, but I won’t eat any other vegetables, Mom.”

“Is that something to brag about? You need to eat your veggies to be healthy.”

“Eh, if we’re talking about health, I’m eating for my mental health. Ah, today I also ate vegetables along with my meat, so now I can think, ‘Since I ate vegetables, I’m a healthy person,’ and that brings me comfort.”

A child like this had grown up to be a mother herself. A child who always seemed like she would only stay in her arms.

Guksun couldn’t help but let out a sigh and smile.

Since Yena became a high school student and for a few years during her university days, they had lived together, and it was hard for her to imagine her daughter being far away from her.

Others often asked if it wasn’t difficult to support her daughter, wearing serious expressions. Each time, Guksun’s answer was always the same: that she relied on her daughter. Living together made her feel so reassured.

That was true. Although things had become a bit busier with the arrival of her second grandchild, life was far more stable than before.

With her body at ease, she found opportunities to reflect on herself. She realized she preferred being busy rather than sitting still, that she wanted to take care of others and enjoyed achieving results in her social life.

One day, while she was deep in thought about herself, the cooking academy instructor approached her. It was the day when Guksun’s freely made dish had captivated the tastes of her fellow students without any theoretical background.

“Why do you think you’re learning to cook again? You’re already so good at it.”

There was sincerity and respect in the instructor’s eyes.

“We teach and learn things in a structured way based on what’s in the books, but you already know how to season food on your own.”

“I wanted to study when I was younger, but I couldn’t. No, I gave up studying because life was too busy. Looking back, it seems that being busy was just an excuse. Even though I said I wanted to study, I really didn’t have the mental space to do so.”

Guksun smiled softly, recalling the days when she worked while carrying her young daughter.

“If I had studied back then, I might have gone down a different path than I am now. It’s only now that I have the mental space. This is truly studying because I want to do it. I feel a bit guilty for taking classes here as a hobby compared to the young people studying to get a job and to live, but I’m also studying to live.”

“……”

“Being here really gives me strength.”

All the responses were sincere. The cooking academy classmates and instructor didn’t know who Guksun’s son-in-law or granddaughter was. They were solely focused on Guksun, encouraging and supporting her, which gave her energy every time.

Before long, Guksun had obtained all the cooking certifications she wanted and was about to graduate from the certification course. Her classmates, who had become close, took her to the cooking station and grabbed a camera.

“Can you show us one of your confident dishes? We’ll make it a Guksun recipe.”

“No way! Guksun’s cooking should be sold for money!”

“Oh, then how about opening a video channel, Guksun?”

“Wow! That sounds great! The lady who lives next door runs a cooking channel too. I thought she was just bragging, but then I got a chance to taste her cooking… Guksun’s food is way better! No comparison at all.”

“Guksun, we’ll help you set up a channel! You can post anything on it!”

The energetic young people, who had been chattering away, were determined to create a video channel for Guksun. Guksun didn’t refuse, appreciating their enthusiasm for supporting her future.

As the young people passionately explained everything, Guksun became interested as well.

“So, I just need to press this button?”

“Yes. I’ll gift you a stand for your camera. You can set it up like this and record from a high angle. You don’t need to show your face; just focus on your cooking hands. You can chat casually like you’re talking with a friend while cooking. Easy, right?”

It wasn’t exactly easy, but the idea of being able to continue communicating with her classmates made her feel satisfied.

“If you ever have questions while running the channel, feel free to reach out. I’ll teach you.”

And so, Guksun quickly learned how to operate a video channel.

.*. *. *. *. *. *.

One night, Jeong-o, who had been tilting her head all day, asked Jiheon as he came home from work.

“Don’t you notice anything different about my mom lately?”

“Different how?”

“She seems more vibrant than usual? She’s been smiling a lot.”

“Our mother always smiles.”

“No, it’s not that. She keeps looking at her phone and smiling.”

“Maybe she’s watching some funny videos?”

“I don’t think so. It felt different. It was more like a slightly fluttering smile.”

“……”

“There’s definitely something going on with Mom.”

Jeong-o was sure that her mother had a secret.

“Maybe she has a boyfriend? Or at least a ‘someone’?”

Jeong-o cautiously suggested the possibility of a ‘someone’ with sparkling eyes, and Jiheon found it surprising how excited she was imagining it.

“Don’t you feel jealous?”

“Why would I be jealous? I have a husband too.”

“……”

“I just hope that whoever Mom is seeing is a good person.”

“Of course, it must be someone good. If it’s someone my mom is seeing.”

After exchanging a few words, people might hastily conclude that Guksun is an endlessly gentle and kind person, but in reality, she was not soft at all; she was a person of strong character, tougher than anyone else.

With her natural insight and sharp perception, she could accurately judge right from wrong and make optimal decisions in a short amount of time.

“So, if Mom meets someone good and ends up getting married?”

“Huh?”

“If she meets a good person, she might get married.”

“……”

“Then she could end up living separately.”

When Jiheon pointed this out, Jeong-o’s smile faded as if she had just realized it.

Jeong-o responded with an uncertain voice.
“…But even if she gets married, they could still live together.”

“That’s her choice.”

The thought of living separately from her mom had never crossed Jeong-o’s mind before.

Feeling anxious, Jeong-o ran to Guksun’s room. When Guksun saw her coming, she abruptly turned off the phone screen she had been looking at and hid it under her knee.

“Why? Is something wrong?”

Instead of answering Guksun’s question, Jeong-o laid her head on Guksun’s lap and spoke abruptly.

“Mom, you love me the most in the world, right?”

“Why are you saying this again?”

“I’m your baby who needs your love. Your eternal baby.”

“What baby talk is this? Your babies can hear you.”

“Mom!”

With the sudden display of affection, Guksun’s eyes widened. Jeong-o rubbed her head against Guksun’s lap repeatedly, then suddenly jumped up when she heard Ye-jun crying. Guksun thought it was quite an amusing day.

.*. *. *. *. *. *.

One hot day.

Jae-gwang invited Jiheon’s family over to his house, and Jiheon, Jeong-o, Ye-na, and Ye-jun were getting ready to leave. Jeong-o pouted and complained that Guksun should go with them.

“It would be nice if Mom came along.”

“You all go enjoy yourselves. I’m a bit tired today.”

“Okay, we’ll be back.”

“Mother, we’ll be back.”

Jiheon, holding Ye-jun, also said goodbye.

“Alright. Have fun.”

Once the family was out the door, Guksun let out a sigh, and her secret work began. She picked up her phone and opened the video channel account.

In just a month since the channel was established, she had over 400 subscribers. She hadn’t told anyone except her cooking academy classmates and had quietly uploaded a few videos, but it was fascinating to see the subscriber count gradually rise.

It was challenging to work alone at home after having received help from her classmates to upload videos at the cooking academy. Setting up the camera at a high angle with the stand alone took a long time. Still, Guksun managed to do it by herself.

As she pressed the recording button, Guksun began to speak.

“Today, I’m going to make something refreshing: cold cucumber soup and sikhye (sweet rice drink).”

After having filmed a few times, she was no longer as nervous as she had been at first.

“Sikhye is a traditional dish usually eaten in the cold season, but now everyone has refrigerators, so there’s no need for that. Honestly, it’s much better to eat it on hot days. When your body is warm, you should eat something refreshing. And when your body gets cold, you should eat something warm. It’s said that you should match heat with heat and cold with cold, but you don’t have to try so hard to overcome it.”

Talking to herself in an empty house still felt awkward, but…

“When you take a warm shower in the middle of winter, you don’t want to step out of the bathroom, right? Your body is still too cold. At that point, you keep telling yourself just a little more, just a little more… as you adjust the warm water, don’t you? Only when your body feels warm enough do you finally dare to step outside.”

While preparing the ingredients and occasionally checking the video screen, Guksun immersed herself in filming.

“The same goes for the heart. When I’m not warm enough inside, I don’t have to share what I have with someone else. I can just sit still. There’s no need to feel guilty for not giving to the people around me.”

As she babbled on for a while, lost in her thoughts,

Click.

“Mom.”

“Mother.”

The front door opened, and the voices of her daughter and son-in-law could be heard. They had returned earlier than expected.

Guksun, startled, quickly pressed the stop button on the recording.

As soon as she put the camera stand away, Jiheon approached the kitchen.

“Welcome back.”

“Oh, you’re back? You came home early?”

“Yes. They had to go to a funeral together. But…”

Jiheon’s eyes narrowed as he spotted the phone stand that Guksun had hurriedly hidden. Guksun felt a cold sweat bead on her forehead.