An Angel’s Road to Hell

Cassandra Pendragon

Despite my gloomy predictions and rather sour mood it didn’t turn out to be half as problematic as I had expected. Alassara was still of Aurelia’s line and the ancient vamp didn’t have much trouble figuring out where her, probably, blood thirsty descendent was. Since Viyara was munching her way through eggs, bacon and fruits at the side of her favourite relict the queen of the night was as good as on a leash. But we didn’t even need it. She wasn’t sneaking her way towards gory revenge but rather… shopping.

As it turned out, she had very well listened the night before, not only to me but also to the ensuing discussions Erya had already shared in bits and pieces. She hadn’t taken it as a green light to extract a pound of flesh, though, but rather as a chance to start repaying the debt she owed us. Her words, not mine. Long story short, the market we had turned into a verdant paradise had belonged to one of the Captains, Kirena to be precise, and with her dead the land was up for grabs. In a display of much more foresight than I had given her credit for she hadn’t tried to punish Nightshade and Brightblaze but rather impressed on them that she might yet decide to do so, in case they wouldn’t accept her proposal of buying the patch for an apple and a hug. Literally.

As common sense would dictate the two of them hadn’t even toyed with the idea of denying her to her face, or rather her fangs, especially with my brothers and a selected handful… maybe a bit more than that, of kitsune at her back. So, while we had played in the mud and strolled around Free Land she had actually put aside her grievances and acted like a goddamned grown woman or maybe even a queen. And I say acted on purpose. We hadn’t had the chance, yet, to talk face to face but reading between the lines of what Viyara had conveyed, Alassara hadn’t truly buried the hatchet. She was simply postponing judgement to a more convenient time.

Anyways, while I had spent quite a while in my own mind, talking to the golden dragoness, our little garden of Eden was slowly beginning to fill up. It was yet too early for the bulk of people to arrive and the dwarfs and some of my brother’s soldiers were still keeping the streets closed, but our extended family was arriving bit by bit. First it had been the kids, lead by Layla, whom her mother had sent here after our chat, then Vanya and Will, to my surprise accompanied by Serena, the younger Brightblaze sister, and Liz, as well as our growing ensemble of elves and my personal guard. Consequentially, the peace and quiet of before were nowhere to be found and once Brianna had opened her eyes, blearily proclaiming to be hungry, it was slowly starting to feel more like a garden party than anything else. Not that I wanted to complain. I wasn’t exactly thrilled at the prospect of the coming talks and still slightly worried what might happen to Morgan and Auguros, the first ones who’d be using the pond for anything else than an ambient light show.

Before I could simply relax, though, and maybe find out why Serena was here, I, or rather Ahri and me, still had to figure out one thing: whether we actually wanted to go along with Erya’s proposal and plant the seed, Reia was still carrying around, here. There probably were a couple of others who’d have liked to put in a word, as well, but truth be told, this was something we had to decide for ourselves. I had already told her that I was longing for a home, a place to call our own, but somehow I had always thought it’d be a gradual process, one where circumstance would play a much more prominent role, but, in the end, it was just that: a decision. And that scared the hell out of me. I had gone on a long winded rant about rectifiable mistakes before and while the stakes were nowhere near as high as a life, it still felt… daunting. Once the seed would bloom and grow its roots there most likely would be no turning back. And the prospect of becoming a citizen of Free Land was… well, strange, to say the least, especially with how friendly and welcoming the place had been. Still, the fey had been right. If we wanted to make a difference, we couldn’t just run away after the first battles had been fought. The real challenges were still to come.

Once everybody was standing or sitting around the pond and engrossed in one conversation or the other, I silently gesticulated for Ahri to follow me. We could just as well have talked telepathically but I wanted some privacy and to actual voice my thoughts out loud. We didn’t have to go far until we found a secluded spot between the roots of one of the larger cherry trees, the strong, vibrant smells of blossoms and earth a calming reminder of the home we had lost. I slumped down and leaned against the trunk, patting the soft grass beside me.

“Please, sit with me for a while.” She granted me a dazzling smile and caressed my ears while she lowered herself to the ground.

“It’s not like you to beat around the bush. What’s the matter? Getting cold feet?”

“How do you always do this,” I complained. “Every time… am I that easy to read?” She only laughed in response and pecked my cheek.

“Only to me, but I think I know you better than you know yourself. Besides, it wasn’t that difficult to guess.” She wrapped her tails around us before she continued: “So… planting a tree… let me guess, you do see the appeal but you’re hesitant to entrust something, that might very well turn into a home for all kitsune, to a city like Free Land. I’m going to ask straight away: why? Amon is as much of a threat here as he would be anywhere else and as far as the dangers of this town go, I think we’ve already either burned them to ashes or made friends with them. Also… with everything that has happened, you’ll have a far easier time doing as you please and you, sweetheart, have never been one to abide by society’s rules. Any rules for that matter.” I had nodded along, Erya had pretty much said the same things, after all, and then I added:

“I’m also worried about the logistics. Even if we decide to plant the seed here, I… we still have to go to the Emerald Island in a few days. Who’s going to look after… our home? I can’t imagine that it’ll grow quickly enough for Erya’s other predictions to come true. You know, the picture she painted of natural gateways forming between the original and a seedling. I just… while I’m honestly fond of the idea, having a place of our own,” I spread my arms to illustrate my next point, “living among the first real piece of magic we’ve ever created, I fear it’s going to bite us in the tails, later on. I don’t… I don’t want to curse our impatience in a handful of weeks. So… what do you think?” She tilted her head and threw me a quizzical look from under her bangs.

“Weren’t you the one who told me that you can only truly regret the things you haven’t done? I’m not saying you’re wrong, but I imagine you’ll find good reasons to wait even longer every time the topic comes up. In essence… Cassy, do you want to start shaping the future or do you want to keep on running?” I exhaled deeply, thinking about what she had said.

“You’re right, I think, as far as we are concerned. But what about the kids? Wouldn’t they be much better off, if we planted the seed on the Emerald Island and a seedling here, provided it really works that way, instead of the other way around?” She laughed softly and kissed me again.

“You’re sweet. So there’s the rub. Darling, they’ll be fine, especially your sister, for as long as they can remain at your side. I know they might have a more… conventional childhood among the elves, but I fear that particular ship hasn’t only sailed but rather crashed and burned. Truth be told, I think they’ll be much happier here than they will be in an ancient, strict society. None of them, and us as well for that matter, will have an easy time abiding by foreign customs. Just remember how much of a fuss you made back on Boseiju, every time you had to take part in an official event. It won’t be much different on the Emerald Island, probably even worse, considering who and what you are, and the children will be smack down in the middle of it. They’re a part of your family, after all, and one even carries your name. Wouldn’t it be much better to have somewhere else to return to, somewhere we’re known, accepted… maybe even liked? You’ve become quite fond of telling stories. I think I remember one you might enjoy.

Once, there was a prisoner in an empty room. There was also an open door, guarded by the most fearsome warrior you could ever imagine. Day after day the prisoner looked at him and tried to find the courage to pass by the warden and leave his prison. Day after day he tried and day after day he failed. Days turned into weeks, weeks into months and months into years. Finally, when the prisoner had already become old and wizened, the guard suddenly moved. He took out a key, turned around and locked the door. Desperate, the prisoner called after him:

“What are you doing?”

“What I am supposed to do,” the guard replied. “This was your door, for you to leave at any time, but the time is up, now. You will die in here and never see the sunlight again.”

“Kafka,” I commented quietly. “Truth be told, I never liked him, but I guess I understand what you’re getting at. Still, you haven’t answered my question, or maybe I’ve been asking the wrong ones. What do you want to do?” She sighed, her gaze travelling over the roofs of Free Land, past the still lingering swaths of smoke and towards a deep, blue horizon. Her fingers caressingly encircled mine and I felt her tension as she haltingly replied:

“I want… to be free, free of our responsibilities, free of grief and strive, free to choose the battles I’m fighting and free to roam this planet, this universe with you. Free to marvel at creation without the duty of protecting it. And as paradoxical as it may sound… this means free to choose my own burdens. And your… our family, our home, is a burden I want to carry. Wherever it takes us. Yes, I want you to plant that seed right here. Amongst the chaos, but also amongst… our friends. We’ve only been here for a few days, but there are already more people in this town I’d consider friends than there ever were on Boseiju. Alassara, Layla, Vanya, Liz… maybe even the Brightblaze sisters, you know, sometimes I think it’s not you who’s got a problem with letting go, but rather us, our race. Living for as long as we do… it makes loss and death not an eventuality but a certainty and that’s scary. No wonder we do everything in our power to cling to whatever we cherish for as long as we can. I just feel blessed that the one thing I couldn’t live without is as resilient as me.”

She kissed me passionately after she had ended, her desire, her hope and fear all compressed into one tiny gesture. I understood her perfectly, though, and I felt the same.

When we separated my gaze travelled past the shimmering, dark trunk and over the emerald grass. The ruins, still surrounding the garden, seemed different to me now, less like skeletons or reminders of a lost battle and more like the cornerstone of something new that might yet grow from the devastation. The faint murmurs of lively conversations, broken only by outbursts of laughter and the occasional, playful scream, while our friends talked, ate and, in case of the younger ones, even played around the pond, made me smile. None had yet entered the sparkling waters, probably waiting for us to return, but judging from the way Layla, Archy and Estrella, as well as the boisterous band Pete had brought along, eyed the azure waters it was only a question of how long they actually managed to control themselves. Not to mention the two former fey and mercenaries who were eyeing the blue depth with hardly veiled longing edged onto their faces. Combined with the sweet, fruity smell of cherry blossoms it felt… already like a home to me.

Beyond the almost festive gathering and the burned out husks of erstwhile stately mansions the roofs of Free Land trailed off into the distance, a chessboard of brown, red and black under a clear, endless sky, broken only by the ugly, pitch black scars the emperor’s ritual had left behind. Tiny swaths of smoke rose up where dwarfs and kitsune had barricaded the streets, almost imperceptible in comparison to the acrid clouds still billowing towards the sky further away. The ships, which had caught fire the day before, were still smouldering and the wooden fortifications around the harbour provided further fuel for the fires the Captains had ignited in their stupidity. What would remain, once the flames had finally petered out, was anyone’s guess. In a way the city was on a knife’s edge. It could go either way, towards a brighter tomorrow that might yet heal the wounds of the past, or towards darkness, the lifeless, crisscrossing reminders of the cruel magic Amon had unleashed spreading until they devoured everything I could see.

I shook my head to clear my mind and when I turned to face Ahri again, I saw her scrutinising me with an unexpected intensity. I raised an eyebrow in a silent question.

“You haven’t said anything,” she willingly explained. “I… what do you think?” I smiled at her and stole another kiss.

“I think that I’d willingly move to hell if it made you happy and while this place shares some of its qualities, it’s not comparable… yet. Seriously, though, it sounds like you’ve already made up your mind and I wouldn’t deny you, even if I was truly opposed to the idea… which I’m not. Not really.”

“Does that mean we’re going to announce our plans to the wide world, come noon?”

“Most likely. It has always been about setting boundaries, hasn’t it, and with us staying here there are going to be quite a few. There is one more thing, though. I meant what I said, I’m worried what might happen when we have to leave for the Emerald Island. I wouldn’t have minded entrusting this place to Alassara, but if it’s going to become our home, I’m not so sure anymore.”

“And why’s that? She’d be inviting trouble whichever way you spin it and I think she’s more than capable enough to hold her own.”

“That’s not it… asking her to house sit feels like an invitation to move in with us. Hon, we’re going to have to deal with quite a few guests anyways, Erya, Viyara and Aurelia, my sister… to name only the ones I’m completely sure of, but I’m still hesitant to…” I didn’t get any further, her soft laughter cut me off just as effectively as a remote.

“Oh, darling, how long did it take you to convince yourself that you don’t want them with us? I… look, if it’s about the two of us having enough privacy I’m sure you don’t have to worry. The vampires are much less intrusive than the nosy bunch you’ve mentioned before and that’s without even considering what your sister and her friends might be up to.” She paused and titled her head to the side, the reflected sunlight turning her hair into a crimson waterfall. “Or did I just make an absolute fool of myself and you actually meant something else entirely?” It was my turn to laugh, even though she hadn’t made a mistake. It might sound stupid but I really had entertained the hope of having a place to retreat to, just the two of us. I didn’t really want to share… no, that wasn’t it. Actually I wanted them close, all of them, but Ahri and I hadn’t had that much time, none, if I was completely honest, yet, to work out what it actually meant to be together. Call me selfish but that was one of the things I wanted to make time for and I had somehow always thought it’d coincide with moving in together. Probably because I had always believed we wouldn’t be running for our lives anymore, once we had a place to call home. Not sure how I had arrived at that conclusion, but it was the truth, none the less.

“No, no I didn’t. So… the gist of it: we’ll try to make the tree grow as fast as possible?” I could tell she tried, but she still couldn’t suppress her mirth and chuckled softly.

“Which might be a bit quicker than you seem to believe. Cassy… you changed quite a bit in the last weeks. With that new wing of yours, I’m sure it’s going to go much faster than you imagine.”