Isekai’d Shoggoth

In the end, we decide on the plan of action. Falstaff is expecting several of his people with, as he put it, "relevant skills" to turn up within six hours, ready for the night raid on the bog keep. Meanwhile, I get to infiltrate the mansion, scope it out, extract any children quietly (or failing that, loudly, but extract children I will) and then just leave it alone... Unless there are some members of the families in question that are on the kill list. Falstaff's info on the families and the relationship between them is... interesting. There's Norns, of whom currently there are none present. There's Kleineschatzes, who are nominally headed by Adonis Kleineschatz but in practice answered to the old crone I drove insane a little earlier. Aside from Adonis, who is apparently a half-brother of late Norn (Dowager Norn initially married a rich ritter who ended up mysteriously dying from stomach illness soon after signing a will that all of his sizeable warchest is to go to his dear wife if he crooks first), there is also Gertrude (that's the name of the old crone, I have some interesting luck with that name for some reason) and Hilda, the youngest of Kleineschatz (not sure what is her deal, but according to Falstaff she is a big homebody and maybe fills in as wife for Adonis, which would explain why Kleineschatzes are so bugfuck insane if aunt-nephew incest is norm for them). There's Hansliches, who are currently headed and consist of Hanslich Junior, who is yet unmarried. I did gank his daddums along with Norn. There's, much to my surprise, Ambercrombes, who appear to be a splinter branch of Champagne Ambercrombes. That family currently consists of a geriatric baron, his wife and three sons ranging from mid-thirties to early twenties. None of them married, though Falstaff just shook his head when I asked why. Those are ones situated in Norn county. Aside from county-ruling Norns, the rest are all barons.   On the flip side, there's Fonzes. Two brothers co-ruling a county (Nornburg is straight on the border of Norn and Fonz counties, and for some reason, Fonzes elected to keep their main presence in Nornburg instead of developing some other town in their county as their seat of power), each having a selection of children ranging from five to twenty. Fourteen people in total, counting them, their wives, their children and a couple of more distant relatives. There's Brikhiters who own the keep in the bogs. They consist of the patriarch, his wife, his two sisters and between them all, seven children. Out of which only ONE is technically legitimate, and the rest six are incest-borne bastards. Baron Hanz Brikhiter definitely prefers bedding his sisters to bedding his wife, because Falstaff indicates baroness is treated barely better than unwanted guest. There are Dachaufreissers, who are arguably the most unremarkable out of them all. Bog-standard noble family with two children. Though there are rumors that Dachaufreisser bloodline is prone to bouts of unstoppable rage... Finally, there are Hexenjaegers, whom... are interesting. According to Falstaff, this house is basically this world's version of Belmonts, only kinda evil. Or, well, VERY evil. Apparently, at their height of power, they "unofficially" decided who was allowed to "have" magic and who was not in Kraut. They are nowhere near that much power now, and the house is represented by a sole baron who survived three wives without having a single child between them all to survive their first year. Which may or may not be due to the unconfirmed but prevalent rumor that "true Hexenjaeger" heirs are nursed on blood instead of milk.   There should be a lot of assorted kids in the mansion and most likely several adults overseeing them. But we have no information at all about which ones are where aside from the near-certainty that Hanslich Junior is in the manor and Brikhiters are all at their keep. Well, time to get cracking...   ___   Falstaff said he would have the infiltration team ready in two hours, but I'm honestly not keen on it. Infiltrating a fortified place with a team I never worked with before? Hard pass. Even if they are all consummate professionals, there is still a matter of getting a feel for each other. He, thankfully, accepts my rebuttal and we work out a compromise. His infiltration team will independently position themselves in the stables, which Falstaff already compromised (basically, everyone who works there answers to Falstaff and all of them will be updated on the situation by his team), and this will be my extraction point where I will send all the children whom are to be spared. Meanwhile, I am infiltrating by myself. Eyespiders are fine and all, but I want to have fun with it too. So instead of eyespiders, I am prowling around the grounds as a goose.   "Blasted bird! Catch it!" - aaand the guards are all enthused about my presence. Good, good. I lead them on a merry chase through the mansion gardens. The hedge maze is amazing, by the way. Expansive area with a lot of blindspots for all those guards to get hopelessly lost at. I leave them with a bunch of conjured copper slabs that make illusions of goose ducking right by the next corner whenever they pass by one... According to random number generators I slabbed on the enchantment. This distraction works gloriously, drawing a full two third of the guard to try and catch the fowl that's not even there.   While they are at it, I am prowling around, occasionally pretending to be a box or a barrel or a bale of hay whenever someone comes across me. The reason why I am poking around like this is simple. I'm mapping out the mansion grounds. In the end, if I have to do hot extraction, I want to know the lay of the land very well. And if I don't need to do that, then I would have the opportunity to guide my charges without any inconvenient witnesses.   The fowl hunt is still going strong when I get into the mansion proper. I find the servant quarters very quickly and after making sure most domestics are there sleeping, I rust the lock leading into their quarters shut and gunk up the door edges with conjured cyanoacrylate. It will time out by the morning, but until then, it should hold the doors closed unless they elect to break them down entirely. There we go. Now to find my charges and targets. A couple empty rooms, and... oho. Now what is this?   "...stay still, you little!..." - that sounds like something untoward is going on in the next room I am about to check. I stick a couple tendrils under the door and lift it a little bit, to make sure the hinges lack the opportunity to make sound, then I heave it open carefully. Two bastards beyond the door do not notice, their attention on the struggling girl in front of them. Maid clothes, age... presumably fourteen, if not less than that. One of the bastards I recognize immediately, it's Hanslich Junior. Other, hrm... No idea, but he looks like a noble and I definitely will kill him along with Junior here and now.   "Ahem." - maybe it was chuuni of me, but damn it, I wanted Hanslich to be expressly and explicitly aware of being killed and the fact I am doing it. The door smacks into the sill with a solid thunk right after, a soft click of deadbolt sliding in place to follow.   "...Shit!... How are you... why... damnit!" - aaand Hanslich attempts to go for the nearest window, showing that at least his survival instincts are intact. I advance on him, kicking a stool on the way. Nice shot, if I do say so myself, nailed him right in the ear. He goes down in untidy heap, crying out and grasping his head. I wonder if I cracked his skull or just ripped the skin, but either way, there is plenty of blood on his fingers. The other guy, amusingly enough, makes a vastly different decision. Namely, he marches up to me, exuding confidence in getting away with it.   "I do not know who do you think you are, but for that affront you will answer." - he proffers clearly, albeit with notable accent - "Fardamen Albish! Kneel now, if you..." He does not finish because this is where I reach out, gently take hold of his chin and the back of his head and then rotate the head in question about two hundred degrees clockwise. He checks out of conversation with an audible CRACK.   "...Gotter im himmel!.." - yelps the girl, amply forgotten by morons and sensibly taking advantage of that time to cover up her breasts again. She backs away, crawling across the bed as I stalk past her, bend and lift Hanslich by the throat.   "Hello again, Junior." - I smile at him - "I see that rape is your go-to entertainment, innit? Why is it always maids, Junior? And why are you so bad at taking no for an answer? Shit, if you and your daddums didn't try to escalate, you'd both survive to see the spring, you know?"   I briefly toy with an idea of loosening my grip enough so he could say anything, but quickly decide there is nothing he could say that I'd actually care about and tighten my grip instead, curling fingers inwards until I grasp his throat tightly. Then I slam him down on the floor and continuing the motion, rip out his throat entirely, stepping aside to dodge the blood spray. He falls over on his face and twitches on the floor a couple seconds. Side mission accomplished, Hanslich died slowly enough to understand he is dead and knew crystally clear who did him in. At times, I do worry about mental state, to be honest. Not enough to do something about it, of course, but... Once I am done, I'm so going to grab all my wives and make a cuddle pile for the next couple hours. Cy can entertain Katherine in the meanwhile, I guess.   Girl whimpers in the corner of the bed as I stop next to her. "It might be in your best interests to remain quiet." - I remark thoughtfully - "Why are you up so late?"   "Aaa... aaa....eeeh... hueeeeeeeeeeee!"   Yeah, I... wait, maybe she doesn't speak Albish at all?   "Farvas bistu vakh azoy shfet?¹ [Why are you awake so late?] " - I repeat my question in Kraut, think for a moment and add - "Haltn deyn kul shtil aoyb ir vi tsu lebn.² [Keep your voice quiet if you like to live.] "   "Der maner farvalter hot mikh bafoyln tsu baleytn iunge harn...³ [Majordomo ordered me to attend to young masters...] " - she whispers haltingly, clearly struggling not to break down into tears of terror. Huh. She was ordered by majordomo? I guess I have a bonus target tonight then. No way I can let someone ordering children into beds to live.   "Gey mir tsu der maner farvalter.⁴ [Take me to the majordomo.] " - I order her, following the order by snagging her collar and lifting her on her feet. Carefully, obviously, this one is gonna be one of the survivors.   Surprisingly, majordomo's office is pretty much two doors down from the room in question. I tell the girl to knock on the door, wait for the guy to open it, step into the doorsill, initiate temporal distortion and punch him in the face at x64. My first impression is that guy is probably named Walther. He has a very Walther-like face. My second impression is on that face and into it. His brains make a sound reminiscent of rotten melon smashing on the floor and decorate the wall opposite the door. Mostly headless body falls over backwards a second later. I shake the errant chunk of the skull off my hand, make a face and SHAKE my hand hard. Somehow, the guy's nose got stuck between my fingers. Ew ew ew ew.   "Geyn aroys durkh di tir arop az koridor, aun nokhgeyn di manshan vant biz ir dergreykhn di steybalz. Zag vart "kudsh" aun mentshn dart veln dir helfn. Gey.⁵ [To through the door in the end of the corridor, along the wall of mansion to the stables. Say word "sanctuary" and the men inside will help you. Go.] " - I tell the shaking girl and she turns around and runs towards the exit haphazardly, trembling like a falling leaf on the go. Really nailing the whole "inscrutable monster" vibe tonight, I feel.   The next door connects the corridor to a large hall, and the hall contains a surprise. And by surprise I mean seven adolescents holding assorted swords and flowers. As far as I can tell, this is the entirety of my targets to kill gathering up in one place. Probably someone noticed me dealing with majordomo and called the rest of them to set up this ambush. I smile and step into the room fully, closing and locking the door behind myself. It speaks a LOT about the inexperience of my future victims that they do not become alarmed.   "Good night to you all." - I offer to them - "It was very nice of you to gather up and lock yourselves up with me." Some faces begin to show alarm at that point. Too little too late, boys. In the next moment I just... loosen the whole "keep the humanoid shape" thing and go full shoggoth on them. Since they are mostly guilty of being related to real villains and not reporting it (mostly, I'm reasonably sure Hanslich and his nameless fellow were not the only two of them who took liberties with domestics), I try not to draw it out too much and mostly just crack their skulls with handy benches or ram their own swords through them. Wonder why here of all places. Putting up an ambush in the corridor would be more advantageous for them...Wait. IS that?...   I pick up the orb from the table in the middle of the hall. It's one of those things Salaadin uses, but looks much older. One of the older ones pilfered by locals somehow? Hell knows, artifacts tend to have very... interesting fates. The other end is blurred and seems to be transmitting some sort of inchoate screaming interspersed with vomiting. Someone was watching and shred their gears seeing me go tentacle monster on their kids? Tracing the line of connection, I... come to a conclusion that the other end is in the bog keep that Falstaff couldn't locate. So I teleport just a little speck of me, aided by the fact that someone on the other end threw a blanket or tablecloth over the orb to block off the vision. I'll visit them later, so far I'm just spying. And the general consensus they come to is that I busted out some kind of sanity-draining spell and the guy watching me had the misfortune of getting a faceful of it through the orb. Not sure why they think so, but... The guy, whom I tentatively recognize as baron Dachaufreisser is fully incoherent, screaming about tentacles and eyes and stars and doom that is coming for them all. Nice. I guess he was watching how his two sons would perform. Watching them get tentacled didn't do him any favors on top of just seeing me au naturele, as it were.   Now, I wonder something. Everyone I encountered so far was "of age". Where are the children? And girls, for that matter? After some discussion with Falstaff and Hiram, we decided that unmarried women may be spared provided they surrender and accept Falstaff's custody unconditionally. I seriously doubt this will extend to those toxic old biddies, participating in their twisted bachelorette club is another death sentence all of itself, but maybe we can spare some maidens like this. Hiram is dead set on abolishing the family names, but if they marry into different families, then no problem...   Ah. Here they are. Shit. All of them together and wide awake. With the kids in the back, while some of the more grown-up girls are in front of them.   "We will NOT let you kill our little brothers and sisters!" - the one in the center says quietly but intensely. She has a dagger and if I'm not mistaken, is palming a tulip in her other hand. Nice, probably a combo of stabbing and burning if I decide to fight her.   I walk in front of them, taking my time, letting the tension build, crack my knuckles... And shrug - "Those of you who want to survive may leave through the door behind me, proceed down the corridor to the end, leave the door and follow the mansion wall to the stables. The men there answer to crownprince Hiram and will aid you if you tell them that you seek sanctuary. Remember to use the word sanctuary specifically, it's a password."   Confusion. A LOT of confusion. Then, suddenly, one of the smaller boys suddenly runs out, passes by me and disappears behind the doors. I do not move to stop him, and before long, the entire assembly of visibly preteens disappears in the corridor, leaving me with four girls ranging from twelve to fifteen.   "Are you staying?" - I inquire to be sure. They exchange glances. The oldest one of them, who spoke the first time, finally gets together enough courage and wits to say something.   "...Are we... allowed to leave?" - she asks, visibly nervous but also obviously trying to keep cool.   "You are, if you leave your knives and flowers here and surrender into Hiram's custody without issue." - I retort patiently - "He is very much set on ending your particular houses because of various crimes your seniors committed, but bestowed his dispensation to spare anyone who can be reasonably adopted into related houses or married off into uninvolved families."   "I... We... Alright... Just." - she stammers, before gaining some steel in her spine suddenly - "I am Astrid von Fonz, and you, I presume, is Alyssa Gillespie, the White Witch. I speak for all of us that we will comply and surrender ourselves into prince Hiram's custody. I just want to know one thing. WHY? Why did this happen? Why did our brothers have to die? What will happen to our parents?"   "In order..." - I muse - "The problems involving ME started when Hanslich Junior attempted to rape my wife under the guise of sacred hospitality."   They all doubletake at the "wife". Then the youngest of them ventures - "Antshuldikn!⁶ [Apologies!] Frau Gillespee.... am you man?!"   I grin. "Nnnnnope!" - I tell them cheerfully - "I'm a girl who likes girls. I have four of them, actually. It's very relaxing. When I get back to the airship, I'm going to hug them all and pretend world doesn't happen for a couple hours. Neat, isn't it?"   Confusion multiplies. They clearly can't grasp the idea, if the whispers and round eyes are of any indication. I take my cue to continue the story.   "Aaanyway, I obviously took great offense at what Hansliches tried to do. I told baron so in no uncertain terms and then left his estate immediately, along with my harem and daughter." - I continue - "Baron sent his men later to try and negotiate some kind of gift to make up for that blunder, but frankly speaking? Hansliches are just too poor for me to want anything they have. They have no artifacts, no famous gems, no rare spices. Their horses are pretty good, but what good would a horse be to me in the air? And money, well, any sum I would care for enough to accept as an apology would pauper Hansliches there and then. So I refused. Baron went to complain to count Norn, who for reasons I am still struggling to grasp, decided that the most appropriate thing to do in response would be to try and kidnap my daughter while in the same time imprisoning princess Katherine and accusing me of kidnapping her. This is the point where his excellency Hiram Hohenzollern got involved. He was enraged by what count Norn attempted to do to his sister and sanctioned my blood feud with Norns on the spot. Her excellency Katherine was also quite incensed by what Norn tried and endorsed the blood feud as well. Unfortunately, after I killed Norn, the rest of your families decided to get themselves involved in this feud. I do not know why. But in the end, the answer to your question can be boiled down to "because your parents decided to politically support a deranged idiot"."   I pause, clear my throat and continue - "As to what will happen to adults? Unless they have some sort of extenuating circumstances, I will kill them all tonight. Prince Hiram is a good friend and your houses have been doing very... illegal things. Mostly Norns and Kleineschatzes, though none of them were crimeless in the end. I presume you lot are largely unaware of more grievous issues, such as Norn being a serial killer-rapist who had his own mother deprived of limbs and mounted on a board as some kind of deranged living trophy. Or Kleineschatzes training retainers in mind magic in secrecy. Or Hexenjaegers killing their own babies by feeding them blood instead of milk... Anyway, get out if you want to live. And try to forget your former families, concentrate on younger siblings that escaped the culling. Out of curiosity, why were you all bunched up in those two halls anyway?"   Apparently, as I learn while I follow the girls outside, they expected me to strike tonight, just with a bunch of mercenaries instead of going in all by myself. The idea was that guards would blunt the attack and what they failed to repel would be blocked by the older boys in the first hall. I asked why I found Hanslich in the rooms before the hall, and the answer I was given basically said that Hanslich and about half of the older boys regularly permitted themselves liberties with maids and took to calling those trysts "scouting". Horny morons.