There is no Epic Loot here, Only Puns.

“To your left you will spot a very famous tree,” Rale said brightly, pushing his long trident into the river to propel the boat along like it was a ferryman’s pole.

“This is the sixth famous tree you’ve pointed out,” Hazhur pointed out, trying to keep his tone neutral. Despite the clear power the monster radiated, his personality was a little grating to Hazhur.

“Well, yes, but this one is famous for when three Pygmy Mushrooms did a battle that lasted hours until they became friends and then swore to grow up to be adventurers!” Rale promised and Estal scooted a little close to his bulging arms as he pushed them down the river.

“That sounds magical,” she fawned, making Hazhur’s mood drop even more. He was a giant frog, what was so damn attractive for Estal?

Was it the bright personality? The confidence? Hazhur supposed there was the simple fact his cousin just would flirt with anything that had biceps bigger than their brain.

Out of nowhere, another tree branch smacked into Estal’s perfectly doe-eyed face, making her yelp. That made the fifth one so far...

“That’s it!” Estal said, red-face as she stood up, making the boat rock slightly.

“Why am I the only one being pelted by these forsaken pieces of kindling?!” she demanded loudly.

She opened her mouth and gagged when an insect flew into it then she was splashed by a river fish and a bird only narrowed avoided her dress with its droppings.

“Nature is beautiful!” Karn declared, oblivious to Estal’s suffering as Silver nodded energetically behind him. Estal waved a hand and one of her barriers snapped into place, saving her from a spray of water.

“Care to join me? I have enough space for two,” Estal said,trying to go back to suave towards Rale.

An almost blinding bright orange bird soared through the shield like it was paper and flapped in her face, making Estal scream and wave her hands in surprise before she toppled backwards into the river and out of sight for a moment before Rale fished her out.

Hazhur was now sure that Estal had offended some nature spirit of some kind by flirting with Rale. Estal looked like a drowned cat and Rale held the offending bird between two of his large fingers.

“Inchy, these are my guests. Mind your manners,” he told the bird who didn’t try to escape.

“My manners are perfectly fine. It’s you who should work on your... bed-side manners,” the bird guffawed and Hazhur recoiled at the words, the joke so bad it made his teeth ache. Rale looked unamused for a moment.

“Devina won’t be happy you’re causing trouble. Now off with you,” he insisted.

“Oh...no kidding that she's not happy,” the bird muttered and darted off, somehow vanishing into the trees despite its plumage of a rising sun. Hazhur was about to ask what the hell was going on, but something caught his eye. The river ahead was smooth and ambling, but if he ignored the sheer wonder of the jungle around them and looked ahead, his jaw dropped.

The land was parting... no, it was like the river was painting itself into the land, allowing the boat to go where it pleased. The water carefully formed bends around large trees and rocks and behind them, the river was swallowed up by the ground as if it had never been there.

This frog man was making a mobile river... When had they left the actual river? Rale grinned at him.

“The usual first task is on rotation, so Giant, a good friend, won’t be able to challenge you and I know he’s asleep so we’re just taking the long way around to be polite,” he explained and none of his words made any sense to him.

“Giant... is bigger than you?” Estal asked, more in actual shock than anything disgraceful.

“A head or so, but he’s bigger in the Heart. Sweet frog,” Rale said with honest affection as they came to a stop at... a bathhouse?

“A most elegant stop!” Rale waved a large arm at the place that seemed infused with mist and soft glowing lanterns contained in an odd paper shell that made the light humble and gentle.

An almost quaint sign declared the place as the ‘Luna Springs’. Hazhur sniffed, drawing in the scent of a dozen aromas he had never smelled. It was a miracle he hadn’t smelled this place a mile off, but somehow... it was contained to this tiny cleared part of the jungle where the trees were strangely thin and taller.

They watched Rale break one to drink the sweet smelling nectar inside..;l/

“I’m confused. You said tasks and trials of water?” Karn asked, scratching his chin as he frowned. Rale nodded as he inhaled once.

“The second floor’s boss, the only ‘way’ down is guarded not just by a powerful force of nature, but also three impassable gates,” Rale explained as he sat on his boat, bobbing up and down in the same spot.

It was unnerving to see such deep water inches from solid ground.

“Gates? So if we can just break them open-” Hazhur began and Rale leaned forward with a flex of his hands.

“Oh, you might be able to. Nothing is impossible in Delta’s Dungeon, but... breaking the rules means the lady breaks you,” Rale said so simply and casually it abruptly brought him back into focus the fact that he was a Dungeon Monster. Hazhur... he had forgotten that.

What the hell was this place?

“And this spring has one of the challenges?” Silver asked and Rale nodded.

“Indeed. However,I am but a humble ferryman. It is for the lady of the spring to introduce herself,” he said, grinning at the misty buildings. Hazhur didn’t ‘feel’ any danger with his senses, and they were usually the first to rise at the hint of trouble. He turned, searching for any possible threat.

He stopped instantly when he saw his group had gone from four to five. As if conjured from the mist there now stood a femine, gentle looking frog, clad in a strange, robe-like dress of midnight black, embroidered with delicate pink blossoms that shimmered and danced as she moved.

As she shuffled forward on her stiletto heels, Hazhur felt cold sweat run down his spine; should she have wished them dead, they would never have known what killed them.

“Welcome, most honored guests,” the smaller figure said and her strange robe-like dress was decorated with images of falling pink blossoms on a black background, when she shuffled forward on delicate looking heels, the petals seemed to dance or shimmer with movement.

“Uh... hi?” Karn stuttered, looking as pale as a ghost. Hazhur gave him a side-eye, wondering how he wasn’t spooked by the giant death worm, but this lady freaked him out?

“Karn.” he hissed and the man gestured to his waist and Hazur looked down-

No... no no no.

He reached to his back and found his own weapon was gone.

“Fret not, weary travellers. I placed your lovely instruments of magic and death on the table just yonder. I will treat them with loving oils and the best care.” the frog bowed once more before turning to Rale who looked... proud as if a big brother witnessed a little sibling’s first scare tactic on the squishy humans.

“They will be absorbed!” Estal protested and the frog merely smiled.

“I give my word. Is that not... enough?” she asked, the question like a keen dagger bared from its sheath. Karn moved closer and leaned in.

“How did you take all my daggers? One of those is in an awkward place,” he said, more conversational than upset. Hazhur blinked; the man only had one dagger-

On the table, where the frog lady gestured, six smaller daggers surrounded Karn’s larger dagger.

“As the carer of the springs, my touch is... undeniable,” she said before bowing once more.

“I am Luna, fourth of the Second Floor and one of the chosen Key Guardians. I welcome you all to my springs. Please don’t make a mess,” she asked and turned with a smile, her dress giving off the illusion that she was hiding nothing on her body.

“I’ve seen some shoddy bathhouses in my time. We’re not going to be felt up or robbed while we get subpar massages are we?” Estal asked and Luna paused, back turned to them.

“If I wish to ‘feel you up’ I could just go caress Sir Bacon on the first floor. It would be much the same feeling, but Sir Bacon is of much more agreeable temperament.” Luna commented airly before walking into the mist.

“Luna... I leave them in your capable hands,” Rale said, hand over his mouth as the rest of them shared a confused look.

Sir... Bacon?

Was that a monster on the first floor?

After a moment, they followed Luna to the center of the springs where open pools of water steamed, fire crystals heating the water.

Such pure, flawless fire crystals... heating a bathtub. This Dungeon was either woefully ignorant of their treasure or smugly rich.

Luna walked to a central platform and spread her arms before she spoke.

“Normally, these springs would be a haven for long weary travellers who might have ruptured organs, smashed bones, bleeding veins, popped eyeballs-” she listed, sounding more excited by the possibilities as she went on.

“An exploding heart is neat,” Karn agreed as Luna listed more gruesome injuries.

“-But as challengers, the Springs will serve a different function. The Trial of Water has but another name,” she explained before looking at each of them in turn.

“The trial of cleansing,” she finished. As she spoke the pools that surrounded her began to glow with light, as if the moon shone beneath each body of water.

“I assume it isn’t just showing you we can bathe?” Hazhur asked; Luna smiled as she eyed them all, still semi-reeking of fish guts and worm spit.

“It's a start,” she admitted before pointing to one of the pools.

“I have prepared a special concoction that will lure you into a special test. The test itself poses no threat, but I must warn you that it will bring back many unpleasant traumas. If you feel your past pains are too great then do not step into the pool. As there are four of you, only two must pass.” Luna said softly.

After a moment, no one stood back which surprised Hazhur. He thought the Silver member might refuse given his circumstances, but...

“Very well. I have prepared bathing suits in the changing rooms. Everyone needs to wear undergarments, uniforms are there for anyone with issues with their image or would rather be respectful,” Luna pointed to two small shacks.

“Can we just go naked?” Karn asked, not seeing the point. Both Estal and Silver turned to him with a glare.

“No. Innocent children bee workers might pass by,” Luna said affronted.

Hazur also had an issue with that. He still had his past lover’s name inked across his...

Well, nothing he would want Estal seeing. She’d mock him for weeks.

“Never thought I’d get near-naked in a Dungeon,” Karn announced as he took off his armour and shirt, revealing a hairy torso and so many scars that they seemed layered one over the other. Hazur stared at the two marks on his shoulders.

Clipped wings. Symbols of an old slave trade business that was torn down...Those marks were stamped on the younger slaves if Hazhur remembered right to remind them they had no future.

Hazhur didn’t exactly recall what happened to them.

Just that the name and owners were torn down as if some beast ripped them apart over night, leaving only the slaves alive. If he recalled, one of the slaves made a report to the Kingdom, but what he saw had undone his mind.

Hazur hoped to never meet the demon who did that.

---

Mila turned to Ruli and slapped her daughter’s hand.

“They aren’t cooled yet,” she barked, watching the meat puff pastries with an eagle eye. Ruli scowled, shaking her hand.

“I’m part demon, I can handle hot food,” she said as if Mila could forget who her father was.

“It’s manners,” she retorted and put them in the oven to cool. Mila was feeling oddly twitchy and Ruli saw.

“Spill, you old handbag. What’s making you tense?” she asked as gently as Ruli ever did anything. Mila scowled but shrugged.

“My old nose is acting up. Thought I smelled...” she leaned out the window towards the forest in which the Dungeon laid. It was a scent hours old, but lingered in the mana-rich air.

Hot sand, ice-filled cacti, men riding dark horses... blood soaking the dark sand, bringing more monsters. Mila remembered that smell well, but there were others.

Then she smelled wrongness, a tacky perfume... worried sweat.

For a moment, Mila’s eyes flashed yellow.

“Outsiders.”

Forcing herself back, she inhaled. Memories of her time spent near the Ruby Dungeon of the Sands always made her cranky.

Ruli raised a brow.

“Should we raise the alarm or should I hunt them?” she asked and the teasing between them had faded to hunter and warrior.

Demon and Beast.

Daughter and Mother.

“No, outsiders are coming, but we must accept that. Check the inns for who it could be,” Mila instructed, sitting down and packing Ruli three of the meat pastries to go.

“And if they’re not in the town?” Ruli asked softly.

“Invite them. Escort them if need be. Even if we weren’t in Durence. Rules and etiquette must be upheld and I gave none permission to go tramping through Delta,” she said darkly.

At the idea they might be stomping through Delta right now, Ruli’s yellow eyes glowed before she exhaled through her nose.

“With pleasure. I’ll give them the tour personally,” Ruli agreed, gone like a dark predator out the door.

Mila turned to the window, inhaling once more.

“Wrongness and... metal,” she concluded, thinking over the one scent in particular. She knew that smell, but it eluded her.

Mila didn’t dig deeper into her memory. Things that she didn’t remember anything about could possibly be lurking just below an innocent question or rumination.

The wrong memory could undo many years’ work, so Mila decided to make some more pastries. She still had so much damn dire wolf meat to use.

---

“The soul is connected to many things. The heart, the points of energy within the body, the chaotic thoughts running through your ever so tender and fragile brain,” Luna said as she softly ran a strange tool around a large bowl, producing a hollow ringing noise that seemed to sink deeper than simple volume.

Estal shifted in her pool; the suit she wore was made of some elastic rubber plant, it hugged her body but she was pleased to see it went all the way down her legs and arms. Luna had even given her some nice shorts to wear over it so nothing was revealed if she got out of the pool.

There was little to be done about the upper areas, but they each had their own pool so Estal didn’t protest.

The spring was just the right amount of hot to be deep and therapeutic, rather than uncomfortable. It was odd since Estal knew personally she had a rather finicky ‘just right’ temperature for baths and usually had to settle for near but never perfect.

She looked over at Karn who wore the tiniest shorts he could, the cretin. She was curious about his back wounds, some of them looked like his skin had been torn by something with spikes repeatedly, but she refrained from asking.

Karn had earned his secrets for now.

Silver wore some sort of… bulky diving suit, but even then Estal could see how his body just wasn’t right.

Hazhur wore baggy shorts, but she didn’t exactly look hard at her cousin. He seemed embarrassed by something though, so she checked for hilarious birthmarks or perhaps an ugly tattoo;she didn’t see anything, but nevertheless...

“However, deep within all mortals is a... core. A point through which all your experience flows. This core... becomes a seed which emanates trauma, hate, pain, and more. This challenge is not to defeat this pain, but lessen its grip upon you. Strength can be gained from this,” Luna let the bowl ring one final time before putting it aside.

“And a key, hopefully,” Estal muttered.

“When is this drug added? I haven’t seen the dancing moon children in some time!” Karn called, making some drug reference Estal didn’t get.

Children? On the moon? Karn was a fool.

“Oh, I added them before you all changed,” Luna said conversationally. Estal stopped enjoying the cute little pink petals floating on the water, her eyes widening.

“What?” Hazhur said flatly.

Estal turned to glare at Luna, but the frog woman was floating, or perhaps her platform... The mist seemed awfully thick and the others seemed far away, as if they were drifting apart. A ludicrous thought until she remembered Rale.

Oh, she remembered Rale alright.

She made to stand up, but when she gripped the side of the pool, her hands met cold marble instead.

The uneven rock marking the pool’s edge was now a weird mix of elegant bathtub and rough stone, the mist drawing closer and closer.

“Damn it, I thought I’d see some colours or have minor flashbacks! This is too intense,” Estal complained, standing up.

“Wow, I thought she was a boy with how awkward she is, but I was wrong,” came a nasally snide voice from behind her.

Estal froze, every inch of her withdrawing into a cold steel sphere of ‘don’t look at me’.

“She’s actually a goblin!” The voice finished and a dozen girls began to laugh around her. The... bathhouse was now a large communal bathroom.

A very familiar bathroom.

Estal turned to see Marby Hasenvane and her dozen or so followers wrapped in towels all crowding around Estal’s tub. Estal couldn’t be here.

Estal refused to be here.

She threw out her hand and was pitiful... horribly small wisp of smoke exited one finger. This eclited more laughter.

“Common little Estie can’t even use common little magic,” Marby said with mock-sympathy before she flung out her own hand.

A fireball ignited and flew towards Estal, flying past and igniting her towel and spare clothes until they were only cinders, flaking away and leaving her with nothing to hide her body.

Estal sank back into the student baths, dread... shame... loathing filling her.

“Hurry back, Estie. I heard the corridors are so cold at night,” Marby said and they all erupted into shrieks of laughter again.

“Common Goblin Estie!” they chanted as they walked off.

Common... ugly... Goblin Estie.

Estal wanted to shut them all out, erect a wall so thick they couldn’t touch her, look at her... burn her.

But… she had right? There was a horrible confusing moment of knowing she wasn’t this scrawny underfed kid anymore. She was a proud woman who was neither common nor a goblin.

She was being courted by damn muscular frog men who could break her walls any damn day!

“Marby?” Estal called and the girl turned, a smirk on her face, which died when Estal rose from the bathtub, a barrier so close to her skin it looked like a dress made of hexagonal panels that shifted.

“You grew up to be mediocre and boring,” she declared and the girl’s eyes turned black.

“At least I grew up, you’re still here,” Marby spat, her goons turning to shadows.

“Yeah, if you’re my deepest darkest demon? I’m so ready to become a badass. Bye bye Marby, you were a second-rate bitch and a third-rate magician,” Estal announced, returning back to her full adult form and snapping her fingers, causing the illusion to explode outwards as Estal summoned a barrier inside them.

“Is that all?” Estal bragged and a heavy hand landed on her shoulder. It was tight, slightly cold... and she remembered exactly the feel of those gold rings digging into her skin.

“Estal, stand straight,” the man said and Estal was four, shaking like a leaf.

“Father,” she greeted, voice so fragile.

---

Silver walked through gleaming halls of polished metal.

He didn’t deserve the name, but the others call him Silver, so he would choose the name over ‘299’ for now. He would just never call himself Silver and there would be no issue... or consequences.

Floor 44 was his home and it had been many years since the Great Silver One changed anything here or... even visited. It was the nature of Dungeons. They knew that and honestly, they didn’t feel boredom or loneliness... only passing curiosity of lower floors.

In places, the silver was wrong and replaced by a simple human home of beds, kitchen tables, half-people, half silver statues.

The illusion was impressive, but Silver was part-monster. It saw the mana making it all up.

It didn’t stop him glaring with all his hate at the figure walking through the hall.

Flowing hair, a body not suited for combat or being in a Dungeon, a gentle face with a soft beauty that was at odds with sharp silver; soft and supple, and a basket full of flowers in her arm.

Silver glared at the woman who had doomed them all.

The woman who his master had fallen in love with.

The one who he chose over them all.

“Kyrial... I will find you and I will kill you,” Silver whispered and the woman paused before him, eyes black and smile kind.

“You’re hunting a ghost,” she said sadly.

“Then the dead yet wander,” Silver replied.

“Beast, cease bothering her,” came an order and Silver recoiled as he was forced back away from Kyrial as a bright silver orb came closer; its light opulent and all Silver ever wanted to see once more.

How cruel of Delta... how kind of her.

“Master...”