Chapter 38: High Magics and Recreating Sophontry (Witch)
High Magics and Recreating Sophontry (Witch)
Content Warnings:
I know something is wrong the second the words leave her mouth. And… and any other day I’d stop the fool gerl in her tracks and pull her back but…
I need to talk with Schatzi first.
“Xafra?” I call out softly as she just reaches the top of the steps.
"Yes, Mistress?"
“Just… I love you. And… and don’t wander too far. Alright? Please?” I let the words pour out. “I mean to find you before the Suns start weeping. If you would want that. Of course.”
"I love you too. I'll be in my Spire.” She nods. “Have some things to organize. Would be happy to see you whenever you're ready."
And then Xafra leaves, and I can do nothing but sigh as I turn back to Schatzi. “You’ve… I… I’m sorry. This has been quite the mess to wake up to for you. Hasn’t it?”
"It... Yes. But not a bad one? When... we fell asleep, we expected it to be bad when we woke again... if we woke again."
I take up a hand of hers, grip it tight as I move us to sit on the edge of the bed. “I… I’m glad you woke up. I love you both more than I was ready to admit and… and never even realized until today how… how much you… You were shouldering. In taking care of me and your sister and… and even the Dolls about the Estate after I fell all to pieces.”
Schatzi smiles, "You look after us, and we look after you. It feels... right."
“We both know that’s not been a fair exchange.” I sigh. “You’ve always deserved better. All of you. I’m just… sorry it took so long for me to realize that. To… to say out loud how much you mean to me.”
She reaches out, and holds me. "It's okay. We all started out rather... messy, as you put it. But we're improving together" she giggles, "Especially Verbess."
I can’t help but chuckle as I cling so tight to her. Can sense… something. Probably lots of things that weren’t there before. Thrumming deep inside her. “That one’s always been a softy once you brush past the sharp parts. I… I’m glad I’ve gotten to see these different sides to you all. Messy and more refined alike. Want to keep seeing them.”
"Same with you. It's been nice to see you more open with your feelings. Letting yourself feel them." She replies.
“I… I’d like to see more from you all. When you want to share them, and not get in your way to figure them out yourself.” I whisper. “And to make you a promise. If you’ll have it.”
"O-okay Mistress. What did you want to promise?"
“I… I meant what I said. I mean to keep you as long as I breathe and…” I cling to her tighter, feeling decades of pain bubble up. “But I can’t… I’m not going to use my Witch Tone ever again on you. Any of you. And I… I’m so sorry I ever did. That… that I… You were the only other two I was able to love or… or stand to let hold me for so long after… after she…” I have to swallow hard to push past the sob I won't let spoil this. "But it doesn't matter. I shouldn't have done that, especially not to a Gerl and Doll I adore more than my own flesh. I love you, Schatzi. Please, hold me to this promise to treat you all better."
"I love you too. So very much, Mistress Elevar.” She murmurs while squeezing me back so tight. “We don't ever want to leave you. We'll hold you to that promise."
I… come apart at that. Fall into a weeping mess that even stirs Verbess awake a bit. I try to sputter out more words of love for it too but… the tired thing just blearily nuzzles into Schatzi and falls quickly back into slumber. Not… not Giyar Null. A new place that seems to function just at the edge of Schatzi’s wakeful considerations. Like… like its more clinging to its sister's back napping than buried beneath layers of quilts at her side.
“Well… Verbess seems so much better.” I whisper as I pull back a bit. Not releasing Schatzi but… just enough to wipe my eyes clean and see her face. "You both do. More vibrant. And... whenever you need more Ousia. You can come to me, alright? Anytime."
"Of course, Mistress.” She nods. “I'll keep you updated on whatever changes as well."
“Thank you.” I let out a relieved sigh, then rise. “I… I need to check on Xafra. She went through an ordeal down below and… and I think there’s more going on than she’s had the chance to say. And… then I might just assemble a pile of everyone who’s at least half as exhausted as I am and pass out atop them.”
"That's a good idea..." She blushes, "It would be nice to be flopped on by a bunch of cuties."
I chuckle and lean down to murmur softly as I press my forehead to hers. “I’ll make sure you’re at the bottom of the pile then. And… let me know when you want more than a good snuggle, dear. I've found myself with more energy than I've known what to do with for years and wouldn't want my Schatzi to feel neglected.”
She quickly bucks upwards to steal a kiss and titters, rolling over on the bed, "We'll be fine to wait, Mistress. Go talk to Sister Xafra."
And… now to go in search of my wayward blade.
I step out into the early morning’s pre-weeping and intone to her. {Thank you for waiting, love. I’m heading over now. Where might I find you?}
[The basement room in my Spire that I was using as a bedroom previously.]
I find her working on such an odd thing, seems to be… a design of some kind on the floor. Even using those delightful claws to carve it out. Moving carefully, as to not disturb or imply immediate need for her attention, I sit a few feet back.
“You have my full attention whenever you're ready, and for as long as you need it.” I murmur softly to her.
She turns, and it's obvious that she's been crying, red streaks staining her face. She speaks and her words are in an odd accent with even odder cadence, "Ah look, empty the sky is, to twilight S̸̊̀i̸͋͘n̵̎͝ the Moon has come and our presence is graced."
Should never have let her leave my Spire.
“Oh love,” I move to my knees and carefully slide closer. “It’s going to be alright. I… I’m so sorry I… should have dealt with the things below sooner. And… and what you gave up to Schatzi cost you dearly, didn’t it?”
She shakes her head in confusion, then seems to snap out of whenever she was remembering, "I... Yes. It will be challenging until I can properly commune. If I am permitted to do so. Mistress, I’m scared, and I ask that you pass judgment on me. I don't want to die, but... I know what I did merits such a sentence. Mercy... Please."
"Wh- what? Judgment‽" I stammer, "Xafra I... You wandering below wasn't..." I trail off, tilting head to one side as I begin to piece together things. "No. It's not that. I can forgive you... well, nearly anything. Honestly. You can tell me. What's riven your heart to match the tear you've sliced in your soul?"
At my words, all six of those huge arms go slack, and her head bows low enough to make me worried she means to lay it on the root floors. Then she speaks and her voice is… strange, that of a gerl who hasn't yet trained or weaved it? "Lord Owner, this lowly object has committed two counts of the Sin of Recreating Immoral Magics and one count of the High Crime of Impersonating Sophontry. No Permitted extenuating circumstances exist. This lowly object is prepared for decommissioning."
I’m glad she can’t see the horrified look that cuts across my face at her words and motions, and hope so dearly the bond between us sings of my honest love and terror at the words she lashes herself with. I slowly close the distance, move hands to the sides of her head but… pause. Worried I… I don’t…
Immoral Magics? Impersonating Sophontry? Decommissioning‽ NO! That’s… And her voice is…
Old words of her’s bubble up into my memory, and… and… how she’s talked about her past partners and… and how they saw her as nothing but a tool and...
“Xafra, my love, you… It’s okay.” I rasp as I gently let fingers find her cheeks, trying to guide her up from this wretched debasement. “You’re forgiven. Of course. Always.”
Her body relaxes into my grip, like.. Like ropes suddenly snapped loose. "I'm sorry. That wasn't fair to you" She whispers once more in the voice I've become accustomed to. "I... I should explain. You probably have questions."
“Empty Skies, do not apologize to me! Not for... Xafra what… What was that‽” I hiss as I wrap protective hands about her face and scour her body with all my senses. Trying to… to catch even a glimmer of a spell or weaving that might have done this to her.
She chuckles bitterly. "You know what it was. A Garrote, well, the bondsmith equivalent. Woven by my first wielder shortly after I came to sapience. I had managed to ignore it for so long... able to easily exist within its confines. But... you activated Sikkina, somehow... and with the gift and changes to your Doll. My Sins are apparent."
“Where. Is. It?” I nearly snarl as I realize that the way she says sin isn't based on some moral belief of her own, but an edict forced upon her by another. Manage much softer. “Can you tell me without hurting yourself? Especially if… if it labels me as your Mistress?”
"It's... in my base form. My... original one."
"The cunt! Absolute horrid wretch!" I do snarl then, let my protective rage wash down the bond. Then adjust to meet her gaze as I reknit into a furious focus. "Alright, We... can figure this out. How... What are the parameters of sharing this with me? Anything? Or... are certain aspects restricted by commands and compulsions?"
"I... don't know. It was the reason I only bonded with mostly mundanes afterwards. I can..." Xafra shifts to her spearform which trembles and shakes before shifting again to a staff... A Matriarch's Staff that is absolutely covered in weaves of amplification and precision.
And... weaves of suppression and silencing alongside edicts of command all directed inwards to Xafra.
I huff in barely restrained disgust and pull her close, whisper softly. “Only forms you wish to bear, love. Please? Let's... approach this in a way that respects you. No unnecessary discomfort. As you'd request of me or any of your Dolls.”
The switch back to spear then Warlord is sluggish, as she actively fights against the weaves locking her form. "I... had to show you. Can't... explain because I can't think easily."
“The… What you gave to Schatzi. The Breath.” I nod. “Where could I get you more?”
Her gaze goes distant again as she wavers unsteadily. "Asked... The boy and the butterfly to find maps. Need to commune. Deep. Below where the Nomos cannot reach. The Cradle."
I nearly flinch. And… and how they prick at an Old Cunt’s nonsense muses and… and… the place deep below our feet.
"Not yet though. Not done explaining. Important that you know. That your judgment is sound." She continues without noticing the hitch in my emotions.
“Alright, but… you need rest. Or Ousia.” I murmur. “You gave Schatzi and I too much.” And then I shove about a third of mine down the bond. “Talk while you consume. And… Give me whatever you can on how to Commune with this dirt godthing. I… I think I can take care of this for you.”
"Can't digest the Ousia fully. Will be fine once I shift back. Will…. Explain communing after as well. Once... you grant permission with full understanding. Please."
I nod. “Alright. Whenever you're ready.”
"My Crime. I... changed my eyes."
I wait for more, but… she seems to brace. Like she’s expecting a blow or… or words of anger.
Her… eyes? But, I… I don’t see any changes. And… and why would they…
Every form she takes. Always has the same eyes. Gorgeous red-stone orbs that honestly inspire and enthrall me.
Never different. Everything else shifts, freely and with an abandon I’m jealous of. Wish so desperately to be able to mimic one day.
And in a crash of horror like a splash of ice-cold water I whisper so quietly. “I… You’re not supposed to change them… Are you?”
Like how Dolls must always display some feature of their new form so none will ever mistake them for… for a person.
I shake my head as my anger and loathing boils. “You’re forgiven. Of course. And… and in the future I grant you leave to change your eyes at your leisure. If my words can supersede the Garrote that wretch placed.”
"Thank you." With unsteady hands she reaches over to her Frame and shifts into it, the mental slowness fading away.
[We... do have other things to talk about as well, I think. At least, I have to ask what the place I was trapped inside... was. It reminds me of what I had been told regarding the H.A.G.]
With a huff I let some of the anger and fury at this horrid thing woven about my Xafra simmer into the background. “I don’t… Wait. Are you talking about the Dead Hag? Why are you saying it that way?”
[Because the 'Dead Hag' as you call her was known in my time as the Habitation for Acclimational Gestation, the last of her kind. A living structure that adapted the forms of unborn Witches to survive on Dämmerung's surface.]
“I… Truly? They… Witches really were separate from humans? And… Where were they from?” I sputter.
[...The Moon. That's why they were known as Moon-blessed.]
I shake my head as I lean forward to rest my chin on knuckles. “That… makes even less sense if you’d not shown me those memories of the unbroken thing lolling about the sky. And… Well some histories say that the Hag was the one who broke the moon. How would that even… Wait. Was this H.A.G. located on the moon?”
[No, well... Originally yes, they were facilities sent down from the moon to create a foothold for Witches on Dämmerung as their biology wasn't compatible with the environment. I read somewhere that there were nine sent down in total, Humans killing some, Denizens killing the others. In my lifetime there was only one left. The... H.A.G. was a fortress. Unless someone managed to take control of it and reroute its power into some sort of... feedback loop with the Moon bases, I don't know how it could have broken the Moon? That was after I was sealed, but maybe we can find records at some point?]
"Honestly with..." I sigh and lean away, filling with guilt at... at what I had to do to save Xafra. "Yes. That will probably be something that brings out a wanderlust in you. That and... and hoping to find But… let me backup. Or this'll distract us both for ages. Chamber six, the place you were dropped into there at the end, is one of… of the more intense Synthesis rooms. The Estate is… well, it finally figured out that you aren’t Yselda. Thought you something here to infiltrate and possibly breach into the deeper levels. Your ability to hide your Ousia and Physis when you changed into your spearform just barely caught it off guard long enough for me to... To stop it from finishing what it started. Breaking you down and reknitting you into a helpless Doll.”
Xafra nods and slowly moves closer towards me. [I'm sorry. I don't know what it cost you to override it, but... well, as I mentioned, Sikkina was activated, so I know it hurt you.]
“It’s… I’m fine. Love. You just scared it into turtling up.” I chew on the edge of my cheek and take this easy distraction from the source of my guilt. “Don’t try to use Yselda’s Tone or Ousia here again, at least… at least until I Tune the fool thing to me. Given you all the guest rights I can so it doesn’t remember you and I have to rush the knitting. We can’t leave until that’s done. Which… I need to know what Sikkina is.”
[The Sikkina parasite is... my daughter.]
I inhale sharply, and just barely repress a snarl. Fury from before roiling up along our bond, but this time very pointedly at my fool gerl of a mate. “Cracked and… And Infested Moonshited Dirt Godlings and their Riven nature! Xafra you… you…” I spit and move to stand, growling a litany of nonsense curses as I find the lack of all others suitable. “I'm doing this all today, then. Else we risk this Estate killing her before the Suns close up.”
[Yes, Mistress.]
I nearly snap a dozen horrid words as I move toward the door to the tunnels. But… can’t help but freeze a bit as I face the pitched chasm I feel as though I just barely escaped. Fury icing over by the fear of what I'll probably have to do, what I might have to let into myself. Can't stop a tremble from touching my words and I whisper to my Xafra. “I'm so sorry. If... If I had known I wouldn't... Wouldn't have let her be woven into the Loom. It was impulsive and stupid and... and horrid of me.”
[She... can only be born through a suitable sacrifice. Three conditions, as all my strongest workings require. Malicious intent, Harm to one of mine, and sufficient Capacity to hold her. I... didn't expect her to be introjected for years if ever. I just... couldn't go into the darkness without giving her a chance to exist. She should be strong enough to take over whatever this Loom is. It is a subtle process, insidious. My daughter is designed to survive.]
"I'm certain she is, but... this place has consumed such horrid things." I rasp. "Monsters said to have spilled from the moon's death. Huge denizens from a thousand years ago wrapped in the weight of the weeping Sun. And... and worse still. Things not of flesh and bone but... but pure thought and voracious malice. Living thinking Nightmares that walk between Dreams like you can now walk from this room. And it's learned and grown and categorized and... and there is a reason it chose Yselda’s mentor after nearly seven hundred years without a Blossom. Her taking up Dollcraft as a hobby was... was so she could understand it better. Your daughter may survive this, but I dread what it will cost her to do it. What she may have to become at victories end. I will not leave a child to suffer because I was too much of a coward to let this place claim a new Witch."
[...I am coming with you but. I feel you misunderstand what Sikkina is. During her Introjecton, her incubation, she is a soul parasite surrounding the most vulnerable parts that will grant her personhood.] A strange sense of mania creeps into Xafra's words. [She was originally designed to be able to take over a Witch at the height of their power, hollowing them out to claim their body as her own. Since meeting you, I have only refined her design. More... compassion and love and understanding, but also more ability to convert and consume. Dollcraft to understand it better? That is reassuring.]
She's delusional, lying to herself to quell the pain I can feel through the bond.
I move from the passage to kneel before Xafra's Frame. Meet her eyes. “I look forward to meeting her. But this place has no weak parts. It was never a person to begin with. I will become this Estate’s new Blossom, find Sikkina in the Loom, grant her the status of Floret, and… and even weave her a safe place to grow. Let her decide what she wants to become. Her first memories will not be of pain and fear and danger. I want you at my side but… This place remembers you, Xafra. The tunnels won’t be safe until I adjust how this place sees you.”
Xafra stills. Lets out a soft chrrr. [Keep her safe, my Mate. Please.]
"I will. At any cost. Your Daughter will grow up safe, gain the ability to meet her mother and..." I let a smile touch my lips, letting my intonement through the bond sing of the truth and hope in my words to her. {And mayhaps help you find the other being like her mother this Estate remembered escaping its clutches some thousand years ago.}
Then I rise and, without hesitation, stride into the deep tunnels to keep my promises. {The miasma is settled. I can keep communication up for a while. I... Xafra? I promised Schatzi a pile of cuddles today. Would you mind terribly going to keep your sister’s company while I attend to this?}
[I can do that, Elevar. Be as safe as you can.]
{Always. This… this place won’t kill me. It needs me. Especially now that it's had to lock Yselda's Ousia and Tone away. Just... have to confront some old bad memories I'd rather have let wither.}
But… I don’t tell her that it might just break me a bit into becoming the Blossom it wants. That... that it hungers for the wretched Half-knit that Garroted and drug such poor souls back to the Estate for her horrid mentor and lover to break. Not the shattered and guilt ridden mess I've become.
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