Nirvana In Fire

When Mei Changsu returned after his visit to the Eastern Palace, his expression was clearly abnormal, but he kept his facial expression forcefully in check. After drinking his medicine, however, he threw it all up, including two mouthfuls of blood towards the end. This frightened everyone out of their wits, but he told them he was okay. Physician Yan hurried over to treat him with some acupuncture needles, to calm him down and let him sleep. Then, Lin Chen called Fei Liu over to question him, but the boy didn’t seem to know anything. No matter how he asked, he just said, “Foya! Sleep! Won’t wake up!” and other such words. No matter how intelligent Lin Chen was, no matter how long he frowned in thought, he couldn’t figure it out.

Foya was a battle wolf raised by the former Prince Jing, who was very close to the Young Commander,” said Wei Zheng as he and Nie Feng left Mei Changsu’s bedroom quietly, bringing Lin Chen with them to the courtyard. “Based on what Fei Liu is saying, it’s likely that Foya has died, so Young Commander must be broken hearted….”

Lin Chen shook his head and said, “I’m afraid that’s not it. His old affection for the wolf is not as great as that. If the Crown Prince suddenly died today, spilling all those years of accumulated heart’s blood*, then that would be more likely.”

*I can’t find the right English words, so this is an approximate literal translation

Nie Feng hadn’t associated with Lin Chen for very long so he was unaccustomed to his unrestrained manner of speaking and started at him with wide open eyes, while Wei Zheng, who was standing to the side, frowned and said, “Master Lin, don’t speak of such taboo matters, alright?”

“What did I say?” Lin Chen shrugged. “If the Crown Prince is truly the dragon son of heaven, how could I curse him simply by opening my mouth? There’s no need for you to keep worrying and circling the courtyard. Changsu is a very tough and resilient person. He is also doing his best to manage his state of mind to avoid harm to himself. Vomiting the two mouthfuls of blood is a good thing. He won’t die today.”

The more he spoke, the more excessive he was, but unfortunately there was no one in the whole of the Su Residence who knew how to deal with him. Although the two former Chiyan generals glared at him for a long time, he acted as if he didn’t notice. In the evening, Mei Changsu woke up and had some food, then went out to the courtyard to play the zither, but when the melody reached its most sorrowful peak, it suddenly cut off with a resounding twang when one of its strings broke unexpectedly. There was a fine cut on his finger where a bead of red blood was forming. There he sat, under the moonlight, his pale face frozen. Nobody dared approach him. Only Lin Chen, who sighed faintly as he asked, “Changsu, is your blood still red?”

Mei Changsu smiled slightly and said, “This blood is still red, this body is still here….Lin Chen, my pride has failed me lately. It’s all tangled up with the grief and sorrow in my heart. You’re probably mocking me, to see me in this state.”

Lin Chen looked up at the sky and after a long while, said, “I’ve always been arrogant, making fun of everything under the sky. You worry so much about so many things, and there are many things you do that could make me laugh, but I always find it difficult to laugh at you. Do you know why?”

Mei Changsu pinched the broken string between his fingers, looking at it as he replied vaguely, “I do.” Then, not saying anymore, he got up and returned to his room. Lin Chen lowered his head and walked slowly to the outer courtyard. Those looking on were confused and extremely worried. They pushed Wei Zheng forward to enquire. Lin Chen smiled for a moment then said, “Don’t worry. Changsu is alright. In any case, even if he wasn’t, what can we do to help?”

Wei Zheng was impatient and was just about to retort when Lin Chen suddenly said in a loud voice, “It’s a fine night, a fine wind and a fine moon. That cultured and enigmatic Changsu has gone to bed. Everyone, stop trying to figure him out. Why don’t you join me for a drink instead?”

Seeing that he was making a ruckus again, Li Gang and Zhen Ping knew that they would get no further information from him and immediately made their escape, leaving only the inexperienced Nie Feng, who was promptly dragged away by him, so Wei Zheng had no choice but to follow along to keep him company. The three of them went to the kitchen to fetch food and drink, then bringing them to the stone table and stools in the courtyard, they ate and drank while chatting about everything under the sun.

After drinking three pots of wine, they were all in high spirits. Even Nie Feng joined in with his vague syllables and hand gestures, and Wei Zheng’s face was as red as Guan gong*. Tugging at Lin Chen, he said, “Master Lin, our Young Commander….it’s rare for him….to have a friend like you…..please….”

*Guanyu, famous general the Three Kingdoms period who has a red face

“I know, I know.” Lin Chen’s eyes were like stars, and he wasn’t even the least bit drunk. Lightly rotating the wine cup in his left hand, he said, “There’s no need for you to ask. Although I’ve not known him for as long as the both of you, we’ve been friends for more than ten years…..”

Wei Zheng wiped his face and was just about to say something when swift footsteps sounded from outside the courtyard. As they got closer, they heard Li Gang say, “Here, they’re drinking in the courtyard….”

Before the words had faded away, a figure rushed in, heading directly for Lin Chen. Clutching him tightly on the arm, he shook it vigorously while exclaiming excitedly, “Found it! I’ve found it!”

Lin Chen blinked. Without struggling, he asked calmly, “What have you found?”

“Eternal Ice Grass, Eternal Ice Grass*!” The person who had just arrived looked travel worn, and his lips were dry and blistered, but his eyes were bright and shiny, and he was in high spirits. As he spoke, he felt around among his robes. “Have a look! I’ve used a glass bottle, and I’ve been very careful. Even the roots are still intact….”

*Bingxu Grass literally “ice continuous grass” so I’ve taken the liberty to translate it to Eternal Ice Grass. Sounds appropriate.

“Nie Duo?” Wei Zheng’s face was filled with surprise and he roused from his stupor. “Why are you here? When did you get here? Weren’t you forbidden to come?”

“I’ll tell you later.” Nie Duo was too busy to pay attention to him. Taking out the corked glass bottle from within his robes, he put it into Lin Chen’s hand and asked eagerly, “Can you please confirm if this is Eternal Ice Grass?”

Lin Chen looked at it as requested and nodded.

Nie Duo let out a long sigh, then only turned towards Wei Zheng and said, “I heard from Li Gang that my elder brother is here, too. Why haven’t I seen him?”

Wei Zheng’s gaze shifted slightly to the left. Nie Duo’s gaze immediately followed it. Actually, when he had first rushed in, he did notice someone sitting by the side, but he only had a vague glimpse and couldn’t make out from his figure and appearance that it was his elder brother. Now that he was having a closer look, his eyes suddenly turned red, and he immediately knelt down, and in a rough voice that was choking on tears, he said, “Dage……”

Nie Feng stood up to support his brother up, but because he feared that his brother would feel sad if he heard his high-pitched and raucous voice, he didn’t say anything, but drew him into his embrace and hugged him tightly. Since they had already received news of each other earlier, their emotions and pain were not as raw, but gazing at each other now face to face, the brothers’ eyes were unavoidably wet with tears. After a long while, Nie Duo took a deep breath and supported his brother to take a seat. Laughing, he said, “I see that dage is recovering well. I guess it won’t be long before you can hit me and send me flying thirty feet away.”

“You still dare to laugh.” Wei Zheng came over and punched him. “Young Commander forbade you to come. Why did you disobey his orders?”

“I came to deliver medicinal herbs,” said Nie Duo righteously. “Master Lin knows how important that medicinal herb is to Young Commander, right?”

Wei Zheng moved sideways and looked carefully at the glass bottle that Lin Chen had in his hand. Something stirred in his heart, and he quickly asked, “Master Lin, what is this herb? Is it a miracle herb?”

Lin Chen didn’t reply, but put the bottle down on the table behind him. Looking at Nie Duo, he said, “The Eternal Ice Grass is a very rare herb. For you to have found it, you must have faced a lot of danger and expended a lot of effort?”

“No, nothing like that,” said Nie Duo quickly in reply, waving his hand, “I was just lucky. I never expected to find it.”

Lin Chen was silent for a while. Then, he sighed softly and said, “Nie Duo, I don’t want to disappoint you, but…..who told you that the Eternal Ice Grass can treat Xiao Shu’s illness?”

“The old pavilion master!” Nie Duo’s happiness was short-lived, and his expression changed. “Master Lin, Lin Chen, what did you say? What disappointment? It was the old pavilion master who told me that the Eternal Ice Grass can treat the internal coldness that Young Commander is suffering from. Is it because you don’t know how to use it? If you don’t know how to use it, I’ll go and look for the old pavilion master….”

“Nie Duo,” said Lin Chen, his eyes lowered, “When did my father tell you about the Eternal Ice Grass?”

“It was the year I was ordered to accompany the old pavilion master to sea to look for the island. We were on the deck of the boat, and he had just had some wine. We were chatting, and the old man accidentally mentioned that there was a record in the Lang Ya library that described a precedent where the Eternal Ice Grass cured the Poison of the Bitter Flame. When he woke up the next day, he wouldn’t admit having said it, saying that they were just drunken words. But this time, before I went to Yunnan, I was in your library looking for some other information. To my surprise, I stumbled upon this record, and found that there truly was an account written about it. There were even drawings…..”

“Yes.” Lin Chen nodded. “This record truly exists. I know about it, too. But have you ever wondered, if there was such a miraculous drug, why didn’t my father and I tell you all about it all these years, or ask you to look for it?”

“According to the record, this grass thrives in a pond that is far away and difficult to reach. Many have lost their lives searching for it and failed. I guess it’s because Young Commander didn’t want us to take such risks for his sake, which is why you weren’t allowed to mention it…..”

Lin Chen peered at him and said, “You really think that we wouldn’t mention it just because he didn’t allow us to? Do you think my father and I are the same as your group of people, that no matter what he says, we would follow obediently?”

“Master Lin….”

“We’ve never mentioned it because we knew that it was pointless.” Lin Chen couldn’t stop the sadness that swept across his face. “Since it was pointless, why mention it and cause more worry?”

Nie Duo stamped his feet impatiently and asked, “Why is it pointless? It has cured someone before….”

“Yes, it’s cured someone before, but do you know how he was cured?” Lin Chen looked at the miracle grass in the glass bottle, with its branches and leaves outspread and sighed. “The method of treatment is recorded in another book. It requires ten men with great vitality and abundant qi and blood, to exchange their blood with the patient. Only after this can the patient be reborn. But the ten men who gave of their blood, they not only have to suffer, but their blood would eventually dry up and they would die. Simply put, to use the Eternal Ice Grass to save someone, it’s equivalent to exchanging ten lives for the sake of one.”

Nie Duo didn’t think twice. He grabbed Lin Chen’s arm and held it in a tight grip as he said in a loud voice, “I’m willing to exchange my life!”

Wei Zheng followed closely, saying, “I am willing, too!”

“I know that all of you are willing,” said Lin Chen as he looked at both the men, “It’s not difficult to find ten men who would die for Changsu, but have you wondered if Changsu would be willing?”

“Can’t we keep this a secret…..?”

“No. The entire process requires both parties to be absolutely focused and clear-headed, with absolutely no hesitation. It requires the patient to proactively absorb the qi and blood from each and everyone of these men….” Lin Chen’s tone was stripped of all emotion, yet carried with it an indescribable sadness. “You are the ones who know Changsu best. If you want him to do this, you would be better off killing him…..”

Nie Duo’s knees were weak and he dropped onto the stone bench.

“The man who was cured of the Poison of the Bitter Flame more than a century ago took away the blood of ten brothers willing to exchange their lives for his,” continued Lin Chen without looking at him, “To save his life, he discarded the relationships closest to his heart. Compared to him, Changsu never considered this path to save his life, not even as a last resort, but he preserved the affection he had for the brotherhood he most valued on earth….Life and righteousness. To choose one is to lose the other. To make a choice, one only needs to examine one’s own heart.”

“But….but….” Wei Zheng’s hands were clenched as he said through clenched teeth, “Why is it that those who think only of preserving their lives can live, but Young Commander, who cannot bear to hurt us, must die? How cruel are the Gods, to create such a choice. Where is the fairness in this?”

“I had similar questions, but even my father couldn’t answer them. Instead, it was Changsu who said, “In the eyes of the world, life and death are matters of great importance, but in the eyes of the heavens, the world is large. Its vastness, the vastness of the universe, the fairness of all living beings, all these are by no means reflected in the length of a person’s life. For every so-called gain, there must be loss. Although the person who survived then kept his life, isn’t what he lost more important than his life?”” Though Lin Chen kept smiling, his eyes were bright with tears. “Listening to these words of his, one could attain enlightenment. If you can understand his thoughts, then don’t try to persuade him with your loyalty. He will never agree. Instead, he would have to spend his limited energy to dissuade and console all of you, so why bother? If you continue to force him, I’m afraid he’ll become a monk before he dies….”

At this point, Lin Chen made an attempt to smile mockingly, but the muscles in his cheeks wouldn’t obey, so he grabbed hold of the wine pot and took a few swigs before saying, “Don’t feel sad. This grass isn’t completely useless. It’ll at least give him a few more days.” Saying this, he put the bottle into his robes, patted his lapel, and left, alone.

Footnote:

There may be some inconsistency in terminology, but I’ve used the term “grass” and “herb” interchangeably, using the latter when I am referring to it as a “medicinal herb” while the former when I’m just referring to it on its own.

Afterthought:

This line did me in: “Lin Chen, my pride has failed me lately. It’s all tangled up with the grief and sorrow in my heart.” I don’t think I’ve seen MCS as vulnerable with anyone as he was here with LC.

He also says he knows why LC never laughed at him. But maybe my brain is too tired from translation. I couldn’t figure it out. Though it’s also probably the author prefers to leave it unspoken. Any thoughts?

*answering my own question* LC just loves MCS too much, and understands him too well – understands everything that MCS/LS needs to do before he can (die) be at peace, understands MCS’s essential self. The depth of their friendship has never been so apparent until this chapter. It just makes me think – XJY may have been his boyhood friend, but LC was the one with whom he grew into the man he is.

*after even more reflection* Throughout this novel, I’ve ended up with the impression that although LS was about 2 years younger than XJY, he was the wiser, more protective one in the relationship, the one on whom XJY depended on. And if that’s the case, then his relationship with LC would appear to be one that is more “equal”. This makes me feel very sad for XJY. That his relationship with LS never got to mature, that he missed out on that with his best friend.