Stray Cat Strut

Chapter Nine - Round Table

“Host: So let me get this straight, there are two bodies here, right, but both of them are, are you?”

Twinskull: Oh, all the time. I’m used to it now. Sometimes I still wonder which of my stomachs is growling, and seeing out of four eyes takes some getting used to. But it’s really handy in a pinch.”

--Live interview with Twinskulls, July 2028

***

Laserjack was, I decided, a demented fuck.

No one should be able to stand in front of so many samurai with a shit-eating grin a moment after telling them that they’ll all have to do some kindergarten-level self-introduction thing. His grin never even had the common decency to leave as he started.

“My name is Laserjack. I’m thirty-four, I have been a samurai for... oh, three years now? My specialities are social manipulation and amplified light based weaponry.” He bowed his head. “Don’t worry, I swear I’m not using any active manipulation equipment on anyone here.”

“Fucking what?” a samurai flopped on a loveseat behind me asked.

“It’s true,” Laserjack said. “I make a point of dealing honestly with fellow samurai. Now! Shall we go around willy-nilly and give the shy a way out of speaking, or maybe alphabetical order? We could even start from J and work our way around, give those poor A-name people a rest. Or we could start from one end of the room and work our way across!”

Someone near the front sighed, and I saw Jolly Monarch shaking his crowned head. “You’re a piece of work, Jack,” he said. “My name is Jolly Monarch. I’m a long-standing member of the family. My speciality lies in drone control. Specifically a large number of highly disposable drones. I mostly serve as an information officer. If you have any questions, I always have an ear, no matter the subject.”

“Was that a pun?” Gomorrah muttered just loud enough that I was able to pick it out.

Sam-o Ray bounced to his feet. At some point he’d replaced his helmet. “I won’t let anyone accuse me of being shy. My name is Sam-o Ray. I specialise in heavy ray weaponry. If radiation can hurt it, then I can melt it.” He waved at the room, then sat right back down.

Cause Player raised a hand without standing. “I’m Cause Player. I do variable weaponry and armour. Mostly I stream all my fights. Hope no one minds.”

A couple more samurai introduced themselves. One that looked like an office drone and a young woman in ratty leather armour with three arms.

“I’m Mnemonic. Data control, restoration, hardware hacking.”

“I’m Nomad. No speciality. Just like moving around. Happened to be here.”

Gomorrah and I looked at each other while a newbie samurai introduced himself--just some guy that had become a samurai in the last week and didn’t have much to show for it yet. Not that I could cast stones, I hadn’t been a samurai for any longer.

Sighing, I stood up. That fuck Laserjack just kept smiling. He had to know that there was some social pressure fuckery pushing us all to act. “I’m Stray Cat,” I said. “I’m from around here. I do stealth and bombs.”

“Those two don’t go together,” someone at the back said.

I half-turned to see that it was that goth girl in the all-black armour. I shrugged, then had my armour go invisible as a wave, from my head down to the tip of my feet, just a hand-thick band of transparency. “It’s the bomb you don’t see that gets you,” I said.

“Alright,” the girl said with a nod. She seemed satisfied enough with that.

Gomorrah stood up next while I sat back down. “Gomorrah, and yes, I’m a nun. My speciality is fire.”

“Just fire?” Sam-o Ray asked. He obviously didn’t mean it as an insult or anything, not judging by his tone. Just genuine, friendly curiosity.

“If it burns hot enough, it’ll purify any problem,” Gomorrah said.

The goth was next. I guessed that she was eager to speak up after her little quip early. “I’m Emoscythe Mordeath Noir,” she said, entirely serious.

I turned in my chair to stare at her. Delivering a name like that, with a straight face, that required some serious balls, or someone insane. After looking at her, arms crossed and shoulders set, I decided she might be a bit of both. “What’s your gimmick?” I asked. She’d asked about mine, it was only fair.

“I cut things.”

I bet she did.

A few seconds passed where no one said anything, then one of the last samurai in the room who hadn’t introduced themselves spoke up. “Alright Laserjack, everyone played your little game, can we move on?” she asked. It was that girl in the green armour.

“You’re not going to introduce yourself?” Laserjack asked her.

I couldn’t see her face, not through her strangely bug-eyed helmet, but I imagined they were rolling. “I’m Grasshopper. I specialise in long-range ballistic strikes and in not being the centre of attention. Happy?”

“You can’t imagine,” Laserjack said. “Any other takers? No? Well then! Onwards we go! Knowing each other will be somewhat important. While we won’t be ordering any of you to go anywhere, we are setting up a system that will warn you of incoming threats.”

Laserjack gestured, and I noticed that I received a ping.

Checking it now... it’s clean. Just a non-updating file. One of my sibling AI made it.

“You should have received a packet, if you have the hardware to receive it with. It’s a map of the region and all the projected hotspots. In the coming days, we’re expecting certain hives to become active. Some will head for the city, others will grow faster. Basically, we have a lot of places where having even one samurai could make a big difference, so we’re setting up a system.”

The wall behind him lit up with a similar map of the region, but this one had large circles on it. “We’re giving you all access to our information network. Projected attack vectors, hive locations, and our best guess at the number of antithesis you might encounter in any given fight and their troop composition. In exchange, we only ask that you keep us informed of which location you’re hitting and when. That way we know where to reach you if you need backup, or if the situation changes.”

“You won’t be directing us at all?” Gomorrah asked.

“Not one whit!” Laserjack said. “If you want to hit a hive as a group, we have something akin to a group finder in place. If you want to help defend a wall, or ambush a group of antithesis, or even just do nothing, then feel free to inform us and we’ll keep our maps up to date. Mostly, we want to avoid two of you showing up where only one is needed, so the map will update to show you who is working where. Who might be in need of assistance, and so on.”

That sounded pretty reasonable.

Laserjack gestured to the map. “Areas in blue are fine, areas in yellow mark locations of suspected or possible Antithesis presence. Those of you who are used to doing clean-up work might want to focus on those areas. And the red areas.”

He paused as part of the map lit up in red. Just a little sliver along the east side of the city, right where the blue smudge of a river passed.

“That map is live,” he said.

“Ah, shit,” someone who caught on faster than me said.

If that map was live, then that red smudge there meant trouble.

“Well then,” Laserjack said. “Looks like things have started! And a few hours early at that! Don’t you love it when plans don’t even manage to make it to first contact?”

Grasshopper stood up and started towards the door. “I live near there. I’ll go take a look,” she said before casually leaving.

I got up too. If things were starting now, then I wanted the kittens and Lucy moved before the air filled with panicking maniacs. “I’m heading out too. I’ll use that system of yours, Laserjack, don’t worry.”

“Aww, I didn’t even get to the parts where you can request orbital strikes. But yes, I suppose I can send the rest of my presentation over as a data-packet. Good luck samurai. Make sure the city doesn’t burn!”

I snorted as I headed out, Gomorrah keeping pace with me.

This entire meeting hadn’t gone how I expected it too, but maybe that was for the best.

It was nice to know that for the foreseeable future all I’d have to deal with was a flood of aliens to kill.

***