Filthy Gamer in Narutoverse

"You're lucky, you got the kid... I have to deal with the dad..." Kai and Mikoto leaned against one another with a listless expression in the small garden of the pad while the redhead continued to make explosive tags to sell not far from them.

"No, you're lucky... I got kids and I need to teach them... Yahiko's voice is just so shrill and I heard Kakashi doesn't listen..."

Kai blinked and then agreed, "Oh, yeah, that's worse. But hey, you're like Kakashi in that regard since you are trained the most in Bukijutsu."

"Hey, don't give up that easily," Mikoto pouted, "Your situation is not that far off. You get to deal with all of Sakumo-san's jokes. Not to mention your two loyal followers."

Kai hummed and then shook his head, "Whatever... that's simply not the news I expected after months of grind. Oh, well, at least the missions can be dry and sandy..."

And then a look of horror appeared on Kai's face as he realized the kind of pun he made.

"Oh, no..."

Giggling in response, Mikoto turned to him and pecked his cheek, "Come on, I'll cook you something nice. We Uchiha have special recipes that even Akimichi Clan drool over—"

The mention of lunch instantly attracted the devoted redhead as she instantly smirked, "Ramen, dattebane!"

"Sure," Mikoto shrugged.

It was either Mikoto or Nono who cooked while Kai wondered if he should leave a clone to grind the basic cooking skill since he did want to provide a breakfast other than toast itself. Realizing that it was better to just do it than put it off, Kai intended to form a clone tonight and get started with that.

As the trio eventually sat down for their lunch, Kushina eyed Mikoto and Kai. Despite the grind, Kai did return every night to sleep with them. It wasn't all that much but the girls did appreciate the gesture since they understood that Kai was a training freak before meeting them. It was one of the major reasons why he was the way he is currently. But still, the lack of contact for more than a night for months had left them wanting more.

"So... who should I ask if I want to get engaged, too?"

Mikoto's chopsticks parted as did her lips while Kai tilted his head, as if waiting for just this moment, "None? I don't suppose Mistresses get married."

Kushina glared at Kai as Mikoto almost choked on that one noodle before coughing loudly. The conversation got too real too quick!

"Ehm," Clearing her throat, Mikoto looked at Kushina, "What brought this on?"

"I was thinking..." Kushina hummed while scratching her cheek and averting her gaze from Kai, "Unlike Uchiha clan's policies... I have nothing of the matter stopping me unless... Kai-chan doesn't want to..."

She snuck a look only to find him slurping up the noodles in delight.

Instead, Mikoto adopted a wry smirk as she quickly realized why Kushina was actually wrong about it, "Um, Kushina, you do have many things to consider, or rather, the Village would want to consider for you as you are its Jinchuriki. Not to mention... with things still strained between Uzu and Konoha... the village higher-ups would needlessly make things complicated despite our connections..."

Kushina frowned but Kai, finally done swallowing his noodles, remarked, "Mikoto and I got engaged because that's the only way she could leave the Uchiha Clan without unnecessary troubles... but you and I have always been together. We share finances, bed, bath, and food, and I even vowed to guard you as would any fiance would promise his fiancee... so official or not... Kushina, we are tighter than an engaged couple."

Saying all that with an expression straighter than Orochimaru's existence, Kai noted how Kushina AND Mikoto were a mess internally and questioned why they had not made such an obvious analogy since the beginning. Else, Kai would have been even more impatient than Kushina to make her his. With a few moments of silence passing in, and actually willing to see just how chaotic their emotions can grow, Kai threw in a few more words quietly.

"The true question is... when do we actually have sex? Mikoto wanted for me to be a little older... well, I am. Just a year younger than Kushina, biologically speaking..."

And there it was, sweet sweet chaos as Mikoto and Kushina turned their heads to look at one another and then went beet red. Their emotions stirred and messed up largely as their fists clenched the hems of their shorts before Kushina suddenly picked her bowl of ramen and gulped it down entirely, her throat impressively bulging somewhat before she let out a loud, satisfied heave and set the bowl back on the table. With her lips stained with broth and oil, Kushina, still blushing heavily hissed sharply with a nervous expression that threatened to a breakdown, "Let's—"

"No!" Mikoto hurriedly leaped forward and covered Kushina's mouth before taking a deep breath and looking at Kai, "Don't just jump this stuff on us!"

"How else should have I done that?" Kai questioned, ready to be corrected IF he was wrong, "Wearing condoms on my fingers? Humping a chair like Kuromaru if I'm in heat?—"

"I get it," Mikoto pouted and let go of Kushina's lips while wiping away her slightly slobbered hand on a paper towel and groaned, "Even if you ask us now, I... don't know. And Kushina should seriously take the time before answering because extreme... bodily conditions are something a Jinchuriki must be cautious of, as Sensei warned us."

Kushina's shoulders slumped. She had yet to go 'berserk' for real, but throughout her training, Kushina did need to be 'put down' at times if she lost control of the chakra within her. And from the look of things, these moments were getting more frequent as she grew older and more volatile.

Surprising the duo... Kai just accepted that and nodded, "Oh, well, I wouldn't want to force the situation since we were taught in our Academy that sexual experiences can either help us grow or become one of our greatest traumatic experiences. Besides, even Jiraiya wrote in the drafts of his new novel that the best experience if both of us are enjoying."

Her mouth agape, Mikoto muttered, "That's... surprisingly mature."

Snorting in response, Kai finished his bowl and glared, "Of course, it is! And... I and Nono do have some fun while training in Genjutsu once in a while so it's not like I'm feeling urgent or anything."

The truth, however, was far from it. It took every ounce of his will not to jump them right this instant! And he even had to control himself in the bath despite always getting a boner that refused to go down until he thought about his balls exploding and the goregrish nightmare it would be to finally go down peacefully.

Even Mikoto understood this fact better than Kushina as she sometimes caught Kai staring at her for many minutes...

As if spurred by an idea, Mikoto took a deep breath and muttered, "Oh... and since you're back... I was hoping we could make up for all the lost time before we get busy with our own teams. You should go out and meet up with others. And... return a bit late... around 8... and try not to eat anything too spicy..."

Kai was stunned this time. Just enough for Mikoto to slip away from the room as she added from a distance, "I'm going to meet Kyo-san..."

If Kai didn't know what was going on, the last bit hit the nail on the head while Kushina, although embarrassed to stay in the room with Kai, cocked her head in confusion, "Why... is she going to her step-mum?"

"You know what?" Kai looked at Kushina, "Do me a favor and follow her. Quick."

Although still somewhat confused, Kushina wanted a reason to leave and did what was asked.

Once Kai felt the duo leave, he looked at the table in front of him idly before thinking hard on whom he should consult on the matter before realizing that the only individual who would know the secrets and what was the best of both the worlds was only that person.

---

"Kai-kun, so great to see you unannounced outside my apartment using that convenient fuinjutsu of yours," Orochimaru, or rather, her clone opened the door to the apartment and smiled in amusement sprinkled with a hint of sarcasm as Kai smiled in response, "Aw, I didn't know you liked surprises. I'll show up unannounced more often~!" And with that, he slipped into the apartment while the clone shook her head.

"Why are you here, Kai-kun? I believe there are still three months until the Original needs to show some results to Tsunade on her research for more funding," the clone inquired as Orochimaru was now working under the Senju's capacity, and even though it was not direct employment, for some reason, Orochimaru had gotten her act cleaned. It wasn't just for funding, Tsunade knew that much.

But after raiding Danzo, Orochimaru simply... did not take any other innocent life provided to her by the 'suppliers' and it did admittedly lower the efficiency yet... there was no tension between Orochi and Tsunade.

"Not here for that," Kai shook his head and questioned, "Where's Cinnamon Junior? How's motherhood treating you?" he inquired while noting a distinct lack of Orochi's 'pet' Cinnamon, too.

"He's with the real Orochimaru. Training," the clone hummed, "Danzo was a lucky fool to be blessed with so many resources but the level of potential he wasted of those around him was..." she shook her head, "Almost tragic. Good thing we took it upon ourselves to rectify the situation."

Letting Kai take a seat on the chair next to the kitchen's counter and then purposely sauntering around it, she leaned over the counter and put up an enticing smile, "Would you like me to bring the original?"

Kai shook his head, "Actually, I would rather talk to you than the real Orochimaru-san."

"Ooh~ That's promising. Am I about to hear something even you will be shy to talk with the original?" The Clonorochi inquired as Kai sighed and shifted a little in his seat before requesting, "Well, I wanted to know... what I should prepare for trying something intimate... probably non-penetrative with someone..."

Clonorochi blinked but her smile turned a tad bit warmer and instead of raising a ruckus and laughing her guts out as she would have in such a situation, she realized that she was the splitting copy of the original and the original... would not laugh which would be detrimental to him. After all... he could have gone to anyone but chose to be here and she knew why was that well enough.

But she did need to ask something...

"Don't you have any... another individual to ask this?" She narrowed her eyes.

"Aside from Jiraiya-san who may take me out to a brothel for direct guidance on someone else... no. And I don't want practical guidance at the moment... so, here I am."

It was the truth. Men and boys his age either feared or revered him. While Hiruzen did his damn best to keep the information about Kai within the village itself, many in the village saw Kai as a young, budding legend. Of the elder ones, not many liked to associate with him but that could be attributed to him staying rather busy with himself. As it turns out, the Shinobi community is just not THAT sociable.

Nodding and letting her gaze wander to the steely blue seal in the center of his brows, she narrowed her eyes and informed, "I'd say strength is the most appealing to me... followed by knowledge."

Kai rolled his eyes, "I meant something more detailed. Like, should I put on some—"

"Unlikely."

"Maybe strike a—"

"Not needed."

"Flex my—"

"Probably not."

Kai deadpanned and stared at Orochimaru while the woman stared back with a calm expression.

It was only after a minute did Clonorochi questioned, "So? Who's the lucky girl?"

Kai snorted and didn't reply this time.

Letting a chuckle escape her lips, she remarked, "Fine, fine. I'll inform you something. The original may have little experience being a woman aside from the biological nuances that she studied carefully but she did enter a 'relief' center after being made curious about it by Jiraiya... so, take it from experience, adapt but confidently."

Seeing Kai grow curious, she added, "Situation on bed changes, maybe not as often in a war, but they do. Always take responsibility to adapt without thinking that the 'other' one next to you will be the one to take that responsibility. Oh, and please do not flex or strike a pose. That's nothing but highlighted and prominent awkwardness."

Kai nodded. This wasn't the detailed step-by-step instructions he was expecting but he did gain something. Not the vague crap she just spouted though.

"YOU went to those places?" Kai stifled his snicker, finding it absolutely worthy to literally drop by Clonorochi's doorstep.

"Why is that amusing?" She questioned, "If anything, the butt of the joke is your situation and your willingness to seek me out." More roguish than Kai, apparently, when she truly desired, she narrowed her eyes, "After all, I have experienced women as a man... but I feel I shall be stuck in this 'role'... so I may just explore a woman's true fantasies with a partner of my stature."

"So? Another snake?" Kai smirked.

"A woman always desires more, selfishly so... thus," Matching his gaze with a pointed stare, the tip of her extraordinarily long tail flicking across her plump lip, she let out a raspy but mellow coo nonetheless, "I was thinking a Dragon, perhaps."

Kai shrugged while definitely trying not to get the tiniest bit aroused since Bimborochi was a species truly far too dangerous for the current him... but then his thoughts stirred. Challenge makes the man and... when did he ever back away except for a few moments of tactical retreats? A mere clone wasn't a 'threat' enough to make him retreat.

So, letting himself loose a little and finally taking a deep, nasal breath, he grew a little 'frantic' from within. She really loved keeping herself at the 'peak' of her current self as she truly adapted to the most effective methods of a kunoichi down to the scented pheromone perfumes produced by the Yamanaka Clan.

"A Dragon... sounds like a tough guy," Kai mused, "Maybe things will get harder for you as the Dragon grows, huh."

Narrowing his eyes, Kai sat there calmly, "Maybe stronger than your imagination. Having you at the palm of his hand... gripped tightly. Firmly. LETTING you follow your aspirations according to his own whims and desires."

While most Kunoichis would rage, Bimborochi only saw benefits as she purred, "Wouldn't that be something? A life of research without any responsibilities but the one~"

"That would be something," Kai grinned and stood up, making her wayward gaze follow down as he added, "Now, if you excuse me. I still need some solid advice than your need to get pinned under the Dragon. Be sure to get that to Orochimaru-san, yeah?" While holding his full balls to make sure her gaze did not leave it until he disappeared from the place.

"I... should really crack the formula seal of his and develop a barrier jutsu to trap his cocky little ass... and that..." she muttered while recalling his crass actions as a vicious, predatory smirk marked her lips.

***

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