Sleeping Princess

 

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Conway Sophia’s Perspective

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We rode on the train again, arms locked as we did.

Linda made a habit of pointing out these beautiful sights, and I would react with awe because… it was awe-inducing.

 

 

“Hehe…”

I heard a giggle as she lay her head on my shoulder.

“Eh? What is it?”

"You wear your expression on your face all the time. That's… another reason why I grew to love you, Sophia."

Her honesty caused me to put my head down as I blushed. Obviously, Linda was trying to bury her love into my heart. However, all she did was manage to make me embarrassed. She… still felt like a sister to me. The touch I felt as she held my arm wasn’t causing my heart to explode… it was warming my chest because I was finally able to be with… my sister.

“Linda… I love you.”

I confessed.

"Sophia, I know what you want to say… but give it some time, and I'm sure…."

She looked at me. Our lips nearly touched. She smelled like vanilla, and it took me back to the past when she was in high school. It was a scent that she always wore, and it was a bit childish… but it was Linda.

“Give me… time to capture your heart again.”

I couldn't do anything but… nod softly. I don't think Linda had ever caught my heart, though. I put it out there because I wanted to save her… and that was the wrong thing to do. Linda wanted me romantically. I wanted her platonically. This closeness for her was different than for me, like two people experiencing different levels of pain. We both are hurting because we understand our fight… but what if Linda's pains are more significant than mine? I couldn't imagine trying to make someone who fell out of love with you… fall back in love again.

“Our next stop is here.”

Excitedly, she stood up, pulling me along with her.

“Geez, Linda! At least act like a lady!”

I complained, rubbing my arm.

“Oh, Sophia, you would always pull me around like that when we were kids."

“Yeah, but I didn’t break your arm, did I?”

She began to giggle as she made her way off the train. I… couldn’t help but smile too as I followed my whimsical older sister. Her hair danced back and forth, and it made me feel… like there was nothing but hope. If I could make Linda see that right here, we are perfect, then I would reach my goal today.

I have to show Linda that it’s okay to love me… but that doesn’t mean we need to be together.

Because we do love one another, and it was clear to me.

“In here!”

We found ourselves at a European-styled restaurant and immediately felt like I was at home. The smell reminded me of grandma's house, and as I looked about the red carpets and finishes, I couldn't help but think about mommy and daddy's estate.

“Wow… what is this place?”

“I found it online a few weeks ago. When I came inside, I thought that I had to bring you here immediately.”

Together we walked inside.

“Ah, seat for two?”

It was strange because the style was flawlessly mirroring the European restaurant. But hearing the employees speak Japanese broke my immersion. We were brought to a window seat that overlooked Hiroshima. It was the afternoon. We could see the bustle of the day below us.

“I can’t wait for you to try the bread and butter here, Sophia!”

“What’s so good about it?”

I asked curiously.

“It’s just like grandma’s recipe.”

“You’re a liar, Linda!”

 

 

I had to taste this bread and butter. Back when we were kids, grandma would always make the most delicious bread I could ever imagine. Linda and I would fight over the last piece, which was a fond memory I cherished.

“Here you go.”

The waiter said as he set our food down.

The bread arrived, and before I could take a piece, Linda had already skillfully got it for me. She held out the bread in front of me.

“Eh? Are you serious?”

“Oh hush, Sophia. There’s nobody around but us… indulge me a little.”

I hated when people did this sort of thing. I offered Madoka-chan and Mae-san the same way before, but… I dislike being on the receiving end. So, I brought back my bangs and took the bread in my mouth. The rush of nostalgia brought back all the days before… the more challenging times.

“Hehe…”

I smiled.

“Oh, what is it, Sophia?”

“You remember when… daddy got mad at us for eating that second loaf together? We hid in the closet and finished it. He didn’t get any.”

Linda held her stomach.

"Yes! Then mommy had to calm him down, and she even wrote grandma a check to make more just for daddy!"

"And when it arrived, it had his name on it like it was made for a toddler."

We couldn’t help but laugh at the absurdity of our family. Linda jumped in.

“And that time when I helped grandma make that big fudge cake for you.”

“Oh yeah, that was delicious! I still can’t believe you helped!”

She smiled.

“Well, it did say: "I love you, Sophia" on it."

I recalled that time. It was in big pink letters, and I was so happy that my older sister had made something so wonderful that I held her in my arms.

“Yeah, and I yelled all day, running around the house saying I love you… too.”

The mood died down and what was left were… bitter memories. The ones where those words didn't mean much other than companionship. I began to feel a tad sick as I looked at the bread, which only brought on melancholy.

“…At that time… I didn’t consider loving you in this kind of way, Sophia.”

Linda spoke firmly as I listened.

“Love… was a word I could easily say to you… without it being difficult to understand.”

“Yeah… our love… is much different today.”

We both looked away. The awkwardness of our feelings today was strangling us, trying to rob us of our fun moment together. So, I looked up to Linda. The beautiful woman across from me had her entire life ahead of her.

“Linda… I love you.”

I said again.

“But… you know that… it’s hard for me to see you like this.”

She nodded.

“I don’t know what happened while we separated… but my heart could only think about you for the longest, Sophia. You were my heroine.”

I was taken aback by her words.

“You might have felt guilty for what happened… but that isn’t true. You saved me from making a big mistake. And… I want you to know how much I love you for that.”

Bitterly… I looked to the floor.

“And you’re… making another big mistake… chasing after me like this.”

She shrugged.

“Then my entire life is full of mistakes. But this one… I want to at least give a chance.”

Linda stared at me firmly.

“Because I love you… romantically, and I want to show you that we can have what we have now… but be more intimate with one another.”

“…Linda.”

How firm her resolve was showed. She didn’t let things get her down. This battle was something she practiced for years while we were apart. I… had to accept her feelings, knowing full well that our love is not the same. We enjoyed our meal together, finished our bread pudding, and made our way out of the restaurant.

The last stop would be the club Linda found. It would be there that she planned to dance with me, take me in her arms, and show me the world we could have together. Despite all the pushback I gave… one thing was sure…

And that Linda was a powerful opponent and her love was strong, almost unyielding. I can't say I wasn't having a great time, though. It's just that… our love was undoubtedly much different, and that needed to be addressed… no matter how much it hurt the sister I love.

It was getting later into the afternoon as we reached the last stop of our date. The place was called "Cat's Tail," and it looked fancier than all the other places we went to so far. The venue looked to cater to high-end clients, and my dress and braided ponytail matched this to a tee.

“Thank you, Madoka-chan.”

I whispered under my breath as we both made our way inside. The lights were dimmed, and there was western music playing. The entire place felt like I stepped into a western land in the pocket of Hiroshima. As we approached the dance floor, I could feel Linda's excitement.

“Oh, it’s been forever since we danced together!”

She took me in her arms, and before I knew it, we were both intoxicated by the music we'd known since we were kids. Together we danced, and it felt like our worries were in the past. This wasn't that stupid idol music that goody good likes. This was the good stuff, as I wanted to call it. Together our worries melted away as we laughed, played, danced, and forgot about the world. The awkwardness faded, and before we knew it, the music slowed down as we watched each other…

How it all felt great just to be in this isolated world…

I smiled.

She did too…

 

 

And before I knew it, I was a part of the scene as she showed me the bright lights outside. The night had come, and we were together, without our family or anyone else trying to pull us apart.

“Linda…”

I whispered as I lay my head on her chest.

“Sophia.”

Suddenly, my chin was raised. My mind was far from what it was supposed to be doing. For the first time since our concert came out…

We…

Locked lips in the moonlight of the club.

 

The music drowned out, and together we shared what would be…

Our first kiss as lovers…

 

 

And our last kiss as lovers…

 

Finally, we parted. I found it hard to look my sister in the eyes, but I did. The ripple of feelings that I was supposed to feel never came through me. It… was nothing more than sharing a kiss… and it meant next to nothing for me…

"Linda..."

I whispered my older sister's name as I let go of her and brought my arm behind my back. 

"Sophia?"

 

 

It was then that I knew what my heart had to say. Everything finally cultivated into these words. 

"We don't have to hide anything now, Linda. Our parents aren't watching over us... and it's already out that we are a "couple" as far as the world is concerned."

Linda's eyes lit up as I professed my feelings to her. 

"Y-Yes, that's right Sophia. There's... no reason to hide how we feel about one another."

It was then I turned back to her... the sweetest woman I would ever meet and spoke my true feelings.

"And it's that very reason why I want to tell you, Linda..."

I looked her in the eyes and confessed everything I felt during our date.

"I don't love you in this way, Linda. There's no reason why I would lie about that."

 

 

 

I could see the glimmer of hope wash from her face. It was like reality finally settled in as I brought it to her attention. With everything we've went through, there was no reason why I would lie about my feelings. So the cold hard truth... only hit harder.

"You don't feel… what I do, do you, Sophia? And no matter how hard I try, how many dates I take you on... you... aren't lying... are you?"

I just sat there like a rock. I wanted to speak, but before I could… tears began rolling down my cheek. This entire time I thought I would see her breakdown first, but that wasn't the reality of it.

"I'm sorry…."

I begged as I held her. People were looking our way, but that didn't matter. My heart was broken…

“I’m so sorry… Linda… I-I-I….”

She didn't say a word as she held me in her arms. Her body was shaking as we moved to the slow music. This was it… all the build-up to this decisive moment, and it felt like a hot air balloon deflating, leaving us in this pathetic place.

“I… I don’t know how to make you feel what I do, Sophia.”

She cried into my arms.

 

“I yearned for you for years… It’s… it’s so unfair.”

Linda's true feelings came out, and I had to hear them.

“You’re so cruel… but I love you still.”

 

 

I held her in my arms… as we moved far away from the music. In this lonely dance, we found ourselves holding onto dear life. Me not wanting to lose my sister… and Linda not wanting to give up on her love.

"I love you, Linda… I love you so much…."

“… No, you don't… Y-You… never will love me how I want you to, Sophia."

The night cleaved in. Awkwardly, we left the club together. Without a word, we began walking towards the train station. Linda's shoes clicked harshly as she walked a distance in from them. In silence, we made our way to the train station. We stood apart. Our trains were going two separate ways, just like our lives. We would never be able to say those words to each other again without the pain coming… and destroying us as we did.

“…”

I tried to speak, but the tears began again, choking me up. Instead of waiting for me to calm down, Linda turned away and walked towards her train. I wanted to run after her, tell her over and over that I love her…

“I don’t love you that way… Linda.”

I confessed…

I couldn’t bring myself to say that to her face… but it was true.

“I would die for you… but I can’t love you the same way you love me.”

That night I rode the train home alone. When I looked at my phone, there were no messages. So, I tried my best to send her my feelings.

“I’m sorry… Linda.”

I pushed the button but what came up was a message that shocked me.

 

[BLOCKED]

 

It was large, cold, and final. It was then… that my entire world began to spiral out of control.

“I-I’m… sorry.”

I coughed as I tried my best to catch my breath. The thought that I might not see Linda again, the woman I do love from the bottom of my heart… was destroying me from the inside out.

“I deserve this.”

I whimpered alone on the cold train.

"I'm sorry. I just wanted to help you…."

I couldn’t tell if this was for the best…

Maybe if I had lied to her, told her that I loved her too, things would have gone differently.

 

But the truth was… I needed to accept that our feelings were too different, and because of that…

“Linda…”

Because our love isn't the same…

We can’t ever be together again.